sarah schauer 🦂 @sarahschauer Twitter profile | Pikagi

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sarah schauer 🦂

@sarahschauer

547,903

Followers

713

Following

7,727

Media

65,181

Statuses

you win some, you lose most . 🏳️‍🌈 she/they, lesbian.

https://t.co/uVBXNaVNAA

Joined February 2011

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

Pinned Tweet

@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 days

Hi guys! 🍉🍉🍉 I need your help, I’ve been raising money for a family of 13 to get out of Gaza, also 3 family members require immediate medical attention! We have raised €18,000 in 2 days but we need help reaching their goal!! Donate here:

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@EricRuess

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

🙂

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

whoever put this outfit together should be in handcuffs

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

After 23 school shootings in 2018 we've finally banned straws

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

I asked my Lyft driver to drive as fast as he comfortably can and he just said “I am from Russia” and now I feel like we’re about to break the sound barrier 5 stars

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

this man has definitely eaten another human being

@Forbes

Forbes

4 years

Jeff Bezos becomes the first person ever worth $200 billion

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

he didn’t hesitate

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

There are 443,000 kids in foster care in the United States.

@LiveAction

Live Action

5 years

There are 2,000,000+ infertile couples hoping to adopt newborns, but a severe lack of children because they are being killed before birth. We must reject the violence of abortion & embrace the life-affirming gift of adoption. #MothersDay

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

start to finish this was immaculate. the talent. the aesthetic. I love her

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

agreeing with the most unhinged shit my Uber driver says because I simply want to live

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

My mom rented a cabin in the woods for thanksgiving and my entire family is here plus my little sister is bringing 3 foreign exhange students who’ve never experienced Thanksgiving and considering this horror movie dynamic, we will all be killed by sunrise

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

I really truly know it’s a stereotype but I would genuinely love to see a study linking girls who bullied in high school to girls who became nurses. Obviously not all nurses were bullies but I just checked FB and 3 of the meanest girls I knew are nurses now.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

he’s innocent

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

So abortion is murder but killing women who get abortions is not.

@crampell

Catherine Rampell

6 years

Punishing women with the death penalty would cut abortions, Idaho lieutenant governor candidate says

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

she won the lawsuit but she deserves a lot more than $200k, this is absolutely insane

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

there’s nothing more humiliating than waiting in line for a water slide. you’re just wet, half-naked, and being heavily perceived from behind

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Not vaccinating your kids is known as a 4th trimester abortion

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

1 year

oh good god, oh my god

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

The g*n g*rl went around college campuses asking people if they feel safe knowing someone with a penis is using the women’s restroom, but likely didn’t ask anyone if they felt safe before carrying an AR-10 around for her senior photos.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

a baby’s skull is malleable and i absolutely hate my parents for not squeezing me a better jawline

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

she supports the LGBTQ and BLM so idk why people keep roasting her style, im wishing her and her 1 1/2inch curls alllll the best

@GETMEBODlED

roni

4 years

our christian girl autumn queen is pregnant 🥺

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

going out for the night, won’t need this

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Anti-vaxxers really are dumb as fuck. “Vaccines give your kids autism.” In no world is autism “worse” than measles, cholera, mumps, typhoid, malaria, etc etc. If you’re afraid of autism over all that, you shouldn’t be a parent.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

chartreuse is a lime green color but the name sounds like it should be a deep red? am i wrong? NO

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

guys, GUYS

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

reply with the worst design/architecture picture you have

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Applied for a passport this morning and the lady asked if I had one before, I said yes, when I was a kid. She said “at least 10 years ago?” I said idk Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix just came out and IMMEDIATELY she said “so 2007, you’re fine.” Lmaooo

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

good god, TI

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

WE DONT ALL KILL PEOPLE WHEN WE’RE 17

@thehill

The Hill

4 years

Trump Jr. on alleged Kenosha shooter: "We all do stupid things at 17"

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

It’s me, your period

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

Kneeling during the anthem is disrespectful to the military yet cutting a $460 mil program that houses homeless vets. Oh noooo. That's fine

@thehill

The Hill

6 years

JUST IN: Trump VA slashes funding for program that helps homeless veterans obtain housing: report

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

Stories like these remind me of when Regina George wrote her own name in the Burn Book and turned it into Principal Duvall.

@nypost

New York Post

4 years

Kansas officer shocked at vulgar message on his McDonald's coffee cup

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Lori Loughlin paid $500k to get her daughter into USC. Not to be a dick but how stupid is her daughter?

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

cats are so fucking disrespectful lmaooo

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

*at the polls* sir, before you exercise your right to vote, open this can of baked beans

@RealSaavedra

Ryan Saavedra

4 years

Democrats: “Teens are an important part of our democracy, they should be able to vote” Teens:

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

1 year

this whole Netflix thing is annoying but just for personal reasons I’d love to see what the most shared Netflix account is and who it connects. Went to my friends house and she was on the account of an old sorority sisters second cousin

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

My ex got a girl pregnant and dm’ed me a pic of the ultrasound and said “jealous?” ..... Pause NO. Lmao

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

todays podcast episode summarized

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

instead of trauma dumping on one friend, try trauma littering! it’s where you rotate telling disturbing shit to 3-4 people and it’s much more manageable for everyone involved

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Conservative: life begins at conception Quirky mom getting a divorce: 🍸Life begins at 40 🍸

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

One time in college I was walking down the road with a water bottle full of Burnettes. A cop stopped and asked what it was. I said water. He said chug it. I STRAIGHT FACED chugged it. He drove off and I 👏🏼 started 👏🏼 screaming 👏🏼 and 👏🏼 crying👏🏼 lmao

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

You know what really ruins Christmas? Getting raped.

@RVAwonk

Caroline Orr Bueno, Ph.D

6 years

Fox News host Laura Ingraham thinks women reporting rape will make Christmas parties less “festive” this year. 😑

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

7 years

RT if you've worked with the opposite sex and not raped them

@realDonaldTrump

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

11 years

26,000 unreported sexual assults in the military-only 238 convictions. What did these geniuses expect when they put men & women together?

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

huh?

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

This isn’t heartwarming. This is the most manipulative shit I’ve ever seen lmao. Omg imagine being tied to this behavior via baby for the rest of your life

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

*first date* Guy: I like a girl who's good with money Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can't identify your body

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

She. Has. Another. One.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

gay rat wedding

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

Claire’s has provided ear piercings to tweens, teens, and young adults for years, now i think it’s time they start tattooing.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

Weird flex but ok

@thehill

The Hill

6 years

#BREAKING : Kavanaugh: I was a virgin in high school and "many years after"

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

i want to speak to people like this

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

was absolutely starstuck, to say the least

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

Cool so you don’t understand 1. Consent 2. Parties 3. Trans Women 4. Bathroom Stall Doors

@nedryun

Ned Ryun

6 years

I'm a little confused here by the Left's view on things: if a college age woman sees a penis at a party, it's considered sexual assault. But if a little girl sees one in a ladies' restroom, it's considered tolerance. . .

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

Lightning McQueen found dead at his Hollywood home

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

Just broke my nose eating pussy. Oh my god I’m in pain

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Being bisexual in the LGBTQ community is a pain in the ass. I literally got told just now I “need receipts.” What you want to see me eat pussy? People see a bisexual man or woman and believe their attraction to women is a lie. Why is sex always about men? Remove yourself

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

being bisexual means i'm attracted to women AND keanu reeves.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

how

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

My doctors appointment was supposed to be an hour ago, what do you think he’s doing? Filming a Tiktok mocking the uninsured?

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

Oh my fucking god it’s the fucking dictionary coming for DJ Khaled.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

starting off the girls trip right, check out the Airbnb

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

wouldn’t it be cute if the little vegetable misting things at the grocery store had thunder and rain sound effects whenever they misted the veggies?

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

At no point did Timmy Turner wish for women’s equality. His silence was deafening

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

1 year

called the fire department to get my cat out of a tree :/

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

for the past hour I’ve been trying to decide which is worse. I honestly can’t say

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

You’re right, Billie Eilish is 17

@Complex

Complex

5 years

Lil Pump on his success: "Nobody has done what I've done at da age of 18."

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 months

“Boycotting doesn’t work” any makeup girlie who loves YouTube can tell you that’s a lie. Kat Von Dee, Jeffree Star products in TJ MAXX, Jaclyn Hills hairy lipsticks, the list goes on. The girls can give you a dissertation.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

Brittany and I made a gallery wall

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Kevin Jonas isn’t milking his Kevin-Jonas-ness enough. If Kevin started making merch about being the forgotten Jonas I’d buy that shit so quick. Imagine him wearing a shirt that says “I’m the Kevin of the group.”

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

Just watched a girl walk into a party, see a dude, jump on him, fully wrapping her legs around him, screaming “oh my god I haven’t seen you in forever,” and the guys girlfriend, standing right there, was just like

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

ICE forcing international students to leave the country if their universities switch to fully online classes is so FUCKED UP. Having a WIFI connection and the right equipment/computers is not guaranteed for a lot of students, and on top of that they pay FULL tuition??

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

Cashier: would you like to donate $1 to charity. Me: not today, thanks. Cashier, over the intercom: Attention shoppers we have a fucking cunt at register 5.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

being a lesbian is so crazy. a straight man will be talking to you and then you’ll tell them you’re gay and you see something just leave his eyes. it’s like watching a pet die

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

let’s go lesbians

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

talking to someone in IT about a forgotten password and I’m using words like “okey-dokey” and “lord willing” so they think I’m just an old person and not a technologically incompetent 20-something

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

Oh my god dude I thought I grabbed my taser

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

having a bad flashback to the time i got my hip tattoo and i took off my pants and underwear and the tattoo artist said i absolutely did not need to.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

When I see a cat: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) When the cat approaches me: ( ͡⊙ ͜ʖ ͡⊙)

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

was in line at the bookstore & the guy behind me was talking shit about every woman in line “her boobs are out…” “those leggings are tight” so I whispered “the guy behind us is looking at people’s boobs” and my mom faces the guy & says “this guys looking at women’s boobs??”

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

I’m having a panic attack so I went for a walk and now I’m having a panic attack 𝓲𝓷 𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

it’s Trader Joe’s policy to have the most stress-inducing parking lot so you are especially vulnerable to their flirty employees

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

“you know yourself better than anyone else.” buddy, i can not remember the first 18 years of my life

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

A year ago today DJ Khaled told the world he didn’t eat pussy and just for a moment the world laughed at one thing, together.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

goodmorning

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

queen

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

Listening to All Too Well (Taylor’s Version) and having a breakdown (My Version)

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

People who do Crossfit have been pretty quiet lately... they're planning something. Idk what. But I know they are.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

I spend all day hunched over so my doctor recommended “tummy time,” for me, like a baby, and tbh my back feels so much better. I can’t wait to start crawling and eat solid foods

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

it’s too much of a coincidence, absolutely no one visits nyc without fucking the shit out of Pete Davidson

@PageSix

Page Six

3 years

Kim Kardashian arrives in Pete Davidson's native NYC after holding hands

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Am I having a stroke?

@TomiLahren

Tomi Lahren

5 years

I will be attacked by fellow conservatives for saying this but so be it, this Alabama abortion ban is too restrictive. It doesn’t save life, it simply forces women into more dangerous methods, other states or countries. You don’t encourage life via blanket government mandate!

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

ready

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

gonna be honest, I need the rest

@MrAlexisPereira

Alexis Pereira

@MrAlexisPereira

4 years

Teaching my first English course this semester has been rewarding but I don’t know what to do with this student

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

*HGTV* Host: what do you guys do? Husband: I stare at birds Wife: I also stare at birds Host: what's your budget? Husband: 1 billion dollars

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

a girl on TikTok told me to put instant mashed potatoes in my chicken noodle soup and it’s so fucking good, I’m going to write a letter to the government

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

Dating apps: my boyfriend and I are looking for a third Me: wow, some of us don’t even have 1rds

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

5 years

Just guys being dudes

@nypost

New York Post

5 years

Turns out famed skeletons of 'Lovers of Modena' were both dudes

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

men always say shit like “one swipe and your makeup would be gone,” and it’s like sir, point me in the direction of those makeup wipes. i’ve been looking for the Mulan sleeve of makeup remover for years now.

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

3 years

lock my front door

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

2 years

I got too high and fucked Venom up. He looks like he’s had a stroke

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

6 years

An HGTV show where they help new college graduates decorate their apartment with furniture found exclusively on the side of the road

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@sarahschauer

sarah schauer 🦂

4 years

Gonna be honest. I liked the Twilight movies, I especially loved the soundtracks. Sure, Renesmee is the worst name I’ve ever heard but it’s okay.

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