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Mohammed Hanif Profile
Mohammed Hanif

@mohammedhanif

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A Case of Exploding Mangoes. Our Lady of Alice Bhatti. Red Birds.

Joined April 2009
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 months
In protest, returning my Sitara e Imtiaz, given to me by a state that continues to abduct and torture Baloch citizens. Journalists of my generation have seen @SammiBaluch and @MahrangBaloch_ grow up in protest camps. Ashamed to witness a new generation being denied basic dignity.
@Jam__Baloch
Jamal Baloch
5 months
"We want nothing from Pakistan, nothing at all, we need our loved ones back that are forcibly disappeared" words of a participant of #MarchAgainstBalochGenocide .
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Let's stop pretending that we were all cool and liberal before General Zia came along. Only six years before his coup, we were involved in a world class massacre in East Pakistan.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
2 years
Withdrawing from @goerheinstut ’s Hamburg conference where they first invited and then disinvited Palestinian journalist and poet Mohammed El Kurd. Reason is even more offensive. Apparently Kurd is not respectful enough towards Israel. How do you say bugger off in German? 1/3
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
2 years
Dr Alvi used to take way more time scaling my teeth than he has taken to dissolve this assembly
@PresOfPakistan
The President of Pakistan
2 years
The President of Pakistan, Dr Arif Alvi, has approved the advice of the Prime Minister of Pakistan to dissolve the National Assembly under the Article 58 (1) read with Article 48(1) of the Constitution of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
Everyone else was talking abt Baba Guru Nanak. Imran Khan is talking about Imran Khan.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
So is the entire country
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
Karachi Sea View has been cleared of ALL vendors, regular working people catering to other working people. Now all that's left is Mcdonald's at one end and DHA 8 Extension at the other. This country is a happy marriage between seths and generals . Real kachra of Karachi
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
This afternoon some people claiming to be from the ISI barged into my Urdu publisher Maktaba Daniyal offices, confiscated all copies of Urdu translation of A Case of Exploding Mangoes. Threatened the manager, wanted information about our whereabouts. Coming back tomorrow... 1/3
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
Dawn reported what Nawaz Sharif said. Both traitors. Today Dawn reporting what Khan said. Only Dawn traitor.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
If you stay silent out of fear, your life will not be longer, not even by a second: Manzur Pashteen
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Called up a doctor friend and asked when will this end. 20 years, he said. Covid will end in 20 years? No, he said. Human race. Thanks doc
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
Was interviewed by two well mannered Intelligence Bureau inspectors for ninety minutes. Mostly abt my visit to Bangladesh to attend Dhaka Lit Fest. Shukr hai India nahin gya
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Last class. asked students to come up with variations on Khuda Hafiz. ‘ chal jigger. Ok bro G19 aa gai. Tu jaa mein aya. Ja Simran. Duaon mein yaad rakhna. Mama ka phone aa raha hai. Kat le. Allah Nigebhan.’ Good times
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
I think everyone celebrating General Bajwa's extension is implicitly insulting Pak Army
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
IK in the neighbourhood to inaugurate a park which has been around since Musharraf’s time. Good ho gya
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
A Case of Exploding Mangoes has been in publication for 11 years now. Nobody has ever bothered me. Why now? I am sitting here, wondering when will they come for us. ISI is World’s No 1 spy agency. I am sure they have better things to do. I have my school run tomorrow. 3/3
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
Really excited about this. Urdu translation of A Case of Exploding Mangoes is out later this month. Thanks to Syed Kashif Raza for a brilliant translation. Shukria to great editor/publisher Hoori Noorani who said YES when everyone else said bhool jao
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
One MNA has been arrested and declared a traitor without trial. Another MNA is in hiding. People reminding us about the sanctity of a check post are right. The country is being run by the army. Who hasn't received that memo yet?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 months
Nawaz Sharif's flying kisses. New Punjabi VLOg
@bbcnewspunjabi
BBC News Punjabi
3 months
ਪਾਕਿਸਤਾਨ ਦੀਆਂ ਆਮ ਚੋਣਾਂ ਵਿੱਚ ਜੇਲ੍ਹ ਵਿੱਚ ਬੈਠੇ-ਬੈਠੇ ਹੀ ਇਮਰਾਨ ਖ਼ਾਨ ਨੇ ਸਭ ਤੋਂ ਵੱਧ ਵੋਟਾਂ ਹਾਸਲ ਕਰ ਲਈਆਂ ਹਨ ਪਰ ਸਰਕਾਰ ਬਣਾਉਣ ਲਈ ਕੁਝ ਕੁ ਘੱਟ ਹਨ, ਵੇਖੋ ਪਾਕਿਸਤਾਨ ਤੋਂ ਸੀਨੀਅਰ ਪੱਤਰਕਾਰ ਤੇ ਲੇਖਕ ਮੁਹੰਮਦ ਹਨੀਫ਼ ਦੀ ਪਾਕਿਸਤਾਨ ਚੋਣ ਨਤੀਜਿਆਂ ਉੱਤੇ ਟਿੱਪਣੀ @rupa_jha @mohammedhanif #pakistanelections #imrankhan
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
Ahmed Faraz was once asked to recite Kalima, his response: Kyon, badal gya hai?
@mahobili
no context nalka
6 years
I really hope they don’t ask Fawad chaudhry to recite Kalima on tv to prove his faith, something that happened to Rana sanaullah for declaring Ahmedi “his brothers”
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
I have to write a piece for BBC Punjabi. Every time I sit down to write my inner Khadim Rizvi takes over. I keep starting my piece by writing Oye Kanjro, Oye Dallio...Not sure what BBC editorial guidelines are on this.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
2 years
Was supposed to speak at this. Boycotting in protest
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
When Razia Bhatti sent I.A.Rehman a cheque for his first contribution to Newsline, he mailed it back with a note: You can start paying me when you make your first million. Newsline never made a million and Rehman sb never stopped writing
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
Our country has become so polarised, so polarised: A doctor with a fake degree can't get along with people who are world famous for selling fake degrees. Mulk ka khuda hafiz.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
After another Hazara mass murder, we are asking that old question again. Is Pakistani establishment complicit or incompetent? Why can't it be both? super complicit and super incompetent?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Those demanding that IK should order that Mati is recovered immediately, who exactly should IK order?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
I am not a very social person and in real life know very few people. Two of them have been kidnapped by the state within last one week. Advocate Noor Nabi in Okara and student Mumtaz Sajidi in Karachi. Scary. Very scary.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
7 years
Every journalist in Islamabad knows who is behind the attack on #AhmadNoorani . Nobody will name them. Now that's what's called a mafia
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Ammar Sb please come to Karachi. I have also just been shown the door by a private Uni(Habib) where I taught a few semesters. (Not as qualified or committed as you). But I was beginning to like it. Will miss the students
@ammaralijan
Ammar Ali Jan
4 years
Thank you so much Dr. Adnan for your kind gesture. I had the great pleasure of visiting IBA for a workshop. Brilliant faculty & students. Plus I love being in Karachi, so I will definitely be in touch :-) In difficult times, such displays of solidarity is what gives us strength!
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
2 years
Clifton Cantonment Board has again banned all camels, horses, snack vendors from Clifton beach. Apparently some gora made a video of someone overcharging. Why do we hate working people so much?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
Hope there is rolling coverage on Pak Tv about our Karachi girl @kamilashamsie winning the biggest literature prize in the world for Home Fire.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
One of those random days when you get a call from @Malala and all you can say is how's the summer vacations beta, hope you are having fun at uni etc. Boring uncle peak times
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
Aa gai...
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
7 years
Virat Kohli has done more for Pakistan's self respect than most Pakistanis I know.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Where are all the retired generals/ defence analysts when you actually need them?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
So if you criticise our military, you are a terrorist. If you kill our military men, or threaten to kill them, you are kind of OK. Did I get this right, or am I missing something?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Last time a journalist was picked up in Islamabad, he turned up dead in a canal. Saleem Shehzad. Senior journalists in Islamabad told me no doubt ISI took him. They were also certain ISI didn't mean to kill him. They didn't know his medical history, so torture Mishtake
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
Just realised that if every twitter follower donates two and a half rupees( not Fve, not Ten, Dhai rupees) I could become a millionaire. And out of that million I could donate one lakh for the dam. Think about it. Everybody is a winner.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
I never believed that dictum ke Pakistani youth mein bada talent hai before I discovered TikTok. And I NEVER encountered any fahashi. It was truly people’s social media
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Told someone maybe hand shake wasn’t such a good idea. They gave me a big hug. LogoN ka pyar marwaiay ga
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
Asad Umar on all TV channels. Live from the parliament. Akhtar Mengal come on after him. Every single channel turns away to regular programming
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
2 years
Mohammed El Kurd's house was taken over by settlers when he was elven. Kurd and his sister Muna have been protesting since they were children. Haven’t read much Goethe but I don’t think he wanted the world to be respectful towards a ruthless apartheid regime.2/2
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
8 months
Never seen him do any journalism. has anyone?
@desmukh
Fahad Desmukh
8 months
Before joining the military-backed caretaker govt, info minister @murtazasolangi was applauding Imaan Mazari for succesfully defending activists and journalists @HayatPreghal , @AsadAToor @mbilalghauri who faced charges of defaming the army #ReleaseImaanMazari
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
To get lists of booksellers. Last week we received a defamation notice from General Zia’s son demanding Rs 1 billion for maligning General Zia good name. Our lawyers are preparing a reply. Is ISI acting on Ejazul Haq’s behalf? 2/3
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
One hour in Lahore and bijli has gone 8 times. Never thought I’ll miss @KElectricPk
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
A critically ill family member can’t go to a Lahore hospital because of road blocks. Now trying to reach Faislabad. Family member is a bigger Ashq e Rasool than anyone I know. Tuhada kakh na raway zalimo
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
1 year
This boy is Pakistan’s future. Rescued a peacock from a house on fire. And then returned it and said sorry. Release him
@hawahawaye
Nadan Parinday
1 year
@mohammedhanif ab ap he kch awaz uthaye apne mor wale k lea...bichare ne to mor b wapas kr diya ta😥
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
Seems I am stuck in my Islamiat class 8. It wasn't a bad class but it was forty years ago
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Have seen all kind of vile things on TV news but watching Nadeem Malik so desperately trying to organise a lynch mob was scary. @SAMAATV is apparently owned by so called seculars.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
He was handsome, no?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 months
Live from Caretaker PM’s favourite bedroom
@BBCUrdu
BBC News اردو
5 months
نگران وزیر اعظم کی خواب گاہ سے براہ راست: محمد حنیف کا کالم
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
If you are thinking of writing a letter, think again:
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
With Navjot Sidhu in the audience, the whole thing seemed like a version of Kapil Sharma show, no?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
Our. Little. Martyrs. These three words sum up the sickness in our soul. Also our perverse ideas about our national security. Every time I hear these words I want to throw up.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
Wife filling out a security clearance form which has a question: Relation with spouse? ziada personal nahiN ho gya
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
She replied it’s M. A. L. A. L . A. Besides being many things she is a brilliant troll with a wicked sense of humour
@BloomsburyBooks
Bloomsbury Books UK
6 years
. @Malala asks for @mohammedhanif to sign her copy of his book RED BIRDS. He asks what her name is while chuckling to himself. You've got to back your own jokes, y'know?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Known him since he started his movement. Never met a more patriotic Okarvi. Accusing him of being an Indian agent is pathetic.
@ammaralijan
Ammar Ali Jan
4 years
4 years ago on this day, Mehar Sattar, leader of tenants on the Okara Military Farms, was arrested in a late night raid at his residence. He was accused of being an Indian agent. Sattar refuses to give an inch of his land to the military and thus continues to languish in prison.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Just saw President Dr. Alvi on Geo. He didn't really need to consult religious scholars. He himself sounds like one. I wish he'd listen to his fellow doctors as well.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Muslims in India. Ahmedis in Pakistan. (yes, I know, I know). Raam, Rahim te Raula. New Punjabi VLog
@bbcnewspunjabi
BBC News Punjabi
4 years
'ਰਾਮ ਤੇ ਰਹੀਮ ਦਾ ਨਾਂਅ ਲੈਣ ਵਾਲਿਓ ਆਪਣੇ ਮਾਲਕ ਤੋਂ ਨਾ ਡਰੋ ਪਰ ਕੁੱਝ ਦਿਨ ਕੋਰੋਨਾ ਤੋਂ ਹੀ ਡਰ ਜਾਵੋ' ਧਰਮ ਦੇ ਨਾਂ 'ਤੇ ਕੱਟੜਤਾ, ਵਖਰੇਵੇਂ ਅਤੇ ਹਿੰਸਾ ਬਾਰੇ ਪਾਕਿਸਤਾਨੀ ਲੇਖਕ ਅਤੇ ਪੱਤਰਕਾਰ ਮੁਹੰਮਦ ਹਨੀਫ਼ ਦਾ ਨਜ਼ਰੀਆ @atul_sangar @rupa_jha @mohammedhanif
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
In DHA Lahore there is load shedding every hour, gas pressure so low it takes half an hour to make a roti and by the time it’s made it’s not a roti
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
"the mind can only process one thought at a time"
@ImranKhanPTI
Imran Khan
5 years
3/5 All fears of losing should be banished from the mind as the mind can only process one thought at a time. Fear of losing leads to a negative & defensive strategy & crucially mistakes by opponents are not pounced upon. So here are my suggestions for Sarfaraz & Pakistan team:
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Finally a roti rises
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
He was right when he said Pata NahiN meray baad mulk ka Kia ho ga
@ZarrarKhuhro
Zarrar Khuhro
4 years
Missing Saquib Nisar yet?
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
no @cyalm column in today's @dawn_com . Can't remember the last time he was given a Sunday off. Hope this is a well deserved break and nothing to do with the ridiculous treason case against him. hope to see him back next Sunday.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
“There was not a single day — not a single day — when she didn’t see a woman shot or hacked, strangled or suffocated, poisoned or burnt, hanged or buried alive. Suspicious husband, brother protecting his honor, father protecting his honor, son protecting his honor,…
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
2 years
Imagine sending your child to a far away city because you think they'll be safer there. 31 Baloch students abducted in Pindi.
@BBCUrdu
BBC News اردو
2 years
راولپنڈی سے بلوچ طالبعلم لاپتہ: '31 بلوچ طالبعلم جبری طور پر لاپتہ کیے گئے ہیں۔'
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
5 years
The article that got th chop was abt sex toys. My piece abt IK was printed. Can’t counter censorship by spreading fake news abt censorship.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
9 months
curious about the well-read bit. Pls share, if you know, what he has been reading.
@AbsaKomal
Absa Komal
9 months
Caretaker PM @anwaar_kakar is, from what I know, a well-read person and eloquent speaker. He is an acceptable personality for most political parties and the establishment. Let's see if he can successfully conduct free and fair elections without any controversies.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
7 years
@Malala 's first day on Twitter and she already knows how to do a thread. Kids these days. Welcome.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
…jilted lover avenging his honor, feuding farmers settling their water disputes, moneylenders collecting their interest: most of life’s arguments, it seemed, got settled by doing various things to a woman’s body.”
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
This is the exact opposite of an apology: it says I forgive you because you are not educated so you misread. In what language can you misread 'you grew up on the healthy cum of your adult family members'? Oh but if you were abused as a child then yeah sorry. Also phrasing is fine
@therealfasih
fasih
6 years
My tweets of yesterday were coming from anger, were poorly phrased, and misread. I’m sorry to have upset the people who have survived child abuse. I have been angry at the conspiracy of silence around this evil. #MeToo #StopChildAbuse
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
When the lawyer Reema Omar pointed out that half the children abused in Pakistan actually are boys and asked what dress code the government had in mind for them, she was shouted at and asked if she would like the girls to go around in bikinis.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Sir Bajwa gets three and a half years, right? Well done, sir.
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
Don’t buy the assets out of control line abt TLP. Assets are doing exactly what they were meant to do
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
4 years
Grateful to @KE for cutting off my power after warning me. I'll again be grateful when and if they restore it. This is how abusive relationships work
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
6 years
Malala's Urdu is better than that of 99percent KGS boys
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
2 years
Dear @KElectricPk I apologise for my past sins. Pls restore my bijli. Complaint no; 119209
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@mohammedhanif
Mohammed Hanif
3 years
Thank you for your response. Sometimes as a citizen and customer I feel I AM the technical fault
@KElectricPk
KE
3 years
@mohammedhanif Dear Customer, We apologize for the inconvenience you are facing. Supply of your area is affected due to a Technical Fault & teams are working to rectify it.
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