amir @blumenfeld Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

amir

4 years

our patreon added a discord! hosted at -- just link your patreon to your discord account and join the private j and a patreon room.

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Last Seen Profiles

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@chaerinsource

amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

2016: Sure Trump is bad,but how much damage can he do in four years? 2020: If everybody buys enough stamps, Democracy will survive long enough to reach a vaccine for this deadly virus and we can see a movie again.

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

New NBA Logo?

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

Packing is the best excuse. It takes 9 minutes but you can get out of full nights — and sometimes days — of commitments.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 months

...One last question for Darko: Thoughts on Ricky Rubio retiring?

Faizal Khamisa

@FaizalKhamisa

4 months

"This is completely BS, this is shame. Shame for the referees, shame for the league...if that's the case, just let us know so we don't show up for the game." Darko Rajakovic went OFF at the refs after a Raptors 1-point loss, after some suspect 4th quarter calls.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 months

Kids in the 90s: Whoa, Lakers got Shaq! Kids today: Anunoby is a CAA client and Knicks’ President Leon Rose came from CAA and New York’s CAA connections run very deep: Brunson, Randle, Thibs all have ties to the agency so when (1/86)

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

Regarding the Draymond punch: Some of you have never been on a team and it shows. I constantly punch my coworkers in the face and they all love me. Forgive and forget -- Keep it in house.

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 month

If Wemby learned this move he would average 200 points per game.

NBA University

@NBA_University

1 month

Hook shot gawd is SO BACK

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

@RexChapman Hell ya. Also the reveal of the size of the flag was pure comedy.

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amir

@blumenfeld

11 months

Michael Malone, “I feel like we only lost by 3 and all anybody wants to talk about is how Miami won.”

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amir

@blumenfeld

11 days

To me, this shot is when the Lakers lost the game.

blackdragonroll

@blackdragonroll

11 days

omg jamal murray

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

The Pelicans dont HAVE to swap with the Lakers this year. It's an option. They can be gentlemen and let the Lakers keep their potential number 1 pick. That would be BALLER of them, honestly.

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

I’m a moron. I just had an 8 pound Turkey with stuffing for lunch today. Looked at the calendar and realized tomorrow is… yup. 🤦‍♀️

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

I have my shit together. But not like, marinate your chicken overnight, together.

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amir

@blumenfeld

28 days

SO YEAH, the play in tournament is so stupid and should be abolished.

StatMuse

@statmuse

28 days

The Lakers are the 8 seed.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

I remember using a Norm MacDonald joke for my senior quote... One of my favorites for over half my life!

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

The @HERSHEYS Cookie Layer Crunch is finally here! And all it took was us writing letters every day for a year #ReimagineCookies #ad

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

Hereditary. Holy shit. So fucking scary. I haven’t seen it yet, but wow. I cannot sleep at night! Unrelated to the movie! Yikes!

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

Vegans get a bad wrap. Every time they order a sandwich.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Would I get COVID-19 if I haven’t seen the first eighteen of them?

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

Bathrooms are always down the hall and to the left. What the hell is going on down the hall and to the right??

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

These are two tweets from October 25, 2019. Vote accordingly.

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amir

@blumenfeld

10 months

One Almond. The perfect amount.

New York Post

@nypost

10 months

Emily Blunt: ‘Emaciated’ Cillian Murphy ate just ‘an almond every day’ for ‘Oppenheimer’

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

@wojespn First time he exercised this year.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 months

Imagine everyone at your job doing this the day you get shit canned.

Milwaukee Bucks

@Bucks

3 months

😂😂😂

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

I like playing video games as an escape to the harsh realities of 2020... #MarioKart #KartyB

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

Kids in 1996: - Lakers got Shaq! - Hell yeah! Kids in 2019: - Lakers got Anthony Davis! - Do we know the timing of the deal? If AD doesn’t waive his trade kicker we may need to delay the timing of the trade 30 days after signing that #4 pick and even then Lakers aren’t...

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

Drake’s friend: Wow, this new Childish Gambino song is about race relations and the consumerism of celebrity in a gun drunk society. What’s your new song about? Drake: How a chick won’t call me back. Drake’s Friend: That’s... also important, dude.

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

Guy running by, stops dead in his tracks and looks back at me: Are you Jake from CollegeHumor? Me: No. Guy: Oh, weird. You look just like him. Me: Thanks! Dude’s hot. Guy: Haha, not really.

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

This oral history of college Kawhi is crazier than people think...

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

Hey @MooreSenate : Change your Twitter name, mother fucker.

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

Wtf!

ClickHole

@ClickHole

1 year

Repressing Freedom: China Is Censoring Amir Out Of All ‘Jake And Amir’ Videos So That Citizens Do Not Idolize His Slothful, Imbecile Ways

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

Shit.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

So true!

amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

When you forget to switch to the burner account.

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

Love Psy, but don’t remember this one.

Rex Chapman🏇🏼

@RexChapman

2 years

10-years ago today Psy released 'Gangnam Style' …

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Waiter: So the only two sandwiches we have right now are Rat Poison or Tuna Melt. Undecided Voter: Hmmm... I gotta say I don’t LOVE tuna...

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

When the Trailblazers decide to go into full tank mode, they shouldn’t shut down Damian Lillard—They should turn him on. For one game he should attempt 100 three-pointers. If he makes 15 that’s an NBA record. if he makes 34, he breaks the all time points per game mark. If (1/88)

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Starting a DeFundMe for LAPD.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

I like when people say they're going to "do their own vaccine research" before getting jabbed. What does that entail, exactly? You renting a lab, hoss?

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

Lonzo reacting to Beverley's incessant trash talk with the dead eyes of somebody who's been playing 1on1 with Lavar Ball for nineteen years.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

NUMBER EIGHT,

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

FEELING GREAT!

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

“This is fucking Orwellian.” — me reading 1984

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

…like hell it does.

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

I can’t believe I’m answering this in such a public way but... 5915. I urge you not to use it, though.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

How is America getting worse at dealing with Coronavirus? It's hard to get dumber as you learn more... You should at the very least stay the same.

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

Reminder that a lot of the mail in ballots will skew Giannis, so we’re expecting the next dump to favor the Bucks star especially in Maricopa County.

Kevin O'Connor

@KevinOConnorNBA

1 year

Joel Embiid is building a lead for NBA MVP with almost 20% of ballots tracked.

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

😮

ClickHole

@ClickHole

6 years

Repressing Freedom: China Is Censoring Amir Out Of All ‘Jake And Amir’ Videos So That Citizens Do Not Idolize His Slothful, Imbecile Ways

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Still infuriating when he does that thing where he says the exact opposite of the thing he said last week and then nobody cares.

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

4 years

Trump, who not a month ago characterized Democratic criticism of the coronavirus response as a "hoax," now claims, "I felt it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic."

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 months

Men will literally trade four role players and five draft picks for James Harden instead of going to therapy.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

2010-2019: @JakeAndAmir 2020-2029: @Blumenfeld Update your records accordingly.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

My girlfriend has never seen me on my phone. When I’m with her I’m focused on our relationship and nothing else. In the house I use a desktop computer for 15 minutes a day to check email. The rest of the time I’m either reading, gardening or masturbating. I don’t “text” anybody.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Still got it!

Jules Suzdaltsev

@jules_su

4 years

I got Ben Schwartz ( @rejectedjokes ) to rehash my favorite bit of all time from Jake and Amir while interviewing him about #SonicMovie

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

Go see my former interns on BROADWAY. They grow up so fast... 😭

Lin-Manuel Miranda

@Lin_Manuel

5 years

We’ve come a long way from being interns @CollegeHumor ... #FreestyleLoveSupreme #OpeningNight

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

Trump: Obama is a very good man. Trump Supporters: Wait... what? But you- Trump: Oh, I was lying to get your vote. Trump Supporters: ...No?

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

To be fair, Melania’s other option was a cardigan that read “Ideally, everyone is white.”

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amir

@blumenfeld

8 years

I dont understand how anybody can vote for Trump. Or Hillary. Like, do you have to register? How does that all work?

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

#Debates2020

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

Maybe it’s because I just learned about it, but my favorite bias is recency bias.

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

“I’m gonna name my son No One Ever Jr.” said No One Ever.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Real comedy fans know who this is

JⱤ🥀

@Poole2DC

4 years

Real NBA fans know who this is

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

Not really a hobby but I’ll comment on Venmo transactions between married couples and say shit like “You guys don’t have a joint checking account?” And “Not true love, huh?” in order to sew little seeds of dissent in an otherwise healthy relationship.

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

Happy Birthday to @JakeHurwitz ! A decent man. A fine friend. And most of all... an okay dude. He’s an average. He’s a mean. He’s industry standard, he’s status quo and we love him for that. TO JAKE!

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

@wojespn Nevermind.

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

@realDonaldTrump Like this tweet if Trump is fat.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

LISTEN UP EVERYBODY THIS IS THE GUY WHO is celebrating a birthday today. So let’s wish him a good one by replying with a very normal name.

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amir

@blumenfeld

1 year

Don’t get mad at Angel Reese doing this now, if you were praising me for doing it to my nephew when I tripped him during his Bar Mitzvah

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

I’m serious.

NBA on ESPN

@ESPNNBA

2 years

Wishful thinking? 😅 (h/t @blumenfeld )

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

@calebsaysthings Okay yes I get this and I hear this but (1/74)

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Canada should get 10 electoral votes. They have to deal with our shit more than Wyoming.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Make America Closed Again.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Whoa, the #ImpeachmentHearings are gonna be on #disneyplus -- that's kinda lit, fam!

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

Never Forget—

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

No sports. No movies. No social events. Yes... this truly is... a golden era for PODCASTERS! (Maniacal laughter turns into coughing blood)

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

lol jesus christ.

Ben Schwartz

@rejectedjokes

3 years

It’s been a long quarantine.

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

Found this pill you can take that makes you no longer hungry. It's called a "Burrito" and it takes forever to swallow -- but it WORKS!

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

Hey guys... Happy Monday.

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

It takes more energy to power a dim lightbulb because you're giving it two commands: on and low. Hi, I'm Amir Blumenfeld, and what I just typed up there isn't true. But it sure sounds like fact right? The answer... is no. It doesn't. So why tweet this at all? Good question.

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

Last night was magical. After years of joking about it, we finally went dickless for @MichaelChiklis . And he couldn’t have been nicer about it.

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

In honor of my new podcast “BUCKETS” — happy Monday.

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amir

@blumenfeld

5 years

Sure, sex feels good, but have you ever tried-

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

5 years

PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

Wordle 223 2/6 ⬜🟨⬜⬜🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 I said a lot nasty things earlier about how getting it in two is “luck” or how six is technically “better.” Those tweets will soon be deleted. I am now a member of the Two Crew and I don’t take that lightly. Lol getting choked up as I (1/89)

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Contrary to popular belief— I did not write this tweet.

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

Get yourself someone that looks at you.

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

YOU 👏🏼 DONT 👏🏼 NEED 👏🏼 TO 👏🏼 SALT 👏🏼 YOUR 👏🏼 WATER 👏🏼 TO 👏🏼 MAKE 👏🏼 PASTA. IN 👏🏼 FACT, 👏🏼 YOU 👏🏼 DONT 👏🏼 EVEN 👏🏼 NEED 👏🏼 TO 👏🏼 MAKE 👏🏼 PASTA!! 👏🏼 YOU 👏🏼 CAN 👏🏼 JUST 👏🏼 ORDER 👏🏼 A 👏🏼 HAMBURGER 👏🏼 ON 👏🏼 GOOGLE. JUST 👏🏼 GOOGLE 👏🏼 THE 👏🏼 RESTAURANT 👏🏼 AND 👏🏼 THEY 👏🏼(1/21)

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

3pm - I'm gonna go shopping and make a fucking lasagna tonight. 5pm - Maybe I'll do stir fry instead? 7pm - I'll just make a sandwich. 9pm - Does Subway deliver? 11pm - (Me on the ground, eating dog food out of a bowl for nine quiet minutes. Chin soaking wet.)

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

You may not agree with Trump but banning him sets a really dangerous precedent with regards to free speech and can you imagine if I actually thought that lol what’s a movie you loved as a kid but DOESNT HOLD UP?! I thought it was “Multiplicity” but then (1/88)

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

When you forget to switch to the burner account.

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

I'm Ja Morant's age in this photo.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

Silver Screen and Roll

@LakersSBN

3 years

Dwight Howard is reportedly "ready to return" to the Lakers in free agency.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Month 2 of not being verified... Not sure how you normals do it. Things look bleak. But still I press on. Knowing one day I had that mark. And one day... I’ll have it back. Simply put: I am no.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

Oops! Sorry, just seeing this... The Prank War series was scripted/fake. Streeter and I worked on them together and acted as though they were real in order to maximize views/lols for CollegeHumor. So no new episodes, unfortunately...

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

Happy Birthday to the GOAT. @rejectedjokes . Of course.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

Could just be a coincidence. Still doing my own research.

Judd Legum

@JuddLegum

3 years

99.2% of US COVID deaths in June were unvaccinated people

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

Mayweather may have just made $300m tonight! That's more than I'll make this YEAR.

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 years

"Go Lean. Go Lean. Go Lean, Go Leaaaan" -- Dolly Parton singing about her favorite Kashi.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Worried that I’ll never be jacked enough to wear a backpack without a shirt on.

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amir

@blumenfeld

7 months

Imagine a villain so FUCKED UP he literally doesn’t care about getting wet.

DiscussingFilm

@DiscussingFilm

7 months

New look at Joaquin Phoenix in ‘JOKER 2’.

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amir

@blumenfeld

3 years

Are you by any chance the rapper?

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amir

@blumenfeld

6 years

22 year old: Yo dude I hella fucked with your YouTube back in the day. Jake And Amir, right? Me: Yeah, man. I hella fucking thank you back in the YouTube day, dude. 22 year old: ...what? Me: Sorry. I’m 35.

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amir

@blumenfeld

4 years

Favorite athlete ever.

Laker Film Room

@LakerFilmRoom

4 years

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amir

@blumenfeld

2 years

I agree with Bill Simmons, to be a TRUE DYNASTY you need to win 13 titles in fourteen years with the same fifteen players. So far no NBA dynasties ever but some really solid attempts!

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