Dan Szymborski @DSzymborski Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Dan Szymborski

4 days

Let's go through these one by one: 1. ZiPS was obviously low last year, but it was the highest of the projection systems and this year, projected the Orioles with the most wins in the AL.

1

0

11

Last Seen Profiles

@WagnerKyler

@yousefaljboor20

@DigUltimate

@fix_its

@table_flips

@FatGirlwithin_

@NoaFn__

@gotFLUXstore

@TheRiskOfTime

@KWN_Newtype_k66

@DrUwera

@Figure_robot

@heyyouupayy

@mysticvex1126

@jandakembangstw

@AnnWalk21456111

@psycrons

@fvcklonie

@lebongraindesel

@ShoesBaseball

@JohnForslund

@geo_coe

@tokumei_n13

@ZavierCole01

@CubanMissile23

@KayStryker12

@amkat14

@Wester_Hare

@ka_leidos

@Orui_bot

@AlanFarrell

@momsawinner

@CO2_earth

@jaredkeithwhite

@kenn_dp

@Skillager2

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

My Saturday fun project: using AI, every US president as a Pixar character.

3K

15K

105K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

179

1K

17K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

8 months

My sister was very excited to take this picture in traffic today.

32

1K

15K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

8 years

This remains my favorite Jose Fernandez GIF.

36

10K

14K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

I have to admit that I want to see the Angels acquire Juan Soto because I'm legitimately curious if they can get 20 WAR from Trout/Soto/Ohtani in 2023 and still somehow go 79-83.

110

690

11K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

7 years

My favorite superhero power is Bran Stark's ability to see the past, present, and future, without ever being the slightest bit helpful.

56

2K

7K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

The plot.

Nerdist

@nerdist

3 years

The Game of Thrones finale aired two years ago today. Who do you wish would have survived?

63

13

83

25

3K

6K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

Rookie of the Year Reboot Little Leaguer discovers that he can suddenly throw 100 mph. The Cubs sign him and because it's 2022, just having a 100 mph fastball makes him their #29 prospect. Henry plays a year for Myrtle Beach Pelicans but finds his paper route pays better.

29

362

6K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

For the fourth consecutive season, I had the AI create a motto for every MLB team.

238

973

6K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

One thing to remember: the MLBPA did not strike. MLB locked them out. MLB could end the lockout in the time it takes you to eat a taco without a single additional concession from the rules they were happy to operate under last season while they continue to negotiate.

77

694

5K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

Like seriously, how many HBPs would you get with this home run trot in real life?

146

484

4K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

After very unexpected complications, it's with great sadness that my buddy since 1999, Galileo, has passed away at age 20. I could never ask a cat to be a more loyal friend than he was. He's been by my side my entire career and it's going to be hard to be without him.

435

37

3K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

"President Donald Trump then reached around to feel Kurt Suzuki's nipples." This would have seemed such an odd thing to write in 2010.

105

507

3K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

Whenever you're feeling charitable about MLB, remember, *this* guy is the one MLB won't let buy a team while they let the Wilpons own a team and allowed Jeff Loria to own teams *twice*.

ESPN

@espn

4 years

“I reached out ... to find out what it would cost to financially support people who aren’t going to be able to come to work.” –Mark Cuban on his plan for Mavericks employees during the NBA suspension

1K

18K

121K

42

443

3K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

If current trends continue, in 2040, Jacob deGrom will be 52, throwing 114 MPH with a 0.75 ERA, and have a 2-15 record for the Mets.

25

142

3K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

@hes_verygood The only time it Coolidge didn't come off unhappy was the run in which it made him a dog. There's also a run in which Hoover became a giant marshmallow.

42

69

3K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

The Cleveland Indians totally can't extend Lindor because they just don't have the deep pockets of megalopolises like <checks notes> Milwaukee.

61

333

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

In like half of the Teddy Roosevelt four-packs, there was at least one image in which Midjourney tried to make him a Teddy Roosevelt teddy bear.

28

93

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

I'm pleased to announce that I'm joining FanGraphs full-time as a senior writer. I'll be doing a lot of what I did at ESPN Insider and also tackling a lot of the national, breaking stories.

153

82

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

Some of the odder outake four-packs for recent presidents.

72

151

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

Dodgers developed: Will Smith, Corey Seager, Cody Bellinger, Walker Buehler, Julio Urias, Clayton Kershaw, Tony Gonsolin, Dustin May, Kenley Jansen, Gavin Lux, Austin Barnes. The Rockies hired a GM who doesn't understand basic facts about one of their primary rivals.

Danielle Allentuck

@d_allentuck

3 years

Bill Schmidt said he plans to pursue all avenues to get better this offseason, including trades and free agents. But, they aren't changing their philosophy. "We're not the Dodgers. We're the Colorado Rockies. We scout, draft and develop."

102

11

95

60

354

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

We all have to agree that if we get through this without society, when it's all over, we've got to remember that we're still really, really mad at the Houston Astros.

28

276

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

It's so refreshing when an athlete gets arrested and it's *not* for beating up someone they care about. Rich Hill's disorderly conduct arrest was apparently for normal "being a dumbass" disorderly conduct.

45

148

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

If we end up with a Brewers/Astros World Series, I'm going to need constant reminders which is the AL and which is the NL team.

47

267

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

Honestly, after you happily acquire Aroldis Chapman, I think your right to moral outrage about something Sosa may have done more than 15 years ago, before baseball drug-tested, has officially expired.

CBS Sports MLB

@CBSSportsMLB

6 years

Cubs owner says team will welcome Sammy Sosa when he comes clean via @CBSSports

7

24

23

36

472

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

If a 79-83 team can eliminate a 101-61 team from championship contention by winning two of three games, THEN THERE IS NO ACTUAL CHAMPIONSHIP.

92

211

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

I don't know Rob Manfred personally, but I'd bet that in private, he occasionally refers to runs as points.

29

169

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

Just as I did last year, I had the neural network generate a motto for each MLB team for the 2022 season.

104

338

2K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

The election map would have been very different if an alternate nominee had been chosen!

37

103

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

Chris Davis finishes his 2021 with his best season since 2016, with a WAR of 0.0.

39

155

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

7 months

I think Dusty's plan is to have France eat some innings here to keep everyone fresh for Game 8.

25

155

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

A look at MLB the Show minor league concessions. This park only has two different concessions. The first is Kosher Grill, which apparently serves a Crazy Crab's Sandwich, which can't possibly be kosher, unless chicken constitutes a "crazy crab."

29

119

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

I'm amused how the Kansas City Royals won't use Pratto and Pasquantino over Santana and O'Hearn because of the chances that they struggle and play like...Santana and O'Hearn.

46

140

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

I did like ultra-ripped ginger Ford.

42

63

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

I have to admit, I'm kinda rooting for Merrifield not to get vaccinated, setting up the only country-based platoon scenario in baseball history.

18

106

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

To replace Robinson Cano, the Mets could sign Jed Lowrie and another second baseman to replace Jed Lowrie.

39

53

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

I have to admit that owners hating Steve Cohen naturally makes me like him a bit more.

10

70

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

The MLBPA's offer isn't fair. As in it's not even a fair offer to themselves. The MLBPA's offer is simply less grossly pro-owner than MLB's offer.

32

172

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

Derek Jeter, Good Defensive Shortstop.

Matt Chernoff

@RealMattlanta

6 years

Who is the best fictional sports character of all time? I’ll start with Rocky, Billy Chapel, and steamin Willie Beamen. Your turn. Go. #WorstIdea

1K

20

116

35

203

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

There should be a rule that once the 10th inning starts, beer is allowed to go *back* on sale, and it gets $1 cheaper every inning.

16

66

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

And I'm dead serious: Mattingly should be suspended for the rest of this season.

82

128

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

Anything that harms Vin Scully should be illegal and that INCLUDES gravity.

CBS Sports MLB

@CBSSportsMLB

4 years

Dodgers icon Vin Scully hospitalized after fall and is 'resting comfortably'

4

8

25

14

152

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

I imagine the White Sox manager search is Jerry Reinsdorf naming a bunch of managers from the 1980s and demanding Rick Hahn find out which ones are still alive.

75

91

1K

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

@choice_fielder @MikeKlis A big part of the Rays model is a competent, modern front office. This is like me eating 8,000 calories a day because The Rock does.

14

64

985

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

BREAKING: The Miami Marlins have received MLB's permission to explore becoming zero-city team.

19

90

926

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

That there are still a handful of sportswriters raging against analytics is absolutely delicious. Every team is at least partially run by analytics. If you don't understand analytics, you lack insight on how teams make decision in 2018. You're the outsider, not the insider.

45

178

905

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

MLB's offer: Almost all of baseball's revenue growth should go to us. MLBPA's offer: Some of baseball's revenue growth should go to us, leaving most of it still for you. Moron: WHY ARE PLAYERS S0 UNREASONABLE KIDS GAME I CAN HIT 50 HOMERS ON DALLUS KICKLE

26

144

902

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

Because of the COVID-19 postponements, the NL East standings currently look like one of those leagues from the 1870s when the team folded in May because the owner had to flee to the next town over to escape his creditors and the team didn't want to be paid in leftover opera hats.

25

157

886

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

A-Rod's deep sleeper picks won 107 and 97 games last year.

23

66

873

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

13

90

860

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

7 months

"Home runs don't win playoff games," says Very Smart Man watching playoffs in which 51% of runs have come on homers, compared to 43% in the regular season.

7

50

873

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

Eric Hosmer declared immune from mask rules as everything coming from him goes straight into the ground.

28

60

831

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

If you're trying to convert someone into a baseball fan and that last half-inning didn't turn them, it's a lost cause and you should move on.

20

104

866

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

Would Scott Rolen have his Hall of Fame case enhanced if he came back and played at Chris Davis's 2018 level of value for *nine* seasons? Because that's the difference between Rolen and Vizquel.

30

138

810

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

The weird thing about fans bootlicking for owners is there's little reason to support owners from anyone from *across* the economic spectrum. MLB owners are an anti-labor, anti-free market, welfare collecting, billionaires. There's something there for *everyone* to hate.

34

185

832

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

Like many others, I was moved to tears by Justin Timberlake's touching tribute.

13

233

804

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

Source: Bryce Harper to agree to contract with a team at some point.

54

90

784

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 months

Wow, this prediction cereal came out really mean. #WhiteSox

27

93

826

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

The 2019 schedules just came out and the Mets have already been mathematically elminated.

19

105

789

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

Seriously, if you have so little faith in Willson Contreras, a player who has been playing catcher *in your division for 8 years* that you're willing to lose faith in his ability to play catcher after one bad month from pitchers, why the hell did you sign him at all?

29

47

820

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

8 years

Cubs had 8 wins more than any other team and went 15-5 against AL. But don't have home-field because a Giant allowed two Royals to hit HRs.

53

620

791

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

As I hate 16-team playoffs, I hope the MLBPA realizes for 2021 and beyond that it would be awful for them; the more random success is, the less valuable investing in success is.

40

63

791

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

AL East teams ranked by BA, best to worst: BOS BAL TOR NYY TBR

26

50

783

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

Basically, when you say that Manny Machado making $30 million year is offensive, you're saying that you rather the Padres keep the money he generates instead. Because that $30 million would not be going to lower ticket prices and if you thought that, my condolences.

22

58

783

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

7 years

Dear Every Single Website in Existence, No, I do not want Notifications turned on. Thanks, Dan

15

159

746

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

The Orioles have already been mathematically eliminated from the 2022 postseason.

38

74

770

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

MLBs offer is a nearly hard cap, untied to revenues, that actually declines every year in real dollars. In return for by far the worst salary cap in major sports, players get the privilege of conceding 14 team playoffs. Talks are pointless while that's on the table.

16

154

774

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

There were lots of options for Garfield, but I couldn't help in this case picking the one with the tiny, jaunty hat.

16

33

737

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

This is beyond embarrassing, and far, far worse than anything Dan Le Batard did with his ballot. Rieber used his ballot to honor a player by intentionally *dishonoring* others. He should never be allowed to vote again, period.

Newsday Sports

@NewsdaySports

4 years

Here's @AnthonyRieber on why Derek Jeter, and only Derek Jeter, is on his Baseball Hall of Fame ballot for the Class of 2020

176

17

34

22

121

719

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

Dear every website ever, No, I don't want to receive notifications. At all. Ever. Throughout the universe. Do not ask me again next week. For the love of God, stop asking me. Thanks, Dan

11

144

650

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

I had the neural network generate 2021 mottos for each MLB team. Which one gets YOU most excited for the 2021 season?

136

135

723

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

7

159

701

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

Now, Cleveland Spiders are a headliner writers dream. Spiders Spins Web, Beat Twins 4-3 Spiders Bite Royals, 5-2 Spiders Ensnare White Sox in Three-Game Sweep Carlos Carrasco Catches Rangers in Cocoon and Liquifies Their Insides with Digestive Enzymes in No-Hitter.

55

90

674

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

I just don't understand Tony La Russa's continued employment. If the old-school manager can't be a leader to the team or prevent the collapse of morale, then what's the purpose of having the old school guy? Get someone familiar with 21st century baseball.

47

85

672

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

The Cincinnati Reds should offer four low-tier prospects to the Rockies for Trevor Story. If the Rockies aren't willing to pull the trigger, assure the Rockies that they can also send the Reds the money for Story's salary too.

13

66

665

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

If they really want to improve the in-game experience, the Marlins should hire an in-game first baseman, third baseman, leftfielder, and like five in-game pitchers.

12

76

670

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

If the Mets want someone in return for Syndergaard that could help them win right now, the player they could trade for that will provide the most help is Noah Syndergaard.

21

94

656

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

Braves Front Office: "I'm glad we locked up all our young stars long-term." Phillies FO: "We got Trea Turner!" Mets FO: "Justin Verlander is a great deGrom replacement." Marlins FO: "Will anyone eat fries? DoorDash charges $6 delivery under a $30 minimum."

21

86

678

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

No sense hanging onto Luis Castillo and Tyler Mahle at this point. If you're going to cosplay as the Pittsburgh Pirates, you might as well get the whole outfit.

19

66

656

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

Mark Cuban can't get approved to buy an MLB team, but yeah, these guys are totally awesome and welcomed with open arms.

20

153

647

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

I hear the White Sox plan to replace Avi Garcia with his brother, MP4 Garcia.

37

56

645

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

If he ran for president today, Dwight Eisenhower could never be elected. He died in 1969.

52

40

638

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

8 years

My arm's been really sore. I was going to try cupping but then realized I didn't live in a 1540s village that hadn't heard of science.

36

251

598

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

How did the Nationals decide to have exactly 108 diamonds in each of their World Series rings? The answer might surprise you.

11

95

632

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

The Orioles simply have a more thorough physical than most teams. Very few go that extra 2% and measure the shape of a player's skull or see how they react to mercury-based tinctures. I bet the Dodgers don't even HAVE a dunking chair.

26

106

609

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

7 months

I like to imagine Rob Manfred flipping over a table in rage at the prospect of an Arizona-Texas World Series, then I realize that's totally unrealistic, because there's no way Manfred was watching the game.

18

80

630

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 months

What can I say, I like using AI to reimagine team mascots. #OriolesMagic

37

50

629

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

3 years

I'M NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN

32

42

610

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

7 years

Love ya, Joe, but there was no way you weren't going through a table after that inning.

23

294

591

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

And remember, not only did ABC falsely give an idea to the public that Kobe's daughters were also killed, ABC *also* falsely gave an idea to the family members of the people who *were* killed that their loved ones were alive. Shitshow.

8

107

593

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

Would a player as good offensively as Tony Perez but an all-time great defensively at third get in the Hall? Because that's Scott Rolen.

27

99

576

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

No, Grammarly, I don't want to call Freddie Freeman the initial baseman to vary my word choice.

17

24

582

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

6 years

In a confusing trade, the Houston Astros have acquired Kyle Korver and Russell Wilson from the Cleveland Cavaliers for a first-rounder in the NFL draft.

10

163

561

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

1 year

I don't understand the "someone isn't a Hall of Famer if I have to think about it or debate it" crowd. You know why I spend 6-10 hours every year on end of year BBWAA ballots? Because I'm fucking paid *to* think about it and be a goddamn professional with respect for it.

36

579

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

"Sorry, can't accept the offer." "Isn't this what you wanted yesterday?" "Yes, we'd still accept it." "Then why aren't you? "Well, see, it's past the deadline." "But it's what you want!" "It's the deadline was set." "You can change it!" "My hands are tied." "It's your deadline!"

Jon Heyman

@JonHeyman

2 years

Players made an offer late today: They’d spend the season working on a world draft and if it didn’t work out, qualifying offers/free agent comp would be re-installed at year’s end. This was Manfred’s idea Tuesday night but was rejected because it came after MLB’s 6 pm deadline.

286

278

2K

19

121

578

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

5 years

As douchey as the NFL was to Kaepernick, imagine if they tried to claw back his salaries, zeroed out his career stats, and then explicitly banned him from the NFL. This is what #Blizzard did to a competitive #Hearthstone player for doing nothing but make a Hong Kong statement.

7

100

536

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

2 years

Based on the Ian Desmond scale, I think the Rockies are going to offer Kris Bryant about $850 million.

18

46

572

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

4 years

14 teams in the playoffs. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

30

44

562

Dan Szymborski

@DSzymborski

7 years

Reminder: This is what Joe West sees when he turns on the news.