Daniel Van Kirk @danielvankirk Twitter profile

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

25 days

I love you Wisconsin, but I can’t keep your secrets anymore. #comedy #standupcomedy #standup #Wisconsin #wisconsindells

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Last Seen Profiles

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

2 years

America, where you only ever need half a flagpole.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

People at Cheesecake Factory, STAY IN LINE! If you have a buzzer they have to call your table! Do not let chairs on tables prevent you from getting brown bread.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

Sometimes the world provides the joy you didn’t know you needed.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

15 years ago, I adopted Emma. I wasn't in a great place in my life & she became my best friend. As I went to pursue my dreams, she moved in with my mom and became her best friend too. Tonight, in her sleep, she left us. I'm at a loss. Hug the things you love. It's not forever.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

@ZackBornstein This is also how it works with most farm animals.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

House Mormont gets it. #GameofThrones

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

7 years

Everyone 16+ is required to take a class, prove competency to responsibly use a car, & get a license. But👏🏻we👏🏻can't👏🏻do👏🏻this👏🏻for guns👏🏻

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

I’ve been home in Rochelle for 7 hours and so far I’ve... helped my grandmother into a truck, bought raffle tickets for the little league fundraiser, grilled burgers on the deck, played cards, drank boxed wine, and bought clothes at Wal Mart. Still got it.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Hug your friends. Be generous with your love. You can’t give it out forever. I’m really going to miss Brody.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Meet your heroes.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

9 years

Congrats to Aaron Hernandez. Very tough for NFL players to get such long term deal these days.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

This feels surreal. Thank you.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

And at 6:40AM on Saturday, February 20th, I was witness to the greatest carry-on luggage of all time.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Great meeting you!

Henry Winkler

@hwinkler4real

5 years

A wonderful meeting !!

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

If you’ve ever wanted to see what it’s like to have a “sit down” with a caring Chicago uncle. There are still heroes in this world.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

Damnit.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Stoked to get to announce this!

Deadline Hollywood

@DEADLINE

6 years

‘Dumb People Town’ Animated Comedy Based On Podcast From Sklar Bros & Will Arnett Gets YouTube Presentation Order

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

She’s an on-the-go business woman with a few regrets. He wears sweaters. Enjoy this Hallmark Christmas movie.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Didn’t feel it because I’ve spent a lifetime closing myself off emotionally. Keep trying earthquake, I’ll never trust you!

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Jason and Randy Sklar are the opposite of what I was warned about when I moved to LA. Everyone says that no one will ever help you. And it's true. Almost. No one, except The @SklarBrothers . They're kind & helpful & generous in an industry where those qualities hard to find.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

The most wonderful LA shit all in one tweet.

Mike Rogers

@MikeRogersTV

4 years

More from #EastLA . This guy doing donuts ran over a firework and it lit his car on fire. @RoadSageLA overhead all the @Dodgers fan reactions in #Sky9 . #DodgersWin

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Little kids suck at telling stories. Say it in the order it fucking happened and don't side track about how much you like cereal

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Before tweeting about the debate tonight, I’m changing my bio to “Lover of Christ and father to 3 lil devils! I’m a flag waivin SOB with a full heart for USA and I think all Americans could beat any country at all sports. You already know how I’m voting!” Gonna throw em way off.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

This video contains graphic, and in my opinion, unwarranted violence by police. I should have known better than to not include this information in my original tweet. I’m embarrassed that I lacked the consideration. I’ll do better. I’m sorry.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

Love getting to work at my favorite burger place again.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Saying you were part of the government’s AIDS response in the 1980s is um...not a positive credit.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Today is the anniversary of me nearly taking my mom’s life so that I could spend my existence searching for the approval of strangers. Love you, Diane.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @SklarBrothers ! Nothing says “I love you” more than a pic where I look fucking hot. We’ve done so much work to get me to this level of thirst and I couldn’t have done it without of you. I could’ve easily cropped you both out but it’s Your Day! Love, Danny Van Kirk

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

My favorite is, “this virus isn’t real. It’ll be gone in November if Dems win.” The “thinking” being that the Democrat party made up this virus, and/or its severity, and then somehow got the rest of the entire fucking world to shut down just to oust a foreign country’s president.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

I did a triathlon this morning and I'm putting a pic on social media to brag about it.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Thank you for understanding.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

Whoever pitched the idea for tonight’s Space Needle light show fucking loves Final Fantasy VII

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

In my family we celebrate at diners. Happy 88th birthday to my grandma, Rosemary Van Kirk! She's taught me so much. Like how to be nice to people. And that orange juice should be combined with vodka.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

2 years

Happy 50th birthday to my @SklarBrothers . For a decade I’ve been lucky to Jason and Randy in my life. They are the best people to have on your corner and they have taught me immeasurably about comedy, family, and most importantly, friendship.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Where can I go to find trumpers looking like Alabama fans after that one Auburn game?

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Good👏🏻fuck👏🏻ing👏🏻ridd👏🏻ance👏🏻

David Begnaud

@DavidBegnaud

4 years

BREAKING: 57 police officers on the Buffalo police depts emergency response team have resigned in support of 2 cops suspended last night for shoving an elderly man to the ground. The officers’ remains on the police force just not on the specialized team.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

This Father’s Day, I’d like to thank my mother for doing the work of two people and allowing me to only disappointment one parent.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

7 years

Ep. 2 "Cry Wilderness" of @MST3K should be required viewing. Perfect from beginning to end.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Can’t wait for stand-up to come back so that someone can tell me they really loved my set even though they had to unfollow me back when I was posting all that “caring about people stuff”

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

There are still beautiful things happening in the world.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Oh no, how do I break it to my aunt’s ex husband that Trump got this fake virus?

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

2 years

Your boy from Rochelle just won another meat raffle in Wisconsin!

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

Thanks Diane

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

I'm 6 rows back and making a lifetime of memories with my uncle Ken. #Cubs #WorldSeries

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

On the subject of statues, can any confederate-loving christian conservatives tell me where to put this bronzed Judas? Dude straight up died for a cause he believed in. Gave up everything. Feels shitty to not recognize his sacrifice.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Refresh your podcast feed if you have yet to bathe in the comedic beauty of @pattonoswalt joining me and the @SklarBrothers on the latest #DumbPeopleTown .

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

My name is Rick. I love the outdoors. I hunt or fish every chance I get. When deer season comes around, my favorite part is being with friends in nature. I live for that fresh air! And I don’t give 2 shits about climate change cause I’m a fucking idiot who lacks critical thought.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

2 years

To the surprise of no one, Rochelle boy wins meat raffle 2 more times.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

I get to go frame shopping thanks to @BobsBurgersFOX . Very grateful to be a small part of one of the greatest shows on television.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

30 days

Hope OJ gets a coffin that he sorta doesn’t fit into.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Huh...I guess they do spend time together.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

On repeat in my heart.

Kevin T. Porter

@KevinTPorter

5 years

Here’s Brody closing the last Comedy Bang Bang stand-up show back in 2012 with nothing but positive energy. RIP Brody Stevens

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

“Thanks Diane” comes out on November 15th and you can pre-order it starting October 25th. Thank you to @blondemedicine , @ucbtla , the audiences that helped mold it, and to my friends and family for their love and support. And also my mom, Thanks, Diane.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Some people in our world contribute much more to it than others. They may entertain, inspire, motivate, bring joy, or hope, or all of those things. And when one of those people leave this world, you feel the end of that contribution. Grieve. You loved that person. And it hurts.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

This beautiful pumpkin pie was shipped with love from Rochelle, IL by the greatest family in the world. I’m used to eating one of these by myself, but it’s not as fun this year. Thankful to have such loving people in my life that make sure I’m taken care of no matter what.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

My grandfather, my first father figure, always said that the #Cubs would break your heart every fall. He was right until tonight.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Well I turned off John Wick after 45 seconds because there wasn’t one cool fight scene. The movies sucks. And I refuse to believe otherwise. And now you have read an analogy of people saying Covid-19 isn’t a serious problem because “very few” people have died from it so far.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Make your Friday night matter.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

I miss Brody Stevens. If you are having a rough time, it’s okay. You are not alone. Reach out. People care and you are loved more than you could possibly imagine. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

W.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

There are still beautiful things happening in this word. Read the replies.

common sad girl

@sadgirlkms

6 years

isnt rick and morty that thing you get when you die and your body gets all stiff

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

2 years

Finished my screenplay for the film adaptation of Gordon Lightfoot’s “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” and your emotionally withholding uncle is going to cry his fucking eyes out

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Dumb People Town Tweet: I just read an old “Greenlee” that is so completely insane, that I am saving it for the live DPT at @SFSketchfest on Friday, Jan 17th. The @SklarBrothers may walk off the stage before it ends.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

Watching #Lemonade and I guess Jay-Z has finally rounded out his problems to an even 100.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

At the top of my lungs.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

“I’m not saying, I’m just putting it out there...” -The dumbest fucking person you know

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Keep interacting with people you care about. Send nudes.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Wanna give a lil attention to a special person and say Happy Bday to the guy born 24rs after me, @roryscovel . They say if you do what you love you’ll never work a day in your life. But if you work with someone you love, you’ll talk a lot and never get any work done. I have both.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Cancel your bachelorette party ideas. I found the winners.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Here is the statement from @SklarBrothers and me regarding the actions of our former podcast network's founder and the future of our show, Dumb People Town. I support the bravery of those that come forward and cannot knowingly work alongside anyone that victimizes others.

Dumb People Town

@DPTpodcast

6 years

In the wake of the recently revealed actions of Feral Audio's founder, many of you have been wondering what is happening with Dumb People Town. For those of you with questions, and for all of you loyal Townies, we have the following message. (Cont.)

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

John Elway is on stage 6 of 7 towards becoming Ric Flair.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Fortunate to have these two men in my life. Thanks, brothers.

The Sklar Brothers

@SklarBrothers

4 years

Friends, our @DPTpodcast cohort and comedy brother, @danielvankirk released his first stand up album today and it, like the man himself is insightful, heartfelt and HILARIOUS. Please go pick it up on iTunes, rate and review it and help keep it the #1 comedy album!

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Looking at all these pictures of Kid Rock bums me out because one of them is Macaulay Culkin.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

8 years

Tough loss and very thankful I was there. I'll never forget it. #Cubs #WorldSeries

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

She called me “Sparky.”

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

There are still beautiful things happening in the world.

WGN Morning News

@WGNMorningNews

5 years

Best. Video. Ever! Bill Lill of Glenview enjoyed his first @Cubs game, ever! He’s 92 and it’s his first game at Wrigley Field today. His neighbors brought him as they found out at a block party that he’s never been. Cheers to you, Bill! This Buds for you! 🍻 #EverybodyIn

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Merry Christmas and goodnight from Rochelle, IL.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

In light of current events, I will regrettably continue to not make any payments on my student loans.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

Can we just make ducking a cuss word

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

If you’re going to criticize Caitlyn Jenner, you should still have the knowledge and consideration to call her a murderer.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Someday @reynoldsgareth and I will co-star in a movie about 2 down on their luck midwestern cousins that own a landscaping business & save the local public pool they loved as children. But until that happens go listen to his NUMBER ONE album, Riddled With Disease! It’s beautiful.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

7 years

About to fly out of Vegas. Been a tough few days.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Just found out I’m being called up to the podium next. No fucking clue what I’m gonna say.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Taking in all the beauty that Arizona's Antelope Canyon has to offer.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

3 years

How do I audition to play Bull’s son?

/Film

@slashfilm

3 years

'Night Court' Sequel Series in the Works at NBC with John Larroquette Coming Back

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

7 years

Walking out of this stadium under the protection of no one from LA knowing what Old Style is.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

In 2005 I bought this “Chicago @cubs Triple Play” pinball machine at a garage sale. Here’s my story about it.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

And all I can think is, “it must feel beautiful to trust someone so much.”

Newsweek

@Newsweek

5 years

Arkansas men arrested for taking turns shooting each other while wearing bulletproof vest after drinking

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Michael would've gotten $155M.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

2 years

It’s👏🏻not👏🏻a👏🏻fuck👏🏻ing👏🏻hurr👏🏻i👏🏻cane👏🏻

Ben LaBolt

@WHCommsDir

2 years

President Biden just spoke with Governor Abbott to offer any and all assistance he needs in the wake of the horrific shooting in Uvalde, TX.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Share with any mouth-breathing jagoff that is still questioning why we’re doing this distancing shit. Catch the fucking net.

Matt Jones

@KySportsRadio

4 years

Look at the difference between how the Kentucky Governor and Tennessee Governor handled the Coronavirus And look at the results of those policies

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Uber and Lyft are great because they randomly offer you a first-hand experience of how a complete fucking idiot drives. While listening to 3 Doors Down.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

Political party holds no relevance to me on this. It is a question of, “care.” Do you care that children are suffering? Children without agency. Children who had no more choice in being brought here than you did in the stroller you were pushed around in.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

You need this today.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Black cats are the best cats. If you’re in the area, go get one of these gems.

Morris Animal Refuge

@MorrisAnimal

4 years

#EmptyTheShelters is over, and every single available pet at the shelter found a home... except Onyx and Midnight! Ok, twitter - you know what to do. Adopt (by appointment only) Onyx: . Midnight: . or please RT to make it happen!

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

4 years

Keep sending me Dumb People Town stories. Seeing them from you all is one of the only joys I find when opening this app. @SklarBrothers and I are determined to keep making the show. Let’s do it together.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

"My dearest Edna, They started coming at us at dawn and haven't let up since. And of all days, a Saturday! They say we'll be sent home soon, but there's no end it sight. The ground is covered in bodies and still they ask for more." -Unknown Chicago bartender on St. Patrick's Day

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

2 years

Louie was an inspiration to me. I highly recommend listening to his episode of WTF if you can. So sad.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

5 years

This will 100% be covered by @SklarBrothers and me on an upcoming DPT member exclusive.

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Daniel Van Kirk

@danielvankirk

6 years

Thinking about bidding on this. I know Doug. Crazy that I haven't been on.

Doug Benson

@DougBenson

6 years

I wanna raise some more money for Smile Train so if you wanna be a guest on DOUG LOVES MOVIES, bid it up! Auction closes in four days... @jimmypardo @NeverNotFunny @Smiletrain

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