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TheIainDuncanSmiths

@TheIDSmiths

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Following
5,863
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Statuses

Four lads who shook the Department for Work and Pensions

Joined July 2015
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
My brain every time I get a slight headache
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 months
You’re an absolute sucker if you pay £10.99 for a book where he tells you to tidy your room when you can go on twitter for free and see him trying to start racially aggravated beefs with Sesame Street characters
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
"I don't want to call for Priti Patel to resign"
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
9 days
“First it’s a milkshake, then it’s a gun” seems like an unlikely escalation. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think there’s any historical precedent for an assassination where they tried it with a milkshake first
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Still no message of condolence from Pornhub. I’ve checked their website 17 times since last night and will continue to do so
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
6 months
Love British standup 🤣🤣🤣
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
1 month
Jerry Seinfeld saying you can't write sitcoms anymore because of woke despite the fact his old writing partner just wrapped up a 24-year run of one of the most beloved sitcoms of all time, is arguably the funniest thing he's done in decades - funnier even than Bee Movie, perhaps
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Matt Hancock forgot the golden rule of pretending to cry on national television, which is to produce at least one discernible tear
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
5 years
Top tip: if you ever find yourself forgetting how to spell 'Pinocchio', just look at this picture and you'll remember it's got two C's
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
5 years
Brendan O’Neill: “There should be riots” Laura Kuenssberg: “There’s the Labour activist, get him!” Andrew Neil: “Carole Cadwalladr’s a mad cat lady” Fiona Bruce: “This is Diane Abbott, right - DUUHH!” Naga Munchetty: “Racism is bad” BBC: “One of you has crossed the line”
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
5 years
Took the liberty of dubbing Kevin Keegan's "I will love it" rant over the £80k PAYE guy from Question Time #bbcqt
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 months
Do you identify as a cat, I asked my pupils. Thirty of them raised their paws. It was then that I realised; I work in a cat cafe, having lost my job as a teacher for making up stories about the kids and selling them to The Times.
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 months
Hey @MrHarryCole you’re still political editor of The Sun right?
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 months
Why does he turn into a Dalek at 0:38
@UKLabour
The Labour Party
2 months
What would Labour do differently? 🤔
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
The Very Best of Millwall Against Marxism
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
28 days
I'm not saying Britain's Strictest Headmistress should be Britain's Most Unemployed Headmistress*, but if a small child comes up to you and goes "rawr, I'm a tiger!", no one remotely normal would respond by taking to Twitter to denounce the child as some kind of deviant
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
5 months
Imagine being a UK journalist who's made calling Jeremy Corbyn an antisemite your entire personality, and on the day he squares up against Israel in the ICJ, you're not even allowed to mention it as it'd highlight the UK's complicity in genocide. The ultimate blue balls
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
9 months
Sensational material
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
20 days
@Zhane_Star
💫AstralWingz💫
21 days
Name something that’s forever funny no matter how many times it’s repeated.
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Float like a butterfly, abstain like a bee
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
25 days
░N░O░░M░ E░A░N░ I░N░ G░F░U░L ░░I░M░P░A░C░T░
@LevineJonathan
Jon Levine
27 days
Elon Musk fired 90% of Twitter without a single meaningful impact on product — and this is now barely discussed at all. I think about this often
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Gary Neville commentating at the 1936 Berlin Olympics
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Some bad pills going round at the moment. Be careful out there x
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
1 year
This is unbelievable from @BBCNews
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 months
Incredible
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@israel_advocacy
Israel Advocacy Movement
11 months
Jeremy Corbyn forcefully grabbed this Jewish reporter when he asked him to condemn the use of child soldiers by Palestinian Islamic Jihad.
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
New Dracula just dropped
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
TERF, Wind & Fire
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 months
His perception of his own intelligence and actual level of intelligence have been on a collision course for so long now, the stage is set for an explosive showdown. I for one am gripped
@chortle
Chortle Comedy
11 months
David Baddiel to write about The Male Gaze | Can men objectify women’s bodies while respecting their minds?
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
1 year
Pathetic. Prince Philip was still alive at this stage of decomposition
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
9 months
You vote in elections, and yet you object to getting raped? I am very clever
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
6 days
I'm old enough to remember a dishevelled Boris Johnson laying a wreath upside down at the Cenotaph and BBC News replacing it with footage of him from a few years previously laying it the right way up with his hair combed, just because his opponent was a socialist
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Now playing: Starmzy - “Bossy Cop”
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
28 days
You shouldn't malign a whole generation just because of a fusilli kids
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
19 days
2019: If Boris wins the ‘20s are going to be so roaring 🥂 2024: I have to boil water to brush my teeth
@ObserverUK
The Observer
19 days
Thames Water tests for vomiting bug contamination as families fall sick
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
New one from Starmzy 🔥🔥🔥
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
BP announce soaring profits, the next Prime Minister says she'll cut public sector pay and everyone's losing their mind at Jeremy Corbyn saying war is bad. A perfect day in Britain
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
7 months
Neuroscientist here 👋 Young people are generally pro-Palestine for the same reason they're more concerned about climate change: their anterior insular cortex can still trigger feelings of empathy due to their significantly lower intake of tap water from lead pipes
@FisunGuner
Fisun Guner 🇵🇸🍉
7 months
I’ve heard it all now - Nick Ferrari is asking why the young are predominately pro-Palestinian - so he gets psychotherapist Lucy Beresford on to talk abt the ‘adolescent mind’
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
@Pornhub I just checked your website again on a crowded train and the lady next to me let out a horrified gasp when she saw my screen. So it’s not just me who’s disgusted by your total lack of respect
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Prince Andrew - “Nonce in a Lifetime”
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
1 year
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Two of these are genuine tweets from this morning, one we had to mock up ourselves. Can you spot the fake?
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Jill Scott appearing in a slow motion replay screaming “fuck off, fucking prick” while beating Germany in a major final should make her clear front runner for sports personality of the year
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Hearing her final words were "cancel Southampton vs Brentford"
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
5 months
oh ffs
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 months
lose lose lose lose godfather to Rupert Murdoch's daughter godfather to Rupert Murdoch's daughter godfather to Rupert Murdoch's daughter lose lose lose lose currently locked in negotiations over champagne with Rupert Murdoch
@tomhfh
Tom Harwood
11 months
A short history of the Labour Party: lose lose lose lose Blairism Blairism Blairism lose lose lose lose Blairism
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
28 days
(Miss Snuffy taking the register) Is Al here? Al Dente? *children snigger* Hmm. What about Ravi? Ravi Oli? *children snigger* I see. Right, I'll just start with the surnames. *glances down* Toni?
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Remember the Daily Mail will be scouring social media for anyone making jokes about the Queen at this time, so don’t forget to end your tweet with “and fuck the Daily Mail” so they have to print that too
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Russian general: Mr President, we are ill-equipped to deal with the counteroffensive in Kherson… Putin (eating popcorn): Not now, Krishnan Guru-Murthy just called Steve Baker a cunt
@DPJHodges
(((Dan Hodges)))
2 years
Reminder. Putin’s watching all this. Genuinely.
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Hypernormalislandisation
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
ELO Musk - "Mr Blue Tick"
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
5 years
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Andrew #nonce
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
7 months
This is certainly a gutsy response to the writer and director of Sorry to Bother You from 1/8th of the writing team of Borat: Subsequent Moviefilm
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 months
Counting backwards 9 months, this means that Boris Johnson was ‘at it’ in appallingly close proximity to - conceivably on the very day of - the death of Her Majesty the Queen. It goes without saying that any true patriot would still be in the throes of abstinence even now
@SkyNews
Sky News
11 months
BREAKING: Boris and Carrie Johnson have announced the birth of her third child
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 months
If I didn’t want to be called “Sir Kid Starver”, well, first of all I wouldn’t have got knighted. Secondly and most importantly
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 months
Roses are Hamas Violets are Hamas Tulips are Hamas Daffodils are Hamas
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
People say the Bristol stuff is unhelpful, but already it’s forced BBC News to acknowledge the policing bill so that’s a good start
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 months
"Parliament has new woke chocolate bars" - a smart person doing important work
@kateferguson4
Kate Ferguson
2 months
Parliament has new woke chocolate bars
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
7 months
guest rapper: we got minus ten for the overspend, if DCL does his ACL, we better learn to defend Damon Albarn on the chorus: ooooooh Dwight McNeil, where have you been, what do you feel
@Efcmordecai
Operation Goodison
7 months
#UTFT Unleash the dogs of war @premierleague
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
To think if he'd just gone with "all the parties were in honour of Captain Tom" from the outset he'd be polling at 60% by now
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Don't miss Laurence Fox's emotional farewell song to himself, "Cancelled in the Wind"
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Lee Hurst has stormed off the set of Unsafe Space after being asked to wear a mask in the backstage area
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Andrew Neil describes his coronary arteries
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 months
Rickie Lambert has sensationally WITHDRAWN his consent to be governed by any corrupt, compromised, belligerent or criminal parliament or government, the former Southampton striker adding that he WILL NOT COMPLY
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@SaintLambo07
Rickie lambert
11 months
If you agree please change your profile photo and post your own video saying exactly the same
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
If you've ever said "I could murder my own nan for a pint", now's your chance #SuperSpreaderSaturday
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
This is actually not the first time that Kwasi Kwarteng has given Liz Truss a weak pound
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
"Okay, who ordered the bag of tuna and the suffocated tomato?"
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Marx Got the World in Motion
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
6 months
He actually flew in a few days ago on the 17th to film an advert for Medjool dates. Google "Jerry Seinfeld dated a 17-year-old girl when he was 40" to find out more
@HananyaNaftali
Hananya Naftali
6 months
Jerry Seinfeld lands in Israel in show of solidarity. THANK YOU!
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Proud to be the first MP to wear an enormous poppy on my face this year in the House of Commons
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Idea for 2020 plot twist: Tommy Robinson turns out to be not actually white, he was just covered in cocaine and milkshake the whole time
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 months
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@JimBethell
Lord Bethell
4 months
This is disgusting. A whole @CadburyUK cream egg in a @Dominos_UK cookie. These are serious corporate food companies. What are they thinking? The executive team, the board and the shareholders should be ashamed of themselves.
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
5 months
Boomer 1: I think I fought in both World Wars Boomer 2 (huffing leaded petrol):
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
9 days
Me (failing to assassinate someone with a milkshake): I suppose I could try the gun
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
SHOPLIFTING DOWN TWELVETY THOUSAND HUNDRED AND FIFTEENY-EIGHT THOUSAND MILLION PER CENTS #PritiPatel
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Who’s spoken to the most managers?
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
8 months
Me (living in a country that’s been moulded in his image): Hahaha he ate a bug 🤣🤣🤣
@PolitlcsUK
Politics UK
8 months
🚨 NEW: Nigel Farage is in talks over a £1m deal to appear on next month’s I’m A Celeb [ @EmilyMWebber_ ]
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
Doesn't get commented on enough that Michael Gove is the absolute spit of Rupert Murdoch's stomach
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
(Turns on TV, sees Tim Montgomerie, Angela Epstein, Victoria Atkins and Melanie Phillips furiously admonishing Diane Abbott, Ash Sarkar, Zarah Sultana and Layla Moran) Good thing there's no racism in this country or this would look *bad*
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Tune in at 3pm for her most explosive interview yet
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
1 month
Despite everything else it's genuinely heartwarming that Andrew Neil has subjected himself to a horrible evening for no other reason than he wanted to support the genocide team
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
1 month
At least he got his song out there and heard by millions (of ultra right-wing first-time viewers who are furious he even exists)
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
4 years
An emotional musical tribute to Jess Phillips and her all-too-brief leadership campaign - this is “Kendall in the Wind”
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
6 months
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@IanDunt
Ian Dunt
6 months
Yes, similar. It's baffling to me. A principled right winger who is consistent with free market principles on issues like immigration and drugs. If all right wingers were like that, we'd be in a better place.
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Before I get deported for browsing the RNLI's online gift shop, I'd just like to say what an honour it was to be part of this country when it defeated racism at the ballot box in 2019
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
15 days
🚨 The Labour Party has blocked Keir Starmer from standing at the upcoming election following the emergence of a 5-day-old interview in which he described himself as a 'socialist'
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
7 months
Fair play to Gary Lineker for doing just about the bravest thing a British public figure can do: retweet a left-winger who opposes transphobia and massacring Muslim populations
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
7 months
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@RollingStone
Rolling Stone
7 months
Speaker of the House Mike Johnson admitted that he and his son monitored each other’s porn intake in a resurfaced clip from 2022
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
3 years
Laura Kuenssbjörk
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
9 months
If I won the lottery I would book out every show on a Jimmy Carr tour and fill the audiences with people who imitate his laugh in response to every joke
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
11 days
So the BBC's political editor stood in front of a camera day after day talking about 'the antisemitism crisis that's tearing Labour apart' knowing full well the entire time it was a factional gambit for professional sociopaths to keep accepting bribes from private water companies
@BBCSounds
BBC Sounds
12 days
'We'll have to take them apart piece by piece.' Laura and Paddy discuss the battle for supremacy between different wings of the Labour Party, on the latest #BBCNewscast
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
If only Rory Stewart had won the Tory leadership contest, we could be pummelling people's living standards without all this unseemly cake shit
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@TheIDSmiths
TheIainDuncanSmiths
2 years
Great mind at work here. All it took for him to realise the Conservatives are bad people with bad intentions is for one of them explicitly state “we are bad people with bad intentions”
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