Dr. Nicole LePera @Theholisticpsyc Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Siblings can grow up in the same home, but can have completely different experiences of their childhood and views of their parents. HERE’S WHY 🧵:

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@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Childhood trauma doesn’t just come from what you experience, it’s also about what you don’t experience. Here’s some examples:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Siblings can grow up in the same home, but have completely different experiences of their childhood and their parents. Here's why:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

If you show frustration or anger through: sighing, giving the silent treatment, or making sarcastic comments—this is a passive aggressive communication style. You might say “I’m fine” when asked if you’re upset. Here’s why 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Trauma is stored in the body and revealed in relationships. HERE’S WHAT THAT MEANS 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

I spent years as a couples therapist, and the success of any relationship comes down to:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

How your partner was loved as a child will show up in: how they react when hurt, how they communicate during conflict, and how they respond when you share your feelings.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

When a child is regularly screamed at, shamed, or harshly criticized, they don’t use logic. They fully feel trauma impact in the nervous system & their brain development. Later, this will be called: depression, anxiety, bipolar, or borderline.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Why I’ll be disappointing people in 2023 and you should too:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Why I stopped being nice, so that I could be kind:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Healthy relationships don’t feel like “fairy tales.” They’re built through uncomfortable conversations, emotional vulnerability, and grace for each other’s humanness. Healthy relationships take work and a willingness to step outside of our ego.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Normalize disappointing people. The idea that we are going to be liked and gain approval from everyone in our lives is an illusion. Adults are capable of being disappointed.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

One of the most underrated life skills: how to be in conflict with someone and still stay connected.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

In the toxic family system, the healthiest person causes friction. They create resistance in the familiar dynamics and other members become uncomfortable and triggered.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

It’s a trauma response to hyper focus on what people say or think. At one time, this is how you stayed safe in an unpredictable environment. You learned to notice every shift in mood or behavior because you faced the consequences of those shifts.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Loving a partner who grew up in survival mode takes a lot of patience, clear boundaries, and grace as they learn love beyond survival.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

If you’re always trying to read people’s emotions or wonder if someone is upset with you, you might have an insecure attachment style. HERE’S WHAT THAT MEANS 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Are you constantly focused on what people think of you, always re-playing conversations in your mind, and do you notice every change in someone's emotional state? This is called hypervigilance:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Depression is misunderstood as sadness. Most people who are chronically depressed aren’t sad at all. They feel nothing. Their bodies are in a freeze protective state. This is why we need to understand depression as a response, rather than a disease.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Many of us grew up with emotionally immature parents and deal with the lifelong impact. HERE’S SOME OF THEM (🧵):

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Seeing your parents for who they are and understanding their level of maturity will allow you to stop seeking from them what they aren’t able to give.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Hyper-independence is a trauma response where we: rarely or never ask for help, believe no one cares for us, and give up on making any connections at all because we believe eventually we’ll be abandoned.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Few people talk about the impact of growing up in a home with parents who don’t have friends. We don’t learn: how to host people, what friendship looks like, & we don’t learn socialization skills. Children become the sole source of emotional support.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Being raised by emotionally immature parents sets us up for a lifetime of believing our role is to perform, achieve, or be responsible for other people’s emotions. HERE’S WHY🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Feelings aren’t facts.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

How your partner was loved as a child will show up in: how they react when hurt, how they communicate during conflict, and how they respond when you share your feelings.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

One of the most dangerous addictions is the addiction to external validation.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

When you commit to a partner, you also commit to their past, their coping mechanisms, and their communicate style. Choose wisely. They will be the greatest impact on your overall mental wellness.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

8 Signs You're Becoming Emotionally Healthier:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

If you show frustration or anger through: sighing, giving the silent treatment, or making sarcastic comments, you have a passive aggressive communication style. Here's why:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

People don't actually want advice. They already know what they should be doing. They want someone to listen and support them. Here's how to stop giving unsolicited advice:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

By understanding a persons level of emotional maturity, we can choose how we engage with them. HERE’S 5 CORE SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

At 32 years old, I realized I was a child in an adult body. Here's how I worked on becoming more emotionally mature:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

When you were raised in survival mode, you see the world differently. You have different traits and skills that other people might not like:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

A love language for anyone trying to heal from trauma is: safety.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

When we’ve been through childhood trauma, a common coping mechanism is over-explaining. Here’s what it looks like and how we can find healthier ways to express ourselves... A THREAD🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Few people talk about the grief that comes after ending toxic relationships. Intellectually, we know it’s for the best, but we also have suffered a deep loss many don’t understand.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Many people have a consistent fawn trauma response. Fawning is: people pleasing, appeasing, or just going along with people to avoid conflict. HERE’S WHY WE DO IT AND HOW TO HEAL FROM IT: 🧵

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

No response is a response.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

When you're triggered over the dirty dishes in the sink, it's not really about the dishes. It's about:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Someone needs to hear this: the perfect partner doesn't exist. The perfect relationship doesn't exist. Human beings are flawed. We're all doing the best we can. Release the illusion of perfection and embrace the messy, vulnerable journey we call love.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

In relationships, we will all hurt people we love. This is why it's important to learn how to authentically apologize. How to Authentically Apologize:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Suicide comes from deep pain, agony, and despair where one knows no other way but to end their own life. The idea that it's selfish creates so much stigma. We need to stop judging and start understanding how people get to this emotional rock bottom.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Do you feel numb, shut down, disconnected from yourself, and get stuck procrastinating? You're not lazy. You're not unmotivated. This is a trauma or stress response:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

If you procrastinate, it's not because you're lazy. It's because your body is in a threat state:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

"Good girl" conditioning is messaging we receive beginning in childhood to be: agreeable, polite, and nice. HERE'S WHAT IT IS:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Healthy relationships don't just happen. They take work, vulnerability, and a willingness to get past our own ego. Many people have been sold a false, romanticized version of love that we meet the "right" person and everything falls into place.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

If you were “mature for their age” you might have been parentified. Parentification is when a child is made to fill an adult role. This is an “invisible” trauma that has life long impact. HERE’S WHY: 🧵

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

The foundation of any healthy relationship is emotional intimacy. Meaning, you regularly show interest in and care about each other's internal world. HOW TO CREATE EMOTIONAL INTIMACY A THREAD 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Healthy relationships don't just happen, they're built. Through: uncomfortable conversations, vulnerability, and a willingness to understand and work through each other's childhood trauma.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

6 Signs you’re becoming more emotionally healthy... A THREAD 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

As you become more authentic some people will feel uncomfortable and that’s ok because your role in life isn’t to be liked, it’s to like yourself.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

The silent treatment is so traumatic for a child because it’s not only a form of emotional neglect, it’s a targeted message: when you upset me, you no longer exist. Done over and over, this creates a deep abandonment wound.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Forgive yourself for what you did in survival mode.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

The silent treatment is a normalized form of emotional abuse. Part of maturing is learning how to communicate, rather than using silence as punishment.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

9 Signs you were raised by emotionally mature parents:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

If you grew up walking on eggshells, someone walking into a room, a door slamming, or someone raising their voice can send your entire body into fight or flight. The body remembers, even when the mind can't recall.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Find a partner who will give you grace and patience as you learn love beyond survival mode.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

The trauma of just getting by financially is something we need to talk more about. The stress and fear is chronic.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

1. Emotional neglect: when we don’t experience a parent figure that’s emotional attuned (connected) to us, we struggle to make sense of our emotions. We can learn our needs don’t matter and that our role is to care for other people’s emotions.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Your developmental age is different than your actual age. Many adults are much younger emotionally, because of this. Here's how to find out your developmental age:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

11 months

Cuddling is healing. Cuddle skin to skin as much as you can with someone you trust. Your nervous system will thank you.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Childhood trauma comes back as a reaction, a symptom, or a core belief. A THREAD 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Behind healthy relationships are: difficult conversations, breakdown of egos, and a commitment to love as mutual evolution.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Maybe it’s not burn out. Maybe it’s a sign you’re unappreciated and doing work that doesn’t provide you with a sense of meaning or purpose. Maybe it’s your body saying: no more of this.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

How to compliment someone without mentioning their appearance:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Reminders If You Take Things Personally:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

When you’re raised by an emotionally immature parent, you’re told over and over again how much they did for you, what they sacrificed, and how difficult life was with you. Self esteem is damaged and the core belief becomes: “I am a burden.”

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

A love language for anyone trying to heal trauma is: transparency.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

One of the most underrated life skills: how to be in conflict with someone and still stay connected. Here's how (🧵):

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship or what holds a relationship together. Here's why:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Many of us are constantly looking for evidence that our partner will abandon us or hurt us in some way. Here's why:

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@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

I spent most of my adult life dissociated. I had almost no memories, and felt like my life was a haze or not even real. Here's why:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

7 Things To Know About Your Partner:

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@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

We have a generation of men struggling to understand their anger who act out in dysfunctional ways. Let's talk about "Nice Guy" syndrome.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Lorelai and Rory are the classic codependent mother and daughter. Rory is parentified by her emotionally immature parent. Lorelai uses her as her sole confidant (BFF), and there are no boundaries— Lorelai is over-involved in every aspect of her life. This shows up as: control,…

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Many people don’t know how to (actually) apologize to someone. Here’s how (🧵):

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

The disease model of depression stopped making sense to me as a psychologist when I worked with so many clients who lived in poverty, who could barely make ends meet, and who had no time for creativity or purpose. Depression is a response.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Trauma is stored in the body and reveals itself in relationships.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

People pleasing is exhausting and leads to resentment. It's also a coping mechanism we learned to stay safe. Here's how to stop people pleasing, to become more authentic in your relationships. A THREAD 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

If you know, you know.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Love bombing is when someone you've just met showers you with attention and affection. It can feel intoxicating, but it's actually a form of emotional manipulation. HOW TO SPOT IT (🧵):

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

If you listen closely, when people give advice: they’re actually talking to younger versions of themselves.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

2. No repair: when we are hurt or betrayed, repair is needed. Repair is when accountability is taken, apologies are made, and there’s a direct acknowledgment of what will be different in the future. When we don’t get repair, we learn our feelings don’t matter

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Triggers reveal what needs healing.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Childhood trauma doesn’t come back as a feeling, it comes back as a reaction. When people look like they’re “overreacting” to something: they’re not. They’re reacting to the core wound. Ex: “You didn’t do the dishes again! What’s wrong with you!”👇🏼

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

A harsh truth: getting emotionally healthy means some relationships might end or change. And that’s ok.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Vitamin D is necessary for mental and physical health. Get into sunlight. Eat vitamin D rich foods.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

6 Things That Will Happen Even In Healthy Relationships:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

I used to think I was selfless, until I discovered I was actually selfish:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Here’s 8 things you can do to make your life more emotionally stable. Emotional stability is key in feeling content and fulfilled. A THREAD 🧵:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Here's why the healing journey feels so lonely and why it's worth it, anyway:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

The emotionally abused or neglected adult has learned to compulsively read people. To notice every change in mood, voice, tone, or facial expression. We subconsciously are looking for a sign we are losing connection or that we’ve upset someone.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

2 years

Highly sensitive people need time in silence, alone to disconnect and to rebalance their nervous systems. Crowds can feel overwhelming and so can social interactions— know your limits and take care of your needs.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

The partner we choose has a profound impact on every aspect of our lives. To find partner whose a match for the life we're seeking, we need to understand our relationship values. A THREAD🧵

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Excessive childhood criticism can create cycles of over-thinking. This is a survival mechanism the brain uses to try to ‘think’ our way out of danger— usually through obsessive worst case scenarios.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Hyper-independence is a trauma response where we: rarely or never ask for help, believe no one cares for us, and give up on making any connections at all because we believe eventually we’ll be abandoned.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

Sunlight, 8 hours of sleep, nutrient dense meals, and a safe relationship are underestimated mental health interventions.

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

7 Ways To Create A Healthier Relationship With Your Partner:

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Dr. Nicole LePera

@Theholisticpsyc

1 year

There's misconception that friendship should last forever and that if it doesn't, someone was a "bad friend." Friendships, like romantic relationships, can run their course for lots of reasons. It doesn't mean anyones in the wrong. It means life has shifted.

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