vision bored @visionbored2 Twitter profile

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 day

one super fun fact about me is I have not shut up once ever in my life

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 month

sharks I am asking for $7544 so I can get Five Guys for lunch

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2 months

sorry I can’t come to the phone I’m busy trying to remove all the wet clothes from the fitted sheet ballsack in the dryer

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@visionbored2

5 days

today is 5/11 or as some dudes call it 6’

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@visionbored2

16 days

my son just called a vegetable peeler a carrot sharpener so that’s what it is now

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@visionbored2

1 year

women get hotter as they get older don’t believe what they tell you

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@visionbored2

12 days

if I ever have a daughter I’m gonna name her Erica but spell it Airwrecka

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vision bored

@visionbored2

2 months

less ‘if he wanted to he would’ and more ‘if he won’t another man will’

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@visionbored2

20 days

hear me out a hate triangle

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@visionbored2

17 days

my problem is I reward myself for not wasting money on a little treat by getting a little treat

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@visionbored2

14 days

stop telling men under 5’8 to be the bigger person they literally can’t

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 month

are you telling me this life crisis is mid

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 month

they should invent a margarita that’s already in my hand

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vision bored

@visionbored2

2 months

why does no one tell you that one day this person you built a life with and had kids with will turn out to be the wrong person and you will shatter yourself trying to do the right thing for everyone you love including yourself and it will be sad and liberating all at once

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 years

dad bods can fucking get it

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@visionbored2

2 years

eye contact while you’re inside her

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 years

to the lady with all the hot selfies who claims she could steal my husband if she wanted I will have him ready for you at 7

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@visionbored2

9 months

Someone belittled my profession today in an attempt to make me feel small. And while what I do will never make me a lot of money, and is hardly considered a hustle, teaching young people can change lives on a soul level. I have seen it happen. There is nothing small about that.

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vision bored

@visionbored2

17 days

girl he’s not avoidant he just doesn’t like you

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vision bored

@visionbored2

2 months

I know it’s not really that big a deal but today I opened a bank account and a credit card that are only mine and it feels like a big deal to me

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 month

it’s ok if you’re the hottest bitch he’s ever been with someone’s gotta do it

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 month

just sat in the costco parking lot eating a hot dog at 10:15am don’t you dare tell me I’m not living my best life

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vision bored

@visionbored2

19 days

someone telling you ‘come here’ is the hottest shit ever

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 year

sorry I spread my thighs when you said you were in the mood for Italian

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vision bored

@visionbored2

6 months

I took me on a date and now I’m getting me drunk I hope I let me see me naked later

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vision bored

@visionbored2

2 years

braless in a tank top is hotter than a sundress fight me

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@visionbored2

9 months

I used to worry that I wouldn’t be as hot in my 40s as I was in my 30s but as it turns out I’m not only hotter I’m wiser too

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3 years

dear men please stop getting rid of your chest hair it’s hot sincerely me

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23 days

A kid just asked for an extension on an assignment bc the Leafs game is on tonight and I said yes

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3 years

I’m 40 look 30 dress 20 yes women are confusing

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2 years

fuck I’m so tired of feeling sad

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vision bored

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10 days

a list of things I think he’d look good in 1. me

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vision bored

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2 years

normalize apologizing to your children when you fuck up

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 years

good fat isn’t avocados it’s my ass

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@visionbored2

5 months

being hot in your 40s means you’re gonna be hot forever

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 months

you are so much more than all the unloving things that were said to you

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 years

I’m straight which means I’m attracted to men it doesn’t mean I like them

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vision bored

@visionbored2

22 days

am I fucked in the head for thinking that dating someone and being in a relationship with someone are two totally different things

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@visionbored2

1 year

fuck nudes invite me over

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3 years

I’m fine but if you hugged me for too long I’d probably cry

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3 years

“Mommy got nailed today” - my son telling the neighbours I got a manicure

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 year

it’s been so long since I’ve had sex I just jerked off the gear shift in my car

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@visionbored2

6 months

so weird to think that people born in 1998 are 25 because I was born in 1981 and am also 25

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2 years

My mom was concerned about my drinking so I told her I was done drinking for good. She let out a sigh of relief until I told her I was now drinking for evil.

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@visionbored2

4 months

if you tell me you haven’t eaten I’ll either take off my panties or throw together a lasagna it depends on my mood

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8 months

A former student stopped by to say hello and tell me she missed my class. She said that no matter what was going on in her day, she knew that when she walked through my door I was happy to see her and happy she was there. If that’s the only thing I’m remembered for, it’s enough.

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vision bored

@visionbored2

1 year

I fell in love with a boy when I was 18 who wrote me letters and mailed me candy and made me a mixtape and made me a necklace and a bracelet and he told me he loved me and his smile lit up every room and he died when he was 21 and sometimes I wonder if my love died with him

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vision bored

@visionbored2

2 years

dear men, slutty tweets do not entitle you to slutty dms love, women

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vision bored

@visionbored2

4 months

I ended an 18 year relationship in July please just let me spill my words in peace I need a place for them to land

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 months

in the mood to be eaten like a mango

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 months

a four espresso morning

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 years

I turn water into coffee does this make me a goddess or a witch

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vision bored

@visionbored2

8 months

gonna start calling my years long dry spell ‘sexual discipline’ so I don’t sound so pathetic

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vision bored

@visionbored2

2 months

the best thing you can do as a father is to teach your children that their mother is not invisible

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vision bored

@visionbored2

9 months

when I don’t wear panties I like to whisper ‘the cat’s out of the bag’ to myself and laugh

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vision bored

@visionbored2

2 years

I’d probably suck more dick if they squirted coffee

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@visionbored2

2 years

never wanted someone to fix me but I did want a hand to hold while I fixed myself

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@visionbored2

10 months

taking myself on a date tomorrow I really hope I put out

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@visionbored2

5 months

the hottest moms go to the school christmas concert without a bra or panties

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@visionbored2

2 months

I absolutely do judge you on the quality of the people you choose to surround yourself with

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3 years

gonna tell these extra 15 pounds I love them so they disappear

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@visionbored2

14 days

I have a confession and this is difficult to admit but I really want to be part of a couple who sits on the same side of the table when they go out to eat

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@visionbored2

2 months

come over I’ll wrap my legs around your waist and sink my teeth into your shoulder

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@visionbored2

1 year

make me food make me laugh and make me cum

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17 days

I don’t sing because I think I’m particularly good. There are a million people more skilled and talented than I am, but this joy and this vulnerability is something I have worked so hard for, and some days I want to share it. Stick Season by Noah Kahan

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@visionbored2

2 months

this would fix me

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1 year

imagine having me and fucking it up

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10 months

dads in costco want you to know I look really cute today

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2 years

men don’t deserve women

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@visionbored2

9 months

fresh from my tree 🍑

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@visionbored2

3 months

wanna come over and just stare at each other and smile

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@visionbored2

1 year

eye fuck me first

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@visionbored2

3 years

good girls are just very selective bad girls

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3 years

pin me up against the wall like the art I am

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@visionbored2

2 years

69 is overrated fight me

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28 days

I am 8 🚩 out of 8 🚩 😌🤌🏻

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@visionbored2

2 months

she’s shiny but she’s happy

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@visionbored2

2 months

👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

Global Index

@TheGlobal_Index

2 months

Name one thing Canada 🇨🇦 gave to the world.

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vision bored

@visionbored2

3 years

plants bend toward the light and so should you

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@visionbored2

1 month

yes let’s normalize literally breaking off pieces of yourself to ‘make it work’ with someone who is a bad fit lol what a stupid fucking take

Adoring You Daily ♡︎

@imadoringyou

1 month

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@visionbored2

8 months

I do a lot of personal grooming just to look good naked while I cry in the shower

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@visionbored2

9 days

first date idea: you unfollow every woman except me and we get married

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@visionbored2

3 years

personally I like strings attached sex

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@visionbored2

2 months

eyebrows intact

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@visionbored2

8 months

not to be a slut but I’m completely naked under all these clothes

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@visionbored2

1 year

tell me I’m your good girl

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@visionbored2

12 days

me, casually sliding my panties into your pocket: they’re made of wife material don’t worry

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@visionbored2

3 years

assert dominance by going into a heavily air conditioned coffee shop with no bra

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@visionbored2

2 months

girls who love to eat are better in bed

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@visionbored2

1 year

I need a day in bed stoned with no pants

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@visionbored2

1 month

sluttiest thing a man can do is take me plant shopping

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@visionbored2

2 months

I think it’s such a beautiful thing seeing someone who’s been hurt have hope again

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2 years

a man asked my son if he wanted candy or a potato on halloween and my son said a potato so we have a potato and I’m not sure what to do with it

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@visionbored2

8 months

I’m witchy but like this

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4 months

the intimacy of lending someone your favourite book

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@visionbored2

3 years

apparently ‘pounded senseless’ is not an order at Starbucks

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2 years

fuck a grand gesture let’s go grocery shopping together that’s the real shit

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19 days

ballpark menace

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3 years

tits and lasagna

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5 months

the strongest men are gentle with their women

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