Boring Milner @BoringMilner Twitter profile

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Boring Milner

4 years

I just text Adrián to borrow his goalkeeper gloves. He said why? I said because I don't want to catch the coronavirus and you can't catch anything with those on. I'll let you know when he replies.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

2 years

The exact moment I realised I had left the iron on.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I've just had a glass of Ribena and a cup of tea and it's still not calmed me down.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I’ve just asked Dejan Lovren when we’re going to see the evidence that he’s one of the best defenders in the world. He said NOT NOW JAMES.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

2 years

I just said to Joe Gomez What's that in your pocket, Joe? He said Ohhh that's Haaland. Then he asked me What was in my pocket? I said Ohh that's Foden. It was so funny.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

Hi @UEFA , how much did City pay you?

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Loris Karius blames himself for the defeat. I said Well it was your fault Loris, you've cost us the game.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

Just text Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain to welcome him to Liverpool but i think he ran out of signal. I hope he hasn't changed his mind.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I couldn't believe Vincent Kompany's goal. When he had the ball I was thinking to myself, Please shoot. Please shoot. Please shoot. But then he did shoot and then I wished he didn’t shoot.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Just been emptying my pockets from last night...

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I just asked Andy Robertson if it was difficult marking Traoré? He said What do you think James? I said well it certainly looked difficult. He skinned you every time he had the ball. He just walked off.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I just asked Kieran Trippier if he's learnt any Spanish since his move to Atlético Madrid. He said: "Estás fuera de la liga de campeones" I said What does that mean? He said You're out of the Champions League.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

If you boil your kettle at exactly 11:56:01 on New Years Eve, you will have made a cup of tea at exactly midnight. Start your New Year off right.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

Foden just said to me That’s 1-4 the record books. I said Not now Phil.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just said to Raheem Sterling You must be full of energy still. He said Why? I said Because you spent the whole match in Andrew Robertson's pocket.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

You can tell we were celebrating last night. I woke up to discover I had used up all of the tea bags provided in the hotel room. Crazy.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I just asked Divock Origi if he could believe what just happened. He said It’s brilliant isn’t it James. I said Yeah, I didn’t think we had a chance with you leading the line.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just said to Mo Salah Have you seen the Barcelona result? He said No. I said Roma won 3-0. He said You're kidding? I said No. I'm not joking. He said Are you sure? I said Yes. Go and check for yourself. So that's what he's doing right now. He's checking for himself.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I said to Firmino Is that celebration because Vertonghen poked you in the eye at the weekend? He said Err, yes James. I said Yeah, I thought it was. He said Okay. I said No problem.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I said to Mo Salah Well done on scoring your 43rd goal this season. He said Have I really scored that many? I said Yes, you have. You scored 41 goals before tonight and because you scored 2 that means you've scored 43. He said Thanks for that, James. I said No worries.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

I just asked Phil Foden to stop running so quickly at me. It's very tiring.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I've just had my third cup of tea since Eric Dier's penalty and it's still not calmed me down.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I really thought we'd win the league after getting 97 points. But Man City got 98 points. So we haven't won the league. We've come second.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I had my Weetabix with warm milk this morning. Usually I don’t introduce warm milk until we’re firmly in November but I made the decision to bring it forward this year given the lower temperatures we’re currently experiencing.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I just said to Jurgen, Can you believe it? We were 7 points clear at one point. He said NOT NOW JAMES.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

I don't like it and I hope it doesn't happen.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just said to Trent Alexander-Arnold What's that in your pocket? He said Huh? What are you talking about James? I said It's Leroy Sané. It was so funny.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

Jürgen Klopp wanted us all to get an early night before the #UCLfinal but my toothpaste leaked in my travel bag and it took me ages to clean it up. So nervous about telling him.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

Jordan Henderson just asked me how I celebrated Newcastle's win against Man City. I said I had 2 sugars in my tea instead of 1. He said Nice one James. I said No problem Jordan.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I just asked Sadio Mané if he was offside for his opening goal. He said Who cares James? I said Definitely not me Sadio. And then we both laughed. It was so funny.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

You know you’ve made it when someone makes a parody account of you. Welcome to Twitter @JamesMilner

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just bumped into Romelu Lukaku and said You must be full of energy still. He said Why? I said Because you spent that whole match in Virgil Van Dijk's pocket.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

We have won the Premier League. I am really happy about this!

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

2 years

I am very happy to sign a new contract at Liverpool. Yes, I'm on a reduced salary but the club have said I can take as many tea bags from the club canteen as I want. So who is the real winner here?

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I really thought we would beat Swansea tonight because they're bottom of the league. I said to Jürgen Isn’t it funny how we beat Man City last week and they are top of the league but then lost to Swansea this week, who are bottom of the league. He said Not now, James.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Just seen Mo Salah in the changing room, I said Oh you made it out? He said Made it out of what? I said Ashley Young’s pocket.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

2 years

I said to Jürgen, You can’t blame the Christmas schedule for this defeat, we didn’t even play on Boxing Day and Leicester did. He shouted, JAMES, NOT NOW, PLEASE.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Virgil Van Dijk said I looked like I'm playing rugby with my headband on. I said But I'm playing football Virgil. He said Yes, I know James but you look like a rugby player. I said But I'm a football player Virgil. He said Don't worry James. I said I won't.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

Just text Andy Robertson but I’m not sure he’s been on his phone yet.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Just catching up with Philippe Coutinho but he doesn't seem very chatty.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

Wow! What a game that was. It had everything. You just can't get better than a Man City 0-0 draw against Stoke at the Etihad.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just said to Virgil Van Dijk What's that in your pocket? He said What are you on about James? I said Oh don't worry, it's just Harry Kane.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

Jürgen Klopp just thanked me for playing at RB today. I said No problem Jürgen, can I play upfront next week? He said Not now, James.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I would 8-2 be a Barcelona fan right now.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I’ve just text Jordan Henderson saying Guess what? He’s not replied yet but when he does I’m going to reply saying It’s Coming Home 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I bumped into Frank Lampard after the game. I said to him, Frank, did you know for the money you paid for Havertz you could have had 2.3 Thiagos? He said Ok James, not now.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

Bruno Fernandes' penalty just landed in my back garden.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

It's not every day you qualify for the Champions League final. It's time to celebrate. The cups of tea are on me.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

Am I getting mugged off here? #LoveIsland

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

Thanks Patrice. I nearly choked on my tea when I heard you say this.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

We watched Man Utd earlier today and said Don’t worry Ole, you'll never walk alone.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

Just finished watching the first half of Chelsea vs. Arsenal on the tele and I've got to say, it's absolutely riveting. The atmosphere in Baku is electric. What a game.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I'm really happy I scored that 93rd minute penalty because if I didn't, we would have drawn that match. So it was a good job I did.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I asked Mo Salah if he dived for the penalty. He said No Sakho clipped me. I said Yeah I thought he clipped you. Mo said Yeah he definitely did. I said Ok.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

Czech mate @GWijnaldum , you must feel Schick.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just asked Mo Salah if he saw the goal in the Real Madrid game. He said Which one? I said it doesn't matter which one, they were both scored by Harry Kane. It was so funny.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just congratulated Mo Salah for winning the Puskas award. He said Thanks James. I said That's alright Mo, I thought Ronaldo and Bale's overhead kicks were better than your goal but there we go. He hasn't replied yet.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

Looks like last night’s celebrations got a bit out of hand. I’ve just come down to the kitchen and found that I left the extra special tea bags out. Embarrassed is an understatement.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I just said to Mo Salah You've now failed to score against Spurs, Chelsea, Man City, Everton, PSG, Bayern and Man Utd this season. He said Not now, James. I said Ok Mo.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I just said to Virgil Van Dijk What's that? He said What? I said In your pocket? He said What are you talking about James? I said Oh don't worry, it's just Robert Lewandowski.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Wow. What a half of football that was. José Mourinho has really got this Manchester United side playing some exciting football. I can't wait to watch the highlights.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

Jürgen Klopp said I should go on holiday but nothing excites me more than a mid-table League One side against our youth team.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just asked Dejan Lovren why he smashed the ball at me for Roma's goal? He said I didn't mean to, James. I said Well you're lucky we've scored another aren't you, Dejan?

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Jürgen Klopp said to me You're playing at right-back today James. I said Me? He said Yes. I said at right-back? He said Yes. I said Ok.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I just said to Virgil Van Dijk you must be feeling really dizzy. He said What do you mean James? I said Well Messi ran rings around you all night. He just walked off.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I just said to Fabinho What's that in your pocket? He said Não estou entendendo. I said It's Timo Werner. It was so funny.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Firmino just said to me he thinks we’re definitely through. I said That's all well and good Roberto, but the tie’s not over yet. He said But we're 5-0 up James. I said We could lose 6-0 in the second leg.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

2 years

I’ve been scaring Virgil all week by jumping out on him and shouting ‘HAALAND’. But Jürgen told me It’s not ideal preparation for the game. So I stopped doing it.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Some might think that beating Dortmund 4-3 at Anfield was my favourite game in a Liverpool shirt, but that 0-0 draw against Porto just pips it. It had everything.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Just finished my third cup of tea of the morning and noticed I’ve missed 5 calls from Gareth Southgate. Wonder what he wants.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just tried to give Mo Salah his Man of the Match award back but he refused. I said But you scored a hat-trick Mo. He said You should have it James. You have played 500 games in the Premier League. I said Thanks Mo. He said No problem.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

I told the Mrs I would drink a cup of tea for every time England scored tonight. I've had 10 cups so far. I'm absolutely wired.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I've always believed in Karma.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just said to Jürgen that if we want to win the Champions League we should be beating Red Star Belgrade away. He shouted NOT NOW JAMES. I said Ok boss.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

3 years

What a game.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I just asked Andrew Robertson if he was excited we've won the league. He said what do you think? I said I think you are. He said Are you? I said I've just had three cups of tea in 5 minutes. So you tell me.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just asked Mo Salah how he was feeling. He said Not now, James.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

What a match that was. There's nothing quite like the drama of a 0-0 between Bayern Munich and Sevilla at the Allianz Arena.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

What a game.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

I'm surprised the City fans have been booing me today. They usually sit in silence at the Etihad.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just asked Jordan Henderson if he's excited to be playing against Chelsea in the Carabao Cup tonight? He said Yeah sure, James. I said Well you better be, because Carabao are Thailand's 2nd most popular energy drink.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

2 years

I just asked Jürgen Klopp if he really was a student of Ralf Rangnick's work. He said I have no idea who you're talking about, James.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just said to Jordan Henderson, 5-2 what a result! He said, Yeah James, it would have been even better if you didn’t concede that penalty. I said Not now, Jordan.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

I just asked Jurgen if he had been taking notes from Ole. He shouted NOT NOW JAMES.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

I just said to Sadio Mané that 0-0 was a pretty good result. He said I know, James. I said Do you know what would have made it better, Sadio? He said What, James? I said If you’d scored one of your chances! He just walked off.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

I asked the Ox if he prefers sitting on the bench for us in the UCL or sitting on the bench for Arsenal in Europa. He said Not now, James.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just text Jordan Henderson to ask him if he was pleased Harry Kane was in the squad. He said Yes. I said Is that because he scored two goals? He said Yes. I said I thought so.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Am I excited for the start of the 2018 World Cup? You bet I am. An opening match between Russia and Saudi Arabia is what dreams are made of.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

2 years

I fancy another giant killing tonight… I reckon Man United will knock Aston Villa out of the FA Cup.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Jordan Henderson just told me we're top of the league. I said But we've got 37 league games left Jordan. There's still a long way to go. He said I know James. I said Good, because we can’t get carried away.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

I said to Raheem Sterling You must still be full of energy. He said Why? I said Because you've spent the whole first half in my back pocket.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

Jordan Henderson said Have you heard that Mourinho has been sacked? I said Yes I'm shocked. He said I'm shocked too. I said It's shocking. He said It is.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

5 years

Happy Boxing Day guys. Here’s a list of all the Christmas presents I received yesterday: Pants Socks Tea bags (Luxury) Tea bags (Normal) Dressing gown Slippers (Novelty) Slippers (Serious) Body wash Aftershave Body spray £5 Holland & Barrett voucher

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

I just told Paul Pogba that was my favourite dab of the season. He said What are you on about? I said For the handball. He just stormed off.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

Jürgen has told us to make sure we get an early night tonight ahead of the Merseyside Derby but he doesn’t realise it’s my birthday. So I’ve decided to stay up until 10pm (rather than my usual 9pm) as I’ve been given a luxury selection box of teas that I can’t wait to dive into.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

7 years

If you turn your hoover on at exactly 11:51:01 on New Years Eve, you will have hoovered the whole of downstairs at exactly midnight. Start your New Year off right.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

Leeds United are promoted to the Premier League. I'm happy about this because I used to play there and I was actually born in Leeds.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

6 years

I just said to Mo Salah he must be looking forward to playing against this Bayern or Madrid defence. He said That's all well and good James. But we've got a semi-final to win first. I said Good point Mo.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

Here’s a photo of me with the Premier League trophy. I’m ecstatic.

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Boring Milner

@BoringMilner

4 years

Just sat with Joe Gomez on the bench, I said Oh you made it out? He said Made it out of what? I said Raheem Sterling’s pocket.

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