Neeti Palta @neetipalta Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

24 days

My new video is out! Like, share, subscribe. Spam your friends and family and even strangers 😁

1

0

5

Last Seen Profiles

@amicidomenicani

@omdop

@miyaxrin

@newodrawer

@mob_neco

@miffina07

@lawsofsacae

@nasuyuko

@official_rias

@senadormotoa

@lmdbabyx

@sette__

@Akagane_Musashi

@quroh_art

@AdamTheNewman

@mobbe

@nilanmorton

@piss

@teekzi

@safakpavey

@redcshidae

@SwankyMasterbal

@metmidnights

@misa_misaxxx

@new

@kevarevalo1

@BrunoClavet

@yutapogen

@yanhigton

@StGensRE1

@sjdllmy33223826

@filali_lamia

@Busy_royals

@USEmbassyPrague

@CommuterLine

@FullMetalTools

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Dear Karnataka Health Minister Ji, if more women are choosing to stay single, it’s probably because they’re afraid of ending up with someone like you.

142

1K

8K

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

1 year

Sitting next to @ShashiTharoor on a flight. Now the safety announcements will be in Hindi, English and Tharurian.

82

148

5K

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

It’s funny how China is claiming everything as its own except Covid 19. #ChinaLiedPeopleDied

28

370

3K

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Progress! 🙌🏼

382

159

3K

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Ban on non-veg. Ban on jokes. Ban on a different opinion. Oh that’s what the B stands for!

29

85

1K

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

1 year

Why does Gambhir perpetually look like he’s swallowed a cactus. From both ends?

104

93

1K

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

1 year

So if the bikini is half green half orange it’s only half objectionable?

90

50

1K

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Joke about the BJP. Get called a Congressi. Joke about the Congress. Get called a bhakt. Just say ‘Modi’. Get called an anti-national. Do haathi cheenti jokes. Get called out for fat shaming. #offencebazar

26

72

862

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Problem logo mein nahi, logon mein hai. #MyntraLogo

13

84

828

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

What is this nonsense about “if you stay in a particular state you must speak its language”? My dad was in the army & posted in several places that he did not speak the language of. And he didn’t go to war for just the State he knew the language of. #QuitDividingIndia

25

100

689

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

I’m trying to be health conscious, so looking for a jaggery daddy.

29

32

692

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Anyone else feel the next party to win with a thumping majority will be NOTA?

24

28

598

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Ambulance sorted too. Just need your prayers now please.

14

6

515

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

@sardesairajdeep is sitting a seat ahead of me. Thinking of saying hi. But then given what happens to comedians who talk to journalists on flights....

78

33

525

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 years

Loved this! Prevention IS better than cure.

11

287

493

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

At last! News worthy of the front page. Very heartening. #LageyRahoIndia

8

80

498

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

In the absence of an audience I pull my own leg. #yoga #yogapractice #yogachallenge #yogatrip

34

18

474

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 months

#DelhiAirPollution

12

62

463

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Patanjali showing interest in sponsoring IPL. Will be lovely to see the cheerleaders doing kapalbhati at every boundary. #IPL #PatanjaliIPL #PatanjaliIPL2020

26

49

436

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

How does one #corona patient propose to another? Will you be my quarantine? #okbye

13

30

427

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

High risk individuals to be vaccinated first. So comedians must be up there on the list.

15

19

426

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Sorry guys, whoever bought tickets for my show Front Row, am cancelling the show for today in deference to our martyrs at the border. You will be refunded.

12

17

413

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

7 years

If that hurt then everybody bled blue irrespective of the gender of the team. That's a victory ain't it? #WWCFinal17

12

151

385

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Blue ticks removed from accounts for being non active. Seats should be removed from the parliament for being non productive. #mohanbhagwat #TwitterIndia #blueTick

14

45

394

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

I always was a tree in my school plays.

14

7

368

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Mom said don’t stand on my head, so I did the next best thing. #yoga

35

13

371

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Ashwin MUST deliver for the sake of @AbijitG

3

353

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

My cook’s daughter scores 90% in her 10th boards. A farmer’s son gets into an Ivy League college on merit. These are kids that rose despite their circumstances. Kudos to the do-ers! #lageyrahoindia

12

0

355

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

1 year

They Go First, count later.

9

18

352

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

1 year

Thinking local

18

5

337

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

6

18

322

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

I lost 2kgs. After a haircut. #lpixielove

26

0

292

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Sadak 2, a journey that shouldn’t have been taken.

8

10

285

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Watch & share. Or just take some time out to smile.

25

35

285

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 years

Just watched the first episode of #chachavidhayakhainhumare Loved it! Like a grown up version of Malgudi Days. And more fun! Wooohoooo! @Zakirism 🤗🤗

2

11

264

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Walked up to a gentleman from @DelhiPolice to ask if he would let my friend walk in the park since she had forgotten her mask. He sweetly gave her a fresh one from his bike. With you for you always indeed! #respect #love #appreciation #gratitude

4

15

263

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Saying namaste yoga style. #HappyInternationalYogaDay

20

3

255

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

The things ego & free time make you do 🙊

32

12

248

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Seeing a Ferrari stuck behind a rickshaw, unable to overtake it for the last three traffic signals. Ah! Indian roads, the greatest equalizer.

4

9

236

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Since when is cracking a joke “about” something considered being “against” it? I joke about myself and my parents all the time. We don’t want to bring down anything but your stress. #Chill #smile #SpreadLove #thinkpositive

7

17

232

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 years

The thing is I don’t mind bombing as much as i mind my bombing translating into “all women comedians suck”. Wish I was allowed to fail as an individual rather than an entire gender! #Pressure

7

33

225

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Sometimes our worst enemy is our own brain.

8

19

222

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Had the honour to open for @thevirdas yesterday at the JLN Stadium in Delhi. This man is unstoppable. Must catch his show #Wanted whenever and wherever you can. He makes not being ok so bloody funny you’ll tear up too. #WantedTour

8

2

226

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Shakti Kapoor is on my flight. Now seat belts do feel like a safety feature!

16

4

213

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

7 years

Now all I need is an ashram and some followers and I’ll be rich!

22

10

214

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Look how afraid people are to laugh! Don’t know what’s more hilarious @rickygervais ‘s super cutting jokes or their expressions!

5

11

204

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 years

Dear event people, it is not “what is your rate”, try asking “how much do you charge or what are your charges?” 🙏🏻

14

31

204

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 years

Old Monk in a mini tetrapack! When the Universe sends a sign who am I to ignore it.

16

69

203

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Who will protect me from me? #RakshaBandhan

15

3

204

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Of course women’s sentiments are hurt over Ranveer Singh’s pics. Our husbands and boyfriends don’t look anything like him! #RidiculousFIR #RanveerSingh

16

21

203

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Why did it take me so long to clean the balcony? Umm.... exhibit A. #LifeInLockdown

11

3

198

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

@thevirdas “Don’t you have batter things to do?”

4

0

192

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Pancake breakfasts always lift my spirits. Except on days I have to lift myself. #yoga #workinprogress

18

3

190

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

It’s out! It’s out!! Tell me which episode you liked best. #OneMicStandOnPrime , watch now 📽️: @PrimeVideoIN @karanjohar @SunnyLeone @raftaarmusic @fayedsouza @chetan_bhagat @sapanv @ReheSamay @sumukhisuresh @one_by_two @abishmathew

4

5

184

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Defeat this virus with positivity. And a little bit of insanity. #stayhome #fightcoronavirus 💪 #corona

24

5

182

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

After UK, now Nigeria reports a new strain of Corona virus. Please India, I’m being vocal to not make local for once. 🙏🏻 #newstraincovid

1

7

182

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

My new serious look. Now all I need are non-serious thoughts. #comedyinlockdown

15

1

179

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 months

Uff Kohli is such a Dilli guy, only likes chasing. #INDvsENG

8

11

180

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

No wonder I’m still wrestling with fame.

prime video IN

@PrimeVideoIN

4 years

hi @neetipalta , you did a good job in dangal 😂

3

1

64

12

4

170

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Silver lining?

8

4

174

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

I have a jock on autocorrect.

6

9

168

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Rape and get bail. Run over innocent people and get bail. Tell a joke and stay in jail.

3

26

166

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

2 years

Mom: Subah se ek taang pe khadi hoon. Me:

12

4

165

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Delhi people are aggressive because we don’t have the option to take deep breaths to calm down. #DelhiPollution #breathless #smog

5

12

168

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

If I bitch about all the noise and dust from the buildings coming up everywhere, would it be constructive criticism?

8

10

160

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

3

5

165

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

9 years

Good to know a cow can now step out after dark and wear what she likes #BeefBan #MainBhiCowPlease

12

232

156

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

5 years

Here’s my new video! Pls to like, share and subscribe. In fact spam the hell out of your whole mailing list I say!

Handas On Holidays | Stand-up comedy by Neeti Palta

Joint families are beautiful, except when they are traveling with you!A story about me at the airport with the extended Handas family and the joys of Indian ...

www.youtube.com

29

31

151

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

I will cut my own hair if I have to. Before this happens!! #lockdownhair

31

3

157

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

5 years

“My grandmother used to work. Because my grandfather was so poor he couldn’t afford a male ego”. What a line! @abishmathew Amazon Prime special Whoop!

0

6

156

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

If you don’t unfollow me after this, then you truly like me. #AlmostJokes #mentallockdown #losingit

35

3

150

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Ek jagah jab jama ho teeno, Amar, Akbar, Antoniette. . . . #comiclife #Friends #friendship

8

5

151

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

My phone autocorrects “gun” to “gin”. Not all suggestions are bad in life.

9

4

149

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

She makes a lockdown feel not so bad. Joked, danced and shared a laugh on #lockedupwithsunnyleone

6

4

145

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

I have a feeling all matches will be very one-sided at the #NarendramodiStadium

6

11

149

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

#StayHomeStaySafe #BeResponsible #Unlock1

7

15

145

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Looking forward to make sense of it all. @bainjal

4

15

143

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

India applauded its heroes today. I’ve got goosebumps! This is the most we’ve felt united in a loooong time. Stick together India. At least in spirit 🙏🏻 #coronavirusindia #JantaCurfew

5

6

146

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Firstly, “Pinky” is western. In the interest of swadesi-ness he should be called “Gulabo”. Secondly, “Pinky”?? That would explain the anger issues.

10

31

133

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 years

Dear corporates, you do know female comedians are equally funny on days other than Women’s Day right?

3

24

137

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Is it good luck or bad if you get hit by an ambulance? #RandomThoughts

38

2

135

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

7 years

USA! It’s official! We are to meet. A lot.

16

9

136

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Message toh bahut badhiya tha. Messengers ne raita phaila diya.

9

5

134

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Thank you everyone. Found bed. Now looking for ambulance to get him there.

3

6

133

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

1 year

If the society didn’t fall apart at Maggi milkshake, I’m pretty sure it can handle same sex marriage. #samesexmarriage #Equality #SupremeCourt #equalrights

8

15

132

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

Leaders can’t lead if people don’t follow. Just a thought.

6

4

138

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

You know why everyone is so constipated these days? Because everyone is busy doing virtual potty on other people’s timelines.

4

12

130

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

#relationshipquotes

9

5

129

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

8 months

Ye duniya Ik dulhan Duhan ke maathey ki bindiyaaaaaaa I love my Bharat

23

10

130

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

Yaar...

17

18

130

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

This world is a dangerous place!

14

127

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

6 years

No protein shakes, just gravity.

13

8

127

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

3 years

#GabbaTest #INDvsAUS

2

20

127

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

4 years

The same Navika who cooed “Aww can we get a glimpse of Taimur?” is now going “produce Sarah Ali Khan”. #ChangingTimes

4

7

124

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

1 year

Reached the airport at 6am for an 8am flight. Just about made it!! Insane crowd. It’s like a Kumbh ka mela. Thought I’d find some lost sibling too. #T3 #delhiairport

12

8

123

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta

7 months

I got called “woke” for supporting same sex marriage. What would you call the people denying them? “Asleep”? #samesexmarriage #LGBTQRights #LGBTQ

19

7

129

Neeti Palta

@neetipalta