Proud British Beef farmer, calf Rearer. Domestic Abuse survivor. Passionate about Mental Health issues in Ag
#ItsOkayToNotBeOkay
@markdodd1310
cooks for me.
It breaks my heart to write this post, but last night my husband Steve took his own life on our farm. I am completely numb and can’t get my head around what has happened. As ever our amazing farming community has stepped up to support me, when they themselves are struggling 💔💔
Just walked in to the gym and two women are stood outside the locker room taking the mickey out of a new woman in the class they’ve just done, apparently she’s so unfit and did you see how much she was sweating 😡😡
FFS they should be praising her for being brave enough to go !!
Sixteen months since my controlling and abusive husband died and I’ve finally found where he’d hidden my passport. What a life that was, 20+ years of lockdown.
#DomesticAbuse
I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be doing the night before my husbands funeral, so I’m opting for carrying on with cleaning out the weaned buildings so I can get the younger calves over !! 🐮🐮
#ItsOkNotToBeOk
#FarmLife
I’m out putting up electric fencing, it seems me being armed with a sledgehammer for the corner posts means the arrogant local dog walker who goes where he wants and gives me loads of verbal suddenly decided to behave, put his dog on a lead and got out of the field !!😂😂
Three months a widow today three months of a complete rollercoaster of emotions. Thank god for the farm and the cattle I work with or I think my sanity would have gone ! I’m totally exhausted mentally and physically but feeling calm about life for the moment.
#ItsOkNotToBeOkay
This is the face of a farmer really enjoying her hay making for the first time in years ! It’s probably going to get rained on on Saturday night but I’ll take it all in my stride and deal with the outcome and all without any abuse being hurled at me 😃
So the day I’ve been dreading is here, the Funeral! I want to say a huge thankyou to everyone who donated to the Just Giving fund, and massive thanks to
@clubhectare2211
for organising it. It’s been a huge weight off my mind, I really don’t know what I would’ve done without it ❤️
Spending time off farm yesterday and really clearing my head after a full on few months, this woman is more bloody determined to keep the farm going, and god help anyone who tries to stop me. I’ve had years of being walked over and put down well no more !
#InternationalWomensDay
Just read in the paper that one jumbo jet flight from London to the USA causes more pollution to the atmosphere than a herd of 500 cattle do in one year !! Why as farmers are we being ripped to shreds over climate change when we are feeding the population 😒
We’ve come out to feed this morning and been met with this, some thieving scum has been out and stolen the puddles !!!! And it’s not just here, they’ve gone from across the whole estate. If anyone sees them please let us know!!😱😂😂
For the first time in nearly thirty years I’m off to a New Years Eve party and I’ve been brave enough to cook food for it. Might not seem like much but it’s a big step for a survivor of
#DomesticAbuse
who was always told they were useless and couldn’t do anything. Loving life now
I’ve spent the last 24 hours getting agro and abuse from vegans, can’t have a reasoned conversation with them. Because of what else I’m going through at the moment I’m getting really wound up and I don’t want to, thats not the real me. I’m not responding to any more hateful
Gossips What a pathetic nightmare they are, because I’ve topped a couple of fields and am taking down dodgy fencing around a telegraph pole that is a hazard to my cattle, apparently that means I’m selling up ! I’m not, business as usual for me, this woman is a farmer deal with it
Just had a delivery driver tell me I look “gloriously windswept and well done for not plastering you’re face with all the crap that women do these days “ !! Guess I’ll take the compliment, feel like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards tho !!😂😂
#britishfarming
Christmas cake baking today, haven’t made one in my entire adult life, but now free of a controlling and abusive partner and finally starting to feel human three years on I can do the small things like this and properly enjoy Christmas, which he always went out of his way to ruin
I’ve said sod it and finished for the day and taken a walk around the cows and down into the woods. It’s a weird day, my wedding anniversary!! Feeling really happy today though and very calm about life 😊
#ItsOkNotToBeOk
I’ve just heard a Cuckoo !!!!😃 I haven’t heard one since I was a child, it stopped me in my tracks, I had to keep listening to make sure I wasn’t imagining it 😂
I love this boy of mine so much, he was there for me after the most abusive of times for a cuddle and cry and helped me pull myself back together. This afternoon he’s been here for me again, life really sucks after coming out of an abusive relationship. Abusers are clever people.
Tonight I’ve come out to a friends party in the neighbouring village, they’ve got an amazing band playing and I love to dance, but I’m sat here being made to feel guilty by several people who seem to feel they can judge me, well they know nothing, sod them all !!!!
This morning I’m saying sod it and heading off to the coast, haven’t seen the sea in years and really need to clear my head before it explodes 🤯 Cattle are all up together and a neighbours mending his bike in my workshop so all covered !! Lyme Regis here I come!! 😃
Well I think I can safely say the calves are happy with there newly cleaned bedding, happy calves are healthy calves, and that makes a happy calf rearer 🐮🐮🐮
Thanks to everyone asking after me the last few days and seeing if I’m okay it means a lot 😊 I took a Twitter break I’ve been struggling, I’m exhausted physically and emotionally, it’s been a long hard slog and an incredibly busy spring since Steve died had some me time today 😃
This afternoon I had a DM from someone thanking me for the posts I’ve put on about what I’ve been going through following Steve’s suicide. She thanked me because her husband, a farmer, had hit rock bottom and was planning on taking his own life today.
Today is the final day of my cattle routines. Last day of feeding and checking, the last week has been the final week of scraping out, bedding up, TB testing ( not that I’ll miss that ).
Tomorrow morning the last of my cattle are off and the first time in 30 years of not having
So today is my mums 80th Birthday 🎁 I can’t believe she’s that old!!!! Still can’t keep her away from the calf unit, she’s the queen of clean on the milk stalls three days a week, and chief TB list and ear tag writer when I’m doing calf work, and best mum in the world ❤️
A big thankyou to everyone for all the kind messages of support for Steve’s Funeral yesterday. The turnout was huge, it was overwhelming driving in to see the car park full and cars all down the road. I struggled with the service, but people told me it was lovely.
#ItsOkNotToBeOk
messages. So I will carry on posting videos of the stock in my care to promote the best of
#BritishFarming
. People eat meat, always have done always will do, and yes that means animals die. As a British farmer I’m proud of the welfare standards we have, and I’m proud to share
This gorgeous lad was just born this morning, all tucked up in fresh warm straw now, it’s absolutely bitter out here this morning with the wind !!🐮
#BackBritishFarming
So this happened last Friday, Tommy arrived in my life !!! I wasn’t planning on getting a dog yet, but I’m so glad I have 😃 He’s just what I need, I love him to bits 🐶❤️❤️ PS My cats hate me 😹😹
On a serious note, if you’re not able to reverse a car 20 metres back down a single track lane and into a big gateway then I strongly suggest you don’t drive along such roads ! It amazes me the amount of people who can’t reverse a car and expect a great big tractor and trailer to
Pleased to report that Picador and the whole herd went clear on the TB test, massive relief, that’s two clear tests so restrictions and extra testing are now lifted 🐮🐮😃
#BackBritishFarming
Well I’ve hit the dance floor, time for some refreshments 🥂🥂Thanks for all your messages I said sod them and I’m enjoying myself with my real friends 😃
After receiving so many replies, DM and text messages following on from last nights Tweet I just want to say thank you all so much for your kind words and support, really need it at the moment 😊 Twitter really can be an amazing place. Onwards and upwards xx
When you spend all day farming on your own just with the company of calves and cats for conservation it’s great to have somebody new pop in for a chat of a morning, meet the handsome Mr P !! He follows me about during morning feeding and we put the world to rights !!!😂
A year ago tonight I picked up this tubby little puppy Tommy, driving home I was thinking what the hell have I done ! A year on he’s my constant companion, crazy sidekick, and helped me get my life back on track after escaping years of
#DomesticAbuse
He helped me get back
Straw day isn’t until tomorrow, but because of the weather I did it this afternoon. I don’t want to be opening up blinds and sheeted gates in the strong wind, it will open the calves up to too much of a chill, and send me flying! Calves seemed pleased with my decision 🐮🐮😃
those standards with the public via my posts on Twitter. It’s unfair to make people feel guilty about what they eat. I also have no problem with people being vegan, that’s their choice and I respect their choice. It’s also unfair to put more stress on farmers.
#BackBritishFarming
Bloody farming, what’s the point, work my arse off to line others peoples pockets and barely scrape a wage for myself, the cattle aren’t playing ball today, I’ve had a huge electric bill and still have debt my dead husband built up hanging over the place, oh joy, but have to keep
I have to say that I’m really overwhelmed by all the messages and support coming to me from Twitter, from people I know, to complete strangers, it’s giving me strength, I wish I could reply to everyone. My only wish from this awful time is that anyone struggling will reach out.
This video goes out to the vile misinformed person who kept sending DMs yesterday about all Black & White bull calves being shot at birth, I tried to reason with you but you just won’t have it, well here’s just a small handful of the thousands of them I’ve reared over the years !
I’m going to take a Twitter break for a week or two. I’m feeling exhausted both physically and mentally, think the last 8 months has caught up with me and the stress of the 20 years prior to that. I really wanted to support
#Farm24
I have the last few years, but I just can’t
A family were walking the footpath across my front paddock, I could see their two little boys were really excited seeing me loading up the spread a bale. I went down to see them and let them come up to the calf unit to see the straw going in and gave them a quick tour and
Just seen the Quorn advert that says eating it will reduce your carbon footprint!! Where’s the proof ?! Eating locally and sustainably produced meat and veg is way healthier and better fir the environment!!
#BackBritishFarming
#WeEatBalanced
#ItsOkNotToBeOk
Anyone out there in our industry today who is really struggling and in a dark place please please talk to someone, anyone, don’t put your loved ones through this. I’ve just had to clear up the barn where Steve shot himself, no one else should go through this.
So I spent two and a half hours with the police last night doing a statement about our 26 years together, from the day we met to the day Steve died. It was a really tough thing to go through, the police were great, but it was draining.
#ItsOkNotToBeOk
I’m sat thinking about Steve’s funeral, and when it was said that I hope he’s at peace now, it’s made me realise that I too also feel at peace. Things that happened through his life had built up like demons over the years, and these last few years had been really tough,
Moving a few loads of cattle on my own as usual. Let my neighbour know how long I thought I’d be so he could check on me if I didn’t message to say I’d finished. Joys of being a
#SoloFarmer
and nobody waiting at home realising you haven’t been back for a few hours !
#farmsafety
What I love about Twitter is that when I get some loony making nasty and unkind comments that have no truth, I have a whole army of amazing Twitter friends who’ve got my back !! Cheers guys you’re all amazing 👏😁
#BeKindToEachOther
Thank you all so much for the lovely replies to my last tweet, you’re all so supportive and incredible. Tonight I’m taking the Twitter app off all my devices, so see you all in a few months, hopefully with a farm still 🤞🤞 Tommy fell asleep reading all the replies 🤣🤣
I’m a livestock farmer, I don’t receive subsidies once again this idiot is spouting lies and generalising our whole industry. I’m sick to death of his constant farmer bashing, our industry works so hard to produce good, healthy, high welfare, sustainable food.
#BackBritishFarming
Thankyou all so much for helping with the fund, it’s a huge relief to me, totally overwhelmed, sat in with the calves having a good cry 😭 Our farming community is the most incredible, and I know there were a lot of non farmers donated as well, thankyou 😊
#ItsOkNotToBeOk
So today’s is Valentines Day, a time for Roses and chocolates, or for a farmer like me, just another day of shovelling shit !!!😂 But then I wouldn’t have it any other way, totally love farming, and I might just treat myself to some chocolate later !😃
#BackBritishFarming
Bit of a special moment for me today, the heifer on the left is totally blind, she came to me as a baby calf, and against my better judgment I decided to keep her. She was never ill and beat all her daily growth targets. She coped amazingly in the buildings, just a bit tricky
So my Saturday night is me just about to head off to the local police station to make a statement, I guess for the coroner, about Steve’s life. Absolutely dreading it !! Keep talking and reaching out for help guys.
#ItsOkToNotBeOk
A few weeks ago the
@BBCCountryfile
team were here with me to film a piece about Domestic Abuse and support services in rural areas, it’s being shown on tonight’s programme. It’s an extremely hard subject to talk about, and not an easy thing to listen to. DA comes in so many
Finally managed to just step back and take a breath today, just enjoy being around the calves again, my favourite place to be. It’s always good to see them happy and jumping over their buddies 🐮🐮Can’t believe it’s two weeks 😢
#ItsOkNotToBeOk
I was a victim of domestic abuse it pushed me to a breakdown 4 years ago. I was a victim because of my husbands mental health that he refused to acknowledge he had. The stigma around mental health doesn’t need to be there, all it does is cause more suffering.
#AgMentalHealthWeek
Today is
#WorldMentalHealthDay
and this year’s theme is Mental Health for All.
#DomesticAbuse
affects
#mentalhealth
, and we know that abuse can happen to any woman regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity or background. If you need support, contact our Helpline on 0808 2000 247
I’ve always loved the Royal Family, and the one constant in all our lives, The Queen, which I guess is why I’ve cried my eyes out over the news, for a woman I’ve never met but has always been in my life. She served us all with such grace right up to the end. God Bless our Queen💔
So I end up with pictures coming up on my Twitter line that people I follow have liked or commented on, pictures of women looking all super glam, a ton of make up, designer clothes, or lingerie! all pouting away, and there’s little old me, a frazzled calf rearer, hair that’s
So it’s a rubbish video, but I’m surrounded by Hares out here, absolutely love these beautiful creatures. There’s a field I used to go and sit in and watch them when I was stuck in my dark days, watching them calmed and focused my mind, they’ll always be magical to me ❤️
This is the Charolais calf that we had to use the calving aid on this morning as she was coming out backwards, all dried off and had lots of lovely colostrum from mum to give her the healthiest start to life 🐮
#BackBritishFarming
Finally finished steam cleaning the milk building tonight, have a new batch of calves in Monday. This week has driven me to fall out of love with farming, nothing major has happened, just lots of little things coupled with constant farmer bashing. Feeling exhausted
#FarmFatigue
Yesterday afternoon my neighbours had a barbecue for a birthday, it was great to have some down time, started off feeling guilty about not working, that quickly went after a few of these !! I’m now known as Tequila Sunrise Girl 🍹😃💃
Had my whole herd TB test in my grazing cattle and it went clear !!!😃 Huge relief, would’ve been a nightmare to get shut down, I’m seriously light on straw this year and need to conserve it for the calf unit !!
They’re here !!🐮🐮🐮🐮😃 Looking good straight off the lorry, travelled well, now settling in to their new home helping themselves to water and feed and a good night’s sleep in lots of comfy straw !
@BuitelaarGroup
#BackBritishFarming
And finally Julio the Charolais, my favourite 😍 We had everything moved around by 9.30 so as not to cause any stress with the heat which is so important for them at the moment.
#BackBritishFarming
My husband was one of those 133, he refused to believe he had poor mental health and would get aggressive if I said he should get help. Stigma around mental health issues is the biggest problem. Having these platforms to build the conversation that
#ItsOkayToNotBeOkay
are vital.
133 people in GB working in farming & agricultural related trades took their own lives in 2019.
@yellowwelliesuk
#MindYourHead
campaign highlights the efforts of those working & living in the industry to tackle the issue & encourages farmers to open up.
It’s nearly June for gods sake !! My waterproofs are soaked, I’m bloody cold and still have work to do, feeling really hacked off with this weather !!!☹️☹️
Something seriously needs to be put out to the wider public, it’s chaos in the countryside at the moment, and it’s dangerous with stock getting out, and these damn bbq fires should not be happening ! Please use some common sense, I’m worn out dealing with people ☹️
It was the most beautiful sunrise this morning for Winter Solstice, we’re past the shortest day slowly heading out of the darkness, that’s what I’ll try to hold on to at the moment. Again thank you all for kind words and support 😊 Take care of one another.
Finished at 3 o’clock this morning, the rain was really picking up, but the good news is that we finished the 100 acres of barley we wanted to 😃 Thankfully only a few loads to go through the drier. Now to see what the weather holds in store as the forecast is pants !
#harvest23
Wearing my Poppy with pride and thinking of the men from my village that never got to come home and walk the fields here again.
#armisticeday
#LestWeForget
Had a few people DM me to see if I’m okay, thought I was being quiet, thanks guys, I’m fine, still standing at the moment but trailering cattle round so that could change !! I’m super busy trying to keep on top of jobs, try and catch up later with you 🐮🐮😃
#BackBritishFarming
It’s a really rubbish picture but the moon is absolutely awesome tonight, it looks massive and you can clearly see the Hare in the Moon, and I’m surrounded by Hares and loving life 😃
#harvest22
I had a problem with the telehandler this morning, nothing major but it was something that Steve would’ve just gone on and sorted. I almost reached for the phone to call a neighbour, but instead sat down with the manual and sorted it myself !! I drive all the machinery, but