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Joseph Profile
Joseph

@godheiz

6,994
Followers
659
Following
574
Media
9,483
Statuses

🧏🏼‍♂️

Joined December 2010
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
CCTV when i steal a single red onion from sainsburys vs CCTV when a person is murdered
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 month
reached the age where i walk into marks and spencer’s and say ‘they really do have some lovely stuff in here’
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
heard a girl on the bus in clapham call the cost of living crisis the Cozzie Livs :(
@MAYOWAAAAAA
Oluwa ²
1 year
I hate the way us Brits abbreviate terms, why did I see someone call a mental breakdown a Menty B 😭🤣
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
broke up with my bf, booked a random holiday by myself, told my line manager i’m quitting if he doesn’t give me a promotion by the end of the month - is it growth or is it mental illness? keep watching to see it all come tumbling down x
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
PLT made Molly Mae the creative director as a publicity stunt and we all know it apart from her 😭
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 months
why do our parents generation create so much noise??? clattering around the kitchen banging plates together like a circus act
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 months
what would you like on your ribbon at all? obsessed
@floellaumbagabe
andrew
6 months
This queen from the Perfume Shop is my new Roman Empire I fear
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 years
i hate😡RuPaul’s Drag Race🙅🏻‍♂️ I am not😤like those other👉🏼 gay💋 boys😷🤮 i am a MAN💩👤 that just happens🤷🏻‍♂️ to like a fat 😜cock🍆 in my ass🍑 is it too much🙄 to ask ⁉️for a real👷🏼‍♂️✅man🐷to choke me🙈💯🤙🏼 as i watch 👀📺 match 🏈⚽️ of the day?😝💯😏
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@godheiz
Joseph
9 months
been single for two years now so i’m expanding my dating parameters.. android users you are now eligible to apply on the condition you never talk to me about it
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
tweeted about being single and mentally ill and gained 300 followers
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
me trying to write an excel formula
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
@godheiz
Joseph
4 years
middle class white people who ‘flip’ houses
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@godheiz
Joseph
4 years
analogue clocks when people started buying digital clocks
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
a few years ago i went on a date and he asked what 1 thing i hated more than anything and i said i couldn’t stand harry potter. he agreed and changed the subject. we never saw each other again but every day since then he’s posted something harry potter related on his story
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
put oat milk in my scrambled eggs, love being vegan ♥️
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@godheiz
Joseph
10 months
told this guy i was a civil servant and he thought i was a butler 💀
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@godheiz
Joseph
4 years
middle class white people who ‘flip’ houses
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
my landlord is coming round in 5 mins and this just happened 🥲
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
saw my colleague in G-A-Y last night, i said ‘oh i didnt know you were queer’ and he just said ‘duh…have you ever met a straight male HR business partner?’
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
the way he woke up one day and just decided to give
@shadesofro
roro 🍉
1 year
this cuntification needs to be studied
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
the most helpful thing sainsburys could do is place some baskets mid way round the store for when i refuse to get one at the entrance but then run out of hand/arm space in the herbs and spices aisle
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
‘i think i’m ready to start dating again’ - a gay man who’s talking to three boys but just hasn’t opened hinge in a week
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
😤
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@godheiz
Joseph
5 years
he’s officially lost it
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
the gay men of clapham
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
me trying to act straight to the barista and then i accidentally say ‘stunning’ when he give me my flat white
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@godheiz
Joseph
7 months
imagine like a fuck buddy that you were monogamous with and like you lived with them and maybe had a dog together? would be interesting and cool
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@godheiz
Joseph
4 years
maybe tiktok has a place for me after all
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
oomf became a locked sub bottom because his antidepressants meant his dick didn’t work anymore i’m really giggling
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@godheiz
Joseph
8 months
meow
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 months
2023 really has been the year i finally bulked out
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@zacatack26
Zach Smith 🤠
6 months
Quote this with you best chest pic of 2023 pls
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
the funniest moment of my life is when i showed this to my ex bf and he said ‘omg no way, they sound like britney spears’
@davey
Davey 🇺🇦
6 years
In case you never heard a lynx meowing
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@godheiz
Joseph
9 months
pump 🫦
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@godheiz
Joseph
9 months
6ft 3 actually 😇
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@alexissTyler
lex in tx
9 months
wait — how tall are y’all? Let me see a full body picture 📸
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@godheiz
Joseph
8 months
there are sooo many women of her generation that use this ‘mothering’ tone they learned while raising children to gaslight others after they’re caught being problematic
@Shiikane
SHiiKANE
8 months
I’m glad Zak didn’t back down from Kerry trying to gaslight & guilt trip him! 😭 #bbuk
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@godheiz
Joseph
4 years
@deaddilf69 he’s finally lost it
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
today i’m coming out as a proud gagger.. i’m not a throat goat at all - i will choke and possibly even throw up on my own toothbrush no matter your dick
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
volunteering to cook so that a) my mum thinks i’m a great son and b) so that we have some seasoned food to eat this evening
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
ooomfies please remember not to quote tweet right wing media when you want to comment! screenshotting instead prevents the algorithm thinking that something is worth promoting :)
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 years
i’ve fallen in love today
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 years
Melissa Mccarthy writing the script for her 9th movie about an awkward fat white woman
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 months
wudju like an emoji on there they come out gold??
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@godheiz
Joseph
9 months
he is so so sexy i just
@MawaanR
Mawaan Rizwan
9 months
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
keep beard or revert to moustache era?
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
bank holiday bimbo 🎁
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@godheiz
Joseph
8 months
Zak socialist king ugh this man could rrraaaiiillll me #BBUK
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
💗
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 months
few months ago i was on a date with this guy playing with his hands under the table twisting the ring on his finger when it dawned on me that’s his wedding ring..
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 months
me and my boyfriend have the sweetest slow life together i’ve never experienced peace like this 🥹
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
?
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
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@godheiz
Joseph
5 months
it’s more like jessie ware
@eliosbf
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5 months
?😭
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
miss him tbh
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@TonnMartin
Hargensen
1 year
Quote your blonde era
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@godheiz
Joseph
10 months
there’s a hint of meth addict in the way his mouth moves
@omarapollo
Omar Apollo
10 months
ICE SLIPPIN COMIN SOON 🧊🧊🧊🧊❄️
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@godheiz
Joseph
9 months
@_mrseras me and my new man first picture together excuse the pic quality 🥰
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
how straight people think human taxonomy works
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
£1671 per month for being a DOCTOR.. i wouldn’t be striking i’d be banging on the downing street door with a pick axe i stg
@souramoo
Souradip Mookerjee
1 year
my salary as a doctor in london working 40h weeks after 9 years of uni at cambridge and a phd #BMADoctorsVoteYes
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
what ‘dom/sub kinkster couple🐽😈’ look like when they walk past you in real life on their way to the coffee shop
@xoxobungee
✌🏼
2 years
they’re dating
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 months
@HammyThis with the one capitalised kiss
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
athens ate
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@godheiz
Joseph
7 years
🐝🐝
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
‘dont worry i’m just watching you in your home’
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
@JCulWestside breakdown to breakthrough is the chapter title of my mid twenties i think
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 years
lmao i accidentally took my expired debit card with me to buy bread so obviously it got declined & the old lady behind me in the queue offered to pay for me which i thought was so cute until she tells the cashier “we’ve all got to do our part in helping the poor this christmas”
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@godheiz
Joseph
7 months
when Noky got upset/overwhelmed after she heard people cheering her name… that moment touched me a lot cause minorities know that sometimes you start questioning yourself and wondering why nobody else sees the harassment #BBUK
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
best year of my life - lived by the beach, massive student scholarship, no responsibility, gym every day, hairline was still clinging on... was truly my prime
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@saveannah
Savannah Cristina
3 years
quote this tweet with a picture of when you just KNEW your body was FIRE 🔥👀
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
when he vocally supports a regime that kills disabled people but he got those sexy paper thin lips tho 😈💯🫦💦
@p_crosland
Peter 🏳️‍🌈🔶
1 year
@rojocomo It's a dilemma. His politics are awful but he's hot
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
he’s officially lost it
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
my manager has put an hour long meeting in with me to properly discuss drag race 😭
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
till my knees cramp up and my face is numb
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
close the borders @pritipatel
@PopCrave
Pop Crave
2 years
James Corden will be going back to the UK once ‘The Late Late Show’ ends in 2023. 🔗:
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
my card declined and the cashier asked me ‘do you have money’ meaning do i have any cash to pay with instead but i was so on the defence about being declined that i said ‘oh believe me i’ve got the money’ as if i’m jeff bezos or something
Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience
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@godheiz
Joseph
7 months
if i see one more fuckinggggg gay couple post a happy anniversary pic i’m going to kms
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@godheiz
Joseph
9 months
he kind of ate with this one :/
@syawtawt
Bini Guo
9 months
Maybe if you used that money to buy finasteride and minoxidil instead of iphone. Like I can easily not talk about my phone but can you protect me from the glare bouncing off your head?
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@godheiz
Joseph
4 years
someone come and collect this mess
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
my friends: we took so many cute pics of you the other night!!! the pics in question:
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 years
childish gambino: entertainment makes us docile, pacifies us, and distracts us from the hegemonic and oppressive forces that disproportionately affect black folk in america twitter: yh true, omg also the shoulder bop fits with call me maybe!!!
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
he does polls and quizzes on his story about it and everything
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@godheiz
Joseph
9 months
the way this relatively simple nuclear family lifestyle now requires a joint household income of around £150,000 a year
@colinfarrall
bauti
9 months
i’m so jealous
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
wow really makes you think...
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
instagays posting ‘pre-covid’ mirror selfies at a house party on... an iphone 12..
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
two have to go actually
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@godheiz
Joseph
6 years
:)
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@godheiz
Joseph
3 years
my therapist the second the door closes behind me
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
it’s giving Zara campaign
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@godheiz
Joseph
5 years
a really cute boy asked my where my coat was from on the tube today and i was so taken aback that i just smiled at him and said ‘london’
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 month
ruining your career to look like a horror movie clown, turn a blind eye to genocide, and come 18th place .. it’s really bad for him
@superTV247
sᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴛᴠ
1 month
Olly Alexander has arrived at the #Eurovision2024 opening ceremony Turquoise Carpet! 🇬🇧 #Eurovision
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@godheiz
Joseph
2 years
if you didn’t get added to my circle, don’t worry! just try harder and flirt with me more and you might make it next year
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@godheiz
Joseph
10 months
thinking about how this man came into my life, ate all my protein powder, and then just left.. dating is horrid!!!
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@godheiz
Joseph
7 months
this is nothing, i started balding at 17
@ShitpostGate
ShitpostGateway
7 months
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@godheiz
Joseph
4 years
Kier Starmer throwing minorities out so he can go and suck the toes of racist white men
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@godheiz
Joseph
1 year
this iPhone camera exposure thing that lightens all your pictures after you take them is making the camera basically unusable
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