maybe: amanda @parquetcourt Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

6 years

Choose a Bunch of CIA-Backed Foreign Regime Changes and We’ll Tell You Which Starbucks Frappuccino® Beverage You Are

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Last Seen Profiles

@CinemaTRE

@AR500ARMOR

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@PondaIssa

@ApodacaOficial

@tomo_072799995

@rockopapilla97

@NWOSUSoccer

@DancingAnth

@ro_azuara

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@KARAakter

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@openwrt5

@BartRadio2

@CYNIPARAidol

@AmbKattan

@bmmuu_4

@Bunbunloops

@SpitfireMKXII

maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

3 months

summer of 2018 I randomly could not stop drinking strawberitas and a year or two ago there was a class action lawsuit but I obviously didn’t save any receipts so I simply submitted this picture of myself not thinking anything would happen and it just paid out lol

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@parquetcourt

7 years

some1: troops fought 4 u, STAND FOR THE FLAG some1 else: actually troops fought for my choice 2 kneel me, very woke: both wrong. it was for

Martha Stewart

@MarthaStewart

11 years

OiI

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@parquetcourt

5 years

i keep having to say this. if u kiss at the mitski show u are a fucking cop. we came here only to YEARN

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@parquetcourt

6 years

me during sex: hurt me him: fuck a zodiac sign me: wait which tweet format are we doing him: maybe if you had a fucking business that you were passionate about then you would kn

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@parquetcourt

4 years

this is the train to 3 3 r d s t r e e t the next stop is c h r i s t o p h e r s t r e e t stand clear of the closing doors ! beeeep boooop RT if you cried....

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@parquetcourt

1 year

when i was 13 and degrassi introduced that annoying goth guy who drove a hearse to school. the entire trajectory of my life changed

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@parquetcourt

10 years

why is it that no one's afraid to scream PENIS at the top of their lungs but the second you say the word tampon like 7 white boys drop dead

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@parquetcourt

4 years

i see bernie sanders still living in these bitches heads rent free

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@parquetcourt

5 years

brutal winter ahead for the two inches of skin between the top of your doc martens and the cuff of your mom jeans

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@parquetcourt

4 years

can’t cry over looting while fast food+groceries trash thousands of lbs of totally edible unsold food daily / apparel companies burn unsold clothing / etc all so that it can’t be fairly distributed. look around: we have enough shit for everyone !! so who cares !! mutual aid babey

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@parquetcourt

2 years

rip inkwell coffeehouse omg THE monmouth county staple for vacantly signaling u were alternative/DIY-adjacent. bathroom rivaling some of the worst frat bathrooms ive ever seen. when i was 16 i really thought i would die there drinking a dutch coffee & listening to joyce manor lol

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@parquetcourt

5 years

disaffiliating from my org after being told my proposal for a communal gucci belt that we all take turns wearing to improve overall chapter clout would be a “misuse of emergency funds”

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@parquetcourt

8 years

good morning everyone except christopher columbus

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@parquetcourt

8 years

even if I hate your guts I'm gonna like the picture you posted of your dog because it's not your dog's fault that you suck

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@parquetcourt

5 years

any day now my spotify year in review will emerge to accuse me of being into some made-up genre called post-punk bedroom pop grindcore and then call me a little bitch for listening to sufjan’s “mystery of love” 400 times

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@parquetcourt

4 years

being in middletown for more than 3 days always makes me feel fucking psycho everyone here is one wrong rook order away from completely snapping and getting a reagan bush 84 tramp stamp

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@parquetcourt

4 years

me: hello god may i please catch a break :) simply as a little treat :) god: every job will ghost u. ur entire wallet will be stolen your first time at planet fitness. every day facebook will alert you that ur ex boyfriend is starting a podcast. me: understandable have a nice day

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@parquetcourt

7 years

If you're reading this, even if we barely talk, just kill me. please just do it

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@parquetcourt

5 years

ok i’m obsessed with the chaotic energy of the middle aged woman I sit next to at my new internship who doesn’t wear a bra and juuls at her desk and called me “a little italian girl”

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

2 years

who would have imagined that our alma mater, a known bastion of aesthetics, would fall victim to refinement culture like this

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@parquetcourt

7 years

ugh can't wait 2 be back in red bank passing ppl from HS in complete silence, a mutual agreement that 2015's rigid social boundaries persist

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

6 years

Choose a Bunch of CIA-Backed Foreign Regime Changes and We’ll Tell You Which Starbucks Frappuccino® Beverage You Are

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

4 years

the definitive proof that i am the singular protagonist of this reality is that i’m the only one refilling the brita

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@parquetcourt

2 months

no but i have that dress too kinda

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 🇺🇸

@creation247

2 months

Is this true???

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@parquetcourt

4 years

the seasonal depression lamp stays on during sex

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@parquetcourt

7 years

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@parquetcourt

8 years

my to-do list for the next 3 weeks

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@parquetcourt

8 years

not to be *that* eighty year old woman on twitter but I just finished crocheting this beauty and I'm in love

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@parquetcourt

6 years

instead of doing something offensive for Cinco de Mayo today, have u considered: celebrating Cinco DiMeo by straight up just sending me money? less problematic and I end up with money. think about it

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@parquetcourt

5 years

huge gator ... welcome to the resistance

WBRZ News

@WBRZ

5 years

Huge gator takes bite out of deputy's patrol car

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@parquetcourt

5 years

something about being drunk and braless at the liberty science center rn that makes me feel very close to god

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@parquetcourt

6 years

my #1 enemy lately is the sign I pass on my daily work commute that demands that I contemplate: IF YOU DIED TODAY, DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE GOING TO HEAVEN? first of all it’s 7 am and I don’t know shit

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@parquetcourt

7 years

everyday we move further from god's light

BuzzFeed

@BuzzFeed

9 years

Max from A Goofy Movie is now insanely hot http://t.co/G4bbeqCcCq http://t.co/SOfm7Uo3kR

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@parquetcourt

4 years

hoes stay obsessed w me fr like ... it’s actually so sad

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@parquetcourt

7 years

spotify > settings > private session > lovebug by the jonas brothers

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@parquetcourt

7 years

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@parquetcourt

3 years

u can wake up from the most fucked-up vivid and realistic-feeling nightmare, the kind where u actually have to pause and remind yourself what’s real and what’s not and it’s just like. ok well time to open microsoft teams

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

5 years

excited to announce im going on shark tank to debut my life’s work: a coat except just for ur legs :) btw anyone who even thinks abt replying “that’s just more pants” will be fucking blocked

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

5 years

i showed u my vibes please respond

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

6 years

I can’t believe the last meme of the year is gonna end up being tide pods. shocked and disappointed. do better in 2018 everyone

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

4 years

ok i’m gonna go ahead and share my screen let me know when you guys can see it

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@parquetcourt

3 years

wait

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@parquetcourt

3 years

googling “menstrual cramp relief sleep position” every 28 days like this will be the time i unearth some new research in the field

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

5 years

gen z looks up dumb shit like “best oat milk 2019” or “instagram cheat codes” meanwhile i’m six google search pages deep on How The Priest Decides How Many Hail Marys Your Confessed Sins Are Worth

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

4 years

ah yes I’m something of a gamer myself

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

7 years

um... my amazing and wonderful parents and younger sister went to a women's rally this morning look how awesome I'm in tears

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maybe: amanda

@parquetcourt

6 years

it rly b the same super unfriendly ppl who won’t acknowledge ur existence on campus suddenly trying to connect with u on linkedin... back off my professional connections u FAKES

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@parquetcourt

1 year

i have stumbled across a fully sincere muppets-themed AA instagram page

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@parquetcourt

6 years

I want to use my newly granted 280 characters to discuss how much I love chapstick. I get so sad any time I see that post that's like "has anyone ever even finished a chapstick lmao xD" like 🙁 I have... chapstick is bomb, if u cherish it, u will finish it. ok that's all I've got

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@parquetcourt

7 years

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@parquetcourt

4 years

trying to recall the thrill of sending a risky text n tossing the phone across the room since now life is all about sending an email at 4:55 that will definitely make someone else’s job harder then immediately logging off for the day feeling nothing at all

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@parquetcourt

2 years

freaked out by the number of high school friends who have reached out unprompted to tell me i seem like im “doing really well lately” ?? thank u but do ppl see a bitch move to nyc and think Automatic Slay or was i just giving off huge derangement vibes prior to now

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@parquetcourt

9 years

peace out middletown!!!! I'll miss that the R on the sign of the local target is a different shade of red than the other letters. goodbye 🗿

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@parquetcourt

9 years

how to deflect creepy dudes on facebook http://t.co/JSQXLmWjtc

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@parquetcourt

7 years

I'm so nervous wondering what the first meme of 2017 will be. I hope it's me

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@parquetcourt

11 months

don’t particularly care about the author of eat pray love but it’s insane that this unpublished historical fiction book, whose plot seemingly has no endorsement of specific gov/politics, is being review bombed for “romanticizing russians” by just like. taking place in russia lol

Elizabeth Gilbert

@GilbertLiz

11 months

Important announcement about THE SNOW FOREST. Please note that if you were charged for your pre-order, you will be fully refunded. Thank you so much.

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@parquetcourt

5 years

choosing between completely wrecking my plumbing or sticking my hand into a toilet to own the libs

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@parquetcourt

7 years

be honest is this playlist too niche

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@parquetcourt

5 years

crocheting a blanket while wrapped in another blanket that I have also crocheted. in this heightened state of power, I physically cannot be killed

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@parquetcourt

7 years

when did we start letting ppl who couldn't pass freshman yr bio have "opinions" on literal scientific fact. let 👏🏼 me 👏🏼 know 👏🏼

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@parquetcourt

6 years

I bet it makes u feel rly big and strong to weave through lanes doing 80 in a 55 when there’s hella traffic and nowhere to go. I bet it makes u feel like ur mother loved u

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@parquetcourt

4 years

[blacked out outside mr wraps at 2 AM] soooo. is there a mrs wraps :)

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@parquetcourt

6 years

stevens third year survey rly didn’t have to do me like that but they did it anyway

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@parquetcourt

5 years

immediately changing my bio to say “NJ/NYC producer 🥀🎛⚡️” after I put the horrific screeching noise the path makes between hoboken and christopher st on a beat

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@parquetcourt

6 years

my family was celebrating my older brother’s big game winning hit in little league and I was mad that I wasn’t getting any attention so I wrote a song about how nobody would miss me when I was dead

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@parquetcourt

3 years

autumn is great but i will not let you freaks take summer from me this early. there are 3 weeks of calendar summer left and 1-2 more after that for climate change induced summer. put down the decorative pumpkins and grant the seasonal affective hoes some peace

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@parquetcourt

4 years

some of yalls ideal man is built like the cinnamon stick from the apple jacks commercial

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@parquetcourt

3 years

elevated mindset

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@parquetcourt

6 years

ok but consider this: gigs, except they occur exclusively in the daytime. I am so god damn Tired

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@parquetcourt

7 years

I have an unreasonable amount of flashbacks to this promo

😬#FireZaslav🇭🇹

@mjgchick

7 years

Degrassi ICONIC "Shark in the water" promo.

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@parquetcourt

5 years

political alignment style chart but for overly online twitter users: astrologer vs developer, leftist vs cop, also it’s multidimensional and there’s a third axis for how horny you are

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@parquetcourt

5 years

u have to be a whole different level of hot to pull off those ridiculous tiny sunglasses and those ppl should be the ones running all of society

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@parquetcourt

4 years

if you’re an adult man with blond hair u need to grow the fuck up

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@parquetcourt

7 years

lmk why it's always those random ass kids from high school who barely graduated sharing this shit on my feed

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@parquetcourt

5 years

uhhh I really played myself by opting into a fifth year at stevens mental institute huh

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@parquetcourt

6 years

someone must revolutionize today’s online shopping experience with the option to sort dresses by the complexity of the bra they’d require

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@parquetcourt

5 years

unsure how to proceed with the realization I just had that all stevens men have the same base personality and are simply at different stages of discovering weed and/or irony

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@parquetcourt

7 years

my relationships are in order, my skin is clear, my wallet is full... all because I stopped wasting precious time watching the walking dead

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@parquetcourt

6 years

god I miss her

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@parquetcourt

9 years

it's like ur at college five days and all of a sudden ur family replaces u with a cool looking bug named harrison http://t.co/7QTHJ7YJMo

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@parquetcourt

4 years

just wanna buy a bra but there’s a strict no nut november policy here on the stevens network

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@parquetcourt

5 years

devastated to report that I became a victim of cyber terrorism today when the stevens career center emailed me a reminder to start looking for a post grad full time job

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@parquetcourt

3 years

knowing i’ve exhausted all other options after scouring the internet and am left with no choice but to post my question to the crocheting subreddit

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@parquetcourt

5 years

formal recruitment is all about effective mason jar utilization. each time a pnm thinks “what a bold yet unoffending mason jar arrangement” u get one point, points can be exchanged for larger jars with cooler stats for the later rounds

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@parquetcourt

6 years

oh no! tracking my various package deliveries is the only thing that makes me feel alive anymore!

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@parquetcourt

8 years

I am sure every guy that has shared this post has had many loving and successful relationships

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@parquetcourt

5 years

standing motionless for hours at the gig with my arms crossed and eyes narrowed, not even remotely paying attention as I mentally craft the random shit I’ll post on the event page later for clout such as “always a blast seeing these guys” and “most important band in the scene rn”

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@parquetcourt

7 years

I knew we were a mess but I rly can't believe how much this country blatantly hates women, hates LGBT ppl, hates POC. my heart hurts 2nite

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@parquetcourt

7 years

no one told me there were donuts in the break room until 10:30 and the only ones left were PLAIN. no loyalty. this company is full of snakes

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@parquetcourt

6 years

every time a coworker closes an email with a cold and formal “regards” I feel like I’ve been curved at an 18th century masquerade ball

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@parquetcourt

3 years

ok i’m happy for everyone / not judging / other pleasantries etc etc but this one engagement per week rate on IG is unsustainable. i cannot spend this much time scrolling back to see how long you’ve been dating and trying to reverse lookup how expensive your ring is

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@parquetcourt

4 years

Ok, This Is Epic: Celebs Share Heartwarming Compilation of Them Spitting at the Camera, Saying “Get Fucked, Poories” from Private Underground Bunkers (WATCH)

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@parquetcourt

5 years

checking in on the social media accounts of my enemies but my seasonal depression lamp is on and facing me the whole time so it actually counts as self-care

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@parquetcourt

3 years

just witnessed some of the most blatant disrespect towards minimum wage, clearly understaffed workers i’ve ever seen in my life like. sorry for the sincere post but some of you are actually so fucking sick in the head the way you treat other people you need to be rehabilitated

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@parquetcourt

9 years

http://t.co/y3etEhd5ne

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@parquetcourt

5 years

this guy wants a bid so bad lol chill

The New York Times

@nytimes

5 years

Pope Francis, in Christmas Day Message, Emphasizes ‘Fraternity’

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@parquetcourt

1 year

how can i donate my entire life savings to the bronx zoo ensuring that it goes directly to the rehabilitation of the prospect park alligator. i need her to have a heated swamp the size of a small suburban town

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@parquetcourt

6 years

coming to terms with the fact that a vague sense of fatigue is just going to be my baseline state from now until I die

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@parquetcourt

4 years

giving my therapist a rough idea of how the next hour is gonna play out by asking her right off the bat if I have the right kind of face for wispy bangs

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@parquetcourt

7 years

did you know that it costs zero dollars to walk on the right side of the sidewalk

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