Greg Fitzsimmons @GregFitzShow Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 years

Nobody was funnier than @normmacdonald . He made comedians feel like we hadn't even started doing comedy yet. No formulas, no pandering just purely what he thought was funny. Oh yeah, incidentally one of the sweetest guys I've ever known.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

Just tried to break a conversation w/ neighbor by saying I needed to buy ice. She asked me to pick her up a bag. I am now at Whole Foods buying her ice

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

I just read that the Catholic Church no longer insists that nuns be virgins. Will they rename them "Somes"?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

I watch this at least once a day

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

I can’t believe I won’t whisper filthy jokes in the back of comedy clubs with #BobSaget any more. He was a loving generous immature 65 yr old man. Heartbroken.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

I had lunch with Charles Manson one day. He said is it hot in here or am I crazy? RIP @RealGilbert you were inspirational.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

What did @bertkreischer do to piss them off?

mark normand

@marknorm

4 years

Every business checks temperatures differently

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Bill Burr’s ‘Paper Tiger’ Exposes The Myth Of Outrage Culture. Another critic who doesn’t understand that Comedy should not be judged like it’s a Ted talk at a community college. ⁦ @billburr ⁩ special is raw honest and above all FUNNY

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

25 years ago today My dad passed away. I still smile thinking about the joy he brought to so many people. Old school Bronx charisma. Miss you.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Wife and son in Chicago for college orientation. Daughter at camp for three weeks. Alone in my own house for the first time in 18 years! Clothing now optional

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

In case you missed it, great piece in the @nytimes yesterday about my boy @joerogan . Media has indeed changed.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

In San Fran a barrister (a guy) just made a heart shape in my coffee. I'd heard about this city

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

My 1st time at A Cowboys game. Ari has been a fan since childhood and we won big. Amazing stadium.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

RIP to a sweet funny man who gave me my first break on TV on his NBC standup series

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

One of the loudest moments of my life. Owen has lit up all of our lives since he was a 4 yr old they called "The Mayor of Venice" because he talked to EVERYONE. Couldn't love him more (unless he gets rich and buys me shit).

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Due to programming changes on the channel The Greg Fitzsimmons Show has finished its 10 year run on Howard 101. My thanks to @HowardStern and @brenthatley for their support. It was a great ride.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Just placed a takeout order over the phone. Woman called me Ma'am halfway thru call. Rather than correct her I played along. I feel alive for the 1st time in a long while.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

I lost my dad 30 years ago today when he was 52. I would not have followed my dream if he hadn't championed and supported me. Had more charisma than anyone I've ever met and taught me a lot in too short of a time.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Just heard about some great Thai take-out. Takes 8 days though.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

I am intimately familiar with honest hardworking immigrants who drive this country’s economy and, as a group, have a much lower crime rate than the general population. That was hateful fear mongering. More afraid of white nationalists.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Someone is about to go kick 11th grade’s ass!

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

My son Owen starts college in the fall. I offered $75 in Hooters gift cards to Trump University and HE GOT IN! Go Orangemen!

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Heading to the mountains for a few days to ski with the family. Supposed to snow. And by that I mean we’ve got an 8-ball of coke.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Prom night for Owen this weekend!

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Waitress just told me that “unfortunately” avocado is extra in the breakfast taco. It is unfortunate. Truly good use of the word. You know what? I’ll take the avocado anyway. I’m feeling fortunate.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

9 years

This was a good speech. I can't imagine the GOP's rebuttal will be anything but positive

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Magic Mushrooms now legal in #Denver . Can’t wait to perform there. One joke and then wait out the 45 minute laugh.

Denver just became the first US city to decriminalize psychedelic mushrooms

The city’s voters approved a psilocybin mushroom decriminalization initiative.

www.vox.com

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

10 months

24 year marriage in a 1200 yr old cathedral #mallorca

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

This show has made me unable to watch any other late night talk show. The best!

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

10 months

Playing bad golf in a beautiful country with a wonderful mother. #Ireland #Galway

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 years

Good long hang with my brother @joerogan today! Loving Austin.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

My friend’s grandfather just died. He was 90. Sad because he was a holocaust survivor. Well, until now...

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 months

Richard Lewis, Comedian and ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Star, Dies at 76 As a teenager in NY I watched Richard at The Improv and I saw that stand-ups could be cool and honest at the same time. Was proud to call him a fellow Friar. RIP. via @variety

Richard Lewis, Comedian and ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Star, Dies at 76

Richard Lewis, best known for his work as a stand-up comedian and recurring star of Larry David's 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' has died. He was 76.

variety.com

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

My son is about to tear up Homecoming.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Drove past teenagers who laughed at me cranking AC/DC in my Prius. They should have saluted. Because I was about to rock. #Fire !

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Russia medaled more in the 2016 election then in the 2018 Olympics (see what I did there?)

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

Opening joke last night here in St Louis was a classic I heard at The Friars Club in NY 20 yrs ago. "Woman walks into a bar in St Louis and orders a beer. Bartender says 'Anheuser-Busch?' Woman says, 'Fine. How's your penis?"

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. My day has peaked at 10:35 AM and can only go downhill from here.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

There is no one in comedy I am compelled to sit in the back of the room and watch more than you Norm. Brilliant.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Hey Twitter. What opinions should I have?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Just rewatched Fargo. If there is a better performance in a film than Frances McDormand I'd like to know what it is.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

What was wrong with Men's basketball playing games with no crowds? WNBA has been doing it for years.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

@fillmorefingers @KevinTPorter @LAFoodBank NDA

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

10 years

Hope the Oscars got beamed to the troops so they could see all the people get rewarded for "brave and courageous work" this year

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

There were very few cases of kids in China getting #Corona . Good news for Apple.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Awesome day hanging with my pal @joerogan ! 3 hour podcast then 3 hours of pool. Thank you #Ritalin

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

If a guy calls me a fag and I fight him am I fighting his homophobia or mine? PS I walked away.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Up all night passing a kidney stone. Like having rough sex with the devil.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Thanks to @Peteholmes & @Juddapatow for a great ride. I'm sad but proud. ‘Crashing’ Canceled After Three Seasons By HBO via @deadline

‘Crashing’ Canceled After Three Seasons By HBO

HBO has canceled Crashing after three seasons.

deadline.com

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

I’m case you haven’t heard @bertkreischer movie is out this week. Looks amazing. Go see it so he can stop promoting it every 39 seconds on IG #TheMachine

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 years

Things you did to improve in 2020. I’ll start. I stopped leaving a $20 bill on my wife’s dresser after sex. Joke never got any traction.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

My late great father-in-law Joel Kovel #RIP

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

This is the most hardcore nature clip I’ve seen in years. Praying Mantis takes on a Murder Hornet

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

Merry Christmas from Florida! Dinner at 4:30 and in bed by 9! Hurry up!

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

I couldn’t stop watching Mark’s special- like a one hour Tictok!

mark normand

@marknorm

4 years

Gulp. About an hour until my new special ‘Out to Lunch’ is live folks! Grab your skirts cuz I’ll be watching it with ya & responding to your jewish comments-

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

I've watched every World Cup game so far. Both goals were great.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Ahh Williamsburg on a Sunday.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 years

@CheetoSantino Then why ru smiling like a make a wish kid that I’m about to take skydiving?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

My son returns from a month in Europe tonight. Went with 8 friends and $2,000. He may need a shower, a meal and a job.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

8 years

Ben Carson says he is not qualified for a cabinet position. Wasn't he just running for president?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Immediately go see documentary on Mr. Rogers "Won't you be my neighbor?" Entire crowd crying. With sadness? Nope. Pure joy.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Heckling Spade might be my favorite part of the show

Lights Out with David Spade

@LightsOut

5 years

If you want something to be private, you probably shouldn’t mention it on national TV. @GregFitzShow

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Turns out my heart is fine- I just popped my rib out (which apparently has a lot of the same symptoms). Doctor is fixing it tomorrow. Sleep well. I won't.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

@FOX10Phoenix If the rotor dies the old lady spinning ought to keep them in the air for a while.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

Amazon bought Whole Foods. So will they deliver the judgement right to my house?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Happy 20th to my pair bond! Ethereal spirit and a generous laugh. Life’s gift to me.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

About to fly to Mexico w/ the family for a week of sunburn, diarrhea and sitting in judgement of our fellow Americans.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Just threw the hipster barista a buck at Grumpy's in Brooklyn for a drip coffee without getting a thank you. I won't forget that. Next time $2.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Proud of tonight’s @CrashingHBO episode. Wrote it w/ @peteholmes and God

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

Resolution this year is to not care what anyone thinks about me. Is that lame?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

How many people fit in Dodger Stadium? Just ballpark figure.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

2 years

Happy new year America! Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And I am of course talking about being onstage at midnight in a tent in NJ tonight.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 years

This was the legendary club we all did our first albums at. The owner Mark Babbit made it magic.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Sharp pain in the left side of my chest. Either this is the big one or I have gas. If I fart soon I will let you know. Otherwise think of me often and fondly.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

Trump supporters call him a "wake-up call". So far he's woken back up the Kaepernick story The Korean & Cold Wars & soon The Ice Age

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 months

Being 57 is listening to Pearl Jam's 10 w/ the volume on 4.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Barry Crimmins @crimmins wasn't just a thoroughbred comedian. He also changed laws and kept people honest. He should be excommunicated posthumously.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

This fall both my kids will be learning online. I on the other hand will be getting dumber online.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 years

Reposting my most recent interview w/ @normmacdonald . He was introspective and playful.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

New Fitzdog radio with my long-time friend @bertkreischer . Bert's @netflix special, "Secret Time" is available worldwide.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

It’s pretty fancy! @tomsegura Catch me at @HeliumComedyPdx #Portland this weekend then @ComedyStoreLJ #LaJolla . Plus, filming my one hour comedy special at @TheComedyStore on Feb 5. Tickets:

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

Teaching @billburr to play golf on #CrashingHBO

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

New Fitzdog Radio with @madflavor (Joey Diaz) joining me with more stories of his childhood from the dark side.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Lots of love and good wishes to my friend @AlisonRosen who just brought a new boy into the world! We've got plenty to talk about.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

White House fortifying it’s walls in case Trump loses. Canada fortifying it’s walls in case he wins.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Outstanding!

Paul Trineer

@paulytoon

6 years

Here's my latest JRE Toon with @joerogan and @GregFitzShow . The title says it all. Enjoy and stay tooned.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

. @TimJDillon tells hilarious stories about almost getting sued by his aunt and his days selling sub-prime mortgages. We also play “Talk Your Way Out Of It.” Listen 👇 Watch 👇 This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

9 years

Vanilla Ice caught robbing his neighbor's house! Did his neighbor have a baseline from Queen in his garage?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

You think you’ve had a rough day at work? Let me take you back to Worcester, MA circa 1996...

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

6 years

Glass is amazing. It's hard and you can see through it. And it's everywhere. No im not high.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 months

My guess is Diddy is about to change his name yet again.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Still reeling from my loss at the Golden Globes last night. And by lost I mean lost interest about 20 minutes in.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

3 years

Happy 50th Birthday to my weirdo friend @MaryLynnRajskub . Tap it into the universe

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

LA just cancelled Halloween! Anybody want to buy a never worn @AndyKindler costume?

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

5 years

Annual physical this morning. Doctor felt the need to use an entire bottle of lube for the proctologist exam. Said “you’re nice and tight’. #bittersweet

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

You spelled supporter wrong.

Eric Paquin

@Eric_Paquin

7 years

@GregFitzShow Fuck You... From a Trump suppoter.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

4 years

Monster #JRE podcast today w/ my brother @JoeRogan . May have stumbled on the cure for #Carona

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

1 year

It’s taken 13 1/2 years but I have now done 1,000 episodes! To celebrate, my friend Zach Golfinhackus met me at @TheComedyStore and turned the tables, interviewing ME. Listen 👇 Watch 👇 Fitzdog Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Greg Fitzsimmons

@GregFitzShow

7 years

Daughter finishing up gym class here in Venice. Tough childhood

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