Chris Calogero @RealChrisCal Twitter profile

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

This Comedian Plays Every Cliché Movie Character And It Rules So Hard via @funnyordie

This Comedian Plays Every Clich ‘ Movie Character And It Rules So Hard

Why does every movie scientist rip their glasses off so aggressively

funnyordie.com

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Last Seen Profiles

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Hilarious now that anyone thought it was a plot hole that after the events of Jurassic Park that people would dare A) Re-open the park B) Be eager to visit the re-opened Park

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

When you think you figured out a way to save money while living in NYC

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

I lost 3 family members to Covid in 4 days. Stop fucking going out and stop being fucking dumb. Stay home for the holidays and drink and eat and watch movies. And stop performing indoors! fuck.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 months

Reading that the economy is good while perusing 1 bedroom apartments being rented for 5,000 dollars a month and looking at jobs that pay 31,000 dollars a year.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

Love that Bruce Wayne got scared by bats as a kid and was like “oh hell yeah imma use that” and became Batman. If that was me I would’ve ended up as a superhero named “Takeyourshirtoffatthepool Man”

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Just saw a dude carrying lettuce in one hand & more lettuce in a bag in his other hand and he was taking bites of the hand lettuce like it was a nice treat. So my resolution for 2020 is I don’t want to see that ever again.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

6 months

Gotta imagine everyone will be pretty cool and calm about this as usual.

ScreenGeek

@RealScreenGeek

6 months

Silver Surfer In Marvel's 'Fantastic Four' MCU Reboot Reportedly A Woman:

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

When you run into the worst person at your office on the weekend

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

The gap in my resume? It was then that I carried you my child

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 months

I got no respect for anyone who has ever uttered the phrase "don't fill up on bread!' when they are at a restaurant. Like, buddy I been filling up on bread my whole life, you think I'm going to stop when we are at the place that is giving the shit away for free?!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 months

People think Gen Z is a dumb generation but then a tweet like this from a 68 year old man pops up.

David Axelrod

@davidaxelrod

4 months

At some point it has to be asked: is Taylor Swift killing the @Chiefs ?

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

The Uncle Who You Think is About to Say Something Horrible Based on His Voice, Face, and Demeanor, But Then He’s Progressive! The character that’s sweeping the nation!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

A Christmas Carol is a story of how you have to bend the fuck over backwards and resort to supernatural efforts to convince one rich dude to act like a damn human being.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Fungool! It’s the uncle who by surface appearance seems like he’s about to have a very bad opinion about getting vaccinated but then boom he flips around da preconceived notions and gets it! America can’t get enough of this character!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Every Expert Hacker In a Movie

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

When The White Guy showrunner Does an HBO Inside Look at His TV Show After The Latest Episode

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Every Police Chief In An Action Movie

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

When a Italian American becomes a vampire and now he can’t have garlic no more, Ma!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

1 year

The quickest way to show a movie character is a monster who cannot be trusted is to show they own Nazi memorabilia.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Every Press Conference a Mayor Has To Have After a Mission is Completed In a Grand Theft Auto Game. #GTA

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

My audition to play any role that is “Chief of Police” in all the action movies!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Ok imma learn how to juggle! 🍊 Wait 🍊 Wait ok hold on 🍊 🍊 Shoot. Wait. One sec 🍊 🍊 🍊 Fuck ok wait. 🍊 Shit. Wait. Hold on 🍊 🍊 🍊 Wait

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

The only perfect phone call that exists is the one where you are like PLEASE DON'T PICK UP PLEASEDONTPICKUP PLEASE! DON'T! PICK! UP! and then they don't pick up.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Marijuana is legal in New Jersey now and my cousin’s dispensary just put out their first commercial. Check out the Garden State’s first spot for legal weed!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 months

The Venn diagram of people who think it’s “soft” that the NFL postponed the Buffalo game and guys who continually lose their shit about Taylor swift daring to be at football games is a perfect lack of self-awareness sad boy circle.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Damn I miss going to the Whole Foods hot lunch bar, putting in what I think is a reasonable amount of food, then finding out it costs $33.49

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

The CEO of Sharpie reacts to the president’s staged photo-op

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Based on his face, shirt, and voice there’s no way this uncle is on the right side of the straight pride nonsense or has a strong ethical opinion about a LGBT+ pride right?! Oh but wait! Marone! America demands this character be in every show!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Ahhahahahah this bitch posted a PICTURE to respond to all the VIDEOS going round with the boos in them. This family is fucking something the dopiest puds in the world.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

When the edible hits and you think you’re playing it cool

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

11 months

Every line in this is a surprise.

NBC News

@NBCNews

11 months

A New York fertility doctor who was accused of using his own sperm to impregnate several patients died over the weekend when the hand-built airplane he was in fell apart mid-flight and crashed, authorities say.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

Bada boom it’s da uncle who by the way he looks and talks you’d think is gonna have a wretched opinion about diversity in casting fantasy shows & movies but then bada bing flips it around and shows he gets it! America can’t get enough of this character!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

When you’re trying to make sure the cashier sees you throwing a tip in the jar

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Front desk clerk at a motel in the sleazy part of town during an action movie from the 80s

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Exhausting watching people this deep into a pandemic not believe/ condescend to/ disrespect the science behind the virus. Gross watching them write off lives, especially of elderly, as a cost of doing business. My uncle died of covid this weekend. He did not have to & he mattered

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

The second half of JAWS is about how you make new friends after you turn 30.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

@Nicole_Cliffe When my friend died I had to speak to homicide cops, when they were done the detective put me in a car to drive me home. Told me to reach in the seat pocket and take a swig of the jameson he had hidden in there. It helped more than I could have imagined, made me feel human again.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

First pages The Yeah Yeah of any Fantasy Yeahs Novel 🤝 MAPS

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

The only sane fighter pilot in a Godzilla movie.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

25 days

Can we just leave people the fuck alone to enjoy their little luxuries in peace?

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Movie Henchman having an existential crisis after realizing his sci-fi gun fully vaporizes people.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

A mutant explaining his extremely sad useless power at the audition to join The X-Men

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

My cousin is a gender reveal event planner! Check out his new commercial for extra dangerous gender reveal parties!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Joker so obviously went with the wrong cheeseball sports anthem. The Joker on The NBA on NBC woulda been a slam dunk!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

Saying goodbye to my beloved East Coast today, adios to pizza, bagels, big old “put you to sleep” sandwiches, 4AM bars, guys who are “these fuckin guys”, 1pm football games, loud talkers who think they are being subtle, and many more things I grew up thinking were the standard.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

That guy who brought a game to a big social gathering assuming people would be into it and is now trying to explain the rules to everyone

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

That guy who is an extremely minor character in a movie but has one throwaway line which triggers something in the hero’s brain that busts the case wide open.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

I am 100% Italian and I am offended by Italian stereotypes. They are lazy and hurtful and THEY MAKE-A MY MAMMA SO SAD! SWEET MACARONI AND MADONNA SHE CRY WHEN SHE HEAR THEM! *does sign of cross* 🍝🍝🍝🍝

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

ABBA makes music that sounds like you’re fighting the final boss in a videogame about your emotional well being.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

This is called “having a job”

Telegraph Life

@TelegraphLife

2 years

💼A new phenomenon of “quiet quitting”, where employees do the bare minimum if they feel their jobs are not meaningful, is gripping the workforce, experts have said

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

11 months

Kinda neat that they came up with one bad way to package bacon and everyone went “yeah thats gonna be fine forever. All good on this innovation!”

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Merry Christmas from me and my close personal friend Camila Cabello!!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Guy who thinks everything is Orwellian but clearly hasn’t ever read 1984.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Just in time for summer it’s MUBBLES! The bubbles designed specifically for men!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

The comedic relief citizen they always cut to during the Superhero’s “I exist and I’m saving everyone!” montage

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Only one man is prepared to do whatever it takes to solve corona virus

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 months

She threw a full bullpen session yesterday.

GB News

@GBNEWS

2 months

Princess Kate on track for Easter return

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

When your dad is trying to recommend a movie to you

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

Tim Burton’s Mrs. Doubtfire remake has my attention!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

When there is one woman at an open mic

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

This is going nice! Scope these movie cliche vids I do & if you dig THOSE you can do a fun thing where if you donate to Black Lives Matter, A bail fund, Breonna Taylor’s gofundme or similar good cause you can DM me the receipt & request a cliche character you want me to film!

Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Hi! My thread of movie guy vids has a broken tweet in it that ruined the thread so imma start a new one here and try to gather all my silly heroes of cliche!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

One time I saw a dude wearing a shirt that said “Be nice I may be your pilot one day” which I guess means every now and then a pilot will crash an airplane out of spite?

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

I’ve stayed out of most Ghostbusters discourse but I just gotta say that they were very clearly afraid of a few ghosts…so…

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

The school janitor in a horror movie who seems to know everything.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Jesus christ can we not with Bill Maher anymore? Has male white mediocrity carried anyone further? Can a whole fucking persona really be based on "oooops thats right I said it!" Can a freshman dorm come to life and make money on HBO for this long? God damn he sucks.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

The Official How To Dance like an Obscenely Rich White Guy Instructional Video

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

It's been 5 years since I found my best friend and roommate dead in the apartment we shared. Amy was the dumbest and I miss her every damn day. I wrote a bit about what 5 years passing feels like here.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

A dad trying to help the boat get out of the Suez Canal

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

The return to a polite 2 slices of pizza in front of company will be tough.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

We are also forcing him to resign from being Italian. Enough.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Overly quirky criminal from every other 90s movie after Pulp Fiction came out.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 months

Unpopular opinion: the best thing young people can do early in their careers is to break their arm and in a freak stroke of luck upon recovery find they are able pitch a baseball so hard they end up starting for the Chicago Cubs

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

A statement from the CEO of the company that supplied Subway with their Tuna

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

1 year

Sweet Mary mother of god it’s the Uncle who seems like he’s gonna share the worst opinion about the WGA strike but bada boom he turns your expectations on their head and he supports labor! America is flipping over tables for more of this guy! #WGASTRONG

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Me: I been doing this long enough to know this is a fart My butt:

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

@Nicole_Cliffe Thank you so much and thanks for starting this very wonderful thread of human kindness.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

1 year

Rolling down my window and violently screaming “NEPO BABIES!!!” At any business that has an “and sons” in its title.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Your Dad talking to you about the cold weather

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

The worst 80s movie boyfriend who is bafflingly dating a perfect Winona Ryder character.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

@nwalks I whispered to myself, “Jesus that’s a good point,” after reading this.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Leaving your parents house after staying for the weekend

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Every Movie Scientist Who Discovers The World Ending Disaster

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

The head of Hasbro’s Potato Toy Team responds to the controversy & promises Mr. Potato Head will be even more manly in the future!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Every Guard In a Stealth Mission In a Videogame.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

3 years

The people whining about how uncomfortable a cloth mask is are the ones ready for a civil war?

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

That dude in the horror movie who immediately knows how the main characters fucked up & kickstarted the killing

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

1 year

Fewer things in my childhood disappointed me more than hearing that I was going to have to wear a blazer and then seeing what a blazer actually was.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Read some tweets about what Chadwick Boseman’s Black Panther meant to people and fuck anyone who thinks representation on screen doesn’t matter.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

local man convinces himself he wanted scrambled eggs anyway after ill-conceived omelette flip

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

When I see people in a movie standing closer than 6 feet

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Oh macaroni & gravy it’s your Uncle who by the looks & sounds of him is gonna rant about the PC police but wait then he has nuance! The character America would spill blood for!

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

When sweet sensitive young boys grow up and are nostalgic for the old days.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

The guy who oversees all the track maintenance for Mario Kart races.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

My wife and her co-writer have a DOPE pilot script based on Freddie and this story. It’s so goddamn good and needs to be made. Give them money Hollywood!

Dan Snow

@thehistoryguy

4 years

Freddie Oversteegen died today in 2018. As a girl she used to seduce SS men in Holland, take them into the woods and shoot them.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

Hi! My thread of movie guy vids has a broken tweet in it that ruined the thread so imma start a new one here and try to gather all my silly heroes of cliche!

Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

5 years

Every Police Chief In An Action Movie

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

4 years

If ever a semblance of normalcy returns I hope y’all know never to skip lunch to do work for job that doesn’t care about you. Get that big sandwich and take your full time eating it.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

I know their reputation has taken a lot of hits but last time I took Spirit Airlines they let me fly the plane for like 15 minutes and I think that should count for something.

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Chris Calogero

@RealChrisCal

2 years

A hike? Oh you mean an artisanal walk?

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