mountain. @sainticide Twitter profile

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mountain.

10 months

selective. horror—oriented: focused primarily upon psyche, doomed romances, cannibalism as a metaphor for love, cruor and gore. will not publish works that are submitted without sources unless i...

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

if you kiss me you will destroy my life. kiss me.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

alan stephens foster, the fall.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

my wife can stab me a little bit i don't care

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

when you are not fed love on a silver spoon you learn to lick it off knives.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

i still forget we're not even friends. i still wake up with things to tell you.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

i do not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. i did not like to be touched because i craved it too much. i wanted to be held tight so i would not break.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

i make coffee. i pretend i'm in love with the idea of being alive. i make a point not to stare at the knives sitting on the counter top by the stove.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

i think we both already know i am yours in every life.

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mountain.

@sainticide

3 months

please understand this. being a child is not a sin.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

and if it makes you less sad, i will die by your hands.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

if you're raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. you will find him even when he is not there.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

'kiss me again,' he says, drunk and foolish. 'kiss me until i am sick of it.'

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

bones and all, dir. luca guadagnino.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

i don't care if you're sick, i don't care if you're contagious. i would kiss you even if you were dead.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

"do you think i'm a bad person?" "all i think is that i love you."

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

"my god," he gasped. "you're fun to kiss."

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

what a sick little head. your love always turns into obsession.

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mountain.

@sainticide

4 months

i forgive the world because it has you.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

"i love you." "it'll pass."

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mountain.

@sainticide

3 months

it's ⠀ you! ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ —— despite everything.. ⠀ it's still you.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

we lose june. we lose july. in august we look in mirrors and want to die.

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mountain.

@sainticide

4 months

i'm not a violent dog. i don't know why i bite.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

god, please stop this anger. please make me kind again, please, please.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

i am destroying myself so other people can't. it's the worst kind of control... but it's the only form i know.

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

suddenly, it's december, and you're not seventeen anymore, and you haven't been seventeen for a very long time, but sometimes you need to remind yourself.

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mountain.

@sainticide

5 months

i wish we could've met as kids. you would've loved the softer me.

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mountain.

@sainticide

3 months

on dying angry.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

half daughter, half apology, all fire and the wrong kind of love.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

will you still love me if it turns out i'm insane?

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mountain.

@sainticide

6 months

do you think it's easy, not biting the one you love? try loving someone so much your mouth is only at home in the place where your teeth meet the flesh of your beloved. try not tasting the flesh, not taking in your mouth the beloved, not going all the way.

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mountain.

@sainticide

6 months

grief is, perhaps, the last and final translation of love. this is the last act of loving someone. and you realize that it will never end. you get to do this, to translate this last act of love, for the rest of your life.

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mountain.

@sainticide

3 months

i kinda wish i was buried six feet underground —— but, god.. i also wish i was buried in your arms.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

yes, i'm afraid of falling in love. okay? you make me feel on top of the world and that's a very long way to fall.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

kiss me, please kiss me, but kiss me out of desire, babe. not consolation.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

i'm scared of the love i have for you. because i know it will ruin me. and i know i will let it.

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

and he forgives you. dogs are like that. so loyal.

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

to love is to devour —— to say 'i love you' is to say i want to tear your heart from your chest and drink the blood from the yawning cavity.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

'i hate you,' i say. then i kiss him and i kiss him and i kiss him.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

"i forgive you." "don't bother."

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mountain.

@sainticide

7 months

cut into my throat all you want, i'd love to choke on a blade as long as it's yours.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

when you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

you're my favourite friend. i'm sorry that i want you like a lover.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

i love you. today. tonight. tomorrow. forever. if i were to live a thousand years, i would belong to you for all of them. if i were to live a thousand lives, i would want to make you mine in each of them.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

ARE YOU FLIRTING OR STARTING A FIGHT?

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

i love you. today. tonight. tomorrow. forever. if i were to live a thousand years, i would belong to you for all of them. if i were to live a thousand lives, i would want to make you mine in each of them.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

i have spent a lifetime digging graves. for you, i'd like to plant a garden.

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mountain.

@sainticide

7 months

grieving, grieving, constantly grieving. i mourn what could have been, what will not be, what i can't save.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

take care of me. take care of me. let me weep into your chest. tell me it's alright. that's the comfort i'm searching for.

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

i hope what you did to me haunts you.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle?

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

i may think of you softly from time to time, but i will cut off my hand before i ever reach for you again.

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mountain.

@sainticide

5 months

surviving is never beautiful, it's not heroic like they tell you in fairytales and movies. it's dirty, it's tears streaming down your face and sobbing in a dark corner. it's blood on your hands and in your face, it's fear and feeling numb at the same time.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

it's june which means it is ILLEGAL to be straight. anyone caught NOT being GAY will be reported to the FBI immediately.

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mountain.

@sainticide

5 months

make sure you kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

i want you to know that it is okay not to love me. i want you to know that you are not the first person who found it a little too tough, who took two steps back when my jaws started snapping.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

grief is an amputation, but hope is incurable hemophilia: you bleed and bleed and bleed...

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

'i hate you,' i say. then i kiss him and i kiss him and i kiss him.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 month

"mother?" i call for her until my throat is scratched and dry, my voice is reduced to a pathetic rasp, and all i taste is the blood she regrets giving me.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

you know, love doesn't mean "i never want you to change." but i don't think it means, "i don't care if you change." either. so i suppose it might mean, "i believe that you'll always be the person i adore." a declaration of faith, perhaps.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

"father, was i good?" "... you did it." "but was i good?" "that's not the point." "what's the point if i wasn't good?"

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

and you can't blame your mother, she's trying not to see you as her worst mistake.

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

i would've bled out if you told me you liked the colour red.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

i want you to want me as i want you. desperately. i want to make you shiver from my touch. i want to hear your voice, breathless and shaky. oh... i want you to say my name like a prayer. full of devotion.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

"what am i without you?" "yourself."

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

it hurts, he realizes, to love someone who can't love themselves. like watching a work of art set itself on fire.

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mountain.

@sainticide

6 months

I WANTED SO BADLY TO BE LOVED, I STARTED YELLING AT THE WHOLE WORLD. I STARTED FIRES. I STARTED BASHING WINDSHIELDS IN WITH A BASEBALL BAT. I STARTED CURSING OUT GOD AND THE ANGELS. I STARTED CARVING HOLES IN THE SIDE OF MY FACE SO SOME LIGHT COULD GET IN.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

you want so badly to be pure again. you call yourself a doll, a lamb, an innocent thing. but the colour pink doesn't wash away sin, and rosaries don't make you any less scared of god.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

i am tired of forgiveness. i am tired of sewing my own mouth shut to satiate the guilt of others. i want rage, i want trembling hands and throats screamed raw. i want the tables turned. i owe you nothing. i owe you NOTHING —— but you owe me the fucking world.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 months

i am not your pet. i never liked you. i don't care about you. i won't wait for you. i bite.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 months

my father is the worst person alive and i am his favourite daughter.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

let me rot inside your guts.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

I WANTED TO BE LOVED SO DESPERATELY THAT MY FINGERS SHOOK WITH IT. I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL BUT I COULD BE.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

"do you love him?" "what difference would it make if i did?"

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

'i hate you,' i say. then i kiss him and i kiss him and i kiss him.

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mountain.

@sainticide

6 months

well... you are your father's daughter, after all.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

i fantasize about rejecting the apologies i know will never come.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

you ask me why it matters. it matters to me. you matter to me. even gods have favorites, and you've always been one of mine.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

you're addicted to loneliness and desperation. it's the strongest emotion you've ever known, so your subconscious tells you that it's your destiny.

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mountain.

@sainticide

4 months

the dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn't. my guilt will not purify me.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

"i... only destroy." "it's fine. i'll fix it."

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

my mother's trust issues are leaking into my chest and i've got my father's nose and his tendency to stop calling back. so i'm sorry about the nine missed calls i have from you, and the six voicemails i never played. i swear i'd love you if i could.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

i love you. i love you. i love you. i'll write it in waves. in skies. in my heart. you'll never see, but you will know.

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mountain.

@sainticide

1 year

so your hands are covered in blood? i don't care. touch me.

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

how much of my father am i destined to become?

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

my mother speaks of my rage as if there's something wrong with it. as if it's undeserved; as if her hand didn't hammer it into me; as if i wanted it, chose it.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

my own mother thought i was a monster… she was right, of course, but it still hurt.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

i'm sorry. i really did try.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

i have spent a lifetime digging graves. for you, i'd like to plant a garden.

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mountain.

@sainticide

10 months

i love you, and it is a knife in me. i love you, and each of your fingers stained bloody.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

i want your attention, i want your love, i want your protection, i want you so much at all times that the intense feeling of obsession and passion never goes away.

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

i am nothing in my soul if not obsessive.

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mountain.

@sainticide

3 months

said i wanted him inside me, but i wasn't talking about sex. sex is meaningless and shallow. there's this.. kind of eroticism, this perfect intimacy, of having his fingers inside my wound. i need him inside my wound.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

my blood on your lips is the most romantic thing that could happen.

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510

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

i'm trying, don't you see? i'm trying to be good. why don't you see it? why isn't it enough? why do you still look at me as if i'm the wolf, rather than the lamb i want to be? (i'll rip out my teeth, sew up my maw, saw off my claws... tell me, please, will that stop your fear?)

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mountain.

@sainticide

2 years

I LOVE YOU. TOO MUCH. TOO INTENSELY. TOO OFTEN. for that, i'm sorry.

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mountain.

@sainticide

11 months

i want them to split me open, to dig their fingers in and pry at my ribs, lick my heart and my blood and my bones, pick them apart and suck out the marrow. i want to be devoured by them. and they want to devour me just as badly. it's in every look, every movement, every smile.

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

how often are you violent against yourself? does it horrify you? can you stop? do you want to? and if you did, would you know how to?

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mountain.

@sainticide

8 months

i was —— am —— terrified of being owned. by a god or a man or a child or a place. by anyone or anything but myself.

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mountain.

@sainticide

9 months

but, god... do i want to break you.

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