Jon Stewart Profile
Jon Stewart

@jonstewart

1,729,666
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Joined January 2021
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
So...if I do really well on here I get to be President, yes?
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
This is bullshit. The Redditors aren't cheating, they're joining a party Wall Street insiders have been enjoying for years. Don't shut them down...maybe sue them for copyright infringement instead!! We've learned nothing from 2008. Love StewBeef
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Thanks for the warm welcome! I promise to only use this app in a sporadic and ineffective manner.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
A Message to and from Mister Senator Ted Cruz...Attorney at Law #PassthePactact
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Sooo…it appears the Supreme Court believes their opinions have a fundamental right to privacy…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
I called Tucker Carlson a dick on National television. It’s high time I apologize...to dicks. Never should have lumped you in with that terrible terrible person.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Friends. Tonite I am sad. @TuckerCarlson believes me too short to date…and yet somehow, miraculously, I remain tall enough to not know what Victor Orban’s ass tastes like! Is it goulash Tucky? Seems like it would be goulash.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
“The President was guilty of everything he was accused of...which is why I voted to acquit”
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Trending??...I didn’t realize I was still alive!!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
This is the best season of cspan…ever.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 months
umm...note to CNN...a "chaotic incident" is college kids storming a basketball court, not a massacre at a food line...
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Bob Saget… Just the funniest and nicest…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Funny. @SenToomey never called for spending caps on the war…only on the health care for veterans sickened by said wars. Interesting priorities. #PassthePactact
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
I can’t believe they assigned Trump such a shitty Public Defender.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
This impeachment highlights a fundamental tenet of our legal system. All Americans,regardless of status, are entitled to a speedy trial by a jury of your cowardly partisan sycophants and henchmen.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Bill Russell was one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I’ve ever met. Once called out of the blue because he thought I looked sad on TV…best pep talk of my life. RIP
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Beautiful. In solidarity with the incredible courage and resilience of the women of Iran.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
No one could make you break like Norm Macdonald. Hilarious and unique. Fuck cancer.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
The fight continues…fucking exhausting… #PassthePactact
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Hey all!! Just found out I’m woke… all this time I just thought I was good at history.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
No I didn't.
@Newsweek
Newsweek
2 years
Jon Stewart accuses J.K. Rowling of antisemitism in 'Harry Potter'
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Dear TV The problem w the Trump Town Hall wasn't platforming...or a fragile siloed audience unable to be exposed to newsworthy opinions antithetical to their own...the problem was an event that was clearly negotiated to Trump's approval. An ode to access.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
First they came for Mister Potato Head...and I said nothing...because it didn’t seem like something to get that upset about.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
I learned nothing from this town hall about Trump and his most ardent supporters I haven't known since 2016. I learned a lot about CNN.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 month
OMG!! I've been caught doing something not remotely similar to Trump! I guess all I need to do now is start a fraud college, steal classified docs, bankrupt casinos, pay hush money, grab pussies, discriminate in housing, cheat at golf and foment insurrection and you'll revere me!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
The perfect end to this perfect day
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Ah dearest Theodore. I do appreciate you and @JesseBWatters trying to rally the forces of misinformation to try and kill more vets…but not tonite sweetie. I’ll go slow cuz I know you only went to Princeton and Harvard…
@tedcruz
Ted Cruz
2 years
. @jonstewart you're wrong here. The bill gives a $400B blank check—separate from vets care—for unrelated pork that will supercharge inflation. I support the PACT Act & the $679.4B it would dedicate to vets. It’s ppl trying to use PACT to shovel more pork who are exploiting vets.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Jimmy Carter is one of the kindest most thoughtful people I’ve ever had the honor of meeting. He’s the best of us.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 months
Friends. After much reflection I have decided to enter the transfer portal for my last year of eligibility. Excited for the future! 5’7” ish 165 14.8 second 40 #Blessed #NILBABY #TDSnation #LFGM
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
I too, renounce SAG-AFTRA!!! You have let me down as well, done nothing...I will no longer abide your gross abdication of...oh wait...I’m just shitty at acting...never mind. President Jon Stewart
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 months
Hello! A quick thanks for all the kind words and awesome pictures and stories of your special furballs. A reminder that social media isn't entirely a cesspool...just mostly. Here's a couple of shots from the meet cute that began our love affair. #Dipperisthebestboy @AnimalHaven
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Morning @SenToomey I'd rather be a pseudo celeb than pseudo Senator! Take your amendment vote at the same 60 threshold Veterans had to hit...Good luck capping and rationing care!!!!!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Dasani is the Arby’s of water.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 months
Holy shit guys!!! Dipper is trending!! I’m bawling…again…thank you so much…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Windmills and Ted Cruz’s children are taking this country down a very dark path.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Yes...I’ve come back up on you...much like one of your nasty nasty sandwiches....
@Arbys
Arby's
3 years
Hello old friend.... @jon_actual 👋
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
I believe compromise is the heart of unity. Progress demands concessions. So, to the right, in exchange for universal health care, I will allow all future space lasers to be non denominational. What comprises do you propose? Remember there are no bad ideas!!! #unity
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Looks like House Republicans are getting ready to break another promise to America’s Veterans…less than a year after making it!! Damn Hypocrites. #ProtectVeteransHealthCare
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
McConnell to Democrats: Don’t you dare go full McConnell!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Vote today…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
But while I have your attention, could all of you (including news orgs) please ask @PatToomey why he is single-handedly stalling a veterans health care bill that passed w huge bipartisan support over a technicality? Asking for 3.5 million friends. Thanks!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
In 2021 I learned I might owe 2020 an apology. Good riddance to a shit show of a year.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
No one is playing politics with the Pact Act but you, Toomey and your band of merry monsters. Stop fucking around and pass the bill you already had passed. Thank you for coming to my TedCruz talk.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Not one of these stab vets in the back Senators should get to leave for the Summer til this shit is fixed. Not one.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Congratulations @SenToomey You successfully used the Byzantine Senate rules to keep sick veterans suffering!!!! Kudos! I’m sure you’ll celebrate by kicking a dog or punching a baby…or whatever terrible people do for fun!!!!!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Thumbs down on minimum wage hike!!!! Way to stick it to “Big Don’t Make Enough Money”!!!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
🤞🙏
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
This isn’t a game. Real people’s lives hang in the balance…people that fought for your life. The PACT act you voted for, then inexplicably shot down is the same one Senators Tester and Moran posted online in MAY. Which you read cuz yer shmart.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
👀
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
If you watch only one video today….make it a monkey washing a cat…
@TheProblem
The Problem With Jon Stewart
1 year
State Sen. Nathan Dahm (R-OK) has penned several bills loosening gun restrictions, including the nation’s first anti-red flag law. He thinks these bills protect the Second Amendment – and that they make us safer. We think it's probably one or the other. Watch it on @AppleTVPlus .
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Show everyone where in the Pact Act is this 400 billion dollars blank check or unrelated spending that was added/snuck in…OR show section 805 c of the actual bill that explicitly states what the Toxic Exposure Fund can be used for. Next
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Constitutional scholars agree!!! The Statute of Limitations on an attempted coup has always been 30 to 35 days!!!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Perhaps Roe can be salvaged if women reclassify their vaginas as holsters. #iykyk
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
This is what it’s come to. Veterans. The sick, the dying. Fed up. Pulling an all nighter to support their fellow vets. This is the hell their service has brought them.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Their business model is lying…and paying a bit of the profit they make from lying isn’t accountability… #FOX #lyingtax
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
CSPAN in the motha fuckin hooouuussseee!!!!
@cspan
CSPAN
1 year
Exchange between @jonstewart and @DepSecDef Kathleen Hicks on the defense budget: "I can't figure out how $850 billion to a department means that the rank and file still have to be on food stamps. To me, that's fucking corruption."
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Hello Media? 1030 AM. Senate Swamp. @CNN @FoxNews @MSNBC @ABCNewsPR @CBSNews @NBCNews Come hear the hurt, anger, frustration and disbelief from the veteran community. They’ve been betrayed.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 months
Sleep well Richard…I’ll try to take good care of our face.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
11 months
It’d be like if the escalator had just stopped halfway down…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Congress did the right thing and DeGrom goes five beautiful innings?! #isthisreallife ??
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
The question is..How do you shame the shameless? @SenToomey @LeaderMcConnell #supportveterans #notthewarmachine or really..how do you shame the shameful?
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
RIP Gilbert. Opening for Gilbert Gottfried at Carolines and Princeton Catch was one of the great thrills of my early stand up life. He could leave you gasping for breath…just indescribably unusually hilarious…Damn.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Powerful yet somehow still aggrieved man-babies are my least favorite man-baby.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Convinced FoxNews would rather have a Civil War than lose even a smidge of market share…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Rosie and Lee Roy Torres almost lost it all because of his toxic exposure in Balad...instead, they won, for all others who served. Love you guys.
@TheProblem
The Problem With Jon Stewart
2 years
Jon, with Rosie Torres, founder of @BurnPit360 , moments after the vote to pass the PACT Act. 📷: Mike Morones @moaa
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Today's Trump announcement is the closest we'll ever get to a concession speech. #Sad
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
So sad…am I…still me?
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Newsweek et al, may eat my ass.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
I owe Arbys an apology.
@CNN
CNN
2 years
To get people excited about pizza again, Papa Johns is offering a new spin on the classic, with Papa Bowls that are all topping — no crust.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
If only there was a gif of someone watching this with great anticipation whilst enjoying popcorn…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Alright folks. Today is the day I spam your feed...maybe even thread that shit...Today the House passed the PACT act...with bipartisan support...We are one step closer to finally recognizing Toxic Exposures for Veterans in the right way.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Show everyone what was added/snuck into the Pact Act that YOU voted for on June 16, that made you change to No in July. Be specific. Or were you for the bill before you were against it Senator Kerry…I mean Cruz. Next
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
5 months
Goodnight Norman. Love you. Thanks for raising me.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
We promise good sir...we are no longer Fake News!!! An enemy of the people!!! Let us prove it to you!!! We are fair and good and will do this however you would like...just come back...
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
8 months
There is no finer legacy than having the right people hate you. Frauds, liars and hack ideologues. Discuss.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 months
And the pictures I’m seeing of all of your Dippers is giving me so much needed joy!!!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
As a nation we must always seek to root out the pubic hairs of corruption from the Coke can of our beloved Republic.
@propublica
ProPublica
1 year
For decades, Justice Clarence Thomas has secretly accepted luxury trips from a major Republican donor, newly obtained documents and interviews show. The extent and frequency of these apparent gifts to Thomas has no known precedent in modern SCOTUS history... 🧵👇
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
The PACT Act is a stand alone bill. The PACT Act has no spending unrelated to Veteran's Health and Benefits. There is no "Pork". There is no budget maneuver that then allows Dems to backfill w whatever they want...but as a registered Liberal Piece of Shit...don't take my word.
@VFWHQ
VFW National HQ
2 years
25 senators changed their votes and no longer support toxic-exposed veterans. No more delays! No more games! Tell your senators to #PASSTHEPACTACT !
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
See you on the other side Arbys… #RIPTwitter
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
@mtgreenee But we get to keep the name right?
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
It's Alive!!!!! @theproblem
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
You are such a huge part of his unparalleled legacy. Blessings to your family.
@Karen_Russell
Karen Thee Russell
2 years
@jonstewart Jon, Bill’s daughter here. Daddy ADORED you. He loved being on the show. Dad knew how important artists like you were in making change. I remember having the nerve to pull a prank on you 😬 and you and Daddy laughing about it! (I have a picture with you two but can’t find it 😢)
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
Hello 911? I’d like to report that the NY Mets are trying to kill me.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
It has come to my attention that I do not know how to make a “thread” My response to this accusation is a hearty “you are correct”
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
10 months
I’m supposed to talk to who about what now??
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
First Responders Last Priority!! Congress fails to close funding gap in World Trade Center Healthcare Program…but DOD gets an extra 850 billion!! Priorities!!! Please fix this on behalf of all those still hurting!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Sad news. Staff Sgt. Wesley Black passed away Sunday afternoon. Wes dedicated his last days to his wife Laura and son Ronan, family, friends and his Hartford Fire Dept. brethren... and fighting to make sure no other veterans would endure this struggle. Hero.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
The Trump/Fox axis isn't soft pedaling Putin's actions...they agree with them. They are political allies. They believe in the same things. To them, the American Left and most of Europe are the Evil Empire.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
3 years
@tedcruz Ummm...you remember last night?? Bravo.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Ummm…No thank you
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
PS Fuck the R caucus and their empty promise to our veterans.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Holy Rigorous Scrutiny Batman!!!
@mehdirhasan
Mehdi Hasan
1 year
Me: "It's just error after error, Matt?" @mtaibbi : "Well, that is an error." Watch me confront Matt Taibbi with multiple, unacknowledged, and glaring mistakes in his Twitter Files reporting. Full @MehdiHasanShow interview later tonight. Preview:
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
10 months
Boom
@RepKatiePorter
Rep. Katie Porter
10 months
Each year, lawmakers and defense lobbyists play the same game, pouring hundreds of billions into the Pentagon without scrutinizing every dollar—and it's taxpayers who lose. Today, I invited witnesses to play JeoparDoD, to win oversight for the American people.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 months
Hello! Check out @TheDailyShow tonight at 11. It’ll be more fun than a barrel of Putins!!!!
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Space lasers activate.
@AGToddRokita
AG Todd Rokita
2 years
Kanye’s message in this instance is fair and accurate, & regardless, he is entitled to his opinion. The media will steamroll anyone if they do not kowtow to their way of thinking.
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Hey!! @seanhannity @IngrahamAngle @TuckerCarlson @JesseBWatters AMERICAN VETERANS are sick and dying and need your help. You’re the only ones the R Senators will listen to. Help them! #PACTAct #supporttroopsnotwarmachine
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
2 years
Umm. Watching Bo Burnham. This fella is ridiculously talented…you all probably knew that already though…
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@jonstewart
Jon Stewart
1 year
Interested to see what cultural fires Fox will set to distract from being exposed as a fraud. #Foxfiles #Pronounwars New Hunter Biden mixtape in 5,4,3…
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