soul nate @MNateShyamalan Twitter profile

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

founder of costco: [drunk as hell] it’s gonna have hot dogs and optometrists

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Last Seen Profiles

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

are you serious

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

conservative: so a janitor should make $15 an hour? me: yes conservative: and i guess kids flipping burgers should make $15 an hour? me: yes conservative: next you’re gonna tell me that grocers shou- me: did you just have this list of people you don’t respect ready to go

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

the jonas brothers went to the year 3000. they could have warned us about covid-19 but chose not to

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

bro what is going on at twitter

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

help

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

in 2012, macklemore exploded from out of nowhere to tell us he shops at goodwill and thought he was gay in elementary school, and then he disappeared forever. each of us gets only one shout into the wind

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

can’t believe my stupid ass has imposter syndrome while elon musk is confidently marching around twitter HQ and chewing on wires until something breaks

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

babe wake up penguin strike

philip lewis

@Phil_Lewis_

2 years

An aquarium in Japan has changed the diet of its penguins and otters due to rising costs, and the animals are refusing to eat the cheaper fish

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

disney exec: it’s about a guy who thinks he’s a monkey lol. probably don’t need anything too crazy for the soundtrack. phil collins: [eyes glowing white, levitating above the ground] no

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

👏 not 👏 every 👏 rat 👏 is 👏 a 👏master 👏 of 👏 gourmet 👏 french 👏 cuisine

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

happy mother’s day

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

nintendo: so you hate doing chores, right me: totally nintendo: and you hate working a job me: so much nintendo: what if you did all that while hopelessly in debt to a capitalist raccoon? me: will it be cute nintendo: so cute me: then i will do it for 20,000 hours

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

there are two types of male groupchats. either they have a name like “BONER BOYS RES[ERECT]ED: HORNY 4 LIFE, 2 CAKED UP 2 DIE” but they just encouraging each other through breakups and to try therapy. the other will be named like “gary chat” and filled with domestic terrorists

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

never recovered from the first time i heard the word “acai” out loud. that wasn’t even in my top 15 guesses

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

me, garfield’s vet: feeding him WHAT

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

first they came for roger stone, and i said “great.” next, they came for alex jones and i said “good news.” then they came for donald trump and i said “this is also excellent”

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 months

absolutely heinous to put spongebob squarepants on a sphere. this goes against everything he stood for

nym™️

@aretteepls

3 months

How am I supposed to sleep when this is outside my window

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

👏 stop 👏👏 saying 👏 white 👏 peo👏ple 👏 👏 👏 haveno 👏👏👏rhy thm 👏

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

in the 90’s, computers would scream every time you went online. that was foreshadowing

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

“i can’t go because of coronavirus” - whiny - boring - weak “i’ve sworn an oath of solitude til the blight is purged from these lands” - heroic, valiant - they will assume you have a sword - impossible to check if you really have a sword because of coronavirus

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

using my $600 to mail nancy pelosi 60,000 spiders

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

dream logic is so weird. you’ll be exploring an underwater shipwreck but you’ll also be like “this is the walmart that my dad owns.”

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

daniel radcliffes agent: hello harry potter daniel radcliffe: hello agent: would you like to be in a movie daniel radcliffe: is it very strange agent: yes daniel radcliffe: then yes agent: when can you get here daniel radcliffe: i’m in your yard climbing trees as we speak

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

me: they’re all so cute but i don’t know if i can take one away from its mother and siblings pumpkin patch employee: ok

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

my mom: don’t fill up on bread, that’s how they get you me: that’s how they get YOU, coward. i will bankrupt this olive garden

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

calling off work to make more of these

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

robert pattinson seems to be actively hating whatever he is doing at any given moment and frankly i respect him for it

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

jury duty is a wild concept. whenever the government wants, they can just be like “call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder 🥰 here’s fifteen dollars.”

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

im a proud tesla employee. do i work 13 hour days? yes. is my job to keep elon from biting wires? sure. do i have to bring a bucket of decoy wires to throw him off the scent of important ones? you bet. was the guy before me impaled by a forklift? legally i cant say. nevertheless,

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

are we human? or are we fondant?

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

“i’m a ravenclaw” no, you are 33 years old

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

elon musk is a dumb guy’s idea of a smart guy

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

every college tour guide: you may think you know squirrels, but you better strap the fuck in while i tell you about our special little guys

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

“elon musk said he would fix twitter.”ok but he also said he made an unsmashable window and then smashed it immediately

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

elon musk [parody] [humor] [any individuals in this text (referred to henceforth as “the tweet”) are named on a satirical basis] [the tweet is not a statement of fact, with protection as codified in 17 USC §107 & affirmed in Hustler Mag v Falwell (1988)]: boy i love sippin piss

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

what the fuck. are you sure

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

a republican on tv just said “it’s important to remember there are just as many people disappointed as there are celebrating in the street” no there aren’t we literally counted

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

fall out boy: a loaded god complex cock it and pull it me: [eleven years old] wow so true

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

new harry potter game looks WILD

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

the CDC just announced you can fill a theme park with dinosaurs again if you really learned your lesson last time

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

it’s so fucked up that if you get a burger from anywhere besides Five Guys you have literally no way of knowing how many guys were involved in that process

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

“everybody was kung fu fighting” really, everybody? even the grinch? get real

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

when you beat hogwarts legacy it takes you back to the character creator and lets you pick if your character was gay

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

10 months

lmao. no way bro

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

me: [on fire] i shouldn’t have used all those plastic straws billionaires: [leaving on space yachts] you shouldn’t have used all those plastic straws

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

sticks and stones may break my bones, but words? way worse baby. oh my god

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

guns n’ roses only criteria for calling a place “paradise:” 1) women are attractive 2) grass normal color

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

9 months

just watched just watched oppenheimer barbie

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

they made a right-wing version of The Onion and conservatives still have only one joke 😭😭

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

guy who has only been to ikea, walking into his second furniture store: can’t wait to eat the meatballs here

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

did it hurt? when you convinced everyone to play your favorite board game and then somebody said “this is complicated” while you read the rules

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

if youve ever said “blue lives arent real,” i have a little story. its about a guy who lives in a scary world we wouldnt recognize: a blue world. all day & night. his house? blue. the windows? blue. even a blue car. EVERYTHING is blue for him & everybody around cuz he aint got no

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

the best part of sitting in the exit row is when the flight attendant comes by to make you promise not to be a coward

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

10 months

i’m sad too but this is objectively such a funny way to kill this website

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

all hail the thanksgiving tube

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

mark zuckerberg was really sitting in a harvard dorm like “i’m so horny i’m gonna end democracy.”

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

5 years

Me: I made a tweet! My brain: did anybody press the Button Me: many people pressed the Button Brain: excellent. you may now have 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝓂𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓈

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

congratulations to the italian men’s team on their title

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

put me in this situation and i’m 100% chewing through the cable like a rat

cal?

@cal_gif

1 year

Nightmare scenario

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we’ve replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

can’t wait for my new year’s kiss ❤️ hope it’s a dementor

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

don’t talk to me until i’ve had my 𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓉𝓎 𝒻𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝓊𝓉𝑒 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓈𝑜𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

hi guys, just logging on to say i love to work in my job at amazon warehouse. my name is nape. i am 29.75 years existing. moving boxes is my favorite human pastime. i urinate frequently and always in the small white being known as toirlet. please do not give me the human rights!

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

“lollapalooza cancelled dababy” sorry i don’t speak italian

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

making my new years’ resolutions as mild as possible cuz i can’t handle any more disappointment. in 2022 i will get a new hat

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

3 years

this zodiac shit anticlimactic as hell

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

a relationship should be 50/50. i bring you to sweden with my friends for a pagan midsummer festival, you burn me alive inside of a giant bear

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

no fucking way he named his kid eve jobs lmao

naomi

@lachancenaomi27

1 year

Steve Jobs' daughter recommending an iPhone in NYMag without a disclosure

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

being in costco is such a disorienting experience like what do you mean this is the cereal/hot tub aisle

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

5 years

[handing out candy bars] Trick or Treater: aw man, why not king size Me, 5’2” and weeping: a King can be any size

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

“do you want the good news or the bad news first?” buddy no news is worse than finding out i have to make a decision

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

this is pathetic

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

“Baby Nut” was born Feb 2, 2020, the superbowl. on Aug 11th, the Mr. Peanut corporation tweeted a video for his 21st birthday. thus, he ages at a rate of 0.109375 years/day. average male life expectancy is 67-88 years. Baby Nut will likely die between Oct 6, 2021 & April 16, 2022

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

11 months

every once in a while one of these nerds really swings for the fences

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

bro no way the new velma show has an inter-racial lesbian couple who are both cops and shoot an unarmed teen in the first episode for laughs. lmao who is this for??

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

mike pence: i would like to go back moderator: we’ve moved onto a new ques- mike pence: i would like to go back to 1843

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

👏 give 👏 lizzo 👏 more 👏 haunted 👏 artifacts

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

HBO historical dramas be like: 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒾𝓃𝒹𝓊𝓈𝓉𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑜𝓁𝓊𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 ( . ) ( . )

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

this interaction is so fucking funny dude oh my god

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

elon musk getting fact checked by his own website will never get old

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

what the hell is going on with linkedin bro

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

[ creating bats ] god: well we already made birds angel: god: angel: what if they were goth god: omg what IF they were goth tho

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

L E E

@leesteffen

1 year

Great question. This is called "twin films," and often happens when 2 or more production companies invest in similar scripts at the same time—resulting in a race to be first to market. Here are a few other examples 🧵

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

11 months

what. are you serious

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

4 years

hello, i’m an adult in a christmas movie. i don’t believe in santa but have also never bought my children even one of the presents they receive every year. they just appear and i am fine with this reality. this is neither confusing nor horrifying

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

i’m in a code review with elon musk. ive got the CSS for on 3 monitors. my browser’s in dark mode so it looks cool. “this part?” he asks, pointing to code for the Giant Omelette. “caches tweets in the mainframe cyberhex,” i say. he nods. “as i suspected”

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

NFT owners:

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

2 years

don’t think i’ve met a single person ever who listens to machine gun kelly. he is less of a musician and more like a mischievous forest spirit who emerges every five years to haunt a very beautiful woman to the point of madness

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soul nate

@MNateShyamalan

1 year

help