carter hambley @carterhambley Twitter profile

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

7 months

hey we’re calling off the search party. we found a different guy out there we like more

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

god i hate this app

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

when twins arent identical im like ok then what was the point of all that

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

i’m in too deep

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

god i hate my girlfriend

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

what the hell oreos

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

being 21 without a drivers license is one of the bravest things u can do in america. oh you’re a nurse? i had to look my mom in the eyes and ask to go to walmart

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

why did elementary schools just occasionally bring in a dude with a big snake. who was that man. what were his credentials

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

i dont have time for this

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

what

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

asked where the screws were and they handed me this ???

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

damn the taco bell worker said he knows i’m high and won’t give me my quesadilla until i solve a riddle

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

me (21) getting lunch with a friend (25)

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

so apparently it’s still a dui even if youre the birthday boy

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

let kim kardashian ruin more artifacts. let her drive the jfk car into a swamp. eat ribs over the dead sea scrolls. she’s the reverse indiana jones

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

EMMA WATSON WAS ACTUALLY WRITING DURING THE SCENES WHERE SHE HAD TO USE A QUILL AND ITS THE CUTEST THING

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

as her skateboarding instructor i will tearfully grind on the casket

The Recount

@therecount

4 years

Ruth Bader Ginsburg's trainer says goodbye by doing push-ups in front of her casket.

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

“it fries with just air!” listen to urself right now. u don’t even know what you’re saying

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

every year im given no warning that the kentucky derby is happening. what if i wanted to go

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

parents put my sister’s report card on the fridge so i added mine too

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

what the hell is wrong with the kids in my neighborhood

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

god i hate doordash

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

it costs zero dollars to retweet my art 💕 your rt is my next client

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

joe biden on Hot Ones but he’s just eating 10 normal grapes

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

hey sorry i didn’t text you back sooner i was stuck on my back like a bug

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

5 years

we need more kids in STEM*!!!! *salmon tube engineering/manufacturing

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

it has begun

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

[about to invent yard gnomes] babe the lawn looks great. how can we get a little fucking freak in here

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

every ikea should have a Beast somewhere inside. such as a minotaur or a dog

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

10 months

its so cool that a psychiatrist can give you pills but psychologists can only be like… “mmmm just as i suspected. you need true love’s kiss”

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

if i was in euphoria i would hmmm i dunno do my fucking homework

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

every new Dairy Queen flavor is a technological leap that shits on the grave of every scientist that worked on the manhattan project

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

i’ve never been to an orgy but i have experienced the free-flowing erotic surrender of the entire class trying on my glasses

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

just saw the mailman at somebody else’s house

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

god i hate the dentist

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

you should be able to go into the cockpit of the plane if you have something really cool to show them

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

two babies starting a true crime podcast about who got their nose

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

what the hell i was literally 1

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 months

so apparently it’s still a dui even if youre the birthday boy

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

pranking my dentist by putting a live bird inside my mouth

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

everyone in this Aldi has decided to pretend there’s not a stray dog running up and down the aisles. who am i to break this vow

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 months

you think the nativity guys ever hung out again. having beers like haha remember when we saw that baby

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

works every time

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

i want to be an interior decorator for a millionaire who is Insane

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

i hate weddings

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

god i hate online school

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

we are the daughters of the monsters you couldn’t mash

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

personally i don’t care if the pope has a little sex

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

found a new guy

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

lmao what the fuck. this is literally my bit. i do it all the time. everyone knows this is my bit

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

one of the kids from euphoria dropped her backpack :((

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

think again

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

11 months

okay. did she say anything about me

Pop Tingz

@ThePopTingz

11 months

Notorious Bulgarian blind mystic, Baba Vanga, reportedly predicted a terrifying nuclear disaster to occur in 2023.

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

5 years

i use day mode because i’m not a coward whose baby eyes need diet twitter

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

24 days

today more than ever

carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

i dont have time for this

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

hey dude super excited for the party tonight. do u mind if i bring my invasive species?

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

great, more bad news

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

asked the bank teller for quarters and she asked what i was gonna use them for ???? i’m gonna put them in a sock and swing em around

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

im not “deleting tweets” i am pruning a beautiful bonsai tree

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

i want to host a food network show called Feed The Boy. every week 3 chefs try to please a different 6 year old boy. They do not get to ask the boy what he likes. but they do get 1 minute to root around in his bedroom for clues

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

worst part of my day

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

i hope society moves past “boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” and we just refer to everyone as a “friend of the pod”

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

funny how if Harry Styles wore this you’d all lose your minds but rn it’s crickets

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

sorry dude cant make it tonight. u know i have that court-appointed bedtime

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

we need a celebrity chef who isn’t a badass. no tattoos. no swear words. i want to watch a little fucking wimp make eggs

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

5 years

i let my son (7) watch one episode of criminal minds and now he only refers to me as “the unsub”

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

hey sorry i’m late i was on google maps doing every corn maze in the american southwest

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

it’s so funny when a horse is shredded like a bodybuilder. like goddamn dude you wanna be a car so bad

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

when people attack me for using day mode,, im reminded of another man who was also “ratioed” for choosing the Light

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

11 days

u ever tar and feather a guy and realize ur out of feathers so u just give it to him straight and say listen buddy. gonna be mostly tar today

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

there was a fourth ghost who blew ebenezer scrooge’s back out

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 months

hinge is awesome if u want to see a bunch of sentences like “i go crazy for amazing food”

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 months

if i ever write a beautifully haunting science fiction book and die do NOT let my son keep writing them. he doesnt know me. he will never know me. and he definitely doesn’t know what i had in store for Mr. Donut and Mrs. Donut

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

i don’t care how funny you think he is. Charlie Brown dodged the draft. makes me sick to my fucking stomach. that boy shouldve died on a beach

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

ah yes, peeling a hard boiled egg. the gentleman’s rubik’s cube

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

just saw joe biden walking in sweatpants and his hog was slapping his thighs so bad it sounded like a grandfather clock

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 months

sitting in this watching my model trains

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

the queen just respawned in my garage

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

polio vaccine gotta be one of the most useless inventions ever. i never even heard of someone getting polio

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

i’m gonna buy them and put them in the oven

DiscussingFilm

@DiscussingFilm

3 years

The owner of ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’ is looking to sell them for $300M. (Source: )

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

they made the stimulus fun !!!

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

seamlessly switching from a podcast to a movie without a second of quiet for my pesky thoughts to creep into

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 months

hope they divide the money evenly and it doesnt all go to the big witch

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

at the hibachi place wishing i had the other chef. his table’s having so much fun. he clearly has more moves unlocked. he’s getting their baby involved. our guy is busting eggs everywhere like Mr Bean

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

wes anderson’s biggest asset as a director is that he looks like a little boy who just snuck a treat from mother

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

sure i’ll pay a quarter for dipping sauce. right after i finish selling these stocks because apparently i look like the wolf of fucking wall street

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

bought a big ass turtle to use as a coffee table. one of those ones who was alive during the civil war. i drag him back in place once every 48 hours. he knows in his heart he’ll never see the front door again

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

i will never have this much swag again

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

chasing the thrill of the movie theatre

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

4 years

it is impossible to make a more dramatic entrance than Chili’s fajitas

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 years

going to in-n-out with a person from california is so funny. very much like meeting your best friend’s childhood friend. “you gotta meet this dude he’s fucking insane” then it’s just an accountant who quotes austin powers a lot

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

2 months

fucking hate it when cowboys shoot at my feet. i would’ve danced if u just asked nicely

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

you should be able to check animals out of the zoo like a library book

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

sorry joe

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

And now we wait

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

10 months

oh cool. was just wondering this

Kelly Turnbull

@Coelasquid

10 months

So as it turns out the pigeon holder is actually an extremely safe an efficient way to hold a pigeon still long enough to give it medicine

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

im getting the band back together

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

moving to LA with only 600 followers on instagram

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

3 years

@MNateShyamalan

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carter hambley

@carterhambley

7 months

man i know it’d feel incredible to throw this thing at your cousins head

Massimo

@Rainmaker1973

7 months

Valonia ventricosa is one of the largest known unicellular organisms, if not the largest. This means that what you see in the image, a sea-algae that can get to 5 cm in diameter, is actually a single living cell.

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