That Fred Character Profile Banner
That Fred Character Profile
That Fred Character

@Frediculous

18,425
Followers
5,516
Following
8,158
Media
171,528
Statuses

Had a taste of househusbandry on paternity leave and now I cant function as a lawyer anymore or maybe even in any job. im just here to try to tweet through it

In Seattle but RVA is home
Joined February 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
When some ppl hear minimum wage hike, they sit straight down in a imaginary CEO chair at their imaginary company & start thinkin about how paying their imaginary employees would hurt their imaginary company's bottom line & report back to us like, "thats gonna be a no from me dog"
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
Get this kid a twitter account ASAP. An actual savant.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
My daughter keeps singin “started from the bottom, now we here” & i told her she needed to stop bc she goes to private school😭. We gon nip any concepts of getting anything out of the mud before they even start. Like, u come from a stable well supported environment. Knock it off
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Comcast is tweeting from their burner account in pure desperation mode
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 months
No improvement 😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 months
Hide & go seek skills on zero 😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
My son screamed “watch out dad” in the crosswalk bc of a blatantly obvious car 😭. I said thanks. He said, “i couldnt let my dad get squished bc i might not like my step dad”
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
The amount of money theyre saying some colleges will lose if they dont have a football season is showing that theyre not even really colleges. Theyre just football programs that teach classes as a side hustle
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
People will be like "i dont know a single person IRL who has had covid" and believe its not possible to get. Meanwhile, they dont know a single billionaire IRL and believe thats totally achievable
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
I saw this and WANTED to do drugs. She was SMACKED
@nuffsaidny
NUFF
3 years
People saw this and still did drugs.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
My daughter is a FORCE. She just picked a name for the baby, started calling her that, and everyone else kinda just fell in line with it. Im like 99% sure thats gonna be the baby’s name too 😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
My wife read something that says newborns think their mom is part of them, like they are the same entity, so their dad is usually the first person they know as a separate being
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
This how we dapping up from now on
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Unrelated, i was reading about as global warming continues to melt ancient ice, ancient diseases will likely be re-released into the world that havent been active in thousands of years
@TMZ
TMZ
2 years
China has discovered a new Langya virus within its borders, with 35 people already infected.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 months
Ignoring all 98 white kids that got accepted to a school to blame the 2 black acceptees for your rejection letter
@tikli_____
tikli
2 months
what is white math
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
I accidentally got brought to an all ladies winery tour one time bc we thought husbands were gonna be there. I tried to leave but the ladies all pressured me to stay and girrrrl, let me tell you, i had fun 😭
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@nhoodpublicist
The Neighborhood Publicist
2 years
Who worse ladies, the “my man called I’m leaving” friend or the “bring her man to girl’s night friend”?
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
My wife said that I be "doing the most" in like a slang way. I brought my son in it & said "mommy be doing the most right?" He got all literal & said "yeah, she works the most, cooks the most, everything the most." Im like ABORT MISSION! Worst cosign ever. Of course she was like
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 months
Unfortunately 2mil is below my “never work again” number, so sadly, im gonna do boring stuff like fill my kids 529, make some non exciting investments, get rid of any unnecessary debt, & still carry my ass to work tomorrow
@FvreignLL
Lori Harvey Distant Cousin MEL 💕🥰
3 months
$2,000,000 hits your account. Your next move??
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Every time vasectomies get talked about on here, it becomes pretty clear that a lot of dudes dont actually know what a vasectomy is
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 months
Taking the rest of year off paid
@_Solar0ne
Solar 0ne
2 months
Your job just said you can take the rest of the year off paid wyd next 🤩
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 months
My wife told me i needed to take a selfie so i could see how we were basically being the same person
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 year
A friend was talkin about her expensive face lotion. She said she was confused about it runnin out so fast. She finally asked her husband & he said he wondered why she kept buyin such tiny bottles. Fool was using it on his whole body😭. Said it was silkiest skin era of HIS LIFE
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
7 months
When i got my first 9-5 after college, after a few months it really hit me that no summer break was coming. No winter break. No spring break. No more schedules w/free time at noon. Live footage of me picturing having to do some variation of working everyday for DECADES to come:
@Endthemisery1
𝑴𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆🥂
7 months
Omg, poor baby has her first job. Like..she has to commute?? Like...she has to cook dinner?? Like...no time or energy to work out?? Like..she's working in person not remote??? Like...She. Has. To. Work. 9. To. 5 ??? What????🙄
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Ppl drive cars like this w/ 8 computers, got a iphone in their pocket, another computer on their wrist & countless devices at home & think somebody needs to spend time & effort on a diabolical plan to put a secret computer chip in them 😭. Dude, u already in ALL the databases
@aKellyBrand
Drew
3 years
Please tell me who can do it better than Mercedes-Benz!? 🤯🤯
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
this is another one of my favorite tweets of 2021
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Fun fact: only 10 black people have ever wanted to even try and our 80% success rate makes us the GOAT mountain climbers. Happy black history month
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Skipping college to avoid being broke and in debt, just to end up being broke and in debt anyway is a vicious pipeline
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 months
A OG having all this, and also telling young dudes that its not important bc it will all come in due time if you just stay focused & perfect your craft, doesn’t make him a hypocrite, it makes him right
@TerrillCharming
Terrill ©️
3 months
Lebron wearing a $2.6M watch… He also has a $45M house, chains and a Ferrari F430.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 months
Having to wait for a sales associate to come unlock anything other than electronics will mostly ensure that i’ll never come back for that item again. And if multiple things i need are locked in multiple sections of your store, i just wont ever go to your store again if possible
@NotPerfectJustB
Not Perfect Just Smart
3 months
They locking toothpaste? What did you guys do???!!!
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Self checkout aggressively telling you to put something back in the bagging area
@shereeny
ig: @shereenshafi
3 years
who’s not police but FEELS like police to you?
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
My daughter’s tutor had her sorting nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. My daughter kept saying that it didnt make sense why they didnt just name adjectives “adnouns” 🤯. Ive never been so excited to smoke weed with someone 20 years from now
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 months
Black person: im pro reparations White person: you actually have slave owner lineage! Black person: Sir, the “got you” you are hype about is called rape
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Black men, we have a duty to help the future generation like this. Go be great
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
I just saw this on IG. Im too lazy to find it on here for a proper RT
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
My son’s Betta Fish died today. Turns out, my daughter had been feedin hers AND his the whole time. She asked him to feed hers once & he said naw & she said ok & never fed his again. Long story short, men arent shit without women, bc that lil MF let the damn fish starve TO DEATH
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
Me: you got $25k on you to start this business real quick? Friend: naw, i got this $5 dollars on me to get a drink though. Us: drinks it is
@KhanyaMsika
KM X ANC
4 years
Most black people will team up to buy alcohol, but will never team up to start a business
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
The way dudes talk about Will & Jada’s situation is how you know 99.99999% of men couldnt handle a open relationship/marriage
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Men having a hard time finding relationships “because healthy relationship standards are increasing” is wild to read
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 months
Not to shoot at Josh here, but it’s hilarious that employers say full time salaried is 40 hours and have absolutely no problem with employees working 48 hrs a week (or more) for that salary but 32hrs for that salary is “not going to work”
@JoshuaOgundu
Josh
2 months
A 32 hour work week is one thing, but saying that employees should get paid like they are working 40 is not going to work
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
8 months
I got a $4500 raise and my paycheck went up $110. I am in no way complaining but can you imagine making $95,500 and you get a 4500 dollar raise up to the magical “six figures” that you always heard about and you open your check and see that you only made $110 more?
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
13 days
The stolen AAVE expressions to “internet slang” pipeline is disgusting
@RafaelRoden
Rafael
13 days
White people really jacked "hit different" like they made the shit up. 😭😭😭 They said:
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
6 years
My wife makes more money than me as a lawyer AND has the nerve to still always have side hustles going too. Her current one is air bnb. Her capitalism always involves me working. Now Im like housekeeping for her bootleg hotel
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
She was like, “i dont get it. Its just a song.” Im thinking, “yeah, thats how starts.” One day youre just singing drake lyrics but next youre telling private school kids wild stories about surviving around your way
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 months
Hide & go seek skills on zero 😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
On a communications app?!?!
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
Passports over Jordans twitter convinced you to get your passport but now you cant go anywhere and you dont have any jordans either
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Im washing my daughters hair like i do most sundays. We usually play a album. I found the clean Black Album for tonight. She clearly recognizes Hov’s voice enough bc she always asks, “Is that Beyonce’s husband” 😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
This tweet wasn’t supposed to leave my twitter neighborhood. Last time yall did this to a tweet about us having a baby, my wife was like, “Fred, what did you say on twitter bc people are congratulating me on linkedin”
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
9 months
The smartest women shoot their shot by facilitating the situation for you to shoot yours while leaving you feeling like you were the actual shooter, when in fact, you just got bagged 😭
@285Slim
285 Calhoun
9 months
I don’t mind when women shoot their shot if they aren’t strange about it. Problem is they be scaring me lmaoo
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
7 months
A white coworker once told me that most white ppl dont like being reminded that theyre white. Like, they know we’re black ppl, or asian, or whatever ppl, but they got to live most of their lives as just ppl. From that view, them being mad at that innocent hiking tweet make sense
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
11 months
We just left a pool party. When i got a slice of veggie pizza there, my daughter said, “becoming a vegetarian was the worst mistake of your life.” Im like why? She said “it seems like u used to have hair & muscles when you ate meat.” The dad i was talking to said, “holy smokes”😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
18 days
Except this is basically how all the doctors and lawyers end up married to each other
@myfaultOG23
don demarco
19 days
no nigga has ever ran back to his boys and said “man i gotta wife shorty, she’s 30 and has a degree” lmao
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
“My baby would only have breastmilk anyway” - a dude who cant even afford for his girl to take two weeks unpaid maternity leave
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
30+ dudes on here talking about they cant date women their age bc they have emotional baggage and kids, so they go date younger women, i guess, so they can help them have emotional baggage and kids by 30 🙃. No way we’re not living in a simulation
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
This is how you tell us you never used the word "auntie" before the internet without saying it. Auntie only meaning old now is strange
@andreafiilomena
dréa
3 years
The rich aunty aesthetic kills me because why tf y’all want to be aunties, we’re 24😭😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
One is the place they oppress us from. The other is the stuff they oppress us with. So TBH, they both kicking EVERYBODY'S asses
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@Heyyy_Kass
May 29th🎉
3 years
Capitol and Capital really kicking y’all asses. But I’ll talk about it tomorrow
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
@skinclasshero Them: u dont have to understand OUR love Us: well, why are you trying to share it with us then
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
7 months
This tweet would have never caused a klan rally like this on the old app. New management really opened the gates of hell
@bannedyoangel
Ever Bless
7 months
I’m wheezing laughing
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
I just read that the average white person has less than one black friend 😭. I got white people claiming fractional relationships with me that i dont even know about. "How can i be racist, i have a timeshare black friend at work."
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 year
The internet is wild. How u share a story about u payin too much child support to ur BM who only has the kid 1day a wk, creating the rare instance that the internet sides with u, the dad, & then it turns out thats its not u who has the kid the other 6 days, ITS THE DAMN GRANDMA😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Its wild how after shootings ppl start advocatin for us all to get strapped up. Ppl watch too many movies. U see how sorry police act in real situations & they actual train. Your shootin range practice aint bout to have u prepared to be JohnWick if some shit pop off. Lets be real
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
9 months
According to the US Census Bureau, only 1.2% of the US population has a PhD. This makes having a PhD period very rare. Of that 1.2%, only 7% are black. Theyre walking around with the confidence of a unicorn bc thats almost literally what they are
@LifeStarMedia
Vida 🌟 AKA Podcast Bae 🎙️🎧
9 months
Black ppl get a doctorate degree and act like their tweets are the final say... As tho scholars don't debate and disagree all the fuckin time.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
6 months
I tried to put my boy on to a friend once & he looked @ her IG & it was nothin but constant international travel & he said, “im good. I dont have anything to offer her.” Thats when i knew my obliviousness is a strength bc that wouldnt have even crossed my mind as a reason to pass
@Acct4me_Cp
El Padrino🌱
6 months
Buddy broke up w/ his girl b/c she said she needs 3-4 international trips a year or she won’t be happy 😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 months
White people have a literal 50 state strong coalition of racism. Lets be serious for a minute
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
People are asking whats the name😭. Yall think im about to have people on Linkedin saying the baby’s maybe name to my wife?!? Absolutely not
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
I asked my wife to tell me some ways i was misogynistic. Man, that game wasnt fun at all. Who knows how long she had been holding that in
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
If its any consolation, Drake is not welcome at the Walmart in Portsmouth Virginia
@thoughtfulbae
Dedee 🤎
2 years
Pusha T being banned from Canada is crazy dickriding.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 year
Dudes will go raw 57 straight times and then when the woman doesnt want to have an abortion will claim that she knew he didnt want a kid & he’s being trapped 😭. No, you drew up a detailed blueprint and then perfectly executed a plan to trap your damn self
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 year
That tying black excellence to money & success, instead of strong family and community, is capitalism’s greatest trick of keep most black people from actually getting to the money and success
@DonGhotti
𝕯𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗗𝗼𝗻𝗚 🏴‍☠️
1 year
What’s some Unpopular Opinions about “Black Excellence”?
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
People will say stuff like this about morals and be in law school to become a corporate lawyer
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 year
@Jani__Gee Honesty is unfortunately NOT always the best policy
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 year
We were walking into Dicks Sporting Goods and my son was literally skipping and yelled “i love dicks”😭. A group of teenage boys busted out laughing and my daughter said, “i think those boys just laughed at us.” I just let it ride bc i wasnt touching that convo if i didnt have to
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Whoa. This blew up out of nowhere while i was sleep. My wife is gonna accuse me of stealing her content for tweets😭. She got a whole baby that thinks its still part of her tho. She’ll be fine
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 month
Half of this shit is no big deal & u can start doing it on a random Tues. My hot take, is the type of person who thinks that ppl need to have evrything ready or fixed b4 they can start a relationship is actually the most insufferable type of person to be in a relationship with
@LeArielleSimone
holistic mami✨
1 month
my hot take is i don’t think anybody should be dating until their shit is together. eating healthy, working out regularly, having a morning routine, a spiritual practice, a therapist, financial discipline. things like that have to come first.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
@peabianjay @rebeccaisdope @aly_lyss This is like some kind of double reverse psychology. This is exactly what a 5'9er would have the audacity to say in plain sight under a thread like this.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
7 months
Anti simp dudes: youre pandering to women for likes Me: youre pandering to men for whatever it is you want from other men
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
The problem with the people in charge of the stimulus checks is that $600, $1400, $2000, or even $2000 monthly mean nothing to them because theyre already straight. They dont have the empathy or sympathy for any normal life situations normal people are going through
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 year
Man said his feet got too soft to walk barefooted and everything 😭. We were cracking up
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Whoa. This blew up while i was sleep. I dont have anything to promote but you can drop something in my daughter’s 529 bc we cant actually afford this private school tuition
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 months
Might as well just change the name to The Tree at this point
@SaycheeseDGTL
SAY CHEESE! 👄🧀
2 months
Dollar Tree is increasing its price ceiling to $7, as more six-figure shoppers are flocking to the discount store
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
5 years
A black dude could be caught with 47 murdered bodies in his basement and somebody, without a doubt, would say, "they never charge white serial killers this fast."
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
We talked about this incident at dinner. My daughter hated everything about it. She was only worried if i was really gonna get squished or not. She totally ignored the step dad part. Thats why we besties
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Dude in my comments said, “fathers would be present if y’all didn’t run them off with your bitterness and nasty attitudes.” Apparently, nobody can stop a alpha from doing ANYTHING… except an army of one small woman that he had a child with
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
7 months
I opened the comments and saw “800 credit score . I can get access up to $2 million dollars with that type of credit score” 😭. Ive had a 800+ credit score long enough to know I would sell it right now unquestionably for 50k
@rosethaaartist
Rose TheArtist
7 months
You rather have 50k cash right now or 800 credit score 🤔
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
Seeing the realization in eyes when he solves the problem is so funny to me
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
7 months
Thats 250 a week. A 1000 a month. 12,000 a year. If you make 100k & have 10k pretax deductions per year & are taxed 22%, youre bringing home like 70k post tax. That means it costs you almost 20% of your take home pay just to go to work
@unusual_whales
unusual_whales
7 months
Workers with in-person jobs spend about $51 a day that they wouldn't remotely, per USA Today.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
1 month
Imagine being mad at Sexxy Red for coming to your school smelling like weed instead of being mad at yourself for inviting her there in the first damn place. Maybe we get C Murder to speak to the kids via zoom from prison in the auditorium next week
@XXL
XXL Magazine
1 month
Sexyy Red wasn’t allowed to speak at a high school because she smelled like weed so she turned up with the students outside.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Ive seen "bury me loose" and "loose leaf freezer meat" on here recently. Nobody can tell me that black people arent the expression creation gods. No debate.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
9 months
My daughter went to a fashion camp this week. She drew her outfit. The sewed it. The showed it off just now at the end of camp
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
@janetheeesq It be ya own people hating. You swore u were your dads biggest fan
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Women are flourishing as doctors, lawyers, businesswomen, or whatever and bc these women are harder to impress now & not giving their feminine energy out to just anyone, instead of getting their weight up, dudes are blaming feminism 😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Say what you will about capitalism, socialism, and communism but only one of them literally had the word CAP in it
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Dudes be talking about only dating women of a caliber that will help them close CEO level business deals without a single potential business deal in sight. Im about to start agreeing with the women. We probably are the more delusional sex
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
The broader point is that white kids will be so deep into portraying a image of being down with black people or black culture and literally not know anything about black people or black culture
@BrandyLegion
BRANDY LEGION
2 years
. @jackharlow finds out Brandy and Ray J are siblings during interview to HO7 97
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
This "Big Quit" movement of people quitting their jobs for better or more flexible jobs is such an elitist conversation. You gotta be at a certain socioeconomic level for this to be a real option for most people
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Ive heard countless men say monogamy is unnatural and forced and thats why it doesnt work. The second their girl says they agree, dudes become biological anthropologist citing the history of nuclear families and the necessity of fidelity😭
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
3 years
Vaccination mandates are doing the Lord's work for us. The police are defunding themselves 😭
@zerohedge
zerohedge
3 years
Seattle PD May Lose 40% Of Officers Over Covid-19 Vaccine Mandate
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 months
The greatest trick that white people have ever pulled on one another is making each other believe they earned everything they have. Its like all the white welfare of the past century, that excluded everyone else, never even existed
@ScottAdamsSays
Scott Adams
2 months
Whoever came up with "Didn't Earn It" as the description of DEI might have saved the world. Normally, the clever alternative names people use to mock the other side's policy are nothing but grin-worthy. This one could collapse the whole racist system. It's that strong.
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
4 years
They just talked about this on Seattle radio. This story is gaining nationwide traction. Southwest is in trouble. Thats what they get too. They were wilding. I hope some people get fired. I've seen way worse on planes. We all know why she was treated like this.
@UziSuzy
Kayla Eubanks
4 years
Y’all I was KICKED OFF my @SouthwestAir flight because my boobs are “lewd, obscene and offensive.” I was told that passengers may look at me in my attire and be offended. The attire in question:
Tweet media one
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Unattractive mixed and non black women that be in black twitter calling people ugly is 100% our fault. Black men have made these women feel too good about themselves
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@Frediculous
That Fred Character
2 years
Okay, the common response here is “how is this unrelated” lol. I was just trying to be the totally reasonable non conspiratorial twitter user not trying to make connections between things, instead of yelling what i really wanted to: WE’RE GONERS!
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