Trigger’s Broom @wakeupmummy Twitter profile

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@unherd

Trigger’s Broom

@wakeupmummy

16 days

Look what just came through my cat flap. Previous occupants apparently abandoned him when they moved. That said, he’s got a collar. Apologies for the photo, but he’s just wolfed down a tin of tuna. He’s very vocal. Bengals are known for that. X💕💕😂😂

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

My son has been vaccinated at school. I’m livid!

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

I watch people coming out of shops etc. They tear their masks off with the same passion as I do when I pull my bra off at the end of the day.

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

So my PCR test comes back negative but they say, there’s still a chance I could be infected. What the hell does that mean? 🤷‍♀️.

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

Has anyone actually heard of The Waterboys? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Did everyone’s Mum have a normal voice and a telephone voice when we were kids? X

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

This may cost me my account. But, sat in a cool bath. Listening to “wish you were here” and drinking Pinot Grigio. Thinking that the Krays would have maintained a balance. Kids would have been safe. I’m right aren’t I?

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@wakeupmummy

4 months

This may be contentious. However, as London is our capital. The nation’s capital. Do you think we should all vote on who gets to run it? After all, it’s the 1st representation of anyone visiting the U.K. just a question mind.

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

Can anyone see this? I’m not looking for attention. But I’ve been told people can’t see my tweets. X

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

So my Mum puts some money in my account for my birthday. I buy my son some boxing gloves and pads. I teach him to box (I did kick boxing years ago). Right or wrong?

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

Ok. I said I wouldn’t retweet. But this has enraged me. And that’s difficult to do. 😡😡😡

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Finally got some good news yesterday. Got offered a job. It could not have come at a better time. Thank you for all the good wishes and messages. You’re all just so lovely. Be giggling again soon. 😘😂

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

This could finish the BBC off

Steve Coogan to play Jimmy Savile in BBC drama - BBC News

The comedian and actor says he did not take the decision to play the disgraced TV personality "lightly".

www.bbc.co.uk

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Who is coming to live here with me?

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

And another thing! To all those remainers. We never voted to join the EU either! We voted to join a common market. We then voted to leave a morphed state of which we had to comply with. Of which is now trying to bully us.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

I’m sorry for worrying people last night. Thank you for your messages. I don’t normally reach out. I felt desperate. You guys answered. I’m feeling better today, much better. I’ll keep it together. I promise. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

11 months

Just nipped to Sainsbury’s. Pulled up, perfectly within the lines. Guy next to me told me park elsewhere, he couldn’t get out of his car. I ignored him. He then shouted at me threatening to f*ck my car up. His wife was embarrassed. I told her she’s married to a wanker. 🤷‍♀️

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

This whole thing about men having a cervix is just a smear campaign against women.

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@wakeupmummy

9 months

There are people that want to destroy this way of life. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Morning lovelies. As I got out of bed earlier, I was wolf whistled by an Owl. Does that count?

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@wakeupmummy

1 month

This shouldn’t even be a question. Just stop it! She’s in perfect health.

Lovers’ Guide 💟

@guideforlovers

1 month

Men, is this fat for you?

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Do all men wake up with ‘wood’? Curious?

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@wakeupmummy

10 months

My god they’re really trying hard aren’t they. 🙄🙄🤡🤡

Good Morning Britain

@GMB

10 months

'This week they could equal or break the highest temperature earth has ever recorded.' Are the rising temperatures changing your mind about the climate emergency? Do you have more sympathy with the Just Stop Oil protesters?

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

If you didn’t do this at a party or a club, we can no longer be friends. 😂

Deeper Season

@SeasonDeeper

3 years

I can hear this picture 😅

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@wakeupmummy

4 months

The ‘invitation’ is the gateway. We’ve all seen how the wedge works.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Well I forgot about the food order from Sainsbury’s. No bra, loose top and bending down a lot must have made his evening. X

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@wakeupmummy

8 months

Carol? Is that you?

PAUL ALIEN 9💎🔞🔞🔞

@PhilipL47837986

8 months

🙈

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

Evening all. Just found out that my Mum follows me on Twitter. I’m grounded aren’t I? 😳😳

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Is warmed up cauliflower cheese acceptable for breakfast? I’d appreciate a lot of “yes” answers because I love it. X

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

My Son has just called to ask if he can debit my account for a gift for his best mate’s birthday. He said he’ll give it back. I ain’t seeing it again am I? 🙄

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@wakeupmummy

8 months

Oh do piss off. 🙄

Good Morning Britain

@GMB

8 months

We are now officially in a heatwave and a new study suggests the heatwave we're currently in is at least five times more likely to happen because of climate change. @Lauratobin1

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@wakeupmummy

9 months

Lammy is an absolute arseh0le. What a disgusting little man.

Reasoned

@ReasonedUK

9 months

Labour's attitude towards working class concerns, summed up: 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫: ULEZ will break us. My wife is in tears. We can’t afford this. 𝐋𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐫'𝐬 𝐋𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐲: Just get a new car - or do you WANT your kids to get asthma?! 😠😠

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

True eh?

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@wakeupmummy

10 months

This is borderline treason. They’re accommodating an entire army up and down the country.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

When is the best time to tweet? After the first glass, half the bottle or full bottle?

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

My Son’s mate just rang him. Mate: what has a tiny penis and hangs down? Son : A Bat. Mate: Correct. What has a huge penis and hangs up? ...phone goes dead! 😂😂. I’m still crying with laughter.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Who remembers?

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@wakeupmummy

15 days

This woman has mince meat for a brain!

TOBY MACALLISTER

@TobyMacallister

16 days

🌹 LABOUR'S DAWN BUTLER "A child is born without sex" This woman will soon be IN GOVERNMENT. 😢 #NeverLabour

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@wakeupmummy

1 year

This is how I grew up. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

3 months

For those that saw the dog being beaten by the vet. Some justice….

Benonwine

@benonwine

3 months

He’s been arrested and got a taste of his own medicine 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👌👍

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@wakeupmummy

3 months

What an absolute c*nt of a mother. No other words. 😡

David Wolfe

@DavidWolfe

3 months

What do you think about this mom?

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@wakeupmummy

7 months

Sustainable tanks and weaponry?? Wtf is this girl being fed? I’m at a loss for words now. Can anyone explain this to me?

Mr Blonde (#FarRight)

@GillianKearney3

7 months

Greta Looney Tune speaks for us all ❤️ #ClimateActionNow

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Morning all. My girls go to sanctuary today. I can’t afford to keep them anymore. It’s for the best. I tried. X

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@wakeupmummy

13 days

Me if I woke up as a bloke for the day. 😂😂

Massimo

@Rainmaker1973

13 days

Young elephants don't learn to control their trunks until they're about a year old, so they can be seen swinging their trunk like a turbine fan. Like this. [📹 Sheldrick Wildlife Trust]

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@wakeupmummy

10 months

You know what. I look like an old scrubber atm. But guess what? I’m more woman than some delusional idiots will ever be. I Gave birth, Breastfed Had: Mastitis, PND, miscarried Endometriosis But none of which were the result of pretending. Ladies show me real womanhood.

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

I’ve just spoken with 3 solicitors. None of which are “allowed” to take on anything Covid related. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

2 months

I’m currently at 10.7k followers. It’s too many, Most are just for follow backs. Anyway, in an attempt to reduce, here’s a joke: What’s the difference between Whuhan and Las Vegas? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. 🤷‍♀️

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

Have you liked your own tweet by accident, then quickly unliked it out of embarrassment. I just did. X

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Don’t normally do selfie’s but I haven’t been out in ages. X.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Some w @nker has siphoned my effing tank. I had over 100 miles left. I now have an empty tank. What happened to in this together?

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Is it just me or do others think 🙄🙄🙄 when someone feels the need to correct spelling or grammar? Ffs, it takes about a nanosecond for the brain to figure out what someone is saying. Get a life!

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@wakeupmummy

3 months

My heart almost stopped. 😳😳😡. What irresponsible cnut.

non aesthetic things

@PicturesFoIder

3 months

That dog needs a new owner

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

We never voted to invade and colonise countries. We were enslaved ourselves by the elites. Work Houses as a prime example of the elites taking advantage of the less fortunate. If you were lucky, you were placed in servitude. There is no white privilege. Only elite.

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@wakeupmummy

6 months

I’m in an odd mood today. Take an iconic line from a film and add: “You Cnut” I’ll start: “You’re gonna need a bigger boat, you Cnut”

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Does anybody name their cars? Mine’s called Vera. X

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

So if I said “right turn Clyde” what would you think? Yes, I’m a bit bored and nostalgic. X

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@wakeupmummy

3 months

Evening folks. Keeping it light hearted. Who’s the best Viz character…ever! I know our @Bobbybollocks2 will say Fat Slags. 💕💕 “Ooh me snatch”.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

I’ve had couple of people dm me asking if I’m ok. I am blessed. I thought my role was to make people laugh not worry them. Truth is, my Dad goes in for open heart surgery on the 30th. I’m petrified. He’s 80. He held me so tight the day Elvis died. Despite his own heartbreak

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@wakeupmummy

4 months

Made my son watch Jaws tonight. He said it’s amazing. Close Encounters next time. What do you reckon. Can’t beat some 70s classics eh? Xx

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@wakeupmummy

8 days

She really has chit for brains. We’re in trouble guys, big trouble. 🙄🤷‍♀️

will

@will491149

8 days

The future of this planet is fu'ked.

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

I’m so proud of my daughter. She’s 18 and works so hard. Does double shifts and has been promoted to team leader already. The pub trade isn’t easy. However, it’s great in terms of work ethic. She also cleans a house every week. Youth aren’t always entitled.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

If I were ever lucky enough to go to Monaco. I would have to stand in front of the harbour and wonder, how many of those boats out there, were won on Bullseye?

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

#NewProfilePic

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

First proper evening . Wish me luck. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

16 days

Update on said cat. My Son found details in a capsule around his collar. His name is Batty. I’ve texted the owner. He’s yet to respond. He’s currently purring between my legs and paddy poring me. He’s happy for now. But I can’t move. Can someone bring me a drink? Xx

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

BREAKING: The Highway Code is to officially change it’s name to The Darwin Awards.

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@wakeupmummy

11 days

Ain’t she ace?

Katie Hopkins

@KTHopkins

11 days

Katie Hopkins: Batsh*t Bonkers Britain Thursday 25 April #rwanda #Ryanair #samsmith

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@wakeupmummy

5 months

I’ve said it before, Meth Leppard. 🤷‍♀️

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

10 yrs apart.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Show me the love of your life. I’ll start.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

My parents still owe me a BMX. What did you not get but really wanted as a child??

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

I need some help. Can someone please dm me. I thought things were getting sorted. They’re not. I’m losing the will.

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@wakeupmummy

16 days

@petemorristwit My son found a capsule on his collar. I’ve contacted him. But for now he’s happy here. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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@wakeupmummy

8 months

Autumn is here. Morning folks. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

1 month

20 yrs ago, I gave birth to this absolute beauty. Took 12 hrs. Fair bit of gas n air. But by Christ, ( no pun intended) she’s absolutely worth it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Love you darling. Happy Birthday baby.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Well I’ve just found out that my 17 yr old has had the jab. She promised me she’d look at research before going ahead. She didn’t. She’s waiting for her 2nd. I’ve failed as a mother.

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@wakeupmummy

1 year

Crushed leftover roast potatoes on a butty. Yes or no? I do not like wastage.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

I have a lot of male friends on here. They are great friends and have never tried it on. For those that have, especially those with partners who you say are living separate lives. Deal with that first. I’ve been there before. The other woman always gets the blame. Grow some

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Just off to the shops. Maskless and braless. Deal with it.

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

These pictures are of my babies. They’re paintings by a dear friend. Isn’t he clever?

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@wakeupmummy

2 months

Islam is not a race. It’s a medieval ideology based on fear, hatred and intolerance. It has no place in a civilised society. In the same way paedophilia, misogyny and bestiality doesn’t. Now run along and brush up on your etymology, grammar and punctuation.

S 🇯🇴

@SHakij20

2 months

@wakeupmummy @marti81_16 @RichardBurgon You both pushing 60, start preparing your funeral and carehouses that you’re ugly kids will leave you alone in you racists bigots

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@wakeupmummy

4 months

😂😂😂😂

💂🏻‍♀️👋🏻вєαя🍻🇬🇧™

@BigBearF1

4 months

Took me a while but when you see it don't spoil 😎

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

For those grammar/spelling nazis out there. For your single brain cell that feels the need to openly correct, I have billions able to understand a tweet regardless. Thank fk you weren’t on the Enigma team. We’d all be speaking German.

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@wakeupmummy

9 months

Morning darlings. Have you ever accidentally liked one of your own posts, then quickly unliked it so not to look like a self important tw @t ? Yeah, that was me about 10 seconds ago. 🙄😂😘

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@wakeupmummy

1 year

I thought my daughter was having her nails done. She wasn’t. She’s only gone and passed her fkn driving test! I’m fkn crying here. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

With a huge and heavy heart, I said goodbye to my curly wurlies. They’ve gone to a sanctuary in Wales. I’m also selling the land. I tried. To those that supported me. Thank you. Once the sale goes through, I’ll pay you back. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Morning Gremlins. Have a great day. Except those that threaten, intimidate and incite rape and violence. You’re not worthy of my good wishes. X

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Look at the comment below the outlined one though. 😂😂

Samantha

@samanthasrants

3 years

😬😂

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Morning all. Are we all present and correct? Today is going to be the most positive day. In my head, I’m about 10. Me Dad is driving his bus with me up front. His best mate Ken Burton is the conductor and we’re on our way to Hayfield. Toasted tea cakes all round. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Who has never cut themselves opening this bad boy?

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

Morning my darlings. Woke up to 2 spiders on my ceiling, at least 2” apart. They’re now on top of each other. They’re shagging aren’t they? I’m watching spider porn! 🙄

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@wakeupmummy

4 months

@SussexIncidents @rospay15 They did a similar spree in Ringwood a few months back. Hairdressers, nail bars and restaurants. Feral.

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@wakeupmummy

8 months

This knocked me sick.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Has anyone ever won on the premium bonds? X

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

Gentlemen. Im glad I’m single. Because this menopause sh1t must be like living with a she devil. We don’t mean it btw. Just put the bloody fan on and pour me a glass. X

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

Who had a CB radio? What was your handle? Mine was Fairylights. Morning btw. Xx

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@wakeupmummy

2 years

God I love talking with Geordies . They have the best accent on the planet. The bloke kept calling me ‘pet’. It’s made my day. I almost asked him to say Subuteo for me. But that was probably a step too far. 😂💕🤷‍♀️

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

I did some research on morning glory and yes, women have it too. It’s prehistoric. It’s the passing of the genes just in case he doesn’t come back from the days hunting. So morning sex is written into law basically.

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@wakeupmummy

3 years

I was discreetly handed a telephone number by a gentleman at the pub the other night. The last time that happened, it was a landline number. Yeah. I’m that old. 😳😳

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