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Esther Perel Profile
Esther Perel

@EstherPerel

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Exploring modern relationships. Author of #MatingInCaptivity and #TheStateOfAffairsBook . Host of #WhereShouldWeBegin and #HowsWorkPodcast .

New York City
Joined June 2011
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
10 months
Where Should We Begin? The Podcast is BACK. I am thrilled to be in collaboration with @voxmedia and @ApplePodcasts to bring you new episodes every Monday and offer exclusive bonus content through subscriptions for the very first time via the link below!
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
7 months
Be careful not to lose your humanity.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
4 years
I think, in general, when people live in acute stress, either the cracks in their relationship will be amplified or the light that shines through the cracks will be amplified. You get an amplification of the best and of the worst. @NewYorker ⬇️
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 months
Expectations are resentments in the making.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain." -James Baldwin
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
If the last thing you touch before you sleep and the first thing you touch when you wake is your phone — change it.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
8 years
Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ― @BreneBrown
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
From Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
7 years
A great relationship is an imperfect one.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
Make sure to always tell your friends and family how important they are in your lives. Today, I challenge each of you to make a meaningful connection with someone you love. Look out for one another.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
7 years
Love is a verb. Not a permanent state of enthusiasm.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.” —Anaïs Nin
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
It's so easy to focus on what's missing in our partner and be critical. It's easy to think that if you were different, my life would be better, rather than sometimes to switch it around and think if I was different, my life would be better.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater." - Steve Maraboli
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
4 months
Asking better questions is the key to creating closeness.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
“I will be generous with my love today. I will sprinkle compliments and uplifting words everywhere I go. I will do this knowing that my words are like seeds and when they fall on fertile soil, a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater.” -Steve Maraboli
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
3 years
"He doesn’t listen to me. He doesn’t respect me. And Esther Perel says it takes 2 people to create a pattern, but only 1 to change it. I am that change."
@TheTrentCrimm
Trent Crimm, Independent
3 years
- @TheTrentCrimm , The Independent - Okay, #TedLasso fans… call for nominations. Which were your favourite quotes in S2.E6? #LassoMadness 🗣
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
8 years
A relationship grows when we learn to ask our partner for things we need by saying “I would like“, rather than criticize with “you never”.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
1 year
To whom do you owe a thank you? This question often evokes a heartfelt moment—we don't always take the time to thank those closest to us for the small things, for the daily contributions, for being in our lives. Who can you thank for how they've shown up in your life?
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 years
We are always balancing the great paradox of love: the erotic and the domestic. Security and adventure. The beauty of a commitment is it offers us the luxury of time to explore both poles. What’s your experience with balancing these poles in longterm relationship?
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
9 months
I recently sat down with @emrata on her podcast, High Low. We delve into the deep-seated dynamics of relationships, examining power, desire, and the taboo realm of pornography. Join us as we explore the motivations behind infidelity and more.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
3 years
My dear friend @brenebrown and I enjoyed a discussion about paradox, storytelling, comparative suffering, and the patterns we fall into in relationships. Click to listen!
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"You gain strength, courage & confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - E. R.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
Instead of looking for a person who checks all the boxes, focus on a person with whom you can imagine yourself writing a story with that entails edits and revisions.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
3 years
The realization that our loved ones are forever elusive should jolt us out of complacency, in the most positive sense. There is freedom in knowing that our relationships must continue to grow in order to thrive, and we must make the endeavors to help them grow.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 months
How often does the question “How are you?” really lead to a meaningful conversation? And how do we spark conversations that bring us closer together—instead of driving us apart? I've been reflecting a lot on what makes a good question—one that goes beyond the usual small talk. I…
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
3 years
Listening is a fundamental ingredient in relational intelligence. Every time we practice listening first, we become a better partner, friend, lover, or coworker. Love is, after all, an exercise in selective perception. How are you becoming a better listener?
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
"The grass is greener where you water it." -Neil Barringham
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
I encourage you to end relationships respectfully and conclusively, however brief they may be. Act with kindness and integrity. This allows both people to enter into their next relationship with a clear head, rather than filled with insecurity.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
The expectation that one person will satisfy all of our many emotional, physical, and spiritual needs is a tall order. Instead of looking for a person who checks all the boxes, focus on a person with whom you can imagine yourself writing a story with.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 months
There is perhaps no other time of year in which the pleasure and pain of our memories are front and center—in which we experience such ambivalence about our own sense of joy. Gifts fill beneath the tree and light shines from the windows of our homes, but many of our hearts feel…
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
What are you doing for others? #MLKDay
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"The grass is greener where you water it." -Neil Barringham #QuoteOfTheDay
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"For [erotically intelligent couples], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of their romance, it's the beginning." #MatingInCaptivity
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 years
I had the pleasure of joining @GlennonDoyle , @AbbyWambach , and Amanda on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. In part 1, released today, we talk about criticism, the fight for being “right,” and conflict resolution. Give it a listen through the link:
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
3 years
I'm finally able to share my big secret. I have created a card game! ✨ Introducing #WhereShouldWeBegin - A Game of Stories. Available now for preorder:
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
I live with one perennial truth: the quality of your relationships is what determines the quality of your life. (via @sxsw )
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
“Modern man thinks he loses something — time — when he does not do things quickly; yet he does not know what to do with the time he gains except kill it.” -Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving 92
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
1 year
At SXSW last month, I spoke on the Other AI: Artificial Intimacy in a talk that took me deep into the exploration of modern day relating in an increasingly more digital and arguably less personal world. Visit the link below to see the full talk.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
My @TEDTalks Rethinking Infidelity has passed the 10 million views mark! With the right framing, difficult conversations become easier.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
3 years
Instead of asking whether we’ve found the right person, ask if you're being the right person. Love is an ongoing co-creation, and it takes everyone in the relationship to sustain and grow it.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
9 months
"The challenge for modern couples lies in reconciling the need for what’s safe and predictable with the wish to pursue what’s exciting, mysterious, and awe-inspiring.” - Mating in Captivity
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"There is nothing more truly artistic than to to love people." - Vincent Van Gogh"
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
When you’re in conflict, before you disagree, try telling the person you’re speaking with what you heard them say. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to acknowledge that there’s another person who experiences the event very differently from you.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
1 year
It takes a village to raise a child. But it also takes a village to raise a parent. On this Mother’s Day, I’d love to hear about the motherly figures in your life who helped raise you or are helping you raise your kids.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"There is never 'The One.' There is a one that you choose and with whom you decide that you want to build something."
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
A person who tries to be the perfect partner feels as though they must have it all together, as if that just comes naturally. But in reality, you are allowed to make mistakes, search for yourself, and not have all the answers about who you really are.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
From the shifting landscape of relationships comes a new vocabulary for describing a wide range of experiences. Rejection has always been a part of the landscape. But new words like ghosting, icing, and simmering describe far more ambiguous encounters. Definitions by Adam Devine.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou #QuoteOfTheDay
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
Marriage is an aggregate of multiple narratives. It belongs to the people who are in it, but it also belongs to the people who are supporting it and living around it: family, friends, community. From @NewYorker ⬇️
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 years
Appreciating our partner’s fundamental otherness, as well as our own, is part of the ongoing challenge of love, especially in long-term relationships.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
1 year
I want to sincerely thank @nytimes and @sarahlyall for not only a wonderful feature, but for so artfully summarizing my career — one that has been decades in the making. I am feeling grateful and honored. Thank you. Full Article:
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. #MatingInCaptivity
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
Weekend reading, via @nytimes .
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk." -Dalai Lama #QuoteOfTheDay
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 months
Cultivating trust requires millions of micro-risks that show us we’re not foolish for being confident in our relationship. Most importantly, trust requires taking risks together that help us grow into better partners for each other. Visit the link below for more on this topic.…
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
There is nothing that stands in the way more to a woman’s desire than the sense of care-taking. If I have to think about everybody else, I can’t think about me. - Motherless Woman, #WhereShouldWeBegin Season 1
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
May we all find ways to better understand ourselves and others in 2019. #HappyNewYear
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.” -Kahlil Gibran via @brainpickings
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
4 months
Contained within every promise is an oath of accountability: an understanding that something will or will not be done. A resolution, on the other hand, is a declaration of desire. Resolutions activate a mental state of regard for our quality of being. In this mindset, we live in…
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." - Albert Einstein #QuoteOfTheDay
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
8 years
The challenge of modern relationships: We want the same person to be provide comfort and edge, be the anchor and a wave.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
When you pick a partner, you pick a story. (via @NewYorker )
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
What happened today is not just a matter of targeting Jews or minorities — the stranger in our midst. It is an attack on all humanity. When we do not speak out for one, we speak out for none. (2/2)
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
9 months
“There is laughter in hell.” Today I join @nayeema and @karaswisher to discuss the loss of their friend and colleague Blakeney Schick and how we live through grief. Listen to our full conversation through the link below.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 months
On a recent hike, I spoke with a friend about the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. In my office, I’ve heard many people talk about loneliness, the kind that is timeless and familiar as well as the kind that seems specific to this era. I dive deeper into this…
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
“So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us.” —Gaston Bachelard
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” #Ana ïsNin #QuoteOfTheDay
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
"There is nothing more truly artistic than to love people." -Vincent Van Gogh
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
"The seeds of intimacy are time and repetition. We choose each other again and again, and so create a community of two." #MatingInCaptivity
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
“Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning.” #MatingInCaptivity
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
7 years
Trust is an active engagement with the unknown.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
8 years
By definition, friendship is reciprocal. You cannot be friends with someone who is not friends with you. Love is not necessarily reciprocal.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
8 years
We don't have one sexuality. We all have multiple sexualities, that change with age, experience, self awareness, and self acceptance.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
8 months
Much of my sexual education came from films. Many of these scenes play out fantasies. I believe, if we didn’t have fantasy, we couldn’t live. I invite you to explore the selection of my Top 10 Erotic Films featured in @TheCut through the link below.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 years
Thank you @Trevornoah and @TheDailyShow for a wonderful conversation about sex, power, gender dynamics, and infidelity. We talk about my book, The State of Affairs, that is featured on Amazon Kindle this month.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
11 months
Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect them to be romantic and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness." - #MatingInCaptivity #QuoteOfTheDay
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 years
Love is an active verb because it takes practice (and practice and more practice). If you were to write a realistic vow for your relationship now, what would it would it be?
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
"People come in with a story. At the end of the session, I want them to leave with a different story, because a different story is what breeds hope — is what gives them a sense of possibility." #WhereShouldWeBegin
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
5 years
Where do we learn to love and how? “To love” is a skill that is cultivated, not merely a state of enthusiasm. It is dynamic and active. Imbued with intention and responsibility. And it is a verb. 7 Verbs That Shape the Way We Love ⬇️
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
What is something you wish you had been told as a child?
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
1 year
Can women and men be friends? Absolutely — with good communication, boundaries, expectations and an open mind. We’re blessed with the ability to weave many types of relationships and friendship between men and women is a unique strand that needs to be valued highly.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
7 years
Connection > Disconnection > Repair. This is the cycle of relationships - there's no such thing as perfect all the time #SummitOfGreatness
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
10 months
"It’s very important to show that therapy is a highly relational, nuanced, and contextual conversation. That is very different from what you get on TikTok or IG or your friends in armchairs." For more on the topic read my conversation with @VanityFair .
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
2 years
It feels good to click with a new person romantically. But sometimes, something "unclicks." It’s fair to assume that every seriously-partnered person out there is carrying around a few half-started situationships, lost loves, and heartbreaks.
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
8 years
"It is not nearly as important in a relationship how much people fight, as to how they repair." - John Gottman
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
My goal? "To take sexuality out of the realm of smut and make it a subject of public intellectual inquiry…a serious subject that doesn’t mean titillation or condemnation, which is what it is in this country." @qz #TheStateOfAffairsBook
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
“Women are over-served in the space of relationships and men are totally underserved. And because the lives of women will not change until men come along, that means that men need to have a chance to also rethink what it means to be a man at home and at work.” (via @ELLEmagazine )
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
At the heart of sustaining desire in a committed relationship is the reconciliation of two fundamental human needs: security and adventure. Explore this paradox with my @TEDTalks :
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
7 years
The #1 public health crisis in the US is loneliness. #bpcon2017
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@EstherPerel
Esther Perel
6 years
“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks… the work for which all other work is but preparation.” - Rainer Maria Rilke #QuoteOfTheDay
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