willy 🌜💧 @willystaley Twitter profile

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

To err is human. To really screw up, you need a computer!

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Last Seen Profiles

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@Munaishey

@muyconciliadora

@zmemel

@Imneko16

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@premmy254781

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@teratoya_

@Feyenoord

@nong_ikkyu

@OldNatlCentre

@ArchivoGeneral

@1st_sealord

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@APWUnational

@Alagpro

@zoa_george

@sergeyzvezda

@BancoGalicia

@officialkaleo

@Kerygmattick

@stw_pdg

@DavidAriew

willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

The thoroughly revamped loss-prevention regime at the Port Authority Duane Reade has finally created something of beauty, a sort of Jeff Koons homage.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

That’s like a 90 minute drive. Pizza’s cold now. Thanks for nothing, Pete Davidson

Liam Quigley

@_elkue

1 year

Pete Davidson just dropped off pizza from Spumoni Gardens for striking Writer’s Guild members in Greenpoint

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

The whole world hates America because our numbers are so good. 100 degrees — that’s a really hot day. 100 MPH — that’s really fast. $100 — that’s a lot of money. They wish they could live like this.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

27 days

Always had a nagging suspicion that Indianapolis wasn’t quite the town Paris is. But now we have data to prove it.

Hayden Clarkin

@the_transit_guy

27 days

Paris, a city of 2.161 million people, within the footprint of Indianapolis, a city of 880,000 people.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

I hate it when I’m talking to my former CIA handler, who has shown up at my remote seaside home in an effort to get me to do one last job, and I look off into the distance and see my wife and young child playing meaningfully in the distance.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Envy the younger generation that completely missed out on the "bespoke cocktail" revolution of a decade ago, and knows it only from jokes. The jokes were all real. There really were guys in suspenders who took 10 minutes to make a drink. And they had mustaches. That's all true.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Celsius is ridiculous. "40" simply isn't a big enough number to convey how hot that is. Europeans need to get real, this is a crisis.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

Don Jr. calling SNL “S&L” is one of the most beautiful things he’s ever done. You couldn’t come up with a funnier dumb guy mistake if you spent years trying.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

10 months

At the bar last night, the Zoomers were all paying with credit cards and closing out on every round. This is psycho behavior. Someone needs to teach these children how to go to the bar.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

One really funny thing about this site, which I do sort of appreciate, is how low neuroticism, high agreeability people are basically treated like Martians

cold 🥑

@coldhealing

1 year

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 months

I started getting ads for straight-up whippits on here. Insane website.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Setting aside the questions of ownership, just look at this video. It’s so miserable. Broken, exhausted culture.

Jimmy Fallon

@jimmyfallon

3 years

8 Tik Tok dances with @whoisaddison !!

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 months

Goddam, Ben. You've done it again.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Are you "hungover"? Or is capitalism not giving your body the time it needs to heal from hanging out with your homies?

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

9 months

One of the funniest things that reactionary vitalists do on here is find photos and video of, like, Daytona Beach Spring Break 1982 and act like it’s a random sampling of Americans on a regular Saturday evening.

Save Your Sons

@SaveYourSons

9 months

1980s US seems different than current US… Physically and mentally healthy people enjoying life What changed from then to now?

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

9 months

There used to be cheap urban rent, and good stuff to buy at thrift stores. There was basically a whole lifestyle arranged around these two interrelated facts. But now they're both gone. And that's because Zooey Deschanel is marrying a Property Brother. They caused this to happen.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

The guy who owns Tito's Vodka is named Tito Beveridge....what the fuck

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

10 months

“Favorite bit of history” was the wrong call here, should have gone with “I can’t stop thinking about…” There’s all sorts of cool stuff in history. The Aztecs, for example. I could go on

rosey🌹

@thechosenberg

10 months

Favorite bit of history is how Vampire Weekend just used this picture without asking and she sued

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

9 months

Chugging beer, checking phone, trying to find a groove in a tedious conversation with a stranger and failing — I can’t help but relate!!

Isaac Arnsdorf

@iarnsdorf

10 months

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

How many old folks will have to die because the 26 year olds of Brooklyn love going to the single worst bar in America?

Jake Bittle

@jake_bittle

4 years

Social distancing in full effect at Franklin Park

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

Interesting quote from an ER doctor who literally works at the very center of the outbreak.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

5 months

This is how everyone talks now. Nothing you can do about it.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Just loaded a “sure thing” 10K banger into drafts, gonna wait to unload this until the time is right…

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Imagine posting “night water hits different” on Mastodon and getting two updoots and one retoot. Get real. You’re not going anywhere.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 months

The American concept of having a pet dog

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Zach Harris

@PotCzach

2 years

McDonald’s ad during the basketball game just told me a “QCP (Quarter Pounder with Cheese) Just Hits Different”

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

25 days

Because the big wheels of Edam or Gouda or whatever come in red wax. It’s a little joke. You’re supposed to get it by the time you’re an adult.

alex 🇺🇸

@alexthegrreat

27 days

why the hell would you package cheese like this

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Europeans phone numbers are all, like, +65 00066 82 31687 0 9865 05 0 0. Come on. Get real.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

10 months

Love the idea that someone who survived 9/11 would want to live there.

Mark D. Levine

@MarkLevineNYC

10 months

Big news in Lower Manhattan today: A new tower has just been approved for the 5 WTC site. Will be *housing*. 1,200 units, including 400 affordable, w/ preference for 9/11 survivors and first responders. Will create 10k union construction jobs. We need more of this everywhere.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

"gentrifier" is an idiotic concept, a great example of neoliberalism lurking within ostensibly lefitst thinking, a way of obscuring the real forces that have been remaking the city for decades now. But it also leads to funny mental gymnastics.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 month

70 degrees in New York City. The 41st St Chopt is absolutely slammed. Outlook for seating at Bryant Park: bad. This is what it’s all about. We wait all year for this.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

My solution to America's loneliness epidemic: -No video games during the day -Skatepark in every town -More corner bars (gov't subsidized) -Make most delivery illegal

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

"nothingburger" — no one is forcing you to use this word. you can have a long, happy, productive life and never use it once.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

We're on track to let millions of doses of the vaccine straight-up expire. Fucking unreal.

America’s Vaccine Rollout Is Already a Disaster

Vaccines should bring the end of the pandemic, but we’re bungling their distribution just as badly as the rest of our coronavirus response.

nymag.com

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Actually sort of respect how brazenly phoned-in and cynical this is.

Page Six

@PageSix

3 years

Grimes seen reading Karl Marx following split with world's richest man Elon Musk

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

Sad to see the Vanity Fair afterparty turn its back on the meritocratic, egalitarian ideals that made it great.

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@minipinkjodie

1 year

oh to be steve jobs’s daughter and got to attend the vanity fair after party styled by law roach because of your daddy’s money

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

The vibes aren't off in New York this summer — you're just a former gifted kid late capitalism pleasure to have in class global warming generalized anxiety disorder pandemic. 💬 12.4K ♻️ 86.4K ❤️ 483K

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Just read about one of these new TikTok trends. It's called "night luxe" and the idea is you go out drinking at night in nice clothes. And — this is key — it's vaguely anti-capitalist.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

6 months

You’re at the coolest bar in Denver. The drone just brought you your third Bilbo Baggins Hazy DIPA. Your phone buzzes — it’s Netflix. There’s a new Ryan Reynolds comedy to watch. It’s 2025, you’re a Reddit-American and you’re in complete control.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

24 days

Seeing Lil Pump live in Kragujevac, the fourth largest city in Serbia, would be *insane*

Lil pump

@lilpump

24 days

We on tour esketitttt

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

This is just what everything has to be like now

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Weeks of pointless arguing over how media elites should talk about Ivermectin absolutely smoked by Ben Garrison's stance: Yeah it's horse medicine — and we like that about it.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

As we all know, everything in history has exactly one cause. And it’s up to us on this website to figure out what it is.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Truly despair-inducing, a culture completely and totally exhausted with itself. Enjoy.

James Kelleher

@etienneshrdlu

2 years

Deeply strange

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

The Enfenestration of Prague please RT

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Pathologizing the normal patterns of conversation, a fantastic new thing we can do on here

Thaumaturge

@Rhanty

3 years

🧘🏾‍♂️

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

I’m going to start a TikTok and deploy these same arguments against “cemeteries.”

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

7 months

White lady gets cancelled for opening a sushi restaurant..."hiking is settler colonialism'...this site is roaring back to life before our eyes.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

It's crazy how much cabbage they fit in one cabbage.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

10 months

He’s still so embarrassed by this strange thing he said in 2018 (“My favorite meat is hot dog”), he makes a video trying to own it, and because no one outside of political hobbyists remembers it, he succeeds only in making Qanon people think he’s speaking in pedophile code.

Senator Mitt Romney

@SenatorRomney

10 months

To all those celebrating—happy National Hot Dog Day! May there be many more hot dogs served in our wonderful land. 🌭🇺🇸

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

I'd love to have one to keep, case and all — but there's only one way to do that...

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

In this weekend's magazine, I wrote about a somewhat obscure TV show that's been off the air for more than a decade — but saw exactly where this country was headed.

Why Is Every Young Person in America Watching ‘The Sopranos’? (Published 2021)

The show’s new audience is also seeing something different in it: a parable about a country in terminal decline.

www.nytimes.com

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

9 months

At this point, you do have to wonder if Clarence Thomas is a great hang. Just fun to be around.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

Googled the name of a rapper whose popularity concerns me and discovered the single most humiliating rapper origin story imaginable.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Before the Euro, the number situation must have been even more insane in Europe. French guys spending like 20 francs on a beer to cool off from the 35 degree heat. Get real.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

If cancel culture is real, how does Louis CK have gigs booked in Pristina, Chișinău, Tiraspol, Skopje and the Potash Mining Conference in Podgorica? Huh? Explain that, smart guy.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

NYU students got an O-Chem professor fired because his class was too hard.

At N.Y.U., Students Were Failing Organic Chemistry. Who Was to Blame? (Published 2022)

Maitland Jones Jr., a respected professor, defended his standards. But students started a petition, and the university dismissed him.

www.nytimes.com

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

The airplane joke is “gifted kid” shit on steroids — fake humility in the service of talking about the intricacies of your profession. It’s perfect for this website. You really do love to see it.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 months

Something fun to think about: There are tens of thousands of people on this website who think this is spooky.

Science girl

@gunsnrosesgirl3

3 months

Why 13?

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@willystaley

3 years

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

PROJECT VERITAS GUY: You work at the Times? What's that like. ME [visibly drunk]: It's like this, dude. They used to have Goldfish all the time at the snack table, right? Now, it's like, like, you're fucken lucky if they have Goldfish once a month. It's insane man. I don't get it

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

They'd have, like, special ice cubes, but then they'd whack the ice cubes with their stirring spoons for some reason. They were always bruising herbs and shit. I mean it was insane.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

What unemployed New Yorkers need right now it the ability to buy high-deductible health care plans for the reasonable price of $400 a month for an individual, maybe $1000 a month for a family of three.

Hillary Clinton

@HillaryClinton

4 years

Millions of people have lost their employer-tied health care over the last two weeks because of the pandemic. It's an easy call: Re-open the health care exchanges.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

The anti-woke Disney guy can hardly cite one thing that’s been changed in the name of progressive politics. His real problem is that he’s become aware of outside forces acting on his beloved theme park, which demystifies it; he really believed in magic. A perfect American guy.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Dreams do come true: Ben Garrison is in some sort of feud with the Dilbert Guy over the vaccines — and he's winning.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 months

True Detective: Night Country opened with a trigger warning last night due to depictions of “mental health.” They should’ve warned me that I was about to watch another goddam hour of TV without any plot advancement!! I’ve had it up to here with this show!!!

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

[guy who calls himself “Dr Melfi’s son, but based” and has posted ten Paulie Walnuts gifs in the last two days] Disney adults are the ultimate subject of neoliberal capitalism

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Recess was actually really fucked up when you think about it... 💬 12K 🔄 57K ❤️ 134K

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

5 months

The Cambridge to Barstool pipeline has officially been closed

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

So you’re saying that in the course of socializing with his Hollywood friends, Larry David accidentally set in motion a series of events with an unexpected and hilarious outcome?

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

"...they wait in these lines all day long, then they buy the thing, they turn right around and put it on StockX. I'm not kidding! After a certain point, you have to come clean with yourself: You're not a sneakerhead — you just like lines! You're a linehead."

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

It’s true, TikTok is bad. But not so bad that we should allow ourselves to do the most vile and repugnant thing you can do on the internet: intentionally refuse to parse irony.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

"Not long ago, it would have been embarrassing for adults to admit that they found avant-garde painting too difficult and preferred the comforts of story time." Brutal.

With Hannah Gadsby’s ‘It’s Pablo-matic,’ the Joke’s on the Brooklyn Museum

The Australian comedian turns curator in a show about Picasso’s complicated legacy. But it’s women artists the exhibition really shortchanges.

www.nytimes.com

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

9 months

Piggybacking on @SomersErin here: I would say that this is perfectly representative of the drift of Millennial culture, which is that whatever charm or spirit it may have had in the early days was eventually subordinated to the logic of real estate improvement and appreciation.

Pop Crave

@PopCrave

9 months

Zooey Deschanel and Jonathan Scott are engaged! 🔗:

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

TERRY GROSS [loading up a YouTube video called “Marriage Story cringe compilation”]: Adam, if you don’t mind, I have something I’d like you to watch with me.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

2013: Here’s What to Say if a Dudebro Tells You Taylor Swift Is Lame 2017: The Blonde Beast: How Taylor Swift Appropriates the Aesthetic Universe of the Nazi General Government 2021: Here’s Why I Brought a Loaded Pistol to the Whole Foods in Malibu Looking for Jake Gyllenhaal

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

Barstool Sports' "ugly Christmas sweaters" is one of the best examples of the "hipster to bro pipeline" of the 2010s, an underexamined and, frankly, haunting cultural phenomenon.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

5 years

Rappers used to spend more time at the end of songs just listing different cities where there are cool guys. Another nice tradition we’ve lost.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

5 years

Trying to go viral here...let’s see...uhh.... Lana Del Rey is just...Future? for....white women who...uhh...wear Filas?...and use Uber...Pool. That ought to do it.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

Thanks, but no thanks

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

The piece puts "night luxe" against something they call "that girl" on TikTok, which seems to be a basic wellness type. And in this framing, going out and getting drunk is meant to be a new form of self-care — freedom from self-care. Well, hey — sure. Welcome back, kids!

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Not to sound too much like an effete coastal weenie, but these late-model pickup trucks are for antisocial bullies, and seem to enable their users' worst tendencies. They've somehow managed to take right-wing culture war bullshit and put it all into a car, it's unreal.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

She's a very good flirt. People on this website are completely hopeless.

lucy pengelly

@sup3rst4rpr1n

1 year

she’s undeniable proof that being hot completely overrides being autistically incapable of picking up simple conversational social cues.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

This is an idea that is too powerful to die. Just when you think it's gone, it's back. It represents the deepest desires of Twitter's power users — to be recognized as special, to be perpetually unhappy and blameless — and it will be with us until they pull the plug on this site.

Lauren Penner, MS, LPC

@laurenpennerlpc

2 years

If you were called “mature for your age” as a kid, you’re in therapy now.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

Bernie needs to exercise the nuclear option and pick Biden as his VP, thereby forcing him out of the race. Why is no one talking about this?

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

@mrkocnnll If your circle isn't talking Wife ROI, it's time to make some new friends

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

NASA in the '60s: We're going to aim a guy at the moon using a Super Nintendo and Nazi rocket science. NASA in the '20s: We zoomed in further and — yup — there's more stars out there.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

5 months

@coldhealing Being Mormon is so swag

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

9 months

@lunch_enjoyer It's funny, you can find old footage of his on YouTube, and he's actually not bad (or doing kook shit like this). But what's really apparent is that he's super into Chris "Cobra" Cole, and that this might, in fact, be the reason he wears a beanie all the time.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

I don’t know if it’s the dumbest, but I do think this one sort of “has it all”: a regional tragedy treated as something that needs commentary, the commentary being the psychotic application of privilege discourse, the Game of Thrones stan/lawyer combo evident in the display name.

AK Lingus

@aklingus

2 years

Enough talk about the good times on this website, let’s talk about the dumbest moments on this website. I’ll start: that time people thought there were two drils and the second one was much less funny

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

A fascinating glimpse at how Zoomers process moderately conceptual fashion photography

Page Six

@PageSix

1 year

Ballet community slams Sydney Sweeney's dance-inspired photo shoot

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

I swear this stuff is designed to make people lose their minds.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

Great news everyone: Kids prefer socializing through their phones to socializing in real life, which they find unbearably stressful in comparison.

Jeff (Gutenberg Parenthesis) Jarvis

@jeffjarvis

1 year

Newspapers tells us that teens are depressed and terrorized by their phones. These kids in The Times focus group sure don't sound like that.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

These videos have entered a fascinating baroque period, common to online content, in which the output becomes unmoored from anyone’s actual desires and is instead increasingly tailored to the needs and language of the medium.

Liz Charboneau

@lizchar

4 years

at no point did I know what was coming next

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

"It makes more sense." Does it, dude? 80 and up is "hot." The water boils when it's ready. You think I care what temperature it is? Scale for pedants and nerds. My broiler goes to 500, bro.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

2 years

Oh you’re sad about losing all your crypto? Sam Bankman-Fried just manslaughtered a trillion interstellar humanoids in the distant future — imagine how he’s feeling. Have some sympathy for once.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

3 years

I’d love for “get a load of” to replace “can’t stop thinking about” — it’s what we really mean, isn’t it? Let’s be honest with one another for once.

Josh

@FLITTER

3 years

can’t stop thinking about this horizontally cut bread

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

4 years

Pasta primavera was a huge fucking deal when it was invented in the ‘70s. It’s just pasta with vegetables in a cream sauce. How bad was food before 1976? I don’t get it.

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willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

Built environment has been pretty static since the '70s, but phones showed up right before when kids started getting depressed. My phone makes me anxious and distracts me from doing simple tasks. Not sure why people want so badly to reject this.

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