melissa lozada-oliva 🍴 @ellomelissa Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

7 months

Im crying on a bench watching this. I’m so, so grateful to Xotchil. Thank you for giving my fantasy telenovela zombie sisterhood book love.

TODAY

@TODAYshow

7 months

📚 Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month with these great reads, recommended by Xochitl Gonzalez, including: @ellomelissa ’s Candelaria John Manuel Arias’ Where There was Fire Claire Jiménez’s What Happened to Ruthy Ramirez & more:

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

my dad couldn’t breathe when he handed me this in a gift bag just on the floor laughing tears in his eyes

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

10 months

Dolly would never do this. She’d be like “well you GOTto take a pitcher beCAWs one day yer gonna take a look atcherself and say my, my, my, whatever happened to those years? now me, I just cawl my favorite surgeon. I don’t have shame. take a photo honey. it’ll last longer.”

Pop Crave

@PopCrave

10 months

Miranda Lambert stops show to call out two fans taking a selfie: “These girls are worried about their selfie and not listening to the song, it’s pissing me off a little bit. Sorry, I don’t like it at all. We’re here to hear some country music tonight. I’m singing some country…

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

Aesthetically I love this image: the symmetry of the coca colas, the muted corner they’re in, she looks like an alien fem bot, he looks like the guy who accidentally brought her to life by tripping over a wire while wasted; it’s pure Americana

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

vaccinated people should NOT be doing heists right now. its an irresponsible time to gather 6-8 of your girlfriends to steal from the MET. cant believe I have to say this

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

Avril Lavigne walked so Billie Eilish could crawl on the ceiling & lay eggs

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

ted bundy: I raped and murdered 80-90 women trailer for ted bundy movie: 🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

In this essay I won’t

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

1 year

I love when people post a lot and you can tell it’s bc they have a crush on someone

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

new aziz special is transformative

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

1 year

wear sunscreen, buy a lot of underwear, don’t Venmo your friends for $3, don’t over share in exchange for intimacy, it’s okay if you’re not poly, you need to read more

adrie rose 🇯🇲

@adrierising

1 year

what actually helpful advice do you wish you had been given in your 20s? not useless bullshit like "become a landlord" or "get 3 hobbies you can monetize" but useful information.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 months

[tracy chapman voice] you gotta fat ass

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

[Borat Voice] my rights……

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

it so deeply clear that nobody is okay

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

remember when we all thought Kristen Stewart was a bad actress but really she was just gay

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

only reason Billie eilish’s shoot is controversial is bc she has big boobs if the girl had little bitty titties it would just be like oh this is avant garde but bc she’s got giant knockers everyone is like “omg male gaze” or “omg shes empowered” just let girls have huge tits omg

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

really thought this couch was going to be bigger

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

you know who doesn't have contracts with ICE? -www.indiebound.com -indie book stores -libraries don't buy your books on amazon.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

7 months

I love the youth

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 months

I would disappear into the woods if Martin Luther King Jr’s daughter made a thread about how I am wrong and started the thread with just my first name … I would disappear.

Be A King

@BerniceKing

6 months

🧵 Amy: Certainly, my father was against antisemitism, as am I. He also believed militarism (along with racism and poverty) to be among the interconnected Triple Evils. I am certain he would call for Israel’s bombing of Palestinians to cease, for hostages to be released…

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

1 year

writing should be hard lmao. you’re supposed to be stuck. life is painful and then gives way to beauty you losers. we are going to create a bunch of people who feel miserable bc they don’t have the satisfaction of the labor of making something. efficiency is boring.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

sometimes when I wear white underwear while having a bush it’s like OK I’m in a Sofia Coppola vision board

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

it must have been fun to be in your 20s in the early 2000s. You’re all “I’m gonna go see the strokes later” & “ya I dunno I could see myself having kids” & then you just do & the ocean isn’t on fire yet.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

1 month

its honestly really touching to be in a park at then hear everyone cheer as they're looking up at the sun?? its so puny of us. we need to return to paganism

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 months

it makes sense that children would risk their lives to save a cat because they have hearts & recognize innocence & the beauty of a living thing that loves you & it makes me so fucking angry that our country cannot do the same for human beings.

Fatima

@fatimazsaid

6 months

“Her name is Lulu…she is scared of the loud bombing just like us.” The beautiful children of Gaza who risked their lives to save their cat from Israeli bombing

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

wot if we paid ppl to stay at home instead of telling them to wear three masks

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

this graphic is EXTREMELY HELPFUL when talking about reform vs. abolition. it shows the limits and harm of police reform (helpful when talking about 8 can't wait) & that abolition is actually the MOST PRAGMATIC thing to do if we want to end police violence. please share

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

I feel like I’m gonna hear Dog Days Are Over in the middle of June & lose my shit tears streaming down my face

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

10 months

I love my friendships with women who are in unstable places and from my wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

you ever read “the clown from IT” like it’s this fuckin clown that works in the tech department who can’t fix your computer

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

10 months

texting your best friend is like writing in a diary about how much you hate yourself except the diary can write back and call you a dumb bitch for thinking that

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

Had a young coworker at the book store once who didn’t go to college & we were all trying to convince her to go & she was like “I mean you guys went to college right? And you’re here?”

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

remember how the video for "cry me a river" was about justin timberlake stalking britney spears & breaking into her home while she was showering so he could film himself having sex with with a hot model & how this elevated his career while she spiraled into a deep depression

Morgan A Baila

@morganbaila

6 years

Justin Timberlake's new music video is literally him rebranding himself as a male ally

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 months

Jenna Ortega, Melissa Barreras, y Susana Sarandon rn

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

2018 & there is still fleetwood mac drama this band rules

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

me: college student: dear professor lozada-oliva it is with distinguished sorrow that I have to tell you I have a medical appointment three weeks from Thursday right after class. I hope it doesn’t heavily effect my grade but I completely understand if it does.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

ariana grande being on the voice makes me sad in the way it makes me sad when cool girls from high school are like "it's day 72 of my baby being 4 years old. my husband had a hell of a week at the real estate office .another day in new jersey. "

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

1 year

just cried thinking about how it must feel for stevie nicks to sing "i'm getting older too" as she has gotten older and she wrote that song when she was 25 and really had no idea what she meant probably.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

the world every day makes me think of this Nicole Sealey poem every day

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

LOOK AT THIS PHOTO OF MY CAT IN THE AIR

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

before considering mental illness drugs ✅sun ✅make out w/ a feral dog ✅squirt Kambucha up yr p*ssy ✅grass ✅personal trainer ✅live inside of an iceburg (lettuce) 🚫stop bein poor 🙏make 300 million dollars so u can have time 4 u ❤️remember u r fucked -from my exp

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

all of you rich kids pretending to be poor better be voting for bernard today xoxoxoxo

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 months

Sandra Hullers performance in anatomy of a fall was so good but also I kept thinking of this

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

9 months

I can’t believe a head n shoulders two-in-one did this

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

1 year

didn’t know the last of us had a fucking San junipero episode im wrecked

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

Okay I can’t stop laughing!!! My book is on a billboard in Times Square & miller lite sent me a cooler with my name on it and I have $200 in my bank account! I’m having a beautiful time :)

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

is west side story just about a lonely Latina obsessed with a mediocre white boy bitch I could do that in my house

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

when of women of color tell their stories they get fired from their jobs, get dragged on the internet, spend money they dont have taking ubers home, when men like junot diaz tell their stories they win fellowships, get tenure positions, get featured on a late night show.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

my whole family keeps commenting on How I Lost Weight. I truly didn’t notice bc I live in a house where no one talks about their bodies except when there’s some kind of injury or if they are feeling cold or hot. body neutrality is sexy pls adopt it

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

Can’t believe my cat is now a child of divorce .... trauma is cyclical

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

the killers Whole Job was making songs that made no sense except if you know a little bit about the Bible and love to gamble and it absolutely fucked

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

Imagine destroying someone with this much grace

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 months

Shoshana LOVES Taylor Swift, Marnie only criticizes her from a technical singing perspective, hannah makes her entire personality about hating her, jessa thinks she is Gwen Stefani

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

hi hello this is the best thing that's ever happened to me

REMEZCLA

@REMEZCLA

6 years

We teamed up with @Melissa Lozada-Oliva ( @ellomelissa ) to honor the unapologetic women in her life with her poem "Bitches."

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

He came back to JLO I have been practicing español para 20 años… tu no eres bebesita tu eres bebesota, frikitona…. Let’s get Loud

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 months

A little horrified by armie hammer’s return to insta

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

10 months

got broken up with last night

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

every indie movie is like have you ever been in love with a weird looking white girl? well, would you like to try ?

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

I’m sorry but have u read Elizabeth Warren’s proposal ????? it is intersectional, it is FAIR, it is RADICAL & morally SOUND. no one else is doing this!!

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

Remember when Book Smart was really good but then somewhere along the lines they were like “hmmm something’s missing. oh ya I know Jessica Williams needs to have sex with a high schooler.”

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 months

I wish not knowing how to drive was a feminist act & not a burden on everyone I know

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

nobody: Lin-Manuel: TODAY is the day of the rest of YOUR life!!! You are a tiny baby little baby & You are suckling from my *makes cradling motions* breast & I am rapping to you about recycling. LET’S GO United we SMILE !!! Be brave *tap dances away*

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

what do u mean u r not consumed by every feeling

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

Why is no one talking about how offensive this one is

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

the thank u, next video is about friendship. despite being a song about exes it doesn’t put exes or love interests at the center. it shows us that love doesn’t look like a romcom from the early 2000s but it DOES look like watching them w/ your friends

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

Your wife leaving you for Harry Styles builds character. A character named Ted Lasso.

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

anticipation of waiting for my book to flash across the billboard

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

not having a crush is so boring but so is being mentally well I guess

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

I truly hate it here

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

curly shags are for millennials who lived through the 15 year period where curly hair was a sign you needed a makeover & every older girl was like “awww do you want me to straighten it for you! could be fun:)” let me have my reclamation please

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

I am one of the few dumb sluts who is extremely sad that little women didn’t win anything bc it’s objectively a perfect movie AND immensely happy that taika won & dedicated his awards to indigenous kids while being a stone cold fox

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

love to end latinx heritage month with gina rodriguez saying the n-word

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

recalling time last summer when uber driver asked if i had a boyfriend & i was like, "i guess so but i'm moving to new york" and before i could finish he said "i have just the song for you. u need this right now. it's the song ..of your life." AND HE PUT ON HEY THERE DELILAH

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

7 years

when boys try 2 talk 2 u about father john misty

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

i can’t believe Lemony Snicket is reading my book

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

To All The Boys Who Have Responded With “Lol nice” After I Used Creative & Effective Hyperbolic Metaphors To Describe My Day

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

sometimes i hear poems by men & i'm like "wow .... am i in CHURCH?" & by that i mean i am bored & don't believe anything they're saying

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

thinking again about how I sent a nude by accident to my friend bc my phone is broken

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

Jameela Jamil is this generation’s Lena Dunham & thank god bc we needed a women of color to fill this role representation matters!!!!

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

September is mostly a summer month it’s just more open about being sad

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

the next time I see live music I will cry

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

1 year

I post a lot bc it’s what I do

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@ellomelissa

5 years

my cat sitting on the edge of the bed when I’m gettin railed

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

25 days

This song is about his mom dying from cancer, hes imagining heaven as a place in space. go to karaoke for ONCE

p b r

@Rockybalbonga1

27 days

Had to google the lyrics because they were playing this at the grocery store but I think this is a solid contender for worst song of all time

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

10 months

i love you so much dolly parton!!!!

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

why is taking out a book & reading a weird & uncomfortable power move when you’re with other people but not looking at your phone ?

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

She has arrived

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

this is ... ableist lmfao

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 months

crying at my friends wedding invite

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

okay I can’t shake the feeling that everybody hates me and I haven’t even seen another person in two months

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

6 years

i like it when u have a crush on somebody & u tell your friend, "isn't it so cute that my crush has a water bottle??" & your friend is like, "literally it isn't & i want to kill myself."

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

I think Andy Samberg is hot & that’s on me

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

3 years

I refuse to watch this movie bc representation has gone too far and my identity has been mined this is literally a photo of me

marseline ♡ available for work in mid May

@selineabanto

3 years

i lowkey want them to not give mirabel any magic powers in the end to show that you don't need to be "fixed" to be valued in this world 🥺 #encanto

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@ellomelissa

2 years

this man bumped into our chair today and I stared at him and he was like “hey what’s up!!” Bc I was staring and I thought how do I know him? this stranger from the past …? did he do something weird to a friend at a party? is he a slam poet? anyway it was dylan O’Brien

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 months

this is probably the worst thing that could’ve happened to them

Hillary Clinton

@HillaryClinton

4 months

Greta & Margot, While it can sting to win the box office but not take home the gold, your millions of fans love you. You’re both so much more than Kenough. #HillaryBarbie

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

4 years

@ICEgov you are a concentration camp :)

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

people who just “don’t like wearing bras” it’s like we get it u have tiny perky little tits

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

5 years

“Don’t think I ever fell for you or fell over you. I didn’t fall in love, I rose in it.” -Toni Morrison, Jazz

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melissa lozada-oliva 🍴

@ellomelissa

2 years

simping …. Love bombing … maybe you just like each other lmao

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@ellomelissa

4 years

“What are we gonna do with all the serial killers and rapist” bitch the Golden State Killer was a COP

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