Brandon Wardell @BRANDONWARDELL Twitter profile

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

1 year

THE BRANDON JAMEL SHOW. THIS MARCH.

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Last Seen Profiles

@SachinTaral4

@jimmyjohns

@asl33plessdream

@Hunter_Burton04

@barrassoforwyo

@CoachRobMcD

@takosan_0917

@Dazs2023

@florentino10apr

@o_hazurebiyori

@wildriftES

@TonyLira2024

@MarkHuntgoat

@cdromalt

@MsEricaDixon

@kryptixxx

@magnetonlyfans

@soundman727

@ColeBennett66

@Gays_Cruising

@NYXS_io

@tekitoh_chan

@FantomApeTalks

@ottrfinance

@mi_workingmama

@ArsenalReveal

@MianVeer19

@the_borahh

@Erasmus2023

@GriffittsL79762

@Othman_Al_Sawaf

@lily_pondstore

@Shibsniffer

@babyromof

@MarocDiplomatie

@_vihkie_

Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

2 years

Why did my hotel room come w this framed bedside

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

my parents: - 60 years old - eat meatloaf and milk everyday - favorite tv shows: americas funniest home videos and the news me (drunk as shit): im gonna convince them to vote for bernie sanders in the next 30 minutes i can feel it

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

self care is the MOST important thing !!! :) wear a facemask. drink water. take a nap. take a bath. quit ur job. post 500 times a day. gossip constantly. alienate urself from anyone that disagrees w u even remotely. wear a hazmat suit. move 2 a bunker underground.

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

lana del rey: i smoked a cigarette in californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa me: *crying in my living room* ive done that

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

u mean 2 tell me that mr peanut's name is dick peanut n his car is called the nutmobile

Mr. Peanut

@MrPeanut

7 years

Big news! We’ve recovered the NUTmobile. Unfortunately, it’s not exactly mobile thanks to Richard’s parking job. #PlantersRoadTrip

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

steve harvey: the category is... Things You Fuck With Your Dick family feud contestant: oh sheesh steve haha i don't wanna say this in front of my kids but....... Pussy (whole crowd laughing and going wild) steve harvey: ooooooooooo lord ooooooooo thats nasty whats wrong w you

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

finally met eminem

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

why is there an ad for Monsters Inc (2001) on this banana (2020)

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

viral tweet: everyone in AP English class grew up to be a bisexual communist (100k likes) me, staring at my computer, squinting my eyes: i mean, surely this cannot be true

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

hillary clinton, on jeffery epstein: hillary clinton, on harvey weinstein: hillary clinton, on bernie sanders: none of my friends like him. you’re not invited to our pizza parties or the cool plane, honey! im addicted to being on tv still

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

remember those 3 months where we thought bernie sanders was gonna be president. everyone was fucking and sucking. the world was so simple

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

top 3 coolest drake brags: 1. taking half a xanax for a 13 hour flight 2. having sex 4 times in one week 3. smoking weed once

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

[fully doesn't have the skill or work ethic for a task] omg I have imposter syndrome

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

i love being a fuckin dumbass whose entire worldview is changed based on whatever the last documentary i watched was

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

*guy listens to kanye west AND indie bands* dam...... i should probably be a professional music journalist. wow

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

mom. dad. meet my gf. *record scratch* mom: ur gf is... dad: president donald j trump? *walking on sunshine starts playing* trailer voice guy: this thanksgiving, brandon is coming home n his gf is president donald j trump

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

*extremely blink 182 voice* where r u? aziz ansari, i cannot sleep i cannot dream tonight

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

calling my agent immediately

The FADER

@thefader

4 years

The story of Martin Shkreli’s $2M Wu-Tang Clan album purchase to become Netflix movie.

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

9 years

when i said "netflix n chill," i meant "netflix n chill". stop tryna kiss me. watch this 9/11 conspiracy theory documentary or get out

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

got my second vaccine dose and now I keep getting texts like this :/

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

sex and the city character 1: honey sometimes u just gotta have sex! sex and the city character 2: *sippin a cosmo* im an absolute slut for sex. i love new york city me, watching at home by myself: dam dude this shit fucking rules man

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

logan paul would have dropped the wildest 9/11 vlog

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

we gotta stop letting white women open businesses

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

2 years

CVS when Im picking up insulin to not die: that’ll be 1000000000 dollars CVS when Im picking up xanax that I definitely don’t actually need: take a penny leave a penny :)

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

life can't just be smoking weed and doing skincare. once a month, you gotta pretend you're reading a book

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

instagram has made hot people an oversaturated market. it’s boring. it’s corny. it’s passé. i wanna see A LOT more uggos this year

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

good email from my doctor

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

im diabetic (dont love talking about it on twitter bc it’s not funny) and im fortunate enough to be able to pay for meds but thinking about people in my position who can’t afford to breaks my heart and the DNC fighting so hard to prevent medicare for all is so fucking depressing

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

Twitter to ban “former gifted children” starting October 1

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

no babe,,,,, OUR name jeff ❤️

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

hey there delilah pls send pics of ass and tity

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ 🤠 　　　　　💯💯💯 　　　　💯 　💯　💯 　　　👇🏽　 💯💯　👇🏽 　　　　　💯　 💯 　　　　　💯　　💯 　　　　　 👢　　👢 howdy. im the sheriff of suckin u off. im gon suck u off

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

i quit drinking so now im just walking around bored and depressed w flawless skin. waking up at 7am for no reason. this shit sucks

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

1 year

Flight attendant: You’re sitting in an exit row. Are you ready willing and able to assist in case of an emergency Me, half a xan and 2 bloody marys deep: Yeah definitely

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

auditioning to play a teen in a 90s movie

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

why is amanda bynes in she’s the man just me

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

wiz khalifa: hold up hold up hold up we dem boyz :) me (talking 2 my boys): aww that's us hehe :) my boys: :) me: :) wiz khalifa: :)

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

me: *watches literally maybe 30 seconds of a joe rogan video* my youtube front page recommendations for the rest of eternity: - Feminist Cringe Compilation 3 - Ben Shapiro Most Savage Logic Moments Volume 5 - SJW Gets Triggered 36 - Jordan Peterson Eat Beef

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

fifty shades: what if someone touched ur nipple during sex america: dam this is some kinky shit

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

2 years

invited my aunt to my seattle show next week smh

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

this dude just hit a weed vape and a juul at the same time and called it a “silicon valley spliff” oh my god

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

how am i supposed 2 trust my doctors when they all use like, windows xp

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

dads love to watch 12 hours of cable news everyday and then once a month they’ll watch a movie they’ve seen before

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

i saw u posting about capitalism. yeah no that shit sucks fr aha 🙈 wyd tn

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

2 years

cool hat I just found at 7/11

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

a mute is stronger than a block bc a block gives them the satisfaction of a screenshot. a screenshot is content. never give ur enemy content

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

:/

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

i agree that the nuggets kid should have asked wendy's 2 end racism n gender inequality

Drew Lynch

@TheDrewLynch

7 years

A guy broke the record for most retweets by asking for nuggets. Not world peace. Not racial or gender equality. ... nuggets.

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

me deleting all my 2011-2016 tweets n acting like nothing happened

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

2 years

Not me watching Euphoria 👁👄👁 Lexi’s play was crazyyyyyy 😹 Gonna be 30 years old in 6 months

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

girls love it when you take a 20mg adderall before a date and explain to them that jeffrey epstein is still alive for 2 hours

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

ok this is epic

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

im glad it's cold outside again so i can wear cool jackets instead of having a personality

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

been staring at this youtube thumbnail for 30 hours

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

everything u do on adderall feels like ur creating facebook

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

people forget jar jar binks successfully won a senatorial campaign in-between phantom menace and attack of the clones

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

comedy movies, 1970-2008: buhhhh ahhh fuck man i gotta have sex w a barely legal and drink this entire keg of beer or everyone’s gonna know im a virgin comedy movies, 2008-present: im dying and everyone i love is dying. also i live in brooklyn

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

comedians in tanks killing civilians

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

literally why was george costanza getting so much pussy

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

i jus went 2 the mall n got circumcised at claire’s 😊

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

loving carly rae jepsen is the “im not like other girls” of straight men and honey im guilty

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

literally every song from 2009-2010 was an attempt to get in an apple commercial

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

everyone on here wants to argue about socialism this capitalism that. but i believe in a monarchy. because every woman reading this is a queen :)

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

5 years strong w this amazing human 😍🥰 everyday is an adventure w you

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

the truman show was windows 98 black mirror

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

curfew is bullshit. the mayor thinks he's my dad. shut the fuck up eric

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

ads in the 30s: im a doctor and u should smoke cigarettes ads in the 60s: peace, love, n coca cola man ads in the 90s: *skateboarding guy* blue raspberry is RAD dude ads in 2018: *fake ass ripoff tim and eric graphics* um *looks at camera* am i in a COMMERCIAL *exploding cats*

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

re-illegalize it

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

*texting at 2:35am* god i wish i hugged u at that party earlier 🙈

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

imagine if u will a lofi chill beats to study to music festival. no mosh pits. only study pits. no molly. only adderall. the headliner is a book

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

it’s 6 months into the pandemic. you have to take the bus to a job where you don’t have health insurance and your boss doesn’t care if you live or die. the bus has a gigantic ad begging emmy voters to give trevor noah an emmy. that’s LA baby. what a town !

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

proud 2 announce after a month of northern virginia community college graphic design classes, i’ve already been hired 4 a major project ^__^

Selena Gomez

@selenagomez

7 years

I've been running through the jungle, I've been crying with the wolves. 10.25.

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

thinking about how fucking dumb it's gonna be when im 30 years old and my name is "brandon"

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

everyone in greta van fleet looks like a slightly off clone of me

Rolling Stone

@RollingStone

5 years

Greta Van Fleet on why it’s time to stop the Led Zeppelin comparisons

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

i just saw a whole foods security guard w a full boner. how am i supposed to trust u to protect this establishment when u can’t stay flaccid at whole foods

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

7 years

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

america 👏🏻 deserves 👏🏻 a female president 👏🏻 *crowd cheers* a fine ass respectable female. u feel me *crowd is cheering a little less* america deserves a fine ass president w big naturals fr *crowd is booing me, im licking my lips and rubbing my hands*

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

This was when the internet peaked for me. Downhill ever since 50 Cent stopped hanging out w weird children

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

classic patrick star quote

Patrick Star

@PatrickLaugh

6 years

Call me. Fuck this "maybe" shit.

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

in 2007 if u were a straight guy that like, took a shower and wore a shirt that wasn’t fuckin disgusting people were like “dam............. metrosexual”

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

i will no longer be selling AR-15s at the merch table after my shows

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

yeah im a drug addict. if you consider ambition a “drug”. if you consider moderation and self-control a “drug”. if you consider adderall a “drug”

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

gaming

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

the barstool health insurance plan is just stop being a pussy dude

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

I don’t know Trump’s sexuality but Obama should not call him that word. Do better

Fox News

@FoxNews

3 years

Obama called Trump a 'f------ lunatic' in remarks to foundation donors, book claims

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

u either die an artist or live long enough to see yourself become a podcaster

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

stormy daniels said toad is from mario kart. toad is in mario kart but he’s not from mario kart. collusion and cheating on ur wife are bad but not as unforgivable as being a fake gamer girl

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

2 years

Texting and driving hits different when youre drunk

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

dude it’s so fuckin epic and hot when a girl knows what barstool sports is !!!!!!!!! i do not know where the clit is and i have no intention of finding out. cumming is kind of a guy thing

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

millennials love to say “I have depression” gen z loves to say “my brain is in my flop era” boomers love to take it out on their son Brandon and say they’ll never respect his work as a comedian

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

Girls love to be like “I can fix his type 1 diabetes”

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

this is the most fuckin urban outfitters shit i’ve seen in my life

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

4 years

it’s 3am. you had too much coke and ketamine. you tried fixing it w alcohol but it only made you feel worse. there’s only one solution. you text your boy. it’s time to make an elegant vase.

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

6 years

one of u guys is gonna fuckin ruin thanksgiving dinner bc ur mom doesn’t kno the difference between a neoliberal and a leftist. she made dinner. pls be nice

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

3 years

my ten year old son just told me instead of the pledge of allegiance they make all the kids at school sing wet ass pussey. he got expelled for not doing it

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Brandon Wardell

@BRANDONWARDELL

5 years

meeting ur gf when she's 17 and ur 44 #thingsthatshouldneverhappen

Dane Cook

@DaneCook

5 years

Any guy over 30 throwing himself a birthday #thingsthatshouldneverhappen

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