sorry i never tweet any more. the 9 year old russian boy who lives below me is trying to ruin my life with a series of increasingly intricate pranks and ruses
hung out with my boyfriendβs mom for too long. was like damn i love this bitchhhhhhhh weβre like LITERALLY the same person.. then i was like ohhhhhhhhhhhh
can u believe that 50 first dates ends with drew barrymore waking up every day in the middle of the arctic with no idea how she got there and pregnant as fuck. like what the fuck
i miss catholic school. i just remembered when a girl gave up mirrors for lent. she would duck and scurry into a stall every time we walked into the bathroomβ¦ you just donβt run into that kind of weird every day now
bisexuals are always like βiβm gay for every girl and hetero for one man only!!!β and then proceed to date any man that looks like the rat from flushed away
just saw a 9 year old on tiktok using drunk elephant moisturizer and it reminded me that when i was 9 my favorite hobby was putting ants on tortilla chips and eating them. i used to eat too much grass and throw up like a dog
down so bad i started gentle parenting myself.. just in the bar bathroom talking to myself in the mirror like βnow i know weβre experiencing a lot of big feelings right nowβ
hit one year in anorexia recovery on saturday and i really owe it all to my best friend annie for the time she sat me down and said βkennedy not being able to go out to eat or share a meal is deeply unchicβ
IβM FINALLY READY TO TALK ABOUT IT: like two weeks ago i slept with this rich tech guy in manhattan and he tried to get me off using his heated bidet
day 17 of standing on a ladder in my leggings that make my ass look amazing to water the plants at work right in front of a group of firefighters and still no husband. when will my pain end
does anyone remember on my fitness pal when you'd end your day under 1000 calories and it would say like "WARNING! you may not be eating enough. but also if you ate like this every day you'll weigh 112 pounds in 2 weeks." ? everyone involved in that should be in jail
literally every nonfiction book about the great depression, new deal, or WWII has at least one sentence that starts with βFDR and his horse-faced wife, Eleanor,β
βAlthough she wasnβt beautiful in the classic sense, and in fact was reported to have caused widespread bouts of nausea due to how violently unpleasantly she was to behold,β
i decided to quit smoking in one split second and dramatically flung my vape onto the subway tracks and i never smoked again .. i forget i even used to do that. sumtimes a little drama is all you need
everyone in new york is like βlast week i did KETAMINE and QUIT MY JOBβ and iβm like okβ¦.. when is the last time you refused to walk past a coffee shop bc seeing ur reflection in the glass was dishonoring to god
i used to think i was cool to look like unconventional and weird and then i realized itβs actually more cool to look like a sexual waitress at a buffalo wild wings in tampa florida
so over girls posting pictures of a little animal with the caption βmeβ ..girl that bunny rabbit does not have twelve thousand dollars of credit card debt
the first time i did poppers i was with hesse and we were trying to do the βlena dunham challengeβ (where u do poppers and eat a whole cheesecake) and the moment i inhaled she said βyou have no idea how many brain cells you just lostβ and it was the worst 45 seconds of my life.
nothing has been the same since oomf told me that she found out her bf slept with his ex while they were on a break because she checked their letterboxd accounts and saw they both logged the same movie
the west elm caleb thing is soooo embarrassing for these girlsβ¦ imagine not being hot enough to get a second date and then publicly admitting thatβ¦.
@bluebayoubb
no exactly⦠at 9 you should be putting mashed avocado on your face and cucumbers on your eyes and playing pretend spa with your sister⦠u should be putting baking soda in your hair and forgetting to rinse it so ur mom freaks out and thinks you have lice
hate when girls do those incredibly staged βwhatβs in my bagβ pictures like theyβre carrying around a full bottle of tom ford lost cherry and a didion paperback at all times
at a party today like 10 minutes into our conversation this girl i met was like βyou lowkey remind me of flat stanley. like you look so good from the front and then you turn around and you literally have the flattest ass iβve ever seen.β and i was like maddie. thank you so much
that scam could never have happened to me because i am literally addicted to texting my 5 closest friends everything that happens to me .i would be in the groupchat 60 seconds into the call like βGUYSSSSSSSSS omfg iβm soo fucked.β in 25 mins at least two girls would be at my door
just remembered the time in 2021 when i was at the peak of my anorexia and had a 16.5 BMI and found out someone was catfishing as me on hinge and THIS was the prompt answer
once a greek old man came 2 my store and showed me pics of his village and i said βpretty! my friendβs from sicily, her grandma was the first woman in sicily to ride a motorcycleβ and he said βpsh, every woman in sicily says she was the first woman in sicily to ride a motorcycleβ
i might not be as hot as i used to be now that iβm recovered from anorexia but i do look like i could carry a pregnancy to term. and the baby might even have all its fingers
@afraidofwasps
i did this last night at my parentsβ neighborhood christmas party and was met with blank stares from like 8 young millennials. it was so harrowing
i got a lot hotter during covid and being back on campus is so weird β¦. the guy at my corner store asked me if i was a model and in my head i was like dude u know meβ¦ i cried in here once bc i couldnβt get my tamagotchi open to put new batteries in and you gave me a screwdriver