Me, standing in Panera: “Excuse me, is my order ready yet?”
(Shows employee order on phone)
Employee: “You ordered from Noodles and Company.”
🤦🏻♀️ Good. Lord. Monday.
Someone asked me if I was pregnant today. The answer is no…I just like cake.
I’ve decided that unless a woman is actively in labor…you should shut your face.
I just took off one pair of stretchy pants that I wore today to put on another pair of stretchy pants for bed.
And instead of feeling bad, I feel like I won Saturday.
My husband and I are apparently in the “text each other from another room in the house because we’re so lazy” phase of our relationship. It was a good run honey. A good run.
I never thought I’d ever say this again about me - but I have cancer, again.
This time prostate cancer. 20 years ago it was Hodgkin’s Disease. I’ve often said Cancer doesn’t care who you are or who you love. The road ahead won’t be easy but my plan is to go 2-for-2!
Dear good people of the universe, those of you who now have TP rations until the year 2036, please remember, some people actually just need some for now.
#canyouspareasquare
Embarrassing on both sides. Booing another member of Congress? Grow up. Responding with a retort you’d hear on the playground? Grow up. Get it together lawmakers. This country is depending on you.
Dear Snow,
This letter is to inform you that your services are not currently needed. You can report for duty at the end of December. Until then, Sunshine will be covering your shifts.
Thanks,
The Good People of Minnesota
Dear fitness instructors,
Please do not ask me to “high-five” my neighbor after a workout. No one wants to slap hands with a sweaty stranger...but we’re all too Minnesotan to not follow orders.
Thanks,
Sweaty stranger.
One last goodbye. Tonight at 10 on
@kare11
we say good bye to one of my favorite humans.
@Dave_Schwartz
you are kind, you are talented, you are an exceptional person. And you are loved. ❤️
I’m struck by the guilt these witnesses all express.
As if they could have done something different to change the outcome.
It’s a heartbreaking cross they carry.
If you know somebody who calls it “Valentimes” Day...you should probably just end that relationship now.
Same goes for “All-Timers Disease” and the “Liberry”.
What ever happened to, “If you don’t heve anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? If you can’t disagree with someone respectfully...then don’t engage. I’m tired of watching people attack people I care about. Get help for your anger, please.
Dear people who install public restrooms, do not have the doors open inward, toward the toilet, forcing me to parkour my way out of the stall. Thank you.
No, it’s not my husband’s. Yes, it is a big truck for a little girl.
Now you’d better excuse me...with my girly driving skills I might accidentally run you over. 🙄
As riots in Minneapolis continue, a center for low-income housing put out a call asking for food donations.
This is how people responded.
There was so much food it became a distribution center for anyone — at all — who needed it.
Humanity.🌎❤️😇
Dear place of coffee business,
If you put so much ice in the cup that I can’t fit the straw in the cup, that’s too much ice.
Sincerely,
Cranky lady who needs more caffeine
From H.S. to college and the pros...there are few Minnesotans who have been more impactful on their sport than
@Lindsay_13
. We’ve enjoyed every level of your success. (And ahead as coach)
Dear Bros, don’t @ me with your hatred for women’s sports.
If you’re tuning into
@kare11
news at 4 and wondering what’s on my face…just a little biopsy healing from last week. And a reminder to wear sunscreen and get yourself checked folks!! 😎
Loons & ducks aren't supposed to get along. But apparently no one told this loon pair that's adopted a duckling that got separated from its mom. They've already taught the baby duck to eat fish and dive like a loon:
#land10kstories
I know. It looks weird outside. DO NOT PANIC! I’m told by the
@kare11
Weather Team that the yellow ball in the sky is called “The Sun.” It’s totally normal...and actually good.
Cats and dogs can dance in the streets again! 🐶🐱🌞
Sweet Gracious Goodness man!! Have you no idea the fury you've just unleashed in your adopted state?? There is a big difference between a corn dog and a pronto pup. May God have mercy on your soul.
In Minnesota, they call them “Pronto Pups” for some reason, but in Iowa (and the rest of the civilized world) we call them by their proper name.
#TeamCornDog
#IowaStateFair
You guys. I discovered
@SCHEELS
today! I saw the lovely, talented
@MarneyGellner
and they have a full-on candy store inside. Why were you all holding out on me?!?
The folks
@WCCO
aren’t the only ones saying goodbye to
@WCCORosen
. We’re going to miss him too. ❤️ Some goodbyes from us
@kare11
tonight at 6:30 and 10.
#Rosen
You don’t get it. They likely thought their kids would be better off without them. That the world would be better off. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make you the better person. Have compassion. Please.
I’m sorry & nobody will like this but killing your self when you have an 11 year old kid is so bad. What do you think this does to your kid? Same is true of Kate Spade who left a 13 year old? I’m disgusted!
There are few people on the planet I hold in higher regard than
@BoydHuppert
He’s a most excellent human. If you have it in your heart, any and all prayers are welcome. 🙏
A sad day here in Minnesota.
@Jason_Zucker16
is a great player but an even better human...only outmatched by his beautiful bride
@CarlyAplin
. They have done so much for our community.
#GIVE16
Please. Help. Me.
It’s clean sheet day at our house. Every week we have the same discussion. Top sheet or no top sheet? My husband hates the top sheet.
WHAT KIND OF MONSTER SLEEPS WITHOUT A TOP SHEET???