my friend said that when you have high verbal intelligence (good at expressing yourself/arguing) you should be careful not to take advantage of other people who are less good at “debating” and that’s always stuck with me
“To love someone is to love their patterns, their rituals, the things that already take up space in their life. To love someone is to work with who they already are and decide if you can accept it.”
romantic relationships/best friends/therapists are critical for the same reason, where this person can become the primary person who explains you to *you*, the supplement to your internal monologue, and can rewire your understanding of yourself for way better or for way worse
I always bump into this guy at my favorite coffee shop reading esoteric philosophy books at weird hours so I asked him where he works. he works at palantir
I want to do a post about avoiding cult leaders but some basic advice: 1) well-intentioned ppl don’t try to obscure things 2) charisma doesn’t imply correctness/intelligence 3) healthy people don’t try to control you 4) almost all ppl w grand sweeping messages are egomaniacs
all u have to do is to forcefully but reapectfully kiss a girl who’s already attracted to you at the exact point of the night she finds most romantic. what’s the problem
my friend was outside a tacqueria in SF when a guy asked him for a burrito. thinking the guy was homeless my friend said “sure” and bought him the burrito. then the guy was like “do you know any frontend engineers I could hire for my startup?”
Chinese family-owned restaurants are closing because there’s no one to take over but the parents are happy because that means their children have good professional jobs and can lead a less grueling life 😭😭😭
I feel like a lot of US citizens don’t quite get how hard it is to get an immigrant visa even if you are super qualified—many friends/family have struggled w the H1-B lottery or spent months applying for an O1 or got denied entry even though they have MIT degrees/great jobs/etc
I’ve noticed that tons of smart/empathetic people are insecure in a way that makes them susceptible to falling into various “cults.” hence why actors etc are v vulnerable. the smarter you are the more you incorrectly think you can’t be controlled
I used to be obsessed with the question of whether people can change and now I’m sure that most people can, just… when they’re ready and probably not on your terms
everyone knows friendship chemistry and relationship chemistry are different things but I posit that a lot of problems come from dating people you have no friendship chemistry with
graduate from college -> group house in the mission -> “luxury” apartment building in soma you can barely afford -> cozy apartment in hayes valley with boyfriend, small dog -> leave founder boyfriend for more successful founder boyfriend -> house in los altos -> first child at 35
two parents having a weirdly sophisticated conversation w their teenage children (about how AI can improve chemotherapy and nuclear particles and GDPR) and it’s blowing my mind. the kids seem really engaged? families like this exist? how does this happen
am totally convinced that willpower is largely about your conscious and your subconscious aligning… when I really want to do something and I “can’t make myself do it” usually it’s bc I don’t really want to
the longer you ignore something dysfunctional in your life the deeper ingrained it becomes, which makes you dig your heels in more to avoid changing it, which makes you unhappier, which makes you—
realized the reason why competence is soothing is bc you know that if they want something they’ll make it happen. feels clear/aligned. most ppl are in this weird middle ground where they don’t know what they want and if they do they don’t know how to get it
it’s so funny that every single person’s worldview is so directly and obviously tied to how they feel abt themselves (self-loathing, self-loving, open, afraid)
met someone in a 12-year relationship and asked him “what do you think makes the relationship work” and he was like “i’ve literally never thought about that before.” true chad energy
totally changed my life when I learned that emotions are not innate but culturally constructed: the biological axes are low arousal/high arousal and low pleasantness/high pleasantness and all the rest is interpretation 🤷🏻♀️
the genre of self-sabotage where you work really hard, actually get what you want, and then proceed to fuck it up for yourself is fascinating to me. like why does that happen
watching several of my guy friends go through the transition where—having achieved financial stability and an envy-inducing career trajectory at the age of 26—they suddenly get a therapist and a personal trainer, take up skydiving and start looking for a fiancée
just saw a tiktok where a girl was like you should put vanilla extract in the oven in a coffee mug for 15 minutes before he comes over so your apartment smells like cookies and he associates cookies with you. we’re taking pavlovian conditioning too far
in a bar and this girl is talking about how she’s seeing a guy who told her “I want to keep dating other woman even if you’re not okay with it” and she’s like “It makes me feel bad but I’m trying to adjust” and I’m silently screaming nooo
“If your three closest friends all tell you the same thing, listen to them. As long as you actually like your friends and think they’re smart, there are no exceptions to this rule.”
people who say there are no hot people in SF need to understand that conventional hotness is not that valued in this city; instead of hitting on models dudes here want to make sure you at least won a MIT hackathon before you ghost each other after a second date at state bird
once in a while you see a startup idea that’s actually brilliant and not in a competitive space either but then it’s like are you ready to dedicate 15 years of your life to a cement-pouring company
In Fedex’s early days they were once denied a critical loan and had only 5k left in the bank. The founder, Fred Smith, took the company's last $5000 to Vegas and won 27k gambling on blackjack to cover the fuel bill for one more week. Shortly after he raised $11 million
I have this problem where I’m living in darkness constantly bc all the windows in the house are blocked by massive amounts of snow but there’s so much snow I have no idea how I would even remove it lol
"the mediocrity trap: situations that are bad-but-not-too-bad keep you forever in their orbit...Terrible situations, once exited, often become funny stories or proud memories. Mediocre situations, long languished in, simply become Lost Years"