River Oaks Problems @RiverOaksPrblms Twitter profile

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River Oaks Problems

@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

@Super70sSports Funniest person for the entire 80’s? One answer:

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3 years

@sebastiangood @doloresalozano It was a Luke’s burgers. Then it was a 420 something head shop. Then it was an erotic boutique. Now it’s a velvet taco. Houston in a nutshell.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

@Super70sSports Urban Meyer when you miss an extra point:

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@RiverOaksPrblms

10 months

Minute Maid Park sits downtown in the forth largest city in the United States Rangers’ stadium is in a suburb that can be best described as God’s waiting room.

Texas Rangers Insider

@RangersInsiders

10 months

What Minute Maid Park wished it was

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@RiverOaksPrblms

6 months

Me walking into Rice Box for my to go order…

All The Right Movies

@ATRightMovies

6 months

A great behind the scenes shot from BLADE RUNNER (1982).

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

@Super70sSports I’ve never see a Harry Potter. Zero fucking interest.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

1 year

Middle aged, unmarried, no kids, male vendor during lunch meeting trying to score points: You know, I see the woke kids stuff at Target. The stuff they have for little girls is fucking unacceptable. Fuck Target. Me: Why are you in the little girls clothing section at Target?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

@DerekMilman @iahman0 @maxrieper @JMcGuireMLB And Gus served time with Billy Ray Valentine.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

We used to be a civilized society. Now doofuses buy frozen samosas here.

Houstorian

@Houstorian

8 months

Today in 1984, the 1939 Art Deco landmark Alabama Theater is reopened, after a loving restoration, as Bookstop.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

I’ll put it another way: even the evil fucking warden in Shawshank let them expand the library.

KHOU 11 News Houston

@KHOU

3 months

Spring Branch ISD is doing away with librarians to address a $35 million budget shortfall.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

@Super70sSports Or in a toga talking to a mechanical owl if you’re a big nerd

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

Arlington so mad, they’re gonna loot all the Cheddar’s in DFW

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@RiverOaksPrblms

1 year

To exclude Houston isn’t an oversight. It’s a declaration of either gross incompetence or seething malice towards what is easily a top 5 food city in this great nation. Pure, unmitigated bullshit.

Food & Wine

@foodandwine

1 year

"If neighborhoods are the gateway to a city’s soul, then its locally loved restaurants are its lifeblood." #globaltastemakers

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@RiverOaksPrblms

6 months

Congratulations to The Woodlands on their World Series championship.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

The Texans are kind of like Magic Island. No one knows what’s happening in there except that it’s owned by a crazy person who just says “we are rebuilding.”

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

Briar Club member wondering if they can afford ROCC once their dad dies, while listening to him talk about cantaloupe.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

Afton Oaks District will finally get a Saltgrass! All those poor bastards driving down from Cypress so their girlfriends can take selfies leaning over someone else’s Bentley like a White Snake video can finally enjoy a nice choice NY Strip with ketchup.

Houston Chronicle

@HoustonChron

2 months

Houston billionaire Tilman Fertitta buys iconic River Oaks District in blockbuster $450M deal

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

Don’t fucking respond to my email with “copy that”. This isn’t covert ops, we aren’t driving a truck full of Coors across the South and no walkie talkies are involved you fucking doofus.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

I might just have to book a room in Arlington’s finest Homewood Suites and catch a game. Perhaps have a bite at their finest dining location, the Black Eyed Pea. What a great treat.

Michael Schwab

@michaelschwab13

7 months

For the first time in MLB history, the state of Texas will host all games of the ALCS in a postseason.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

1 year

30 years ago today, Dr. Richard Kimble evaded US Marshalls during a #StPatrickDay parade while hunting down his wife’s murderer and eventually exposing the evils of big Pharma. Today, we honor him.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 years

@eerrriiicaa Marriage is Stockholm Syndrome

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@RiverOaksPrblms

1 year

@Super70sSports

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@RiverOaksPrblms

9 months

Oh, for fucks sake

Jasper Scherer

@jaspscherer

9 months

👀 Late entrant to the Houston mayoral race incoming…?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

This map is a war crime.

Joey Palacios - Texas Public Radio

@Joeycules

8 months

I would like to organize a city wide boycott of Yelp for this culinary injustice of listing Austin as #1 for tacos and not even having San Antonio on the map. I’ll also be submitting a White House petition to correct this.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

If Oprah is gonna interview divorcées who married up Into pretentious families with tough grandparents, broken homes and idiot trust fund kids then she can do a whole series in River Oaks.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

What in the absolute fucking name of Jos. A Banks is going on in that photo?

Derrick Wilson

@dtwilson117

8 months

I'm a carpenter by trade, so I recognize that shade for what it is: #224 Special Walnut #PaxtonImpeachment #PaxtonTrial

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

When things seem bad, we need more photos of Telly Savalas strutting through airports carrying beverages @Super70sSports

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

Tell that to Joel Osteen

Ryan, Perdido en TX

@RyanLostinTX

2 months

The chipotle chicken Al pastor commercial is pissing me off. You can’t just call shit el pastor.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

5 months

Dallas chain tacos: “That’ll be $8 for your vegan masala cauliflower taco, and we are cashless.” Local dive: “$4 for three carne asada tacos, onions and cilantro, cash only thank you.” I think I’ve figured who’s behind that wall…big taco. And yes I’ve been drinking.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

NO, MONTROSE, STUDEMONT AND STUDEWOOD ARE ALL JUST ONE LONG STREET SO YOU CAN HAVE DINNER ON STUDEMONT THEN GO TO A SHOP ON MONTROSE AND YOU’RE STILL ON THE SAME STREET REALLY, LIKE ELGIN AND WESTHEIMER

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 months

ROBS parents waiting to hear from Episcopal listening to AOS parents about their kid getting into St. John’s.

7/11 Truther

@DaveMcNamee3000

4 months

They look like parents of a kid named Porch who is absolutely ruining their Montessori teachers’ lives

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

“I’ll never complain about the heat in Houston ever again” - 90% of you clowns during the freeze four months ago.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 months

To the fine gentleman driving in front of me with two American flag, one “America First,” and one large “Secede Texas” bumper stickers on his truck, I’d like to introduce you to a phrase called “make a fucking decision you dumbass.”

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

Central Market really catering to their local demographic

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 years

Olive Garden and Giacomo’s are in the same 5 mile radius and roughly the same priced menu...yet, you Greenway Plaza clowns still go to Olive Garden even though Giacamo is locally owned and makes just about everything fresh?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

5 months

They’re just lights you fucking savages. I just want to be in my bed watching Fargo and drinking glenlivet 18.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

That is actually an accurate depiction of what Montrose looked like in the 1980s

Eric Alper 🎧

@ThatEricAlper

8 months

Johnny Cash and Elton John dressed up as each other on SNL in 1982. Johnny was hosting, Elton was the musical act.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

1 year

Fuck. Pour one out for Chainsaw.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 months

Cash bar reception

Flame (炎)

@yanti8ve

7 months

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

Rangers fans must be feeling down. Perhaps this will help?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 years

@Super70sSports Career training. 20 years later:

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@RiverOaksPrblms

5 months

Some people move to West U for the schools. Some for the parks. Others the safe environment. For Travis and Whitney Smith, it was those low, sweet cigarette prices.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

6 months

We used to be a civilized society.

Houstorian

@Houstorian

6 months

Today in 1975, The Who play the first rock concert at the new venue The Summit.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

25 days

I am about to ban left turns in Houston until everyone submits to a new driving test, wherein you establish you can conduct basic driving maneuvers without being a fucking idiot.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

@Super70sSports

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

IT’S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL I JUST WANNA LOOK IN HARRY WINSTON, HERMES, CARTIER, VAN CLEEF, ROLEX, DIOR, AND AFTER THAT WE CAN SEE THOR LOVE AND THUNDER AT IPIC BUT THEN I GOTTA TAKE A SELFIE BY THAT BENTLEY BEFORE WE DRIVE BACK TO JERSEY VILLAGE

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 months

No, excessive is $20 for some crummy shrimp tacos after seeing a depressed white tiger…*mic turned off*

Houston Chronicle

@HoustonChron

3 months

Downtown Aquarium must pay woman nearly $3M for injury in award Landry's calls 'excessive'

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@RiverOaksPrblms

9 months

The year is 2023 and there’s a fucking train stuck in the middle of the fourth largest city in our great nation. Absurd.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

This shit makes “Bonfire of the Vanities” look like “Green Eggs & Ham”

John Bridges

@JohnBridges

8 months

We've reached the mistress part of the #PaxtonImpeachment trial. Paxton's senator-wife is seated among the jurors. And here's a photo of the mistress with the presiding officer of the impeachment trial. So, yeah, it's awkward.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

11 months

#ERCOT has me thinking…Texas is like two bad decisions away from becoming Spaceballs.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

11 months

When opposing counsel offices in an old house in the Heights and you have to use their bathroom…

Room Rater

@ratemyskyperoom

11 months

Marble. Chandelier and matching sconce. National security secrets and a Walmart shower curtain. Of course. 0/10 or perhaps 10 to 20 years. @realDonaldTrump

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

I mean, fuck lady. I won’t even drive to Sugar Land for a dentist.

Houston Chronicle

@HoustonChron

2 months

South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem is facing a lawsuit after travelling to a Sugar Land dentist and promoting the business in a social media video.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

5 months

Fight “big taco” and do the right thing.

Brandon Hannibal Donkey

@BrandonDonkey2

5 months

Why buy fresh tamales in a parking lot? 1) They're better than any restaurant tamale you've ever had. 2) You get to hobnob with a sweet abuela or an abuelo in a cowboy hat. 3) Supporting the cash only black market economy is your duty as an anti-government guerrilla.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

11 months

My daughter (7), enjoying the leniency of summer break hours, on a late hour Central Market run, asking if Kata is open, and looking at me when I show her the sushi options at the grocery store:

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

10k to catch a tiger up in Lake Livingston. That’ll go well.

Joel Montfort

@jmontforttx

2 months

There's a $10k reward for a tiger loose on lake Livingston north of Houston. 🤯

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@RiverOaksPrblms

9 months

Before it was B19, there was a great little seafood spot run by a sweetheart of a guy who was always around with a smile for his patrons. Opinions on the landlords in this town reserved for now. RIP Tony.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

To all the girls dressed like Barbie for their Halloween parties tonight, remember that the guy dressed like Maverick who’s offering you a ride in his 3 series back to his apartment doesn’t have a sales call at 7 am, his maxed out Southwest Airlines card just can’t cover brunch.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

10 months

Sooooo…you’re the candidate and you need a shirt to identify yourself. Is this for dry cleaning purposes? Dude looks like the asst. manager at a Lowe’s in Boca Raton.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

Starting to think Tupac faked his death to escape Jada

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@RiverOaksPrblms

10 months

Somebody just said they��re having “wasp problems” in West U, and I should win an EGOT and Nobel prize for keeping it together.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

The lollipop guild could not be reached for further comment.

PocketCast News

@PocketCastNews

7 months

Speaker pro-tempore Patrick McHenry, who is 5’5, has changed the chair behind him to not appear so short on camera.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

6 months

The Arlington Rangers parade will start with the pancake breakfast at the Arlington Hyatt Place, not the *North* Arlington Hyatt Place 10 minutes away, and the continue past the Black Eyed Pea towards the A A-Ok #5 Sushi, not the A-OK Sushi and Hibachi, followed by…

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@RiverOaksPrblms

6 months

And we can’t even let the people of Texas vote on this? Fucking clowns.

McNeil

@Reflog_18

6 months

No one: Ohio tonight:

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

Montrose, Southampton, West U & River Oaks

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 years

I just got off an elevator and there was an elderly couple with their tween grandkids. No masks. The short old man sees me & goes “well look at Mr. Fancy Mask”. No one should be humiliated in front of their grandkids. I let it go. What the fuck are people thinking?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

@Super70sSports Not even looking at the other responses. This is the only correct answer.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 years

Wedding photo of 90% of River Oaks families

Marc

@MarcSnetiker

4 years

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

RIP Rice Village

Evan

@evan7257

2 months

Houston's Rice Village to get a new 12-story condo tower

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@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

Landry’s about to have some new specials

Houston Chronicle

@HoustonChron

8 months

Dead fish wash up on Texas coast, again

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

There is a gentleman wearing a T-shirt that says “Beware: Dad Jokes” talking loudly on FaceTime at the airport and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to strangle him with his fucking neck pillow. The kind of person who says “here comes trouble” when his fajitas arrive at Chilli’s.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

Everything outside 610 loop is suburbs. Everything outside the beltway is irrelevant.

Raheel Ramzanali

@The_Raheel

3 years

What opinion about Houston gets you this reaction?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

11 months

I am calling right now. If we are going to have a bad hurricane this year, it’s going to be fucking Tammy.

KPRC 2 Houston

@KPRC2

11 months

Tropical Storm Cindy has formed over the central Atlantic. Click the link below for more information.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

6 months

Hide the art

Patrick Svitek

@PatrickSvitek

6 months

Buzbee loses early vote in Houston City Council race, 41 to 51 for incumbent Huffman

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

When a really big holiday lunch throws me off my game, nice to have my stash of emergency po boys in the kitchenette on standby

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@RiverOaksPrblms

6 months

Off to pay a debt. Apocalypse Now has nothing on this drive.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

@yoochild @TexasVC @tedcruz I mean, whatever it takes

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@RiverOaksPrblms

5 months

And the best part is it’s 10 am and I’ve only been awake for 5 hours. The whole day ahead of me. 14 more hours of family magic. So, so grateful. So much gratefulness. Oh, the dog got more squeaky toys. Truly blessed.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

Merriam-Webster

@MerriamWebster

2 months

What are we calling this app?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

I didn’t realize Beaumont had its own section in Spec’s

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

Since #RiverOaks is trending, a lingering issue resurfaces. How the fuck do we still have a La Madeline?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

Celebrating Texas with cocktails in ATX with pals, pouring one out for our homie stuck at a Houston school gala watching people spend their trust funds to bid on other people’s parents’ vacation homes.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

I am dreading…nay, fucking abhorring…having to drive to Arlington to deliver several bottles of 21 year scotch to a few Rangers fans I know well. Much worse than the 50 million Mattress Mac lost.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

Dear California transplants. Welcome to Texas. Friendly tip. When you say you’re from California and get asked “what part?”you can tell us the city. You don’t have to say “Bay Area” or “SoCal”. It’s another state. You’re not from an obscure fucking village in the Balkans.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

Houstonians. You live in a tropical climate. If you want Robert Frost poems and Norman Rockwell paintings, pack your bitching up and go to fucking New Hampshire.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

4 months

Kind of funny her outfit is missing an arm and a leg, considering her ticket prices.

Eric Alper 🎧

@ThatEricAlper

4 months

Taylor Swift is just $200 million away from becoming the highest-grossing touring artist in music history. The Rolling Stones lead with $2.16 billion, Taylor is at $1.96 billion.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

“Caught on fire”

KPRC 2 Houston

@KPRC2

2 months

The Turkey Leg Hut’s business office caught on fire Saturday morning in Houston’s Museum District.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

5 months

When you see the former Bed Bath & Beyond is being turned into a Kelsey Seybold clinic:

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@RiverOaksPrblms

17 days

KPRC 2 Houston

@KPRC2

17 days

BREAKING: Fire breaks out at Turkey Leg Hut late Saturday night near Third Ward.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

11 months

Sheppard and Richmond is not Montrose. Jfc what’s wrong with people.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

@michaelschwab13 Ban the wave

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

Kirby going west is a parking lot due to a fallen tree. Fortunately no one appears to be hurt. Not sure we need an another idiot politician origin story reboot.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 years

Two gin & tonics in at the country club and I’m telling grads to forget about law school and become dentists. I’m not the hero they deserve, just the one they need.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

9 months

Certified fucking moron.

Houston Chronicle

@HoustonChron

9 months

Sen. Ted Cruz appears to fall for Internet hoax but clarifies: 'In LA, you never know'

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@RiverOaksPrblms

1 month

“Reimagined” = torn down for shitty apartments, a few offices and a Pilates/juice land studio.

Houston Chronicle

@HoustonChron

1 month

Former Tower Theatre site in Montrose to be reimagined

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River Oaks Problems

@RiverOaksPrblms

8 months

Grand Duchy of Houston

Evan

@evan7257

8 months

Harris County Statehood Now

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River Oaks Problems

@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

Well the day drinking has been in full effect at Brasserie 19 today. Someone’s getting publicly traded, that’s all I’ll say about that.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

Little Torchy’s vegan taco and mocktail mixology hut coming in 2025.

MMOC

@solarfish30

2 months

Lifted the picture from a friend's FB post, but RIP The Gingerman, one of Houston's OG craft beer bars. Cooked my first beer dinner there. So many fond memories.

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@RiverOaksPrblms

3 years

It’s go time

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@RiverOaksPrblms

2 months

Once upon a time, you could go to the library, go to the coffee shop and enjoy a read, then go to a pub for dinner and a pint. All in the same nice spot. I mean, I’d go to Black Lab and get hammered with a date…but others would do that. People with cats. It was nice, I hear.

Matt Schwartz

@Schwartz_Land

2 months

The Montrose library branch is deteriorating. When will its glitzy replacement finally open?

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@RiverOaksPrblms

7 months

My kid at his little league game looking up when he hears we’re walking over to Little Matt’s.

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