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Schlasser

@UrinatingTree

122,068
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Following
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I yell at clouds and call it shitposting. Don't know when to shut up. Still have no remorse for it. For Uche.

Bottom of a sixtol
https://t.co/RPIjm9KYR1
Joined April 2010
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
12 days
- Inconsistent fields, goalposts and sidelines for each franchise - Next to no attendance at many games - Livestreams are spotty, at best. Don't have good internet connections at the stadiums, rely on mobile hotspots - Philadelphia Soul undergo complete chaos (booted out of Super…
@SpringFBZone
Spring Football Zone
@SpringFBZone
12 days
BREAKING: The Iowa Rampage of the Arena Football League has announced that the team will be discontinued. #AFL
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
2 years
The NFC South:
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1 year
The Detroit Lions after reading every script since 1958:
@PFTCommenter
PFT Commenter
@PFTCommenter
1 year
Former NFL player arian foster admits NFL is literaly rigged
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@UrinatingTree
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6 months
@kfitzsports - Tyreek Hill takes a camera away for a celebration that people enjoy - Tyreek has a good relationship with him - Fire the cameraman as punishment What?
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@UrinatingTree
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1 year
Russell Wilson went from a star in the NFL to being roasted by Patrick Star on a Nickelodeon broadcast. That's when you know you've hit rock bottom.
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
7 months
Saying "I play for the Saints" after their offensive performance the last few weeks should add another crime to be charged with.
@MySportsUpdate
Ari Meirov
@MySportsUpdate
7 months
Kenner Police released the bodycam footage from Chris Olave's reckless driving arrest last night. Olave: "I play for the Saints, man." Officer: "And?"
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@UrinatingTree
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3 months
Going from Ron Rivera to Dan Quinn:
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@RapSheet
Ian Rapoport
@RapSheet
3 months
Sources: The #Commanders have found their new coach, as owner Josh Harris is set to hire #Cowboys DC Dan Quinn as head coach. Quinn gets his second NFL HC gig, but not with the #Seahawks as many expected. He lands in Washington.
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@UrinatingTree
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3 years
This Bishop Sycamore "high school" story is hilarious. - Get fucking destroyed by IMG - ESPN and their agencies did no research on BS whatsoever - The "school" went 0-6 last year (scored 42 points, gave up 227) - They had played a game two days before their ESPN game (they lost)
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
8 months
- Be head coach of the Falcons - Lock Bijan into a timeshare - Don't utilize Kyle Pitts at all - Frustrate every NFL fantasy football owner - Win football games - Say nothing - Leave
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@UrinatingTree
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2 years
Deshaun Watson is being suspended for eleven games and a $5 million dollar settlement. He'll be returning against... oh come on. The NFL is doing this shit on purpose.
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
I have finished recording "Congrats, Cowboys! (2024)". It is me laughing hysterically for three minutes.
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@UrinatingTree
8 months
CONGLATURATION, BUFFALO BILLS! YOU FAILED TO BEAT A JETS TEAM THAT LOST AARON RODGERS TO INJURY ON THE FIRST DRIVE! JOSH ALLEN'S FAVORITE RECEIVER IS JORDAN WHITEHEAD! THE JETS DEFENSE INSTITUTED A NO-FLY ZONE AROUND THE PERIMETER! The Giants somehow didn't suffer the most…
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6 months
Matt Canada should be tried for war crimes.
@NFLonCBS
NFL on CBS 🏈
@NFLonCBS
6 months
The Steelers outgained the Bengals, 421-222. It is the FIRST time this season they have outgained an opponent.
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4 months
Dear Detroit Lions, We love you, but fuck you. Sincerely, 28/32 NFL Fanbases
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
EVERYONE GET IN HERE! THIS THREAD IS THE PROPERTY OF AMERICA!
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1 year
CONGLATURATION, BOSTON BRUINS! YOU HAVE BECOME THE ULTIMATE MEME! YOU HAVE LOST TO THE FLORIDA PANTHERS WHEN YOU HAD THE SERIES WON! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO PATRICE BERGERON? HOW?!
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3 months
Kansas City Chiefs 2020 - The fresh blood finally ending the horrible reign of New England Kansas City Chiefs 2024 -
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
Every NFL Fanbase to the Detroit Lions right now:
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
8 months
I also reached out to Margot Robbie about my desire to date her.
@BleacherReport
Bleacher Report
@BleacherReport
8 months
Colin Kaepernick's agent has reached out to the Jets about his desire to make an NFL return, via @Schultz_Report
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4 months
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8 months
A friendly reminder that the Kansas City Chiefs told DeAndre Hopkins that they were not interested in his services.
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1 year
CONGLATURATION, LA CHARGERS! YOU SOMEHOW CHARGERED IT UP IN A WAY THAT WAS NEVER DONE IN THE HISTORY OF YOUR ORGANIZATION! YOU BLEW A 27-POINT LEAD WHEN YOU HAD JACKSONVILLE DEAD TO RIGHTS! YOUR ORGANIZATION SHOULD CONTRACT. IMMEDIATELY. Fuck you, Spanos.
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8 months
I don't know when the hell this happened, but I'm making this a fine addition to my collection.
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2 years
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7 months
If the Swifties get the NFL to get rid of turf, this will be an incredible relationship. Find a way to get rid of the franchise tag as well, please.
@seltzermom
joja mart corporate hq
@seltzermom
7 months
I’m so devastated for Taylor 🩡🀍 We KNOW how much Travis makes her happy. She had to be so worried right now. She finally has a man who shows her love back πŸ’˜ and he got hurt on ARTIFICIAL TURF? This is so wrong. We can fix this. No. More. TURF! @NFL @taylornation13
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5 months
A NEW SINGLE-SEASON RECORD! LOSS 27! GIVE IT UP FOR LOSS 27!!!
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1 year
They did it, Uch. The Jaguars won the AFC South. We laughed at you when you predicted it, but it came true nonetheless. I hope you have the biggest grin from ear to ear watching this, wherever you are. They did it for you, man. Run your victory lap up there, brother.
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@UrinatingTree
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5 months
ALL-TIME RECORD TIED! LOSS 28! GIVE IT UP FOR LOSS 28!!!
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
THE BRETT FAVRE CHECKLIST [X] Become star with Packers [X] Win Super Bowl [X] Keep choking in the playoffs [X] Hold team hostage [X] Team drafts replacement AARON RODGERS IS HERE [] Be traded to Jets [] Be traded to Vikings in 1 year [] Retire [] Steal money from the poor
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@UrinatingTree
8 months
Deshaun Watson actively denying illegal contact with someone he shouldn't touch? The jokes write themselves.
@LandryLocker
Landry Locker
@LandryLocker
8 months
Deshaun Watson appears shocked to be asked about contact with ref and insists there was no contact with the ref.
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
6 months
The average Steelers game (2021-Present):
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
8 months
His calf plucked like a guitar string. That might be the end of Aaron Rodgers's career. Brutal.
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@UrinatingTree
5 months
LOSS 26! GIVE IT UP FOR LOSS 26!
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
CONGLATURATION, BALTIMORE! YOU BEAT YOURSELVES YET AGAIN! YOUR UNDISCIPLINE AND SLOPPY PLAY COST YOU A CHANCE AT A SUPER BOWL! THE NARRATIVES WILL REMAIN INTACT! THEY HAD THE CHIEFS, YET SQUANDERED EVERY OPPORTUNITY GIVEN TO THEM! I knew they were going to blow it...
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@UrinatingTree
5 months
LOSS 25! GIVE IT UP FOR LOSS 25!
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@UrinatingTree
5 months
Don't tell me that a urinating tree can't be real!
@AMAZlNGNATURE
Nature is Amazing ☘️
@AMAZlNGNATURE
5 months
This tree has been gushing water since the 1990's 🀯
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
People are accusing the refs of helping Detroit, of all teams. Detroit. What a time to be alive
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
4 years
To Andy Reid: You are probably never going to see this message, but I want to say one thing to you: Congratulations. Congrats on finally getting over that damn rainbow. Congrats on finally ending the memes and failure. Now go eat the best damn cheeseburger you'll ever have.
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4 months
The Detroit Lions did it. They won a playoff game for the first time since 1991. Holy shit.
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2 years
Matt Araiza's new nicknames: - The Puntophile - Punt God(less) - Minor-Attracted Punter - (Career) Coffin Corner - Sick fuck
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
The Boston Bruins have just released a statement on this humiliating series loss:
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
I know you did this, you son of a bitch!
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
8 months
The new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new NEW Worst Game Ever Uploaded by Brandon Perna on September 25th, 2023
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
This is the kind of loss that destroys franchises. I feel so bad for Buffalo. This is soul-crushing.
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
Conglaturation, Eagles! The incredible end-of-season collapse is complete! Your only reward is epic failure! You have become a meme! A truly pathetic display!
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@UrinatingTree
3 months
One of the greatest men and class acts that I've had the pleasure of knowing in the YouTube space. Well done, Tom. You've more than earned this.
@NFL
NFL
@NFL
3 months
. @Packers fan Tom Grossi wins the 2023 NFL Fan of the Year (by @CaptainMorganUS ) πŸ“Ί: #NFLHonors on CBS & NFLN πŸ“±: Stream on #NFLPlus
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@UrinatingTree
5 years
- The Braves are choking at a level that exceeds even the most brutal of chokes. - It's been two years, eight months, and three days since Super Bowl LI. - The Falcons led 28-3 in Super Bowl LI. It suddenly makes sense.
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3 months
San Francisco didn't even do that much wrong. They just lost. What a brutal way to go out.
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
For those of you keeping score at home: Rangers go all-in. They flame out in the 1st round. Bruins go all-in. They flame out in the 1st round. Maple Leafs go all-in. They lose in the 2nd round. Panthers do nothing at deadline. Cause chaos. I love this sport.
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@UrinatingTree
8 months
You see terrible, I see potential greatness. We are not the same.
@barstoolsports
Barstool Sports
@barstoolsports
8 months
This might be the worst game in the history of sports
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@UrinatingTree
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@UrinatingTree
2 years
THE 2021 NFL DRAFT QUARTERBACK CLASS: - Trevor Lawrence - Stalled out in development - Zach Wilson - Failing to be White Lamar Jackson - Trey Lance - Injured - Justin Fields - Sentenced to die - Mac Jones - Massive regression - Davis Mills - Tank general
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1 year
I think there may be more suspensions coming:
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1 year
CONGLATURATION, HOUSTON TEXANS! YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY FUCKED UP ONE OF THE GREATEST TANKS IN NFL HISTORY! THE COLTS SOLD TO YOU! THE BEARS RECEIVE THE FIRST OVERALL PICK! THE STEELERS GET THE 32ND OVERALL PICK! NO BRYCE YOUNG FOR YOU!!!!
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
Never tell me that the bullshit of Steeler football isn't real again.
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4 months
I want to die.
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@TomPelissero
Tom Pelissero
@TomPelissero
4 months
The #Steelers are expected to hire former #Falcons coach Arthur Smith as their offensive coordinator, per sources. Smith had a top run game as #Titans OC before heading to Atlanta three years ago. Now he’ll be coaching Najee Harris, Jaylen Warren and company in Pittsburgh.
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
I'll make this as simple as possible for the NFL. The Bills and Bengals cannot and will not play a game after witnessing what they saw. You cannot play this game tonight. You cannot play this game tomorrow. You cannot play this game in a few days. Call it off.
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@UrinatingTree
6 months
The Steelers... fired... Matt Canada. They finally did it. I never thought this day would ever come.
@MySportsUpdate
Ari Meirov
@MySportsUpdate
6 months
BREAKING: #Steelers have fired OC Matt Canada.
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
Yeah, how dare she... act like most fans in the stadium during a blowout.
@LangmanVince
Vince Langman
@LangmanVince
4 months
Is there anything more annoying than Taylor Swift at a football game? πŸ‘‡
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
Defensive pass interference on underthrown footballs.
@nathaliejacoby1
Nathalie Jacoby
@nathaliejacoby1
1 year
What's 100% a total scam, but we still accept it in society?
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
Who the Colts should pick: Round 1 - Anthony Richardson, QB Round 2 - Will Levis, QB Round 3 - Hendon Hooker, QB Round 4 - Dorian Thompson-Robinson, QB Round 5 - Clayton Tune, QB Round 6 - Stetson Bennett, QB Round 7 - Max Duggan, QB One of them has to work, right?
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@UrinatingTree
3 years
This team is fucking trash. Fuck this team. Fuck the Steelers. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking trash performance.
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@UrinatingTree
5 months
CONGLATURATION, CHICAGO BEARS! BACK-TO-BACK TANK BOWL CHAMPIONS! And this time, they didn't even have to lose a single game for it to happen!
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
Don't let the painful loss for the Bucs overlook the fact that Tank Division secured more playoff wins than the NFC East did this year.
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@UrinatingTree
7 months
This might legitimately be the worst week of NFL football I've seen in a while.
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
BAKER MAYFIELD: Picked up at the airport days ago, staying at the hotel, barely knows the Rams playbook. RAIDERS DEFENSE:
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@UrinatingTree
4 months
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@TomPelissero
Tom Pelissero
@TomPelissero
4 months
Former #Falcons coach Arthur Smith is interviewing today for the #Steelers offensive coordinator job, per sources.
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@UrinatingTree
6 months
Congratulations, Texas Rangers! The Legacy of Failure is finally vanquished! A World Series is finally yours after sixty-two years of existence and two locations! It's been a long road, but you've finally made it. Well done!
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5 months
The NFC North may have killed the man, but they have never killed the idea. They can't keep getting away with it. God help us all.
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4 years
A hypothetical depiction of how the Houston Astros created their dastardly plot to steal signs...
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7 months
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4 years
CONGLATURATION, NEW ORLEANS SAINTS! YOU HAD NO ANSWERS FOR THE VIKINGS DEFENSE! THE CLOCK MANAGEMENT BY SEAN PAYTON WAS HORRENDOUS! THE DEFENSE FELL APART AT THE WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT! YOUR WINDOW MAY HAVE SLAMMED SHUT WITH THREE BRUTAL JANUARY LOSSES! BLAME THE REFS, THO.
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1 year
CONGLATURATION, INDIANAPOLIS COLTS! YOU BLEW A 33 POINT LEAD IN NO TIME AT ALL! THE LARGEST COMEBACK IN NFL HISTORY! THE VIKINGS ESCAPE THEMSELVES AGAIN! ANY GIVEN SATURDAY! Sell the goddamn team, Irsay.
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4 months
How could you let him go out like this? That might be the greatest shame of them all.
@NFL
NFL
@NFL
4 months
Warrior πŸ¦…
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9 months
Everyone's talking about Dwayne Haskins with this overlay, but can we talk about how lazy and unresearched the rest of it is? - Blake Bortles is retired - Paxton Lynch, EJ Manuel and Johnny Manziel are out of the league - Marcus Mariota, Josh Rosen, and Carson Wentz are free…
@BackAftaThis
Funhouse
@BackAftaThis
9 months
On today's show, Colin Cowherd mentioned Dwayne Haskins as one of the QBs who cannot win a Super Bowl. This is factually correct, given that Haskins passed away 16 months ago.
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11 months
Congratulations to the lifelong fans of the Vegas Golden Knights on their first ever Stanley Cup. They've waited a long time for this moment. Well done.
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1 year
- Must adhere to Qatari law (any alcohol, pork product, or displays of homosexuality result in imprisonment) - Fyre Festival-esque dingy tents - Stadiums built off slave labor - Journalists harassed - Accusations of Qatar bribing opponents to tank WORLD CUP 2022:
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2 months
OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY! YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!!!
@MySportsUpdate
Ari Meirov
@MySportsUpdate
2 months
BREAKING: The #Steelers are trading QB Kenny Pickett to the #Eagles , per @AdamSchefter .
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4 months
@OldTakesExposed How do you fuck up a tank and BENEFIT from it?
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@UrinatingTree
3 years
Antonio Brown is a Super Bowl champion. Please kill me.
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1 year
Everyone in America after tying Wales: "WTF how did we tie with those inbred sheep-fuckers?" Everyone in America after tying England: "FUCK YEAH WE TIED! EAT SHIT YOU COLD BEANS ON TOAST EATING WANKERS! LET FREEDOM MOTHERFUCKING RINGGGGGGG!!!!!!" I'm still calling it a win.
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1 year
They're coming, NFC.
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4 years
2020 ABRIDGED: - Iran/US tensions at a peak - Coronavirus ravaging China, probably worse than reported - Congress in tug-of-war about potential impeachment - David Stern succumbs to haemmorage - Kobe Bryant dies in helicopter crash It's not even the end of January. Fuck.
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7 months
The Texas Rangers had 102 losses in 2021, with separate 3-19 and 9-32 skids. The Arizona Diamondbacks had 110 losses in 2021, with a 5-40 implosion that derailed their season. Both will be making the World Series only two years later. Baseball is such a beautiful sport.
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3 years
Corvette Corvette right into the fucking Allegheny.
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8 months
We're about forty-five minutes away from one of the greatest spectacles the NFL has to offer: Tank Bowl.
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11 months
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@wariocheats
ali!
@wariocheats
11 months
who is a cheater you fully support?
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@UrinatingTree
5 months
@Raptors You have ruined everything. As usual.
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2 years
This is a fucking classic. An absolute classic. Literally five Greatest Games in one. Holy fuck.
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@UrinatingTree
1 year
One overlooked aspect of all of this is Tee Higgins. He did absolutely nothing wrong on that play, yet I'm worried he's blaming himself for the situation. Awful situation. I feel so bad for him.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
10 months
REASONS WHY TEAMS AREN'T PAYING RUNNING BACKS IN THE NFL: - Le'Veon Bell (4 yrs/$52 million) - Todd Gurley (4 yrs/$57.5 million) - Ezekiel Elliott (6 yrs/$90 million) - David Johnson (3 yrs/$39 million) The window for running backs falls hard. Just how the game is these days.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
6 months
Looks like the NFL's found out about the shitposting. What have they done?
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
5 months
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@chargers
Los Angeles Chargers
@chargers
5 months
we have parted ways with Head Coach Brandon Staley and General Manager Tom Telesco
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
8 months
AARON RODGERS JETS HIGHLIGHTS 2023
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
1 year
Patrick Mahomes runs for three yards and throws an eight-yard pass to Travis Kelce: NBC - "That man is built differently!" Trevor Lawrence throws sixty-yards effortlessly to a receiver that drops the pass: NBC - "Terrible quarterback. Absolute bum. Mahomes would never!"
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
4 months
@stephenasmith That's not a nice thing to say about Mike McCarthy.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
2 years
What Tua did with those fingers, there are several responses to that: Brain, Nerve, or Head Issue. Some "back" injury, ain't it, Dolphins? Fuck off.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
8 months
I must confess to a terrible mistake I made recently. It is an egregious one, and I only hope I can come close to atoning for it. I did not put the "I'm calling both games" soundbite in the intro of Sportsball this week. A terrible mistake.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
6 months
CONGLATURATION, STEELERS! YOU FINALLY DID IT!!!!!!
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
2 years
CONGLATURATION, INDIANAPOLIS COLTS! YOU HAD THE WORST TEAM IN FOOTBALL IN FOOTBALL IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU SHIT THE BED HARDER THAN JIM IRSAY'S GUITAR COLLECTION! CARSON WENTZ BECAME CARSON WINCE! ANOTHER WHAT IF SEASON FOR INDY IS YOUR DESTINY! Lol. You guys fucking suck.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
7 months
I am now rooting for the enemy. God help us all.
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@UrinatingTree
Schlasser
@UrinatingTree
11 months
- Denver Nuggets are NBA champions - Colorado Avalanche win Stanley Cup - Colorado Mammoth win MLL Lacrosse championship - LA Rams win Super Bowl - Arsenal - SoFi Stadium is the crown jewel of the NFL - Joining a group to build arena in San Diego Everything's coming up Kroenke.
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