Matt Green @mattgreencomedy Twitter profile

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

4 days

Tory MP defects to the Labour Party!

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Last Seen Profiles

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Boris Johnson seems to have gone to more parties during lockdown than I do in a normal year

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

There's something pretty galling about being told we need to rely on people's sense of personal responsibility by someone who has none.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Raab said that Johnson was "in the rare position of working in the same place as he lives”. Yes, so rare at a time when literally everyone was being told to work from home.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 months

I’m not sure what its relationship status has to do with anything

Guardian news

@guardiannews

2 months

Single orca seen killing great white shark off South African coast

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

7 years

Brexit increasingly feels like a man in his 50s getting divorced because he can’t wait to get on Tinder and meet loads of 20 year olds.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

In the news today: the police are to be given new powers to stop protests before they even start, but couldn't stop a serial rapist nicknamed "The Bastard" until they'd been working with him for 20 years.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Liz Truss has had to abandon her entire economic agenda. All she can rely on now is her deeply charismatic personality and sheer political skill.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

If Tory MPs are so worried about male role models, perhaps they could try being them?

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Really pleased with my first week working in PR for Center Parcs

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Unconfirmed reports coming in that there was at least one day during lockdown that Boris Johnson wasn’t at a party

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Brexit HR

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

19 days

Just spent an hour on the phone to @virginmedia trying (and failing) to get them to reduce the cost of my parents’ WiFi/phone/TV which is currently over £100pm. There is a promotional deal for new customers of £33. It’s appalling how these companies exploit loyal customers.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

I always expected Johnson to be toppled by his Party, I just didn’t expect it to be a Christmas one.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Ah but did those trees fall down during the storm or because of the storm?

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

Liz Truss stares out of a window, calling everything she sees “left wing”. Including the window and the frame. She looks down at her shoes. They are also left wing. Even the right one. She smiles. Everything is left wing. That is why she failed. Nothing to do with her.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

Harry and Meghan on Netflix - a Royal expert responds! #HarryandMeghanonNetflix

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

I think if I were to commit a crime I might not book an official photographer to record the event. But that’s just me.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Brexit Fence

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

I agree with Nadine Dorries that everyone should get behind the Prime Minister. Where we disagree is in what we should do next.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Unlike Jacob Rees-Mogg, some of us are able to be angry about two things at the same time

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Compared to the Vietnam War, Watergate was just fluff. But do you know what, I think it still mattered a little bit...

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

The new Prime Minister's spokesman!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

9 months

This Crooked House story seems almost too on the nose as a metaphor for the UK as a whole. Wonky but much loved and storied place survives for hundreds of years until some rich people come along, buy it and then watch it go up in flames and demolish it for profit.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Just because you’re bored of something doesn’t mean it’s over. Anyone who has been to a student play knows this.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

If they don't recast Fleabag as a man I'm going to steal a car

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

At this rate if Boris Johnson was caught driving at 100mph on the motorway whilst talking on the phone and drinking a beer you'd have Tory MPs saying everyone does that and at least he didn't actually kill anybody

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Why I became an MP

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Randox must be thinking that they couldn’t buy this kind of publicity. But then remembering that they did.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Role models!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Rail strikes!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

Jeremy Hunt uses coffee cups to explain the economy!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 month

Much of Liz Truss’s book reads like a 2 star review on AirBNB

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

In this time of rising food banks vote anyone but Tory thanks

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

We apparently also lost all access to competent graphic designers

Oliver Dowden

@OliverDowden

2 years

#OnThisDay 2 years ago, 𝐰𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐔. We got Brexit done. Now, we're introducing a new Bill to amend outdated EU law and unlock more Brexit freedoms 🇬🇧

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Blitz Spirit!💥

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Tories crowing about the pound returning to its previous value without mentioning the massive Bank of England intervention like a man boasting about how he walked away from a car crash without mentioning his 6 months in hospital.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Boris Johnson began his time in office by skipping COBRA meetings about a deadly pandemic. It’s somehow fitting that he’s leaving it skipping COBRA meetings about a deadly heatwave. The man is consistent in his not giving a toss about other people, you have to give him that.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Boris Johnson's speech to the CBI

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

How every political scandal develops!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Trying to have a conversation in 2022!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

The problem with putting growth above all other considerations is that the single most obvious way to increase growth would be to rejoin the Single Market, thereby *removing* loads of new red tape. That’s the real Brexit denial.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Tory MP visits a Food Bank

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

Huge if true

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Rishi Sunak on the Energy Price Cap Rise

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

What a great week for non-apologies! Also - what terrible punctuation and grammar! Thank goodness she’s not an Education Minister. Oh.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Every Tory today: "I support the PM for apologising for a thing that he may or may not have done but until Sue Gray reports I can't say whether or not the thing he apologised for was wrong or indeed happened. Vaccines."

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

5 months

Junior Ministers, or ex-MPs in waiting as I prefer to call them

Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺

@Haggis_UK

5 months

Victoria Atkins: "Junior Doctors or Doctors in training as I prefer to call them" #Insulting #BBCBreakfast

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Why are we at War?

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

I bought this shredder to enhance, not destroy my documents

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

After all this it would just be SO funny if Rishi Sunak actually won.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

New maths Q for this year’s exams: “If a Home Secretary says there are a 100 million people and likely billions more who want to come to the UK, but only 45,000 arrived in the last year, by what factor is she wrong and what level of fascism has she reached?”

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 months

Rishi was taken by surprise by a handshake. Boris was ambushed by a cake. I don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to think we might not be putting the best people in charge.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

It's not corruption if it's Britain!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 months

This is hilarious. I was told during a short radio interview for my tour last week that I couldn’t talk about politics because they were in election purdah. But Sunak has a full hour on his own on a TV channel in the same week as the vote. Not that it will help him.

Edwin Hayward

@edwinhayward

3 months

Put a fork in Ofcom. It's done. Imagine thinking it's ok to give the Prime Minister his own hour-long TV slot in a by-election week.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Radio host DESTROYS protestor in under a minute!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Nothing to do with Brexit!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

4 months

My favourite thing about Twitter at the moment is how almost every advert I see has a Community Note attached to it explaining why it's a scam and I shouldn't buy it.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

5 months

Rishi Sunak: I will disregard international law in order to get the Rwanda deal through Rwanda: actually mate that's a bit far, even for us Robert Jenrick: NOT FAR ENOUGH FOR ME

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Boris Johnson: The Golden Rule!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Every Tory leadership launch!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

The Daily Mail: this comedian said something that we think but he said it in a way that suggested he might not actually have meant it. It’s a disgrace! Also The Daily Mail: you can’t say anything these days without lefty snowflakes getting offended!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Boris Johnson: Get Boosted Now!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Every speech at the Conservative Party Conference

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

This primary school letters story has a real “Emperors New Clothes” vibe. If you don’t want kids sending you complaints perhaps don’t support a leader who is so manifestly inadequate that even ten year olds can see it.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Every speech at the Spring Tory Party Conference

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Chaos in Parliament!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Dominic Raab spends his whole life in one long game of Defend the Indefensible

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Don't mention the Flags

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

6 months

Thank you for all of the #DoctorWho comments! It was so fun to play a (small) part in such a great show and I’ve been looking forward to seeing it (and keeping quiet about it) for nearly 18 months!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Michael Gove defends the Queen's Speech

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

A Second Job?

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

6 months

"His Jeremy would have crashed the economy!" smirks Jeremy Hunt, whose party actually did crash the economy only last year. #AutumnStatement

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

If people talked about storms like they do about Covid

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Have an Inquiry!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

10 months

Car MUST go backwards now its speed has reduced!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Lockdown Party Planner

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

It’s possible that I watched the snooker on TV this afternoon but I must wait for the results of the investigation before I can know for sure.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Gambling with other people's money!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Yes I'm making a video based on that Gove clip. Just started editing so will be out in a couple of hours I hope...

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

Qatar won’t allow Budweiser to be sold in stadiums at the World Cup. Apparently they’ve also banned beer.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

People are outraged!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

9 months

Oh good, because I was worried this story wasn’t crazy enough yet

Guardian news

@guardiannews

9 months

Spanish football chief’s mother declares hunger strike in support of him

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Keir Starmer, Beergate and Beyond

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Accountability?

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

A Sports Presenter sent a Tweet!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

That footage from Oxford Street of men abusing Jewish people on a bus is horrific and disgusting and shows that anti-Semitism remains a real problem in this country. Solidarity with my Jewish friends and I hope these men are found and punished.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Oliver Dowden: War on Woke!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

I walk past this sign nearly every day and it’s only just struck me how absolutely rubbish it is as a guide to the name of the business. Can anyone guess? (The Irish flag is not relevant…)

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Welcome to The Lords!

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

If the City is really full of “Remainers who hate the government” (Telegraph) why has the government just given them all a massive tax cut?

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

3 years

Diagnosis: Brexit

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

1 year

At some point we’re going to have to come up with a new word for the level of delusion on display here. Quite breathtaking.

Sky News

@SkyNews

1 year

"I simply underestimated the scale and depth of this resistance". Former PM Liz Truss shares how difficult it was to convince some groups of changing the "status quo" - all those people are "part of the resistance to the change we need to see".

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

Finally we arrive at the desert island that I’ve spent 6 years dragging all of my friends to. It’s been a hell of a journey but we’re here. They look at me expectantly. This was all my idea. I told them it would improve their lives. I frown and say: “So, what do we do now?”

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 years

This headline is basically “man does his job”.

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Matt Green

@mattgreencomedy

2 months

I don’t know, but if I were releasing a photo that was meant to put people’s minds at rest, I might not have chosen one that looks like it was created by A.I. from the prompt: “posh family scream- laughing in greenhouse”