an old boy with a broken body who still manages to irritate people, a terrible drummer with a voice only his mother could love, married to my best mate x
Spent time with my 89 year Mum today, who is recovering from major stomach surgery
If you are lucky enough too still have a Mum
give them a cuddle and tell em you love em xx
SINGLE LADIES APPLY HERE
Well,
The Wifey
@karenfthompson
has finally pushed me too far
I think it's time I looked at my options
I've heard that there are lot's of single ladies, looking for love
it must be true, the internet said so
Form a orderly queue ladies, I'm waiting
9 years ago, I’d had a break down
I never realised
I thought it was normal to only sleep an hour a day, to just cry continuously and just keep collapsing.
This image is taken from the end of the final show before my body and brain gave up
Wifey stuck with me through it all x
WELL
The Wifey
@karenfthompson
and my good self,
have had a disagreement over my drinking and her wanting a boat
I'm open too any sexual shenanigans
from
any underwear models that can cook and clean for me
I'm very easy too please
and
I'm lovely
TRUE STORY
ACTION
My wifey
@karenfthompson
is a much better cook than my Mum
Even when her cooking is crap
It's still better than my Mums
AND
I'm not looking for any single ladies on the internet
they smell and can't cook
My wifey said so,
so it must be true
CUT
@karenfthompson
Look what throat cancer and living with a toxic partner who just wanted you out of the way can do too you. Wifey
@karenfthompson
came along and all she wanted me too do, was be well
13 years later we are still together and every time I get ill, she makes me well
LUV U MY GIRL X
I took Wifey
@karenfthompson
out today
We went too a coffee shop and shouted at everyone, because we are very old and we can.
Then had a wander round the streets of London
Then a nice lady stuck a camera up my nose and down my throat
AND
THEN I GOT SOME PROPER GRUB FOR A CHANGE
Hello Twitter world
I don't usually do serious stuff on social media
but today the wifey
@karenfthompson
had surgery on both eyes.
I'd just like everyone too know that I'm fine and managed to get a kebab and tomorrow, will have a pizza
Cheers from Steve
@jesushooligan1
xx
Oh my days
Oh my days
Had a fantastic lunch with husband and Alfie
Then as I thought “window shopping” around a few quaint vintage jewellery shops
And husband brought me this
A 1930’s French 18ct gold and diamond ring
I am completely gobsmacked
Because ,he said ..
He loves me ♥️
My mum’s maiden name is Flanagan, she comes from Ireland, her family owned a famous goat that serviced all the goats in the area, it was so famous, that a poem was wrote about it, called Flanagans Buck.
Here’s my mum saying the poem x
Well that's the last time I ever lift a finger around here
I thought I would try and help out around the home and asked
@karenfthompson
how too work the washing machine
I don't think I'll bother any more, it just causes grief
#jesushooliganislovely
#wifeyisacow
#TrueStory
Wifey is asleep,
I’ve had a crap few weeks health wise and the wifey has been looking after me.
That’s why I’ve waited for the old girl to be asleep before I post this.
The picture is a joke about me complaining about her cooking
I loved it
It was great
Ps
Don’t tell her xx
Proud Mum and Dad moment, Our little brave soldier had his first experience in a moving Sidecar.
@karenfthompson
and me are sssooooo proud of him, he wanted to go again straight after xx
IN MY DEFENCE
I'M EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKING
WELL GROOMED
WELL BEHAVED
AND
THERE IS DEFENETELY LOTS OF LOVELY SINGLE LADIES OUT THERE, LOOKING FOR A LOVELY HIGH CLASS CHAP LIKE ME,
THE INTERNET SAID SO
TRUE STORY
PS
THE WIFEY'S
@karenfthompson
KALE IS CRAP
ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHOCKING STUFF
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS
BUT SHE'S ONLY GONE AND DONE IT TWO NIGHTS
ON THE TROT
THE WIFEY
@karenfthompson
JUST MADE ME
FIGS AND CLOTTED CREAM
FECKIN FANTASTIC BEAUTIFICATION ON A PLATE
10/10
CUT
HELLO TWITTER WORLD
I am very moved from all the birthday love shown
thank you all ssooooo much
Wifey
@karenfthompson
has spoilt me rotten xx
As a thank you
I give you
BANANA
ACTION
ACTION
Well the old bint
@karenfthompson
has been doing her magical malarkey again
I wanted a creamy style cake
but no
she has too spoil my creamed carousel cake treat, with a cheap parlour trick
It's like living with Tommy cooper
ps
check out Wifey's bum
it's fantastic
Well
I'm a day late late
but many years ago
on yesterdays date
the Wifey
@karenfthompson
said yes
when I asked the old girl too marry me
and me being a tart
I recorded it
I got a lovely present from the Wifey
@karenfthompson
this morning
I like too think it's a thank you present for being a all round great and humble bloke
Thanks wifey, I will be wearing these every day
The Wifey
@karenfthompson
makes such lovely Tea and pastries for the guests at the hotel where she works that I thought I would write a sonnet about it.
Ladies and Gentlemen
I give you
TEA AND PASTRIES
7 years ago
The Wifey
@karenfthompson
said
lets go for a spin out into the countryside
We left London in the morning
I've been in Suffolk ever since
This is me
on that day
All full off youthful exuberance
I'm now half the man I was
HELP ME
I'M STARVING
Thank you to the RAC for increasing my yearly breakdown cover too £485 a year
so I had to go and search for another quote and ended up getting the same cover for £130 from the AA
So in theory,
I'm over £350 better off today
Fantastic stuff
ACTION!!!!!
Trying too make a joke video but The Wifey
@karenfthompson
and I kept cocking it up.
We got there in the end though
Ladies and Gentlemen
I give you
HEALTH AND SAFETY
CUT
ACTION
In my sickbed
with some fantastic
M+S Veggie spring rolls
@marksandspencer
and the best Tomato soup out there HEINZ
@HeinzUK
Finished off with a piece of The Wifey's
@karenfthompson
chocolate cake
AND
A CLASSIC JOKE
SORTED
CUT
This is me at 5pm last night,
just waking up
I was fecked and confused
From all the medication I’m on
In all that confusion I still felt safe
I can’t thank Wifey
@karenfthompson
for making me feel secure when I’m in a weakened state.
Love the old girl, even if she smells a bit
Well the wife
@karenfthompson
asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive
I think
“don’t worry your tits will cover it”
Might not have been the most diplomatic of answers
I'm having too start busking,
@karenfthompson
just isn't trying hard enough when it comes too looking after me.
Maybe if there is any lovely ladies out there who can care for me in the way I should be cared for,
please contact me
ps, they must be sexy, rich with big tits
HEALTH UPDATE ABOUT WIFEY
@karenfthompson
I think she isn't coping very well at the moment as I found the chips she cooked earlier to be slightly underdone and the eggs were runny, also the dishes are still in the sink.
all in all I'm disappointed with her attitude
3/10
ACTION
When The Wifey
@karenfthompson
is bla bla bla bla bla bla non stop,
so you sneak into another room
and
you eat all the jam covered scones before she stops too take a breath and notices you're not with her any more
and
you end up chocking
CUT
9 years ago, I asked my best mate
@karenfthompson
to marry me.
Unfortunately she said yes and since then I have been treated as a guinea pig for her below par cooking and non stop love making, while I lie back and take one for England
Look and learn boys
ACTION
ATTENTION TWITTER WORLD
I've had enough of today already
so
see you all tomorrow
ps
could you all remind The Wifey
@karenfthompson
that I'm fantastic
GOODNIGHT
CUT
@jesushooligan1
Have you cooked for her recently?
She seems to be serving you all the time.
And those dreadful, ungrateful ratings you post!
You seem like a self centred 🐖
Sorry if you’ve just had your dinner,
But ..
This was my day,
Hospital appointment,
all clear for six months ,
HURRAH
lunch with my Alfie as he was in town seeing Phantom of the Opera,
Compulsory photo with the post office tower Now home sitting drinking tea admiring the roses ♥️
ACTION
Well after the Nigellagate
@Nigella_Lawson
malarkey
the wife
@karenfthompson
has decided too pull her socks up
and finally
make me something edible
CUT