alyssa 😬 @lyssazim Twitter profile

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alyssa 😬

2 years

It's hard to tell what will become of any of us, but I pray over the spanning arc of it all, that the grace of my pain leads me always toward more openness than outrage — more softness than sarcasm.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

Friendly seasonal reminder for those in healing professions that breathing exercises are *incredibly* dysregulating for a lot of trauma survivors. If breathwork is your go-to teaching tool, you may want to get a few more outwardly focused tools in your arsenal.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Shout out to the guy I dated in 2016 who messaged me completely out of the blue last weekend to apologize for how much he pressured me/did not respect my No, when it came to physical boundaries when we were dating. Dude has apparently been doing some WORK.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

Examples include anything from physical rituals like mindfully making a cup of tea (or even imagining making it), to having someone stare at a lava lamp. Additionally, thoughtfully modeling healthy breath (w/out discussing it) & letting mirror neurons do their work is great.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Saw a new neurologist today and I was explaining part of my illness to him and he said, "I understand." Then corrected himself, "Wait. No. I do not understand what it is like. I've never been through that. But I understand what you're trying to say." God bless him.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

I think one of the things often missing from the "check on your friends" suicide prevention dialogue, is how common chronic suicidal ideation is for many people. And what do we do when we check on our friends and they tell us they want to die?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

I think some of y'all need some pro tips for spending holidays alone. I'm joining another family after their festivities have ended this year, but I've been spending holidays alone since my teens, and this is the way:

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

My 88 year old neighbor called me today asking if I could come fix something on her phone. OBVIOUSLY YES. I fixed her phone, then we had tea and talked for two hours, and she sent me home with leftover soup and a recipe. Obsessed with her.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

I'm with you here. Can you let it leave your body and come closer to me?" And, anyway, I think probably that's what God is saying to us most of the time when we pray.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

My favorite theologically profound meme.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

Add-on! This can be the case even w/out a trauma history! It's a normal variation in processing. I should have been clearer! Also, I can't look up much info because even interacting with this thread gives me panicky breathing, but here's one article

When “Take a Deep Breath” Can Be Bad Advice

Don't "take a deep breath" when you're stressed, even if your favorite aunt tells you to. Deep breathing can actually make anxiety worse.

www.psychologytoday.com

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

I'm not upset that I was raised in theologically and politically conservative environments. I'm upset that I was told theologically or politically liberal people could never also be Christians.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

(Also this isn't me saying breathing exercises are bad or to stop using them! They're amazing tools for the people they work for!)

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

I was sitting in the room with my therapist recently and I was talking about some something that I was struggling with. I'd already shared and we were mostly silent now. I was tense in my seat, feeling it all. She said something like,

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

I don't use drugs, but I DO use q-tips. And you better believe I will keep using them until someone finds a better way to replicate the soul-bending high of swirling that tiny cotton-ball-on-a-stick around in my ear canal.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

I'm not sure married people understand how deeply, achingly painful it is for a single person to hear (again, and again, and again) that they should, "Just get married." Cool that you fell in love so easily! I'm in constant pain and can't find anyone I jive with, but thanks.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

— Let yourself feel your sad feelings, BUT ONLY WHILE YOU GO ON A WALK. Go on the saddest, most angsty walk you've ever had. Stroll down the street weeping as you smell the chimney smoke & see people laughing. Feel it all. But do it while walking to let it move thru your body.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

4 years

@dreamsofskies @Jenna_DeWitt This was me as a kid and LET ME TELL YOU, the friends who who rebelled found healing way faster than I have. It took years to even access my feelings.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

"I see you are carrying all of that in your body. I can see it in your shoulders. It hurts so much. Do you think [what you're carrying inside] could move out past your shoulders and it could it come closer to me? Could it sit in the space between us?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Of course if someone is in active crisis with a plan, we may know what to do. But sitting with others in ongoing, chronic, passive pain is not something we tend to be very good at in our society. We want to silence it. And I think that's worth spending some time reflecting on.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

— Food! You want something that feels special but (unless you love cooking) something that is easy to make and doesn't serve a big crew (that would feel lonely). I usually opt for steak. It is single serving, super easy, and something I rarely treat myself to.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Henri Nouwen was the first author I read who seemed to speak the same inner language as me and feel the same aching insecurities. His words are consistently impactful, but I'm drawn to them mostly because I feel a kinship to his heart. Who was that author for you?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

Charcuterie is another good option. Yes, as a meal. You'll also want to make sure you have a carton of Ben & Jerry's in your freezer. Anything that feels like a treat!

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

— Find a stupid thing to waste time with that ALSO feels like a treat. If you never slow down enough for puzzles or reading, do that. But I recommend NOW as the time to get a 1 month subscription to the streaming service you've been wanting. It is a treat & makes time disappear!

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

Try to restrict your biggest feels for that time, & make it at the end of the day so that you can say to yourself, "oh, I have some dedicated time to get lost in that feeling at 8pm, I don't need to feel it all right now." This validates w/out overwhelm. Warm up after w/ a bath.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

On this holy third week of Advent, my church accidentally served us garlic bread communion. So, glory be to the Garlic Child who was, and is, and is to come. Is this what God means when he says that heaven is breaking into earth, glorifying all things?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Married friends, Once you tie the knot, are you still allowed to do things like, for example, eat an entire jar of pickles for dinner? Or is that kind of thing forbidden within the sacred vows of matrimony? Your answers could have a big impact on my life.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@trutiffany14 Yes! I start hyperventilating almost immediately and it takes literal days to stop fixating on my breath again! This is not a super uncommon issue to have, but a lot of people like yoga instructors, coaches, and even many therapists have never been told about it.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

— Decide to celebrate your friends happy families. This one is hard. Jealousy is real. If social media is too much then AVOID it. But if you do look, be gentle with yourself and try to genuinely celebrate the sweet pics of your friends families. Remember their whole stories, tho.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

4 years

@JenHatmaker

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@moorloc Yep. Which is why a med sometimes used for panic attacks is literally a blood pressure med - the beta blocker propranolol - which works by simply slowing and steadying your heart rate!

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

Stop yourself when you only see fantasy or when you only feel bitterness. Remember the actual realities behind their images. When you see the idyllic image, remember their mom died this year or they live with chronic pain.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

Alright, those are my main tips! They are simple and few but they have gotten me through many years of holidays on my own. What are you best tips?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

So... Years before I lived in my current rental, a bachelorette party was thrown here. At this party was metallic penis confetti, which I randomly still find working itself out of the carpet or in the molding of a particularly neglected corner. Today, I discovered a leak...

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

I got this new/used chair for my room on Facebook marketplace yesterday and I'm so in love with her. Please join me in adoring her and her green velvet and her fringe. We will read so many books and drink so much tea and write so much liturgy together.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

@CarolynSchultzR As a single, never-married (straight) woman in my mid 30's, I'm not surprised. But I'm sad. I bet they called her "sister" while they did this, though. We've got to stop using the language of family if we're unwilling to be family.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

If you don't know them well enough to know their secret struggles then they aren't the pictures you need to be looking at. Scroll past or close the app!

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

@LyndallCave Yes! He's married now with a kid, and he became a therapist. Hadn't heard from him in years. Glad he's doing the work!

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

I don't understand how married people live. If you have someone sleeping on the other side of your bed, where are you storing your laundry and unsorted mail? Are you folding your spouse up and storing them in the chest-of-drawers overnight or something?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

My favorite Lent meme.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

This is a subtweet, but: Parents, I love when you bring your kids to church. They make the place alive. They make it feel like community. Like family. I spend my weeks alone and then I see your kids and can't help but smile. Bring them. Sit in the front row if you want.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

I've been looking for a new roommate. Last weekend I had someone over who told me she would be ashamed to live in this house. It's a manufactured home, has some unfinished trim, etc. Today someone else visited and immediately their eyes widened, "Wow. This is so spacious!"

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Now my awkward but kind middle aged landlord is here and I NEED TO KNOW IF I AM SUPPOSED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FLOATING PENIS CONFETTI OR NOT. For reference, I am sitting five feet from the penis confetti vent, trying to write liturgy for church. 😩 HELP.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

Is there any food you find so terrible that when people talk about loving it you genuinely wonder if this is some kind of mass prank and that maybe you're in a Truman Show kind of experience? Because that's how I feel about coffee and I wish it wasn't.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Still can't believe I get to live here for six months.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

Us women are out here risking our literal lives to go on dates, compounding our trauma one after the other. Realizing we may never have kids. May never have the life we dreamed. Totally hadn't considered just getting married!

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Affording housing and finding roommates, etc., is one of the biggest stresses of my adult life. I'm thankful today that my newest roommate will be someone who values the same quiet, warm safety that I value, and someone who won't daily remind me of my deepest shames and fears.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

Just started the Duggar doc and was so excited to see my friend @kkdumez on it! I mean, she doesn't know who I am, but we are basically twitter neighbors and we talk all the time if you count all the times I casually mention or recommend her or her book in conversation.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

flooding the floor vents with water. In one of those vents floats some random penis confetti, living its best life, basking in the vent like a group of teens on a summer float down the river.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

4 years

@Angry_Staffer I'm just catching my breath here after realizing that the Wow was for something good, not for some historically awful thing.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Love may keep no record of wrongs, but the body sure does.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

About a month ago I read a Protestant book about prayer. Currently, I'm in the middle of a Jesuit book about prayer. I'm a Protestant so don't mishear me on this. But yikes 😬 the lack of depth in the Protestant book is boggling compared to the Ignatian, etc. traditions.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

I'm somehow babysitting a one year old tomorrow morning. What are you supposed to do with one year olds? Do you just make them a cup of tea and give them a crossword, or what?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Just want to encourage you and your own churches to do the same. Don't only background check childcare workers, but anyone with real or assumed *leadership* or *access*.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

I'm having some feelings about hearing that virtual church isn't "real church" or is "disembodied" from people who don't support healthcare for all, or who otherwise don't seem to care about the physical, bodily needs of the poor, sick, unhoused, or otherwise struggling.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Absolutely shocked every time I remember that some of you somehow have the energy to take a shower every single day in addition to, like actually going to work and stuff. That is like 27 spoons.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@CelesteFinally I can't look up too much because even the topic can lead me to panic. But here is one article about it. I was grateful my therapist immediately recognized what was going on and was able to inform me and adjust her own methods!

When “Take a Deep Breath” Can Be Bad Advice

Don't "take a deep breath" when you're stressed, even if your favorite aunt tells you to. Deep breathing can actually make anxiety worse.

www.psychologytoday.com

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

I may be totally out of line here, but maybe stores could charge a smaller number of dollars for food?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

But I'm a deacon and therefore carry an assumed level of safety. It struck me that the safety should be *verified*. I mentioned this to staff and without pause they said absolutely yes and thank you for bringing up this oversight. Right away all the deacons got background checks.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

10 months

Nothing that does or doesn't happen today reveals anything new about your worth as a person or the cosmic, sacred, glorious truth of your belovedness. Even if you have no family and spend the day alone. Even if the dysfunctional family you do have hurts you

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

Hey friends, I didn't expect this to go beyond the few ppl who normally see my posts. My reference to constant pain is literal chronic pain which makes it more complicated to find a partner - not to discontentment. Married folk, maybe hold off on advice in this thread?

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@DevAndyZ For some of us, treating a panic attack with breathwork would make the panic attack much, much worse. For others, the uses extend FAR beyond only treating panic attacks, but also a meditation tool and more. My suggestion would be to just have other tools available...

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

Was on the bus this week and a few rows ahead of me sat a man with a tattoo on the back of his neck, just below his hairline. The messy, unprofessional tattoo read, “I’m worth loving.”

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Remembering that time someone insisted on praying over me for healing, even after I asked them not to, & then told me that healing would only happen if I actually wanted it & had faith, but then said maybe that would be hard for me because if I got healed, I'd have to get a job.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@DrAmyPsyD I can mostly understand the "don't OFFER them tissues" Convo, but not even having them is wild. Am I supposed to wipe my snot onto their Blank Slate? 🙄

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@taylorsschumann The trump has already resounded a little too much.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

The mercies are new, but I sure wish I didn't need the same mercies again and again and again. But I guess, in the inexhaustible end, maybe again-mercy is the only kind of mercy that matters.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

People who use alternative milks, do you actually LIKE the alternative milks, or are you miserable when you use them? Do you wish you could use regular milk instead of is this a choice you celebrate? I added oat milk to my tea when I ran out of regular milk and I wanted to cry.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

so much depends upon a red umbrella glazed with rain water beside the yellow leaves __ (With a nod to William Carlos Williams.)

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

And, "Wow, I can believe how quiet it is here. And it is so warm and cozy. I feel so good here that I could just curl up and nap right now. You've really made this feel like a safe space. I can't believe it is such a good price."

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

Tried to tell my therapist the story of how I used to go to Christian chatrooms as a teen and my nickname was GodsGirl and when I was 14 I had a long distance relationship with a boy named LordsLad. No one has ever openly laughed at me as much as my therapist did this week.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

@MelissaMoore77 Ah, yes, this is the general feel I get when I walk into any church — too much support for singleness!

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

@DrJordanBCooper @TGC You seem really upset about "mob cancellations." Let me know when you're upset about theology that leads to the sexual abuse of women.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@trutiffany14 My therapist tried once, saw what happened, and *immediately* shifted gears and later told me what has happened. She is incredible at modeling good breath for me and helping me find other ways to relax my body. My spiritual director has never heard of the issue.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

Look, you can have your Valentine's Day. Enjoy it! But today marks five years with my therapist. FIVE YEARS! And I am over the moon with love and gratitude. I'm not sure anything has helped me understand the love of God more than the warm, healing commitment of my therapist.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

@BethMooreLPM Please whisper this to all of us, Beth. I hope to someday see you at a grocery store or something and to just hear you tell me I'm about how fabulously I'm picking out my eggs.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

@kkdumez Wait til you tell them your next book is a historical cookbook about church potlucks throughout the ages and how toxic masculinity has impacted recipes. (I'm reaching here, but I bet there's some merit.)

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

I realize this isn't popular, but I think we are WAY too obsessed with cleanliness as a culture. I'm not saying we shouldn't wash our hands (please wash your hands), but nobody is dying from rewearing clothes a few times, or stepping onto the carpet with their shoes.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

This corner of Twitter feels like a church split now, where we're being asked to take sides regarding a matter most of us had no involvement in & not enough info (from all parties) about. And no matter which side we choose, someone will say we're the reason the church is failing.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

outside, I saw something about faucet aerators. Checked the bathroom and saw that there was one in the faucet. I ordered a pack of higher flow aerators for 6 bucks on Amazon, changed it out, and MY FAUCET WORKS NORMALLY NOW. It took 20 seconds to fix. I'm on top of the world.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

My pastor: there's a lot of talk about the D word. Me, in my head: Ah. Yes. Dicks. ☺️ My pastor: Deconstruction. Me: oh.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

@kellykapoor88 Inhale: Because of the Your great love Exhale: I am not consumed. This is my main prayer when my pain levels are extra bad and feel as if they are consuming me. Taken from Lamentations 3.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

@KeziaDennison So glad to hear they're informed on this!

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@lyssazim

2 years

My view right this second.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

3 years

@BethMooreLPM "Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive & be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family."

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@lyssazim

2 years

A few months ago I was hanging out by the kids classrooms at church to talk with the leaders. They joked about getting me to cover one of the classes that day, and I joked that I couldn't because I hadn't done a background check. 1/3

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

1 year

"Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed.x JOKES ON YOU, AWANA. I'm actually super ashamed all the time, despite earning a Timothy award on this day.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Being catcalled is almost always awful, but one time I was walking down the street in a bacon costume and someone catcalled me. That makes sense. I can't be angry about that.

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@lyssazim

11 months

Was having dinner with some friends this weekend and @kkdumez ' book, Jesus and John Wayne, came up. All of us read and loved it. They were trying to remember her name and when one said Kristin Du*MEZ* I said, "Oh, it's pronounced DuMaY ☺️" and they ABSOLUTELY DID NOT BELIEVE ME.

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@lyssazim

3 years

@E_E_Marvel Does she have an opening for a best friend and/or penpal? Because I have an opening.

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@lyssazim

9 months

@EricOswald1 @LShalott Glad you've always had family to spend the day with! The folks with fam to be with probably aren't the ones who need these tips, although being a single person in a family setting can still be hard.

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@lyssazim

3 years

Does buying a journal and pen count as journaling, or do I have to actually write things on the pages first? If not, what if I light a candle and sit at a table for a while next to the journal? That for sure counts, right?

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@lyssazim

2 years

@JPaulNorton My brother. Respectfully, this wasn't an invitation to throw verses at someone's pain. In fact, the point was that we need to learn to gently, safely, bear with them in the pain.

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@lyssazim

2 years

Shout out to my therapist for actively trying to convince me to binge watch the Kardashians in an attempt to stop me from overthinking or spiraling about the news and life in general. I will absolutely not be taking her advice.

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@lyssazim

1 year

Someone called me today and left a message and said she didn't text because she ONLY HAS A LANDLINE. I had to call back and her husband answered and I had to ask if she was available. 😭 It was very traumatic.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

9 months

My anxiety about entering an election year is palpable. And I don't mean that in a silly & joking way OR in a social media scare tactic kind of way. The amount of community & friendships I lost in & between 2016 & 2020 still makes me gasp. I feel it in my gut. In my breath.

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@lyssazim

2 years

I am 35 and I have not dated that many men, but two of the men I've dated are dead. And that seems like really bad odds.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

2 years

Gave myself a day of rest for my birthday today.

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alyssa 😬

@lyssazim

10 months

I don't know for sure, but I believe one of the antidotes to becoming bitter and resentful is to actually fully grieve our losses and secret longings. This includes awrenching kind of honesty with ourselves and the Great Giver of Life.

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@lyssazim

3 years

Had a pastor call me today to ask how to make an event more accessible & interactive for folks joining from home. "We don't want them to feel like an afterthought." Spent 30mins talking logistics. After this week, it was just such an encouraging thing to see and be a part of.

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