attorneydad @attorneydad Twitter profile

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 years

Come to me ye who are in no shape for driving, and have no place to go

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 days

New outlook signature just dropped

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Y’all ...

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

How old were you when you first learned about the Tulsa race massacre? Trying to see something.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

A new microwave just like ours would cost $280. But for a $4 fuse, a $10 insulated screwdriver, and a new $30 multimeter, I was able to confirm that we really do need a new microwave.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 years

If you are a pundit talking about “burden of proof” and “corroborating evidence” but you don’t acknowledge that dems / Ford were denied discovery or compulsory process you are a fake or ignorant

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

1 year

Fellas, is it Korematsu if you lower everybody’s student loan balance?

Thomas Berry

@Thomas_A_Berry

1 year

Justice Kavanaugh: “Some of the biggest mistakes in the Court’s history were deferring to assertions of executive emergency power; some of the finest moments in the Court’s history were pushing back against presidential assertions of emergency power.” (2/8)

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

Me at 8am sharp: wow I have all day to work on this one brief that isn’t even due until tomorrow The brief, as of 4 pm:

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

My son just sent me this and I loudly guffawed at a casual dining restaurant

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

I for one am thrilled but surprised to learn that DOJ cannot utilize materials seized pursuant to a search warrant if the target has a personal, proprietary interest in those materials

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

There are fully grown lawyers who still think “hearsay” means anything someone else told the witness

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 months

I am just relaxing and dreading a potential return to work, meanwhile the J6 people are outwokeing me arguing that pretrial release + home confinement should be credited against a federal sentence

Rachel Powell 🎗️

@Iamrachelpowell

6 months

I, a mom & grandmother with no criminal history, have lived like this since #j6 . The box on my ankle holding me INSIDE the house, unable to live. In 13 days the government will force me to endure a 51 month sentence because the last 3 years of confinement means nothing.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Started calculating the federal sentencing guidelines for this creation and , check my math, but I think the result is I am radicalized

The Oregonian

@Oregonian

3 years

A Massachusetts cannabis company is claiming it set a world record when it baked a marijuana-infused brownie that weighed 850 pounds. The brownie contained 20,000 mg of THC, which would make it several thousand times stronger than the normal dosage

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

What if they paused student loan interest and payments for the 120 months necessary for PSLF

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

I complain a lot on this website. Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, Tuesday morning will be my 23rd oral argument before a U.S. Court of Appeals. I have two second-chair quills from the Supreme Court of the United States. I graduated from a law school currently ranked T90.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Grown-ass lawyers are really logging on to this bird site to defend law-class laptop bans because lawyers have to take handwritten notes in practice .

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

The most important part of preparing for a work trip is urgently downloading local copies of documents that I absolutely will not work on while sitting on the plane.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

me: I can finish this brief if I just maintain a steady pace for the next two days facebook: here's a messy comment thread where two mistresses of a new area smalltown police chief discover each other's existence and start sharing his texts and videos with one another

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

1 month

Fellas: is it a waste of time to hold the government to its burden of proving the admissibility of its evidence?

Lisa Rubin

@lawofruby

2 months

NEW: This is the fourth Trump trial I’ve attended regularly. But I have never seen anything like the phenomenon we’re witnessing the morning. 1/

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

1 year

I bet the most rewarding part of being a judge is when your careful historical examination of text and original public meaning compels you to decide the case exactly the way you would have wanted to decide it, if you were just deciding based on personal preference.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

If you are involved in an auto accident, be aware that soft tissue damage may not be felt immediately. It can take up to 3-5 meetings with a plaintiff's attorney .

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

A thing that everyone knows, but few say in public, is that some judges are mean

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

2012: Inmate files writ challenging junk-science "death mask" testimony 2014: Fifth Circuit rules death-mask expert is credible 2019: Fifth Circuit rules 2012 filing was more than a year after inmate should have known expert was not credible

Radley Balko

@radleybalko

5 years

And here's a link to the ruling. /end

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 months

A thing I wish I had mentioned when we were still doing cross-examination discourse is : I have never seen a lawyer as good at cross-examination as the lawyer thought.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

@davehill77 Bro I can’t even put visine in my own eye how am I gonna stick a piece of plastic or class on there

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

How do you make sure no one is praying for the control group?

NPR

@NPR

4 years

A new clinical study is investigating whether prayer might make a difference in the outcomes of COVID-19 patients who require intensive care. “We all believe in science, and we also believe in faith,” says the principal investigator.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

You don't really want a judge to have robust powers to deny a prosecutor's motion to dismiss criminal charges

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Almost-14-YO just asked: “If we defund the police, and then someone robs your house, who are you gonna call who will then show up to your house 2 hours later and shoot your dog?”

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

How to be the very best law student and practicing lawyer, as told by a journalist

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Look to your left. Look to your right. Not all of you will make it through this quarantine.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

My wife makes fun of me because I call them "T.V. Dinners." She says that is a "Texarkana" way to describe them. I say that is a universal expression and everyone but her calls them that. Who is correct?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Happy for those who could make it in to Yale. At my little state school they taught us all kinds of things that are wrong, like that a due process claim requires deprivation of a vested cognizable interest by a state actor. Imagine!

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

I love the Onion Brief, but like a lot of very serious #AppellateTwitter personalities, I’m worried about opening the door to obviously fictitious statements made by counsel that aren’t representing a state in death penalty litigation

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

I noticed you selected, "Restart at 1." I went ahead and screwed up all of the indents and paragraph styling, too. --MS Word.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 months

This is some of this mfer’s best work yet and he pulls it off without even mentioning collar gap OR the King of Spain

derek guy

@dieworkwear

2 months

Someone from @piersmorgan 's staff asked if I would like to come onto Pier's show, Piers Morgan Uncensored, to talk about the state of his attire. Since he invited feedback, I thought I'd do a thread comparing his style to menswear icon Kermit the Frog. 🧵

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

My son just accused me of “Simone Biles level of mental gymnastics”

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

SOME GOOD NEWS: 16-year-old daughter, who has struggled the most with COVID-related anxiety, just got her first pfizer dose today.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 months

Hypothetically if you ever did kind of a bad job at the biggest oral argument you ever had, and that made you want to find another career, and then you got notice that you were required to do another oral argument in a v difficult case in an unusual venue with an audience …

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

I am tired of practicing in unfair courts and I don’t care whose secret alt account is reading me

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

I'm curious how other attention-challenged lawyers handle the Matryoshka problem: Start working on task 1, get interrupted to do 2, which feels more urgent, then someone needs 3, so by mid-afternoon you have 5 or 6 different interrupted things that all need to be finished now

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

What would abortion laws look like if we trusted pregnant women to make the right call as much as we trust cops or the military to make the right call?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

Who made this ? I just died

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

“I mean, have you filed a habeas or something” is about to be my new catchphrase

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

A body camera that immediately starts live streaming when the wearer tries to turn it off

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

As a prank, someone posted this sign on an empty lot in the fancy section of Amarillo and I am deceased.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

Assistant White House Counsel Stringer Bell, in the situation room: “Is you taking notes...”

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

What would you say if I told you the Fifth Circuit reversed a defendant’s sentence as substantively unreasonable today?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

13yo: which weighs more, a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers? Me: trick question! They weigh the same. 13: Wrong! Because you have to carry the weight of what you did to those birds.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 months

When Lukie was 5 years old, he was very excited for a “New Year’s toast” but very disappointed when there was no toast. So we made him some toast, much to his delight. A family tradition was born.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Why does 9.5 hours seem like an incredibly long time to drive but an incredibly short time to have to write a brief?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

A thing not many people know about me is I hate the Armed Career Criminal Act.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

Moots are great but what I really need is a dry run with the actual judges . Like, two hours before the real thing. With a do-over I would be FLAWLESS

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

Maybe the Supreme Court should have a case about whether kids have to say the pledge

Taniel

@Taniel

5 years

An 11-year old refused to recite Pledge of Allegiance, saying it's racist. Teacher asked why he didn't go live elsewhere. The kid was arrested for becoming disruptive, taken to juvenile detention center, & charged with misdemeanor.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

My son shows my dad the knife he made from a railroad spike. My dad: “Making knives out of things is very popular where I work.” My dad is a prison chaplain.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

1 year

Am I the only one who thinks the bigger scandal is demanding that law clerks surrender personal phone records and sign denials under oath?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

I might delete my entire twitter feed except for this one article.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

7 months

Today a deputy clerk denied a routine extension request and I nearly walked off the job for good. This whole enterprise is incredibly unsatisfying , in torments old and new

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

1 year

Someone at work described me as “a brilliant lawyer, but also an agent of chaos” and that will keep me going through many months of tough losses 🥰

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 months

The memoir itself is only 409 pages. Volume 2 is just a compendium of multi-factor tests.

The Associated Press

@AP

2 months

Anthony M. Kennedy to reflect on his life and his years on the Supreme Court in two-volume memoir

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

I was in my 30s.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

@kenklippenstein The fact that his employer had a loan forgiven is the best empirical evidence I’ve seen that loan cancellation has negative downstream consequences

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Say your family hated you enough to leave for a 4-day weekend and there were no rules and no limits on how you spent your time. Would you work at the kitchen table or the desk in your bedroom?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

🚨🚨🚨🚨hello is this the police I’d like to report a murder most foul

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Update: Principal contacted me today. Kids will not be kicked off the team. They will remain home. Daughter says I might look back at retirement and classify this as my finest piece of advocacy

attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

We stopped sending our kids to in-person school last week. The COVID numbers here are off-the-charts insane. Today the tennis coach told us: if they don’t return to in-person “off-season” practice (weight lifting and cardio inside a gym), they can’t play for the team anymore.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

@mediumcooI @rhinosoros Than *1/2 root beer

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Another important practice skill: making ridiculous arguments to defend the powerful while wearing a straight face .

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Literally everything I file these days

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 months

That rarest of legislative proposals … an ex post facto bill of attainder that might also violate the speech or debate clause ?

Juliegrace Brufke

@juliegraceb

2 months

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene introduced an amendment requiring members to “conscript in the Ukrainian military” if they vote for the Ukraine supplemental bill.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 years

Biggest lie of the modern legal procedural drama is that a lawyer who is good enough / smart enough / hardworking enough / whose client is factually or legally right enough can eventually always prevail

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

So it turns out that I'm only the second-best appellate advocate in this marriage - This letter was sent by @OneMomCamping this afternoon to some district administrators and it is 100 % on-brand

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

As a former judicial law clerk and someone who holds many federal judges in high regard, my fervent wish for each of them is that they never talk to the media ever for any reason

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

Is anyone else really tired?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

I don’t have the professionalism of full-time Appellate Twitter; the good vibes of Positive Twitter; or the raunchy drama of regular Law Twitter. Thanks for following me in spite of my deficiencies.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

Trial lawyers, be honest. If I were to look through your transcript would you be proud of your issue preservation?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

1 year

1. Weird: wanted to check one last thing before filing brief. “Surely someone has argued this before.” 2. Wild: when i searched westlaw, I found no cases but I did find a 2014 Anders brief. Someone flagged the issue but concluded it would be frivolous. 3. Whoops: “someone”=me

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Shout out to all those old-school lawyers working from home who now have to learn how to use track changes

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

My favorite judge

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Hey LawTwitter, does anyone have any thoughts about “originalism?” With the conformation hearings, I thought maybe some of you might have some relevant thoughts to contribute to the discourse.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 months

Also I know exactly how I did and how I could have done and you can be sure that my therapist has said more than you are going to say and his decision to retire in March has probably nothing to do with this so just tell me how to find my groove again please and thank you

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 years

ABC genius: “Beto has to wonder whether his platform was just a little too progressive for very red state Texas.” Reality: he outperformed Hillary Clinton and Obama (both times), along with every other democrat who ran in statewide race

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

US District Court Judge is a harder and more demanding job than Court Of Appeals Judge, which is itself a harder and more demanding job than SCOTUS Justice

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

@ItsDanSheehan RIP Baby Dolphin

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

I have to file cert petitions by FedEx so from now on, professors, don’t accept correspondence by email.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

A dive where post-conviction lawyers hang out after work. It’s called Procedural Bar.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 years

@wofanswers Nah the c and t are already up there

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

Today is my 90th day without any alcohol . I can’t decide whether to continue .

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Trial crim lawyers aspire toward a "two-word verdict." I guess the appellate equivalent might be a two-word sentence: "time served." Two clients of my office got two-word sentences today after their original sentences were vacated. Two bits of good among a sea of horrible.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

This kid has a future as a big firm partner. “Find me that case where...”

Gideon Orion Oliver

@gideonoliver

4 years

My kid will request an episode of Daniel Tiger by referring to like two random things from the episode, then I start to sweat as I flip through episodes and frantically Google search things like “Daniel Tiger ducky park platypus cry” while the Meltdown Timer silently counts down

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

This is my third-latest on-time brief and it takes fourth place in our officewide #AppellateBocce leaderboard

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

@ElieNYC Listen, E: this is a sign of things to come. My teenager not only steals all my socks, but he wears them in unmatched pairs so he can disrupt the normal availability of my socks for the longest possible time.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

1 year

@ASFleischman Speedy trial and non-excessive bail are some of those rights that you absolutely unquestionably have under black letter doctrine and don’t even remotely have in reality

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Tough crowd tonight

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

Current mood

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

Does anyone have any tips or hacks for transitioning from being someone the law binds but does not protect to someone the law protects but does not bind?

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 years

From now on, instead of “DIY,” I am going to describe my home improvement projects as “pro se”

attorneydad

@attorneydad

6 years

Well that didn’t go well

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Somebody better reset the "Days Since This Office Has Won A Significant Constitutional Issue In A Published Opinion" counter to zero

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

Felt cute. Might sit at counsel table later. IDK

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

5 years

@ambientGillian AOC right now

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

4 years

Still in a terrible mood, but son put on his TV lawyer voice and said: “If you have a mask and glasses, you MAY be entitled to Condensation.” 😷

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

2 years

It would be very difficult to recreate my career trajectory. A lot of serendipity/ Providence & privilege, some hard work, a little talent. Almost no one could have predicted that I would end up here. Actually there were exactly two people who did.

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attorneydad

@attorneydad

3 years

The worst kind of case to lose is the kind that appeared kind of winnable

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