Simon Maloy @SimonMaloy Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@Ch3Thailand_33

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@KingsMonarchs

@CoachToddCooley

Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

weird how the president's signature hat became the racism uniform

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

Don Jr. at home printing out emails to shred

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

ironically this has become a lesson in being publicly owned

Millie Weaver 🇺🇸

@Millie__Weaver

6 years

Dear Libtards who think Facebook is a privately owned business, There's a thing called fact-checking. Facebook is a public business that's publicly traded. Using that argument to justify banning Alex Jones doesn't work

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

[enters Senate] this is wrong [takes seat] should have been hearings! [votes aye] a shame [leaves for fundraiser] just awful

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

8 years

TWITTER: something just isn't clicking here HORDE OF RACIST EGGS: [cacophony of immoral filth] TWITTER: eliminate the looping video service

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

imagine being so shitty a person that you make a meme of yourself calling refugees cowards

Tomi Lahren

@TomiLahren

9 years

It's not uncompassionate to ask who they are sending over here. It's wise and necessary. #teamTomi #SyrianRefugees http://t.co/jdKdIpHm1X

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

just imagine, an accused sexual predator in the White House the White House! where the president lives!

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

it's a shame @daveweigel made a major error like one misleading tweet and not something minor like repeatedly lying about the president's birthplace for half a decade

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

my god imagine being forcibly separated from your family...style eatery

Kayleigh McEnany 45 Archived

@PressSec45

6 years

Last night I was told by the owner of Red Hen in Lexington, VA to leave because I work for @POTUS and I politely left. Her actions say far more about her than about me. I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully and will continue to do so

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

yeah what kind of asshole runs cover for someone accused of rampant sexual assault

Sean Spicer

@seanspicer

7 years

Not a single mention of big Democrat donor #HarveyWeinstein in hard copy of @washingtonpost

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

lock her up lock her up lock her up lock her up lock her up lock her up lock herrrrrrdue process due process due process due process due process due process due process due process

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

Trump Fans DESTROY Company By Giving It Money

The Hill

@thehill

7 years

Trump fans putting his name on Starbucks cups to punish the company

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

pause for a moment to reflect upon what one Sean Hannity might do with news that an MSNBC personality had hidden a relationship with a Clinton attorney under criminal investigation

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

all I did was make an unsolicited cash offer just to talk with m'lady and suddenly I'm the creep wtf

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

we need to pause for a moment to appreciate the absurdity of the First Lady going on a humanitarian fact-finding trip to witness abuses ordered by her husband

Andrea Mitchell

@mitchellreports

6 years

. @kwelkernbc on @FLOTUS at the border: This is something that has touched her personally as a mother. This is her first extensive trip – not just as political ambassador but to do damage control.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

gotta be weird for the NRA comms team to have a PR crisis that doesn't involve dead children

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

the Moore campaign's closing pitch is that Roy a) didn't pay to have sex with kids in Vietnam one time b) knows Jews

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

like a week ago you were angrily shitposting about the lack of flags in a Neil Armstrong movie

Marco Rubio

@marcorubio

6 years

We should ALL,the Dems,the GOP,the media,admit our role in turning politics into theatre. Being outrageous equals clicks,viewers & therefore ratings & $ for media & fame for politicians. Being normal gets you ignored & a primary challenger for being “too weak”.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

hello, police, I'd like to report a hilarious murder

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

have you been in a traffic accident? injured on the job? do you have an annuity or other structured settlement?

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

hey man the 8 pm host on your network promotes white nationalism, the 9 pm host does Democratic murder conspiracy theories, and the 10 pm host says migrant child prisons are like summer camp and mocks school shooting survivors just FYI!

John Roberts

@johnrobertsFox

6 years

To a large degree, Twitter has become a toxic cesspool of anger, hatred and intolerance. It brings out the absolute worst in people, and is rapidly leading to the decline of civility.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

thank you for this bold retroactive leadership

Marco Rubio

@marcorubio

6 years

The controversies surrounding the former administrator of @EPA had become a major impediment & necessitated a leadership change. I am hopeful that under new leadership the agency will be in a better position to carry out the important work of protecting our natural environment.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

in the last year or so, arguably the three most powerful men in entertainment, TV news, and politics were outed as serial sexual predators

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

does Taylor Swift's tower have her name on it

Sam Stein

@samstein

6 years

NRSC press release: "If you haven’t heard, multimillionaire pop star Taylor Swift came down from her ivory tower to tell hardworking Tennesseans to vote for Phil Bredesen."

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

this is truly a golden age for rich idiot criminals

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

carrying the one is how you make math work

Tomi Lahren

@TomiLahren

5 years

I call him, “Bernie carry the 1” because like any socialist, his math never makes sense. Final Thoughts:

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

Scaramucci resigning to spend less time with his family

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

the thing to remember about people like Matt Lauer and Mark Halperin is that the supposedly giant voids they left were illusory and quickly, easily filled or forgotten

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

how many more times can he say it before he figures it out

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

hello, is this the frame store? I have a custom job

John Whitehouse

@existentialfish

5 years

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

Megyn Kelly lounging on a gargantuan pile of NBC's money idly musing about how journalism is broken

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

I demand Congress press Alex Jones relentlessly on how it's possible that he is 44 years old

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

today's David Brooks column is worth reading

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

sorry libs, but the president is too fucking stupid to be racist

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

this is fucking wild the Trump administration is arguing that climate change is both real and will be catastrophic -- so catastrophic that we may as well just go ahead and loosen fuel efficiency standards because we're already dead

Trump administration sees a 7-degree rise in global temperatures by 2100

Environmental analysis assumes no action on climate change — and extreme warming — to justify freezing fuel standards for autos.

www.washingtonpost.com

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

tremendous timing for Trump to tweet "where's a crime? Show me a crime" and then two hours later his ex-lawyer tosses another crime onto the crime pile

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

I just don't want us to forget that this happened

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

you won't find a better summation of the Obama-Trump transition than a nuclear physicist being replaced by a Dancing With The Stars washout

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

WAITER: fresh-ground pepper? DAVID BROOKS: [to no one] THIS IS NORMAL. HE IS ASKING IF WE WOULD LIKE PEPPER, A SPICE, ON OUR FOOD

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

fantasizing about being a Nazi to own the libs

Bill Mitchell

@mitchellvii

6 years

Can you imagine if we threw Soros in prison and seized his assets as an enemy of the United States tomorrow? What would the Democrats do?

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

some personal news I've a hairy new child

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

more than anything I want to hear Trump explain World War I

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

pretty wild how the scandals Trumpworld and its crazy supporters threw at Hillary -- charity abuse, nuclear power graft, child sex ring coverup -- are coming to life inside the Trump administration

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

my mentions are full of "uhhhhh sorry lib but Nazi means national SOCIALIST" those folks might want to read about what happened to the Nazis who were way into the "socialist" part of national socialism! okay I'll spoil the surprise they were murdered by Hitler

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

wow delaying a court nomination until after an election can you imagine

Lindsey Graham

@LindseyGrahamSC

6 years

Requiring an FBI investigation of a 36 year old allegation (without specific references to time or location) before Professor Ford will appear before the Judiciary Committee is not about finding the truth, but delaying the process till after the midterm elections.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

just sitting here thinking about the several years Republicans spent attacking one specific president for "alienating our allies" and "emboldening our enemies"

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

if we accept the need for pundit panels to exist then perhaps we can imagine populating them with actual experts

John Whitehouse

@existentialfish

5 years

Right-wing panelist on Meet the Press on climate change: "I'm not a scientist ... We need to also recognize we had two of the coldest years, biggest drop in global temperatures that we have had since the 1980s, the biggest in the last 100 years. We don't talk about that."

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

this smug dismissal of my worldview has incentivized me to join a South American Marxist guerrilla force

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

this all ends with Roseanne becoming secretary of agriculture

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

Trump's approval/disapproval among black respondents in the new ABC News poll is 3/93

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

AOC: journalism should do more to promote diversity TRUMP: reporters are criminals because they don't say good about me JOTLINE HOSH: these... these are the same

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

two weeks since election day and the new president has 1) agreed to an eight-figure fraud settlement 2) admitted to breaking non-profit laws

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

oh my god

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

folks... Scott Pruitt wasting taxpayer funds to get his dry, cracked hands on fancy lotions is a straightforward violation of... of... ... the emollients clause thank you

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

8 years

this is a hell of a photo

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

get a load of this grotesque creep picking a Twitter fight from behind the corpse of a soldier he sent to die

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

8 years

sexual predator who ran an openly bigoted campaign is a threat to win the presidency gotta write it out to grasp how big a fuck-up this is

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

there is literally one thing lamer than squeaking "debate me coward" and it's squeaking "debate someone else coward I'll moderate"

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

please don't taint with politics the legacy of a man who [checks notes] was shot for trying to secure rights for a disenfranchised minority

Fox News

@FoxNews

6 years

OPINION: Please stop politicizing Martin Luther King Day. It's a day for national unity, not political division

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

go ahead and make Jared the "find out if white people are being discriminated against at colleges" czar so we can just die already

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

even if you swallow this bullshit about Robert E. Lee being anti-slavery, then how is "he only joined the pro-slavery terrorist revolt because he valued loyalty to his pro-slavery state" redemptive and not a massive, fatal character flaw

Sen. Chris McDaniel

@senatormcdaniel

6 years

The truth...

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

as far as own goals go, "make a red-state senator AG who then recuses himself from Russia inquiries and opens up the path to a special counsel while the whacko child molester nominated to replace him suffers a historic defeat" is pretty satisfying

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

thank you governor for this extremely solemn bitmoji

Scott Walker

@ScottWalker

6 years

And none of this staying in the locker room either. STAND UP. Be honorable. Show respect. It’s a simple ask compared to what our service members sacrifice EVERY SINGLE DAY for us. 🇺🇸

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

folks, I'm sorry, I should have taken this scholarly mind more seriously

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

SEVERAL CABINET SECRETARIES AND ALSO THE PRESIDENT: hey, we're openly corrupt, just over here stealing a bunch of stuff for ourselves and our friends! DEMOCRATS: [several hours pass] are any of those friends Russian

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

weird to think that if one Clinton cabinet secretary had taken a private jet we'd be on the fifth or sixth Maureen Dowd column already

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

I am on the first page of Charlie Kirk's new book and already I'm shaking my damn head

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

get a load of Malcolm X over here

Tomi Lahren

@TomiLahren

6 years

If you want to be the leader of a movement, you have to open yourself up for criticism and challenge. Lord knows I take my fair share of attacks and I’m okay with that. It’s what we signed up for. Buck up.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

if Barney Sanders is do socialism, why come also does book

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

oh, right, that insane thing from like 16 insane things ago

Jim Sciutto

@jimsciutto

7 years

Just in: In court filing, Justice Department says no evidence Trump Tower was wiretapped as POTUS claimed

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

[comes across roaring house fire] holy crap [squints] those gutters aren't to code

Senator John Cornyn

@JohnCornyn

7 years

Very troubling indeed that he leaked confidential communications as FBI director

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

PSA: I'm relentlessly on Twitter until further notice. I'll use it for only for self-owns and for things I want to say with literally zero forethought. I'll use it as my only source for information. I'm going to read the fuck out of my mentions. I'm going to waste my life here.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

my son Clamp, age of three, just glanced up from his Herodotus and said "papa, the special counsel has but one mandate: the restoration of national honor, and as such it cannot overstep" wow, such innocent truth, plz RT

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

I don't mean to belabor this comparison but these are literally tips for managing toddlers

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

such a wild coincidence that Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort, two of the most hilariously and flamboyantly corrupt people on earth, were tight pals with the president of the United States

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

what exactly is the opportunity

Tomi Lahren

@TomiLahren

6 years

Decades-old allegations against Kavanaugh come out just days before a vote....victim or opportunist?

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

. @FBI

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

"dunk on Charlie Kirk" is an agenda item that can and will unite the left

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

@AOC

6 years

a) The alt-right doesn’t seem to understand the concept of magazine shoots b) You don’t get to keep the clothes, duh c) I don’t “pretend” to fight for a Living Wage & Medicare for All. I do it. d) Get used to me slaying lewks because I am an excellent thrift shopper

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

needless cruelty in the service of stoking racial grievance is the Trump admin's only consistent feature

POLITICO

@politico

7 years

#BREAKING : Trump has decided to end DACA, with 6-month delay

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

Scott Pruitt jamming his pockets with EPA cafeteria mayo packets

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

family noticed something about these Christmas candies right side up: snowman upside down: Edgar Allen Poe

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

that sure is how Twitter works

Roll Call

@rollcall

7 years

Ted Cruz’s staff says someone posted a pornographic video to his Twitter account, which showed that it liked it.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

sorry you dumb libs, but the AR in AR-15 stands for "a revolver," the type of gun it is and the 15 is a misprint; it was supposed to be 51 in honor of the Guam statehood movement, but six guns had already been made when they caught the typo so there was nothing they could do

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

that's the $32 million question

Bill O'Reilly

@BillOReilly

6 years

Gallup poll says that half of Americans think U.S. moral values are ‘poor’ and getting worse. Here’s the question: what are our moral values?

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

the chyron is a good chyron

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

a Florida senator who a lot of people wanted to be president is alleging voter fraud with absolutely zero evidence because a recount is happening and no one really even notices how insane that is because the baseline of GOP politics is so fucking sleazy

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

when family court is your destiny

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

in retrospect, the "war on Christmas" was one of the loudest and clearest warnings of how toxically stupid politics would become

Kayleigh McEnany

@kayleighmcenany

6 years

We finally have a leader unafraid to boldly proclaim those two simple, beautiful words “Merry Christmas”

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

7 years

whom must I pay to make this stop

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

5 years

come on man that's just 1/6th of a sexual harassment settlement

Bill O'Reilly

@BillOReilly

5 years

The Burger King spot featuring deceased Andy Warhol was terrible. And it cost 5 million dollars. More of that and I might go socialist.

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

In Denver Holocaust, Echoes of a Fractious Political Divide

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

sir, this is rude and disrespectful; I have a Ph.D in guns and would appreciate it if you referred to me as Dr. Guns

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

it's straight hilarious how in Trumpworld the most valued commodity is loyalty and also how literally everything is powered by relentless mistrust

Omarosa Secretly Recorded Trump and Played the Audio to Others, Sources Say

A source confirmed with The Daily Beast that the ex-Trump aide’s secret recordings do exist, and that she has played them for people.

www.thedailybeast.com

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

CONSERVATIVE PUNDIT: I'm sorry but any argument for gun control must be weighed against late 17th century English common law precedents that estab-- TEEN: [on Twitter] I don't wanna die binch [sustained public hootin and hollerin] CONSERVATIVE PUNDIT: this is preposterous

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

sure working in media pays dirt and you're constantly under threat of being laid off by three private equity guys named Chet, but at least you also get called elitist lying criminals by the party in power

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy

6 years

people don't know this but the MS in MS-13 stands for Maximum Socialism and the 13 means they want to multiply maximum socialism by 13

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Simon Maloy

@SimonMaloy