Where Should We Begin? The Podcast is BACK.
I am thrilled to be in collaboration with
@voxmedia
and
@ApplePodcasts
to bring you new episodes every Monday and offer exclusive bonus content through subscriptions for the very first time via the link below!
I think, in general, when people live in acute stress, either the cracks in their relationship will be amplified or the light that shines through the cracks will be amplified. You get an amplification of the best and of the worst.
@NewYorker
⬇️
"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."
-James Baldwin
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
―
@BreneBrown
Make sure to always tell your friends and family how important they are in your lives. Today, I challenge each of you to make a meaningful connection with someone you love. Look out for one another.
It's so easy to focus on what's missing in our partner and be critical. It's easy to think that if you were different, my life would be better, rather than sometimes to switch it around and think if I was different, my life would be better.
"I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater." - Steve Maraboli
“I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.” -Steve Maraboli
"He doesn’t listen to me. He doesn’t respect me. And Esther Perel says it takes 2 people to create a pattern, but only 1 to change it. I am that change."
To whom do you owe a thank you?
This question often evokes a heartfelt moment—we don't always take the time to thank those closest to us for the small things, for the daily contributions, for being in our lives. Who can you thank for how they've shown up in your life?
We are always balancing the great paradox of love: the erotic and the domestic. Security and adventure. The beauty of a commitment is it offers us the luxury of time to explore both poles.
What’s your experience with balancing these poles in longterm relationship?
I recently sat down with
@emrata
on her podcast, High Low. We delve into the deep-seated dynamics of relationships, examining power, desire, and the taboo realm of pornography. Join us as we explore the motivations behind infidelity and more.
My dear friend
@brenebrown
and I enjoyed a discussion about paradox, storytelling, comparative suffering, and the patterns we fall into in relationships. Click to listen!
"You gain strength, courage & confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - E. R.
Instead of looking for a person who checks all the boxes, focus on a person with whom you can imagine yourself writing a story with that entails edits and revisions.
The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency, in the most positive sense. There is freedom in knowing that our relationships must continue to grow in order to thrive, and we must make the endeavors to help them grow.
How often does the question “How are you?” really lead to a meaningful conversation? And how do we spark conversations that bring us closer together—instead of driving us apart? I've been reflecting a lot on what makes a good question—one that goes beyond the usual small talk.
I…
Listening is a fundamental ingredient in relational intelligence. Every time we practice listening first, we become a better partner, friend, lover, or coworker. Love is, after all, an exercise in selective perception. How are you becoming a better listener?
I encourage you to end relationships respectfully and conclusively, however brief they may be. Act with kindness and integrity. This allows both people to enter into their next relationship with a clear head, rather than filled with insecurity.
The expectation that one person will satisfy all of our many emotional, physical, and spiritual needs is a tall order. Instead of looking for a person who checks all the boxes, focus on a person with whom you can imagine yourself writing a story with.
There is perhaps no other time of year in which the pleasure and pain of our memories are front and center—in which we experience such ambivalence about our own sense of joy. Gifts fill beneath the tree and light shines from the windows of our homes, but many of our hearts feel…
"For [erotically intelligent couples], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of their romance, it's the beginning."
#MatingInCaptivity
I had the pleasure of joining
@GlennonDoyle
,
@AbbyWambach
, and Amanda on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. In part 1, released today, we talk about criticism, the fight for being “right,” and conflict resolution. Give it a listen through the link:
I'm finally able to share my big secret. I have created a card game! ✨
Introducing
#WhereShouldWeBegin
- A Game of Stories. Available now for preorder:
“Modern man thinks he loses something — time — when he does not do things quickly; yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains except kill it.”
-Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving 92
At SXSW last month, I spoke on the Other AI: Artificial Intimacy in a talk that took me deep into the exploration of modern day relating in an increasingly more digital and arguably less personal world.
Visit the link below to see the full talk.
Instead of asking whether we’ve found the right person, ask if you're being the right person. Love is an ongoing co-creation, and it takes everyone in the relationship to sustain and grow it.
"The challenge for modern couples lies in reconciling the need for what’s safe and predictable with the wish to pursue what’s exciting, mysterious, and awe-inspiring.” - Mating in Captivity
When you’re in conflict, before you disagree, try telling the person you’re speaking with what you heard them say. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to acknowledge that there’s another person who experiences the event very differently from you.
It takes a village to raise a child. But it also takes a village to raise a parent. On this Mother’s Day, I’d love to hear about the motherly figures in your life who helped raise you or are helping you raise your kids.
A person who tries to be the perfect partner feels as though they must have it all together, as if that just comes naturally. But in reality, you are allowed to make mistakes, search for yourself, and not have all the answers about who you really are.
From the shifting landscape of relationships comes a new vocabulary for describing a wide range of experiences. Rejection has always been a part of the landscape. But new words like ghosting, icing, and simmering describe far more ambiguous encounters. Definitions by Adam Devine.
"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
#QuoteOfTheDay
‘Where Should We Begin?: The Arc of Love’ is now on
@audible_com
. Six new challenges, six new conversations. Join me as we explore the evolution of relationships.
#WhereShouldWeBegin
Marriage is an aggregate of multiple narratives. It belongs to the people who are in it, but it also belongs to the people who are supporting it and living around it: family, friends, community.
From
@NewYorker
⬇️
I want to sincerely thank
@nytimes
and
@sarahlyall
for not only a wonderful feature, but for so artfully summarizing my career — one that has been decades in the making.
I am feeling grateful and honored. Thank you.
Full Article:
Cultivating trust requires millions of micro-risks that show us we’re not foolish for being confident in our relationship. Most importantly, trust requires taking risks together that help us grow into better partners for each other.
Visit the link below for more on this topic.…
There is nothing that stands in the way more to a woman’s desire than the sense of care-taking. If I have to think about everybody else, I can’t think about me.
- Motherless Woman,
#WhereShouldWeBegin
Season 1
“Listen. Just listen. You don’t have to agree. Just see if you can understand that there’s another person who has a completely different experience of the same reality.” (via
@iamwellandgood
)
Contained within every promise is an oath of accountability: an understanding that something will or will not be done. A resolution, on the other hand, is a declaration of desire. Resolutions activate a mental state of regard for our quality of being. In this mindset, we live in…
What happened today is not just a matter of targeting Jews or minorities — the stranger in our midst. It is an attack on all humanity. When we do not speak out for one, we speak out for none. (2/2)
“There is laughter in hell.”
Today I join
@nayeema
and
@karaswisher
to discuss the loss of their friend and colleague Blakeney Schick and how we live through grief. Listen to our full conversation through the link below.
On a recent hike, I spoke with a friend about the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. In my office, I’ve heard many people talk about loneliness, the kind that is timeless and familiar as well as the kind that seems specific to this era.
I dive deeper into this…
“Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning.”
#MatingInCaptivity
“Listen. Just listen. You don’t have to agree. Just see if you can understand that there’s another person who has a completely different experience of the same reality.” (via
@iamwellandgood
)
“Listen. Just listen. You don’t have to agree. Just see if you can understand that there’s another person who has a completely different experience of the same reality.” (via
@iamwellandgood
)
Much of my sexual education came from films. Many of these scenes play out fantasies. I believe, if we didn’t have fantasy, we couldn’t live.
I invite you to explore the selection of my Top 10 Erotic Films featured in
@TheCut
through the link below.
Thank you
@Trevornoah
and
@TheDailyShow
for a wonderful conversation about sex, power, gender dynamics, and infidelity. We talk about my book, The State of Affairs, that is featured on Amazon Kindle this month.
Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect them to be romantic and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?
"Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness." -
#MatingInCaptivity
#QuoteOfTheDay
Love is an active verb because it takes practice (and practice and more practice). If you were to write a realistic vow for your relationship now, what would it would it be?
"People come in with a story. At the end of the session, I want them to leave with a different story, because a different story is what breeds hope — is what gives them a sense of possibility."
#WhereShouldWeBegin
Where do we learn to love and how?
“To love” is a skill that is cultivated, not merely a state of enthusiasm. It is dynamic and active. Imbued with intention and responsibility. And it is a verb.
7 Verbs That Shape the Way We Love ⬇️
Can women and men be friends? Absolutely — with good communication, boundaries, expectations and an open mind. We’re blessed with the ability to weave many types of relationships and friendship between men and women is a unique strand that needs to be valued highly.
"It’s very important to show that therapy is a highly relational, nuanced, and contextual conversation. That is very different from what you get on TikTok or IG or your friends in armchairs."
For more on the topic read my conversation with
@VanityFair
.
It feels good to click with a new person romantically. But sometimes, something "unclicks." It’s fair to assume that every seriously-partnered person out there is carrying around a few half-started situationships, lost loves, and heartbreaks.
My goal? "To take sexuality out of the realm of smut and make it a subject of public intellectual inquiry…a serious subject that doesn’t mean titillation or condemnation, which is what it is in this country."
@qz
#TheStateOfAffairsBook
“Women are over-served in the space of relationships and men are totally underserved. And because the lives of women will not change until men come along, that means that men need to have a chance to also rethink what it means to be a man at home and at work.” (via
@ELLEmagazine
)
At the heart of sustaining desire in a committed relationship is the reconciliation of two fundamental human needs: security and adventure. Explore this paradox with my
@TEDTalks
:
“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks… the work for which all other work is but preparation.” - Rainer Maria Rilke
#QuoteOfTheDay