𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧 @Buncahn Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@PeterSedlacik

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@Fulanito_Landa

𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

Airbnb: $200 cleaning fee Also Airbnb: 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

I was paying $550/month for health insurance this year. Then I had an emergency and had to take an ambulance. I got a bill for $1340. Insurance covers exactly $0 because I haven’t even come close to the $5000 deductible. Fuck this.

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

Women will look online at chairs that cost $5,000 and say “I want this chair but it costs $5,000”

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

Feeling overwhelmed by toilet paper math

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 months

AR helps me see how a new couch will look in my living room

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

It was only a matter of time until horny Twitter turned my art into something truly disgusting

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

If you go to the movies, you need to shut the fuck up. Is the movie on? Yes? Then shut the fuck up during the movie. Is it a quiet scene? Then shut the fuck up. Is it a loud scene? Still shut the fuck up. If you go to the movies, you need to shut the fuck up.

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Why do all cops look like this when they drive

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

It’s so windy this friendly dog got blown away. Watch the back legs omg

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

Who is Mary Kill and why does everyone want to fuck her

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

Hey there Delilah I am boutta suck yo tiddy

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

"do you want to protect your purchase for an additional $4.99?" No. I will protect my purchase with my katana

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

No officer it’s okay they’re CBD fireworks

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 months

I want a slice of the FBI cake from silence of the lambs

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

7 years

im gonna come out and say it. ryan gosling's crooked wrist in the La La Land poster has pissed me off for a fucking year

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 months

girlfriends like eating pickles it is very healthy for them

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

my sister is a middle school special ed teacher. this is a photo of her carrying one of her students to the bathroom on her back in the rain. she also buys supplies with her own money. i wrote a poop joke on twitter yesterday

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

7 years

Cutting fresh meat

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Can I get a form check?

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

Alright guys help me out!

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

United Health Care: 275 BILLION dollar valuation Anthem: 73 billion Cigna: 72 billion These and other healthcare stocks are sitting at or near ALL TIME HIGHS because they FUCK us all

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

please enjoy this very special compilation i made of my girlfriend who famously enjoys being filmed

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

if you get $100k in student loan debt, that's your problem. if you get sick and your insurance won't cover you, it's on you. if you're a CEO and you run your shitty company into the ground, you get a nice bailout package from the government, always, forever

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

A pregnant woman was getting into her car next to mine at Trader Joe’s and all she had was a tiny little rotisserie chicken and I decided to gleefully say to her, “one lil’ chicken for the pregnant lady!” Suffice it to say my embarrassment quota is filled for many years

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

ok, i'm imagining dragons. now what

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

just ordered a breakfast burrito over the phone and asked them to please grill the tortilla. then i said "i'm a slut for a grilled tortilla" and the guy just said "ok"

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce Mac Demarco has been dethroned by Post Malone as the human cigarette

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

I’m fortunate enough to afford this, and the monthly premium. What the fuck about the people who can’t? What do they do?

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

The chair:

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

college should be free anyway. idk how anyone can be against this. if we want to remain competitive on the world stage we should put all our shit into having an educated populace and improve it instead of giving lockheed 3 trillion for a dumb plane

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

8 years

Made some nachos last night the old fashioned way with REAL cheese

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

this is bad for my anxiety

Annie Duke

@AnnieDuke

6 years

Perspective.

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

1 year

@moschinodorito Lmfao that’s my podcast he’s talking about! Fuck this guy

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

Delaware doesn’t exist. Name one person from Delaware. Draw me the fucking shape of Delaware. You can’t because it’s not a real place

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

the only way to stop drunk drivers is to bring in more "good" drunk drivers to fight the bad drunk drivers

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

I hate it in movies and tv when people vomit and hug the toilet. There’s piss all over that thing

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

8 years

One time my dad bought so much cereal because it was on sale and sent this photo to General Mills

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

Roasted by my niece

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

ok white people it's the end of 2019 and i challenge YOU to tweet the awful things you did to perpetuate white stereotypes. i'll start: i ate cream of mushroom soup every single day

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

Keep your WIFE out of my FUCKIN MOUTH!!!

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

British people say “fank youe”

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

My dentist says if this gets 100k retweets I don’t have to fuckin floss anymore

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

1 year

@ConceptualJames Damn I was skeptical but this one infographic has convinced me to start littering

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

still so wild how they're so horny for the constitution and the founding fathers but love to willfully ignore the part about separating church and state

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

1 year

@adamconover ADAM he is a GENIUS. Other guys said so. ON CAMERA

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

I love working for myself because I can order lunch on the company card and steal office supplies and my dipshit boss is none the wiser because im my own boss and nobody knows how to fool me better than me. Health insurance is expensive though

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

@miel cc @TwitterSupport this is bullshit.

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

𝐖𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐙𝐄𝐃 Vᴇɢᴇᴛᴀʙʟᴇs

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

the roof of your mouth should actually be called the ceiling because ceilings are inside and roofs are outside. the current time is 11:02 AM

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

1 year

Car was stolen 1/18. Car got a ticket 1/19. Contested the ticket with the *official police report* and insurance affidavit showing it stolen 1/18, a full day before the ticket was issued. City of LA says insufficient evidence. Have to pay. Great scam!

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

i really fucked up by not inventing bitcoin

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

What if the Volcano Masturbator knew he was about to get mummified and assumed the jack off position to make future people laugh

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

When a movie starts by fuckin with the movie studio intro you know it’s about to be a wild ride

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Look, I may not be the smartest, or the most successful, but I am also not the best looking, or the funniest, or the most talented, or the coolest

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

7 years

barista: and a name please? idiot: "TRUMP." does that...TRIGGER you, cuck? barista: i dont understand what you mean. anyway that'll be $3.50

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

8 years

[boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

7 years

What a fucking shitty time to have critical thinking skills

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

Things tall people are SICK of hearing: 1) do u play basketball? 2) do u play volleyball? 3) how tall are you? 4) how’s the weather up there bitch? 5) fuk u 6) you fuck my wife? 7) do u listen to joe rogan podcast 8) is your dad tall?

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

star wars nipple count: episode I: 0 episode II: 0 episode III: 2 episode IV: 0 episode V: 0 episode VI: 0 episode VII: 0 episode VIII: 6

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

no matter how beautiful the apartment, if the bathroom has these sinks it's an automatic no

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

7 years

R. Kelly is a liar who perpetrated the ultimate Mandela Effect on all of us. Ignition was always a remix and there was never an original

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

@boringcompany build a train, nerds

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

7 years

Donald Trump shits in a golden toilet in a golden apartment high atop a tower with his name on it in New York City

Tomi Lahren

@TomiLahren

7 years

Meryl bout to get some "final thoughts" tomorrow. These entitled Hollywood crybabies still don't understand how out of touch they are!

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

i will be on Wheel of Fortune on April 21st

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

here's my impression of ben shapiro having sex ben's wife: fuck me ben ben shapiro (extremely ben shapiro voice): that's what i'm doing

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Postmates is an app that turns $10 dollar sandwiches into $25 dollar sandwiches

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Look at this

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Never flip people off while you’re driving because u never know who it is. You might be giving the finger to me, and I’m gonna come suck on it when I catch you

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

8 years

@electrolemon in a painting n shit

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Visited my friend Ghost

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

People who are “reading” at coffee shops and restaurants: no you’re not

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

Cool cool cool cool. Woke up to the big church behind my apartment having Sunday services as usual. Called up the city, was told the mayor of Los Angeles exempted religious groups from shutting down, and simply advised them to practice social distancing. What a fucking joke

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

3 years

Went to the heart doctor and they did an echocardiogram and they said my heart is full of piss (????) the doctor also said my heart is too powerful and suggested I start smoking

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

enough is enough. we're all adults. it's time to rename the Sperm Whale. we should be calling it the Cum Whale

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

7 years

My brother just sent me this pic of our 8 year old dog Meg fresh out of a surgery to remove a cancerous growth on her leg

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

8 years

Man: welcome to jiffy lube Me: lube Man: lmao Me: haha Man: sex is good Me: yeah me too Man: anyway where's your car Me: I don't have one

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

1 year

i identify with this woman and stand in solidarity with her

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@KHROMIEZ

1 year

this cannot be real like omg

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Is there any better visual gag than cutting a slice of cake and then taking the entire cake around the slice instead

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

4 years

pretty cool that elon musk and kanye west are so unaffected by politics that they can just have fun trolling about the election like dipshits. it's definitely epic win sauce

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

What a dumb fucking disappointing time to be alive

tgerring.eth ⚔️🍌

@TaylorGerring

2 years

Spent $3.5 million for the art. Serum tasted spicy, with a hint of paprika 🌶

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

Anyone else used to feel guilty cranking hog on 9/11?

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

Here is the funniest video on the internet

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

dear everyone: sing the fucking happy birthday song 3x faster. it's meant to be a happy, upbeat number. not a fucking funeral hymn

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

yes i'm an SJW... Suckin Juice Whoa this is good juice

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

@elonmusk You have like six kids

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

5 years

Best part at 1:28 Love live Kratu

Crufts

@Crufts

5 years

Kratu's back! 🤣🤣

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

please god make the Google Fi youtube ads stop

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

@dhof i want to help

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

11 months

Damn planters put a whole peanussy on the bottle

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

6 years

the fact that so many millions of kids enjoy jake and logan paul makes me never want to have children.

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

@JoePompliano If he wanted to solve climate change he’d be a staunch advocate for overhauling city planning and making public transportation, walking, and cycling much more accessible for all. Not cars and car tunnels

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn

2 years

it would be cool if they gave me a small guest role in season 4 of the hit HBO show succession

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𝐁𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐡𝐧

@Buncahn