Diego Lopez @thisdiegolopez Twitter profile

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

1 year

Here’s a thread for all the KNOW VIOLENCE episodes so they’re easier to find and enjoyed. #1

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Last Seen Profiles

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

When my friends are trying to teach me the rules of a card game and I physically cannot listen.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Cops are straight up like, we’ll fucking kill you if you keep saying that we kill people

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Idk who Bella Thorne is but she pissed off a lot of my internet girlfriends today so I hate her

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Does anyone know who took this photo because it deserves an award

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

If my girlfriend cheated on me I wouldn’t fight the guy, I would take him out for a drink and LEARN from him. Find out what makes him BETTER than me and grow. It’s all about growth and HUSTLE, never stop grinding, 24/7, ALPHA SHIT, I can’t STOP being cheated on

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

White people get so furious about not being allowed to break the rules as if they’ve been getting away with breaking the rules their whole lif-

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

I want what they have (health insurance)

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

Getting ready to defend the importance of capitalism online

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

It’s been brought to my attention not every single human being has had the privilege of watching this phenomenal German commercial. It deserves a goddamn Oscar imho

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Embarrassing how proud I am of myself anytime I manage to put my phone down so I can, “focus on the tv”

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

1 year

My face during a plane crash so my wife doesn’t get the ick

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

I love capitalism. I think it rocks.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

People in their 30’s at hardcore shows

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

I gotta get on this fucking island

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

11 months

I love that the weekend looks like when a girl draws a beard on her face for a low budget comedy sketch

alex 💭 ⁷

@nothnghppens

11 months

how is he not humiliated

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

It’s so funny to me how many people are basically like, “Look, I won’t get the vaccine BUT I also refuse to wear a mask. HOWEVER, as a compromise, I insist you let me go everywhere a vaccinated person can go.”

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Comedians when the have to film a special

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I JUST WATCHED THIS WOMAN SWIPE LEFT ON ME IN REAL TIME HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

Rudy explaining how he got covid

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 years

Instead of a birthday clown, hire me to expose how bad children are at Judo. I will also do balloon animals!

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Girl, Interrupted? Not in my house, go ahead and finish your though queen.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

So sick of hustle culture content creators being like, “wake up at 4 am and get out of bed immediately” and then what? Be poor in my kitchen? Shut up you lonely bitch

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 months

I’d be laughing

💫

@heyjaeee

1 year

I’m bored….if you were visited by 3 ghost for Christmas who would you want them to be? Lol

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

I miss inviting a woman over my place and then having to defend everything I own to them

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 months

Conor McGregor doing press tour for Road House

Morbid Knowledge

@Morbidful

2 months

Footage of Adolf Hitler at the 1936 olympics where he is thought to be high on drugs. Author Norman Ohler claims that Hitler relied heavily on a mixture of cocaine and opioids. “Hitler needed those highs to substitute [for] his natural charisma, which ... he had lost in the…

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 months

Every Hasidic guy walking down Bedford Ave

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Leonardo DiCaprio reading all your tweets about Dane Cook

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

A glimpse at everyone who’s upset and responding to this tweet

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Poor secret service

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

Shout out to the hero who ordered what looks like just a cup of whip cream this morning. No rules, die young, shit your pants

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

@Gina_Rochelle everything is about me.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

11 months

Can I say something without everyone getting mad?

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

1 year

They should have coffee trucks like they have ice cream trucks. At like 4 o’clock a goofy ass van drives around blasting Paper Bag by Fiona Apple so sad adults can run out of their apartments for oat lattes

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

“Pranking” my elderly landlord (who I hate and is a giant piece of shit) by leaving just my 100 pound dumbbell behind for her to have to throw away.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

6 months

I bet Travis Kelce doesn’t care about ,“A list celebrities” but he would absolutely lose his mind if he saw Flo from the Progressive commercials in real life. He’d hand Leonardo DiCaprio his phone to take a picture of them together.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓ ┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃ ┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃ 24 HRS 2 GO i WANNA BE SEDATED ┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃ ┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃ ┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

11 months

SHE WAS BEING CHEATED ON W/ HER BEST FRIEND!!! I would take such good care of her!!!

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

Calling it now, Kyle Rittenhouse will be a guest on Joe Rogan within the year.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

1 year

If this guy pops up on a tv show just know there’s like a 75% chance he’s gonna hang himself

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 months

If you tell me you’re poly this is what I image you do in your free time

Malcolm FleX

@Malcolm_fleX48

5 months

I am in awe at this clip, because it seems like they somehow managed the impossible task of avoiding the beat at all costs. At no point did any of these moves even come close to being on beat.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Trying to make a complete stranger cum

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 years

I got sad last night realizing birds don’t get to lay on their backs. Imagine FLYING, one of the most physically exhausting things a animal could do then only getting to rest by standing on a branch like an asshole. All birds sleep like a passage on a long car ride. Heartbreaking

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

When I was growing up, my very immigrant father had a ton of bootleg movies that he would hand write the titles on and I desperately wish I had more of them to share because, wow.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Oh great, they’re canceling student debt?! 🙄🙄 What’s next, something else that helps a lot of people and doesn’t hurt me at all??

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

John Cena looks like a yoked Jim Varney and it’s bothered me deeply for years.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Sorry but THE queen isn’t dying, YOUR queen is dying. MY queen is alive and picking up an extra shift at CVS today because she has her eye on a new PlayStation controller

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Don’t forget what an extraordinarly low bar the police are failing to pass. Just stop killing black people. What an unbelievably easy thing to not do.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

FREE MY GUY. NO JUSTICE NO PEACE!

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

Did you know that when your mom is a non-English speaking immigrant she will pick a card based on how pretty it looks?

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

My only advice to 20 year olds is: Stop doing dates wrong. Fuck first THEN go have dinner. It’s way more fun and you don’t feel bad about eating a bunch of pasta

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 years

If your man doesn’t walk up the stairs like this, sorry to break it to you but he ain’t gone through puberty yet

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Just got quiet hired (I’m trespassing)

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

11 months

@ShambleInc There’s nothing to fix

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

The ratio of people that get the joke vs the people who don’t get the joke makes me want to stick my foot into the garbage disposal

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Ending the date by asking her if she has anything to plug

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Love socializing post pandemic. Having to text 37 people, “Hey sorry about how I acted and what I said tonight, I don’t remember what my whole fucking deal is”

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 months

From what I gather by everyone posting clips of John Mulaney’s Oscars thing is that you may have not watched when he and Nick Kroll hosted the Independent Spirit Awards in ‘17 AND ‘18, which is unbelievably funny. Just friends being goofs.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

11 months

@NoBadNoel

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 years

Personally, I love that most men’s bodywash is just thick Gatorade

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Hugo Boss watching everyone look up the history of Adidas

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Republicans in Detroit when they hear poll workers are doing their job

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Having sex now so I can jack off for longer later

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

11 months

@AllisonPons Yeah, I’d floor it to my place

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

BREAKING: The CDC says you can now quarantine at work as long as you’re being productive, anyone slacking WILL die

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 years

Coca-Cola: We spend 2.4 billion dollars a year on advertising Cadbury: We got one commercial filmed in 1985 and you’ll like it.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

My ex is just playing hard to get by having a second child with her husband

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

5 years

Oreos 1912-2015: Chocolate cookie with vanilla cream. Sometimes a little extra cream. Oreos 2015-2019: WHATEVER! WHO GIVES A SHIT, PINA COLADA? FINE! SHEPARDS PIE? SURE! RELIGIOUS CANDLE? PUT IN THE FUCKING COOKIE, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE, ENJOY!

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

One time Bill Hader came into the restaurant I worked at, stood directly in front of me, looked at the menu, noticed it was a vegan restaurant and said, “Oh sorry, I’m sorry” and left. Perfect interaction.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

If 80% of us wore masks the spread of the virus would stop. That’s a fuck B-, even as someone who graduated high school with a 1.2 GPA, this is very doable. Please wear a mask you.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

11 months

@starpowerj She did but I was in either way

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Mulaney’s joke is great but Hader’s reaction is my favorite thing.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

All my sandwich eaters, which is the best seat at subway?

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Actually, if you’re a sw who follows me and has a small following link your OF here and I’ll retweet that shit

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

We noticed you from across the gym, we like your vibe, we want to beat your ass.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

When you’re falling asleep but realize you forgot your monolith in Utah

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Bought a $12 cold brew today, this is the joy of not having children. I can literally burn my money and it doesn’t matter. It tasted fine.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Me after I like 3 of a girls tweets in a row

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

If she has one of these mirrors get ready for some of the worst head of your life

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Guys just want one thing and it’s disgusting

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

Your honor don’t be like that

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

2 years

If I worked at a zoo I would constantly get reprimanded for giving the gorilla a loaded gun and begging him to, “do me a solid”

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

4 years

Thank y’all for the kind words but do me a favor and don’t rag on her, she’s just livin her life, she didn’t like pictures of me, there’s nothing wrong with that. Be cool

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez

3 years

Running is boring as shit, I’m surprised they’re not all smoking weed.

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Diego Lopez

@thisdiegolopez