chris crofton @thecroftonshow Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

chris crofton

7 months

Get this as a gift FOR EVERYONE YOU KNOW. It contains instructions for a happy life AND a ton of fun nonsense. I don’t care where you get it from - JUST GET IT!!! ❤️ Available from all the evil empires.

1

6

24

Last Seen Profiles

@indahbugil62

@AIkawa_AIko_jp2

@RUBENELIASDANI2

@stw_pdg

@BandarStw

@epistemolougy

@yurfavoritedad

@JuandeGonnet3

@mariovargas70

@AmaliaBerg98490

@JASaba18

@pengen_stw

@Riez_Aries

@stw_pdg

@AiPrigg

@TSav__

@greatfulformyex

@rvkijFNrMckjdJd

@lopez9_loboalfa

@losespiritus

@UCSUSA

@celongacele

@remszai

@JessicaWal49796

@jandakembangstw

@AgCyclonesFB

@UCSUSA

@TomBaffuto

@Shots_oftheGame

@CoachMWright_

@domdyer70

@heatherluxx

@nikocoliterus

@famicom_fujita

@drjfpmd

@quirogaluisomar

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

@nicolauria17 I made one of these about my donkey Ruth after I sold her to a miner

16

83

4K

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 months

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

87

133

1K

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

41

137

1K

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

10 YEARS WITHOUT A DRINK!!!!! Thank you all for your love. I couldn’t have done it without you!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

35

5

849

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

@MasterJonBurr @nicolauria17 Wow I see what you did and you are blocked, unfortunately

2

8

450

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

7

17

456

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

9 years without alcohol! It is do-able.

32

2

355

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

🚨I’M RUNNING FOR NASHVILLE METRO COUNCIL!!!! At-large!!!!! This is not a publicity stunt. I’m excited to try to help. REGISTER TO VOTE, PLEASE!!!! ⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️❤️ More details to come.

23

43

340

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Who gives a FUCK about Ellen there are unaccompanied children being held as prisoners in motels BY OUR GOVERNMENT

8

29

320

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

10

32

304

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

🙏❤️ EIGHT YEARS WITHOUT ALCOHOL!!!! Thanks so much for all the support!!!!! ☕️⚡️☕️⚡️☕️⚡️

16

1

273

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Republicans: NO DEATH PANEL IS GONNA DECIDE WHEN GRANDMA DIES! I DECIDE BASED ON HOW THE ECONOMY IS GOING

1

24

233

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

FUN FACT: I’ve been paying on the same $4,000 student loan since 1991. Paid back more than 20K and I still owe. America uses kids as business opportunities.

15

26

238

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

More good news!

14

39

241

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

The other 5 have $12 and a weed pen between them

CNBC

@CNBC

5 years

1 in 6 millennials have $100,000 saved — here's how much you should have at every age.

3K

1K

3K

4

32

239

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

I’m watching* metal-detecting** on Youtube*** *watching **metal-detecting ***on Youtube

6

210

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

I’m 52 today and my head is finally perfectly round ❤️

40

1

213

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

10 months

13,000 votes!!!! Thanks again, Nashville. I’LL BE BACK ❤️❤️❤️

5

4

203

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

How serious are YOU about rockabilly?

15

16

188

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Nashville ignores its black history. I had no idea the man who wrote this song was living in Nashville while I was there. Had no idea James Brown recorded at a studio on Dickerson Road. All I ever heard about was white “outlaws.”

10

25

181

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

January 23rd was 11 years without a drink!!!!!!!! Couldn’t have done it without you. ❤️

17

2

181

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

No one has all three: 1) pants 2) money 3) rug

4

17

178

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

7

6

170

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 months

12 YEARS WITHOUT A DRINK!!!! It’s do-able!!!!! It rules. Please reach out if you’re struggling!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

17

2

171

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

Here’s me at last night’s stadium hearing. If you are wondering about the socialism bashing, I was trying to use their own language against them. I wanted them to see how hypocritical they are. It was an exhilarating AND disheartening experience, and it will not be my last. ❤️

14

11

171

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

LAPD commander flashing (sneakily, he thinks) a white supremacist hand gesture - on television. He knows there will be no consequences. REMOVE THIS THUG #LAPD

8

93

160

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Marriage Story on Netflix is like the U2 album they put on everyone’s iTunes

2

14

165

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

I’m not proud of this, but I also was not Secretary of State at the time (2005?). I’ve been sober since 2012. I’ve been candid about this arrest. I pled guilty. Hargett entered a "best interest" plea deal which is a formal guilty plea while maintaining he's innocent of the charge

Jason Steen

@jasondotnews

1 year

Hey, @thecroftonshow - tell me more about electing goons with DUIs? #MetroCouncil #Candidate This your boy, @AuntB ? You didn't teach him about social media clean up?

3

1

6

11

5

168

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

8

18

163

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

Remember when that fucking ship was stuck?

9

12

159

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Justin Bieber looks like the assistant manager of a dog track

11

15

150

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

@corietjohnson Free internet for a year

1

0

156

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

🎉 SO EXCITED TO FINALLY ANNOUNCE: @VanderbiltUP is publishing ⚡️THE ADVICE KING ANTHOLOGY⚡️Illustrated by the amazing @NicholasGazin !!! Preorder is available NOW through Vanderbilt - here’s the code for 40% off: 15PRE (order link❤️in attached tweet) I AM SO F%#^IN’ HAPPY 🙏🙏🙏

18

28

149

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

Whitney Cummings?? More like Whitney GOINGS if this doesn’t go viral I’m moving to Nepal

10

8

147

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

10 months

🙏 Disappointed, but so grateful. ⚡️Special thanks to my campaign manager @_discorodeo !!! ❤️ Thank you @SeanForFive , @DelishiaForNash , @marymancini , @whittlz , @_kellykitty_ , @startleseasily , @mendesbob , @mackandme123 ⚡️Now it’s time to fight for @freddieoconnell !!!! ✊❤️

12

8

147

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

10 months

Looks like everything does. Could be a sushi restaurant, a CrossFit gym, an AirBnb, a WeWork space or a defense contractor. Looks like the Ministry of Distraction. Looks like capitalism’s plastic heart.

Front Office Sports

@FOS

10 months

The Tennessee Titans have released a new look at their future $2.1 billion stadium — set to open in 2027. (via @Titans )

473

468

3K

15

144

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

REMINDER: “Socialism is bad” is a trick to make you stay poor

7

25

137

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

11

0

137

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

WHY THE FUCK ARE WHITE PEOPLE ACTING LIKE SUCH LITTLE BITCHES ABOUT MASKS

5

131

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Remember when our biggest problem was everybody getting that horrible U2 album?

8

12

130

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

Put bluntly: Nashville citizens are being forced to put money toward a for-profit NFL stadium. It should be the other way around. The NFL should be paying AND paying for the damage (traffic, noise, garbage) to the quality of life of the surrounding areas. 100% corruption.

4

25

131

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

Why doesn’t Exit/In have landmark status? How dumb is Nashville?

9

10

132

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

LA people looking at real estate in East Nashville

7

8

126

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Just to cheer you up ❤️

10

6

120

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

@brendonwalsh Jack Hugeman

2

1

121

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

Palate cleanser

3

4

122

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

It took me 30 years to realize Pearl Jam is a jizz joke

11

3

119

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

I ❤️ @newbeverly

2

4

121

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Another asshole bothering a bird

Universal Curiosity

@UniverCurious

4 years

The Head Stabilization of an American Kestrel

80

3K

11K

1

11

120

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

ATTN RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS I just thought of this lyric and you can have it: “I slapped a dolphin with a yardstick”

5

9

114

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

Next time I’m on @DailyZeitgeist I’m gonna make even MORE inaccurate statements about Canadian geography and then my inbox will never be empty again ❤️⚡️👽

4

116

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 months

Jesus. Maybe worry less about Harvard presidents, and more about your own backyard.

The Tennessee Holler

@TheTNHoller

5 months

HIGHLIGHTS: @GovBillLee ’s new @TNedu commissioner Lizzette Gonzalez Reynolds’ trainwreck first appearance before the senate Ed committee 🚂 💥 😬 3rd grade retention, vouchers, A-F letter grades… very few answers. Even Senator Pody (R) went off on her for being unresponsive.

137

289

732

3

38

116

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

This is a good one

1

9

117

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 months

This is the guy who represented Nashville on worldwide tv tonight. Him and his drunk daughter. What the fuck are we doing???

13

9

115

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

COLD BREW CONCENTRATE W/O WATER GOT ME LIKE

5

7

112

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

Cold Brew Got Me Like Classic™️

7

2

108

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

RADIO SHACK

Kenneth Palermo

@kennypalermo

3 years

It’s 1987 ... which one do you go to?

11K

3K

27K

4

112

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

“I can’t stop drinking, because I love rock n roll!” -what I said OUT LOUD in rehab in 1997, and then cried

8

6

106

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

I believe I would have more friends if I didn’t call marijuana “cosmic broccoli”

7

2

108

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

4

7

100

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

The park ranger told me that this piss tank was brand new 6 months ago. Bear piss is highly corrosive, he said. He did NOT, however, offer any explanation for why they are storing bear piss in the first place. 🐻💦💦💦💦

7

8

103

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

Here’s the official version of me at the Titans stadium hearing. For a little about the man on the left side of the screen (Nashville Vice Mayor Jim Shulman) see attached tweet ❤️

15

14

103

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

After this is over I’m never washing my hands again!

6

10

98

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

It’s not a postal “crisis” it’s an authoritarian attack on a public utility

2

21

96

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

11 months

Hey Nashville how about a huge public pool instead of that dystopian racetrack???

8

10

103

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

11 months

🎉🙏

1

3

101

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

10 months

I’m just so f*cking glad that Tootsie’s guy is having a horrible day

3

5

101

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

Kid Rock grew up here. What a rebel.

4

8

98

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

OMFG ❤️❤️❤️

5

2

98

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

6 years

I went to my mother-in-law Rhonda’s birthday party in a trench coat that had EAT SHIT RHONDA painted on the back so this stuff happens

3

18

96

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

BREAKING: Criminal racists obsessed with money can’t deal with health crisis

2

13

94

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Q is what happens when married couples stop fucking

3

9

91

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Twitter right now is like if the band on the Titanic played for 6000 hours because the ship wouldn’t sink all the way and then the passengers sank the ship the rest of the way on purpose so the band (people) would stop playing (tweeting)

5

10

90

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

⚡️☕️ I’M SO GLAD TO BE BACK ON @DailyZeitgeist !!!!!! I’ve missed these good people. ❤️ Also, it was only my second time recording a podcast appearance remotely, and I am in my, erm, late forties? SOOOOOO my audio is a a disaster. I promise to do better next time. LOVE YOU GUYS ❤️

The Daily Zeitgeist

@DailyZeitgeist

4 years

We had @thecroftonshow join us for episode 689: “Student Muckrakers, RIP NRA?” - listen now!!

14

3

68

11

2

94

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

Check your drink for a fucking roofie

The BIG 98

@98WSIX

2 years

You run into these two on a rooftop in Nashville... What do you do?! 🍻🎶 [📸: @jason_aldean I @morganwallen ]

295

44

2K

1

4

92

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

RE: @DailyZeitgeist figured it out. I was recording from the laptop mic instead of the USB mic that I was holding - it was a problem I could have fixed with the click of a mouse. I’m super-bummed, but I’ll get it right next time. ❤️❤️❤️ #zeitgang

14

0

91

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

I just saw Badlands directed by Terence Malick for the first time and it was absolutely beautiful and it made me cry about 4 times and I am eternally grateful to the @newbeverly

5

3

89

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

I just borrowed money from a baby in Brooklyn

0

5

83

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

4

6

85

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

I remember when I got sober the first step was admitting I was trapped in a marriage with Jennifer Garner

7

2

87

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

Nashville is definitely the place to be if you want cosplay 1970s bass players to angrily make your breakfast food

5

9

86

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

2

1

85

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

👽⚡️☕️ ⚡️👽👽☕️☕️💯 I’M ON THE DAILY ZEITGEIST AGAIN!!! ❤️💯🙏

The Daily Zeitgeist

@DailyZeitgeist

4 years

In episode 549, Miles and guest host @BlakeWexler are joined by comedian @thecroftonshow to discuss the Senate impeachment trail, Republican Senators considering bucking Trump on war powers, a Murdoch family member defending climate change, and more!

18

1

44

6

2

86

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

🚨👽 I’M ON @DailyZeitgeist AGAIN!!!!!!!!! ☕️⚡️

The Daily Zeitgeist

@DailyZeitgeist

5 years

In episode 524, Jack and Miles are joined by comedian @thecroftonshow to discuss Lev Parnas handing over receipts to the House Intelligence Committee, an overall impeachment update, Michael Bloomberg entering presidential race, and more!

11

1

39

3

1

85

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

2 years

Hey libertarians, your dumb “every man for himself” ideas lead directly to undrinkable water

2

7

83

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

1 year

PALATE CLEANSER

1

7

84

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

Got the Pixar vaccine and now I’m a talking boot

6

8

86

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

4 years

COLD BREW GOT ME LIKE

5

10

84

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

HELLLOOOOOOOO this face app stuff is an NSA face recognition scam. I know this sorta stuff because I have smoked pot.

5

9

82

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

3 years

People used to pray for vaccines. Now, the first generations of humans on earth that were vaccinated at birth have forgotten, and convinced themselves that they gave THEMSELVES good health by bootstrapping. And now they’re anti-vaccine. WE ARE NOT SMART.

1

15

85

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow

5 years

7 YEARS WITHOUT A DRINK. Thank you all for supporting me!!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️☕️

4

0

82

chris crofton

@thecroftonshow