Jonathan @jonocard Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Jonathan

2 years

Does anyone else check back on their most recent tweets when they get a new follower to see what stupid nonsense they've tweeted and think I wouldn't blame you, new follower if you just quietly muted me.

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Last Seen Profiles

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@LTFairley

@WildBrainHQ

Jonathan

@jonocard

5 months

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

Please don't ruin the film for me, says guy that ruins films for a living.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

Same.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

8 years

Sauron. I know him. Good guy. The best. Just trying to build things. Has his home destroyed by immigrants. Sad. #TrumpBookReport

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

Worth it for this moment alone.

edgarwright

@edgarwright

4 years

ENJOY THIS! Join me & (almost) the whole damn cast of 'SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD' for the @EW 10th anniversary virtual read in support of @waterforpeople , bringing cleaner and safer water to areas in need worldwide. Visit to donate and WATCH NOW.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

*stares in Northern Irish*

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

Belfast folk, is 'the back of Boots' a common thing you've heard throughout your life? As in 'meet me at the back of Boots.'

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

"Stop crying it's just a movie" The movie:

frost

@2frost2furious

3 years

“Stop crying it’s just a movie” The movie:

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

I appear to have upset fans of the thing that singles out art other people make and highlighting flaws by singling it out and highlighting flaws. Satire.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

I'll nick anything, me. I'm a little bit waaaay, a little bit weeeeeey, a little bit dodgy!

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

They're going to confirm this theory, aren't they? #JurassicWorld3

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

Everyone's PS4 friends list today. #SpiderManPS4

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

Edge of Tomorrow 2, you say?

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

"I thought I was free from these fucking nerds."

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

England.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

My back garden currently has lambs in it.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

Goldblum-ing. God, I love Community.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

Honestly, TWP is the best podcast for jaded, always tired, late thirties folk who are fans of stuff but not weird about it.

The Weekly Planet

@TheWeeklyPlanet

2 years

Listen as two young men try and rename The Oscars' new "cheer moment" award #weeklyplanetpod

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

I love this so much. Dan Stevens is great.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

Dear Slim, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

The City Hall goths are back. Nature is healing.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

Honestly Royal Blood have never recovered from this tweet.

Nickelback

@Nickelback

8 years

NIckelback jokes are like @royalblooduk , they were a lot cooler a couple years ago. 🇨🇦 Don't drink and tweet fellas. Stay safe. XO

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

So, er, some news. My babygirl, Ellie, arrived yesterday.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

11 months

TV Zone

@tvukzone

11 months

Denise Van Outen explores the UK's obsession with Air Fryers for new Channel 4 documentary. More details:

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

@PhillyD Dude, your videos have made me go to bed mad for three nights now. But glad you're doing this. Needs a light shone on it.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

oh my god the difference is no parent is taking their 8 year old to see The Ring fuck me are people this obtuse

Joe Russo

@joerussotweets

2 years

For everyone saying DOCTOR STRANGE 2 is “too scary” for PG-13, let’s not forget — THE RING was PG-13.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

@Embotronic @redskyatnight

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 month

Very much enjoy the @TheWeeklyPlanet motto: "I don't care."

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

@dannywallace

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

@HelenLOHara

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

I don't get the issue tbh. I'd do it.

Rocky

@viperwave

7 years

lol the Dog Rating account is run by some rich kid dipshit and every tweet is cynical marketing to sell junk

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

Argument to be made that this guy is the scariest thing that's not in a horror movie.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 months

@Luiseach Oh god I read it in that YouTuber cadence as well.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

This is all pop culture now. Just this, forever.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

Checked out yer man L*urence F*x's hilarious Patreon page. "Exclusive access to my thoughts on the state of things." Absolute bargain at £20 a month. Oh, and you get a mug too!

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

Shout-out to the fella beside me who, when the alien burst out of John Hurt, turned to his girlfriend and whispered "that's the alien." Very VERY funny.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

@RuhBuhJuh Maybe I'm lucky because I don't experience it as often as some people on here seem to. Or maybe I'm more easy going. I do wonder how weak some people's concentration is that rustling/whispering completely distracts them.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

Me, anytime I read or hear anything about Tenet.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

@essaym22 Spoilers aren't my issue. This guy put it better.

Stephen Danay

@SteveDanay

6 years

@SuicideAsAlibi @jonocard @FoldableHuman I think it's less that CinemaSins ruins the experience of a given film and more that they ruin it on a conceptual level by being purposefully obtuse and idiotic in their "criticisms" in order to make a quota of sins for the purposes of their shitty clickbait channel.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

"City of sta..."

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

Was lucky enough to see #ElCamino early. Fans of #BreakingBad are not going to be disappointed with the continuation of Jesse's story. Bit weird to bring Cranston back as a meth making robot, Heisenborg, though. Apart from that, 5 stars.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

@AliPlumb Who's this then?

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

No-one: T-shirt companies:

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

The Mummy Trailer Sunday, odd name for a film.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

@PaulCinephile Eva as Morticia might just kill me.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

Remember I was an extra in Game of Thrones? That's me, that is.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

Update.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

@phillipmarvell @bbcdoctorwho Bye.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

So we're married ten years today. An actual decade. Mad.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

@RobertMageeNI As far as I'm concerned Belfast is divided into Back of Boots and Behind City Hall.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

Ok, so I think I've just seen the post credits for Doctor Strange 2. The very last one, and I am so happy. I hope it annoyed so many people who have no clue why it's funny.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

What an absolutely fucking great time to be alive.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

18 days

The day I've set aside to do garden work has come so now I have to actually do the garden work.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 months

Amelia Dimoldenberg - the chicken shop date host, if you don't know - is very good at what she does. You can see why every red carpet interviewer is trying to emulate her.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 month

I get these emails from my local cinema asking how interested I am in seeing certain films. They also ask you to provide your preferred start time. My answer is always seven. Seven PM is the best time for movies. Starting a 2 hour+ film at half 8??? Are you mad? I'm not 20.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

People who don't like cats. Have you ever considered that maybe you're the asshole in the equation, not the cat? Just a thought.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

I know we hate these, I do too, but can't help but answer them. Anyway, because it's on TV right now I thought I'd say that Alien Covenant and Prometheus are perfectly fine, interesting movies.

Diego Andaluz

@thediegoandaluz

3 years

film opinions that get you into this situation

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Jonathan

@jonocard

19 days

Watching a video on YouTube (it's one from @ryanhollinger btw), paused it to make a cuppa. Didn't realise YouTube throws up a holding screen now, scared the shit out of myself when walking back into the room.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

9 months

Your phone is literally designed so the speaker and microphone are at the correct part of your stupid face. STOP HOLDING IT FLAT YOU'RE NOT ON THE APPRENTICE

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

If we can bully NFTs out of the mainstream, we can bully AI out too.

Linus ●ᴗ● Ekenstam

@LinusEkenstam

1 year

Is this the future of podcasts? AI conversations | Bill Gates x Socrates I think very realistic conversations like this will be bread and butter in any streaming app. Let’s take it one step further and imagine this but personalized towards you? 🤯 What do you think?

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 months

@hansmollman @MHarrison90

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

@mollandra @ArtDecider

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

normal men

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Jonathan

@jonocard

10 months

Me, watching the new Turtles film.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

You know the kind of film I miss? A good solid action thriller. The kind the 90s seemed to excel at. One of my favourites, The Negotiator. Definition of 'solid thriller' right there.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 years

Why oh why couldn't I have gone to school in the widely accepted two straps era instead of risking severe back and shoulder pain by simply one strapping it for years just so I wouldn't be called a gaylord?

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

@daraobriain He'd 100% run into someone from school by chance.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

@PlayStation Waiting for a bus. Never came. #PSShare #PSBlog @LittleNights

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

Wife got me this. I love it.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

DEAR PLUMBING THE DEATH STAR @SanspantsRadio

F♯A♯∞, fka ☕️

@coopercooperco

2 years

when a podcast is recalling some pop culture thing but only 75% correctly

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

Badger Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM

Micaela Mielniczenko

@heyyyella

5 years

What is the first viral video or post or photo that you remember?

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

This shot is still so bloody scary.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

@timothycrisps @brendanjharkin RIP RGB

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

Please welcome the newest member of my family.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

Seated for a date night with my wife for Endgame. I think our last date was Infinity War. Don't have kids if you want to see movies, guys.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

I'm building Lego on my day off. I'm 36.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

Oh look, a shirt that tells everyone what an insufferable twat you are.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 months

M&S are selling a Chris Evans Knives Out jumper if you/your lady is interested.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

6 months

@TheWeeklyPlanet I'm just glad no-one gets sucked off...by a monster.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

Just watching some Tom and Jerry with the boy. Tom has gone to heaven and is in a queue to get into heaven. Ahead of him, three kittens in a bag. The bag is wet. Me:

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

Obviously not the case for everyone queueing but maybe they need clothes for their kids who've sprouted in the three months during lockdown? Maybe they can't afford anything else? Maybe just don't be a twat, eh? #Primark

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

Bryce, no. Bryce. BRYCE.

Andrew Ti

@ANDREWTI

1 year

Bryce Dallas Howard has some useful tips and tricks on how to make it in Hollywood.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

@DownieSeb @Jeezoh1 @barneyfarmer I thought the same.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

8 years

The best/worst thing about the @realDenaldTrump parody account is that you can't immediately tell it's a parody account.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

4 years

Behind a bead curtain, at the back of the shop.

Film Stories: magazines, podcast, live shows, web

@filmstories

4 years

A new rumour is suggesting that Disney is looking to add a protected section to its Disney+ service, for films with ratings above PG-13/12A. Might we get Aliens and Fight Club on Disney+ after all?

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

Happy birthday to me

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Jonathan

@jonocard

7 years

You lot...

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Jonathan

@jonocard

2 years

Leia, at 19: facing down Darth Vader, generally being a boss. Luke, at 19: Nyyyowwwww. Pew pew pew.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

Sneaking my Tesco meal deal into the cinema like...

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

Oh, little sticker on a bag of Giant Buttons, you will forever go unused but I admire your optimism. And your faith in me.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

@AliPlumb Any Mantzoukas really, but especially...

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

@AliPlumb I love Thor's nervous laugh and 'nothing' after Steve moves Mjolnir the tiniest bit in Ultron.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

Put Lucy Lawless in The Mandalorian.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

3 years

BREAKING NEWS: The spider from Sam Raimi's 2002 Spider-Man is also slated to return in the third installment of Sony and Marvel's Spider-Man franchise.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 months

@JohnApplebyLD @TomHulme87 @lordbonkers Parr sharr.

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Jonathan

@jonocard

1 year

Alien is so frickin' good, lads. 'member when movies had sets?

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Jonathan

@jonocard

5 years

Son got told off at preschool earlier this week because he broke a toy. Today, his teacher told me that he only broke it "so everyone could have a piece" according to another child and now I'm crying goodbye.

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