Jeremy @jeremylevick Twitter profile

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

conservative lecturer DESTROYS sjw college student

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Last Seen Profiles

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

Disgusting. The studios are using every union-busting tactic in their arsenal

James Is READY TO STAFF

@ScriptsByJames

1 year

Surprise Imagine Dragons concert @ Netflix picket line!!!!!

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

It’s official. At least 1 confirmed case in New York City 👇

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

I have been hospitalized after accidentally typing the word “fentanyl” at my computer

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Cockroaches are so resilient. The only thing that kills them is a random container of powder I bought at the store for $3

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Why’d godaddy used to try to be sexual

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

they should make a Cheerios that's bad for your heart

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Pets should calm down about wet food

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

11 months

Hi👋 Mathematician here. Today is 6/6. And that's pretty cool. Why? Well in math, 6 is technically the same number as 6! ...Yep. Really. Still skeptical? here's an experiment: Write down two 6's. Notice a similarity? That's because 🧵1/?

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

5 years

i don't follow Marvel movies that close so i get confused when they're always like "actually...I think I know someone who can help us.." and someone says "u gotta be kidding me" and the movie cuts to the guy. You're just supposed to know who that is. Who are all these guys

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Big news soon. Can't say much because it's not true and i'm lying, but watch this space🙏

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Who did this 😂

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Guy on a computer in a movie: Aaah, now to smoothly drag my mouse across the screen at a perfectly constant speed

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Just bill gate now

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

People never seem to understand that shows like the Sopranos and White lotus and caillou are *criticizing* their main character

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

HERE'S YOUR 2022 FLASHLIGHT WRAPPED 🔥 -Times you used your flashlight: SEVEN -Your favorite setting was: ON.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

hi I’m looking for a chair whose appearance makes me want to die, oh ok perfect

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

SPOTIFY: your top artist this year, was actually one of the famous popular musicians that there are. Top song was their most popular song ME: this thing is so cool

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

really helpful info to have right now!

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Hey twitter. before you get mad at Richard Branson (never any nuance on this hell site) remember he was traveling because he was visiting his sick mother who actually lives in space

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Lea Michele addresses rumors that she can't read: "Pppp4~qsdj."

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Serious question (no joke answers please LOL) but What do the wheels on the bus go?

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Rihanna is expecting her first child. But what she's not expecting? the guy inside her stomach is a trained actor, and our camera crew is taping the whole thing

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

You weren’t a “gifted kid”🙄 you were a bonafide genius and so special and i love you.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Spotify needs to deplatform these 3 dangerous men

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Tom hanks (speaker phone on the kitchen table): ...Well, great, pal we think that’s just great. Rita Wilson: it sounds like you’re happy!

Rap Game Ina Garten

@KaraBTweets

3 years

I will never stop screaming

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

I don’t blame anyone for stanning him 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 week ago. But if you *still* fuck with Hitler after yesterday’s events, unfollow me

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

11 months

TIL Meryl Str**p has a documented history of “shushing” assistants 👇 👇 im throwing up

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

Anyone who still thinks reboots are stupid needs to watch this NOW. 👇👇👇

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

bernie is too old

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

(daft punk takes their helmets off and whips their long hair around) daft punk: howdy boys 😉 me: g- g- girl??? daft punk: bet you didn’t think a girl could make all those beeps Me: i thought a boy was doing the beeps daft punk: yup

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

PUTIN: You have to take the good with the bad. Louis CK is- Ben shapiro: i actually don’t disagree with you here, in fact— *bill Maher studio audience boo’s* BILL MAHER (to audience): oh come on guys, hear — Cornel west: brother putin, im going to have to disagree

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Senator ari aster you have the floor

FloorCharts

@FloorCharts

3 years

Weirdest. Noise. Ever. on @cspan just now.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

red hot chili peppers: RIOT WITH YA PAPA/ CAPITOL DRAMA!/ DEMOCRACY FALL-AH! / SEXIN' ON YA MAMA!!! Van Jones (single tear): Thank you Anthony. now if you're just tuning in,

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

this years’s roundtable was so wholesome!!😭 😭 😭

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

guy in a movie: time to use the most common search engine, Zoochie Web Finder

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Today's date is a PALINDROME! this is very rare. Mathematicians only notice a weird thing about the date seemingly 1,000 times a year.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

what happened.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Really enjoyed Licorice Pizza. PT Anderson's LP combines what I love from B. Nights and Inherent V, adding the anxiety of Punch DL, TWB Blood, and TWWMBPJNVALFJ. Hints of AAAGGRPP (and RM, BT, and QRSS) but romantic like YYTPE, AANNV020, 1004uNSNQ,KAKSJSF)(#*1HNKSgMNI1xJJFUSAOJNX

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

ME (Not realizing the old waltzing couple from a pharmaceutical ad is right behind me): LOL at people who think they’re more than their psoriatic arthritis…

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

ORSON WELLES INTERVIEW: I detest some guy named D.L. Pendleton! His pictures are utterly cloying! ME: Holy shit. that’s probably such a good insult for whoever that is

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Q: How much is a gallon of milk? dianne morales: I am a mother. I have reflected. I reflect on the price of milk. Andrew yang (bouncing on tippie toes): milk is awesome man

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Licorice would straight up taste horrible on a Pizza and every straight white man in this audience is laughing their ass off??? I feel insane right now

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

11 months

@cringe_genius I like mine better because its going viral

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

@g0m Oh interesting! Not disagreeing- but source?

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Guy in the macbeth universe trying to end a call w/ his buddy he used to work with as a sentry

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

BABYLON BEE: Ben And Jerry’s Introduces New ‘Palestine’ Flavor That Contains ‘Antifa Cookies’ And ‘Gender Drizzle’ After Ilhan Ohmar And AOC Call On SJWs To Boycott Products After Finding The Latest Liberal Outrage To… [click to read more]

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Much love to my social intern for coming in cluntch

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

the food always looks so good in Studio Ghibli and also Studio Jeremy

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

the success of Squid Game just goes to show something

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Hey dude, how have you been since college? This call will be recorded for quality assurance

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

Making fun of Imagine Dragons is really overdone but ultimately I wanted to tweet and this came into my head

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Finally finished reading Mueller report. Good read. funny, and so human.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Me (Worried my parents will die and I will regret not asking them more questions): how are you? My dad: Blue Bloods is anti Semitic and I can prove it. last nights episode features Me (zoning out): cool. never mind

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

OPPORTUNITY FOR ASPIRING WRITERS!✍️✍️✍️ Send me $10 . All backgrounds encouraged

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

I’m naming my daughter after my favorite song “Alison” by Elvis Costello. Her name is ALISON SINGLE VERSION MP3 - HI RES- Visit TUNESLING .COM - THE BEATLES - RAP/R&B (we only have the limewire version)

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

sometimes I just kinda scroll past a headline that's "Scientists May Have found a nearby galaxy that's home to a humanlike race of angels" and don't look into it any further. guess im just gonna learn abt aliens from a coworker one day and be like "ahh i saw something about that"

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Welp, my Super Bowl screener came in the mail today. If you can, PLEASE watch the premiere the Sunday. Funny, and so raw. Ultimately an optimistic tone poem exploring life and love (and everything in between). So yeah -- Bring. Tissues. Trust me. 😭

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

It’s so awkward being seen buying condoms off my mom at our Home Store she set up where I exchange my Chores Points for items 🤦‍♂️ 😩

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

2 years ago, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. 1 year ago, I asked for her hand in marriage Today, I have 4 legs, 1 saw, and 2 ice blocks What am I?

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Hamburglar did other crimes too. Ones that arent really cute or silly

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Guy in the Succession universe whose thing is he went to college with Kendall Roy (to gf): did i ever tell you I went to college with Kendall Roy? Gf: yeah you said he was surprisingly nice Guy: He was always ni— yeah

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

today is hard for folks like me whose Great Great Grandma passed on. Our first Mothers Day with just my mom, her mom, her mom, and her mom. She woulda been 153 next month.❤️

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

he shouldn’t be bald. it’s bad for him, and the creators clearly show him facing consequences for it. but also it’s their job to tell his story faithfully, not to say he’s a good or bad person. Caillou is both

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Beautiful tribute

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Imagine being a cockroach who thinks they’re resilient, and reading this^. Devastating. Idiot.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

cant help but wonder if Andrew Cuomo would have faced scrutiny if he were born a white man

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

Loved jaboukie on the daily show

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

im pissed jaboukie never impersonated me

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Because they grew up privileged--recognize the last name Twins? That's right their dad is Menendez Twins.

Forbes

@Forbes

3 years

The Winklevoss Twins are finally billionaires – here’s how:

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

This is the most clearheaded conversation I've heard about the disrespect at last year's oscars 🙏🙏🙏

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

This is how I started feeling after 40 when I would hang out with my friends that are 15 🤦‍♂️

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

I have heard half a dozen stories like this in the past week. Friends' hair dressers, trainers, editors saying they can no longer mess with them because they are Zohan.

Bari Weiss

@bariweiss

3 years

I have heard half a dozen stories like this in the past week. Friends' hair dressers, trainers, editors saying they can no longer do business with them because they are Zionists.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

6 years

Unbelievable. Here is the audition tape that Good Morning America @GMA rejected for when i was going to interview the cast of "Tag" @tagthemovie

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

i recorded 1 second every day of 2023 ❤️ It turned out so cute 😭 😭 🥹 I love my peeps!

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

8 months

I was slapped by Will Smith after making a joke about his wife at the 2022 Oscars where I presented the award for Best Documentary.

Joey

@gothamhiphop

8 months

What’s your favorite interaction you’ve had with a celebrity?

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

I’ve seen a lot of people freak about this, but keep in mind: she literally can’t use that currency in her home country. Where she comes from, money is “pounds” or “sterlings” or “Brit-bucks”. She has essentially no money in her nation, sadly

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

Spotify wtf is this shit

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

@rajat_suresh Hi 👋 Actual pumpkin spice scholar here. Source? I haven’t come across this in any of my readings, and I study this for a mother effing living. So…yeah

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

My grandma texted me she thinks her new boyfriend Bud is going to be a star after *i* was in vulture. im about to drop her out of my life. fuck off. meanwhile i supported u when u had a health scare last year. you’re a leech. no longer afraid to cut toxic ppl out my life. bye.

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

That's it. Twitter's ruined. I'm officially going to tweet the same amount

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

5 years

Me and Rajat brainstorming ideas for the website our private equity firm just bought

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Source: POTUS will declare Barron jokes fair game at 2pm, kicking off Inaugural Barron Roast

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Politicians always have a handsome German Shepard named something valiant like Captain or Major or whatever. I am announcing my candidacy today to be the first guy with one of those bug eyed chihuahuas who’s always shaking. his name is “Mr Pathetic.”

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

11 months

I don’t have a wide range of facial expressions but im still gonna try and do this meme: Seeing Barbie vs seeing Oppenheimer 😂 😂 😂 You know the vibe!

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

5 years

ANT MAN: No one can solve this.... THOR: actually ..... i know someone who can..... ANT MAN: u cant be serious *we cut to like KEVIN COSTNERS CHARACTER* KEVIN COSTNERS CHARACTER: Always knew you'd come crawlin back ME: Lmao damn. they had to go to HIM for help. Of all people

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

The Internet is back on Chris Pratt's side after he called his daughter unhealthy

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

British Dwight: Mornin then. British Jim (mugging to camera): Rite then. Yea. Bit of a mornin then. Me: British humor is so awesome you gotta watch the original office

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

I like that she show doesn’t hit you over the head with “Caillou is evil” (even though no reasonable person would choose to be friends with someone as horrible as Caillou in real life)

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

1 year

Ok. I deserve to brag for once. in 2022, I… - Got that promotion - Bought my first wife (goodbye, rentals !) - Replaced disgusting old dog for new one with no issues - Raised hell at work 😌 by getting innocent guy fired - Fell - Took a minor to court (with my OWN money!!)

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Gen-Z kid nails it in this beautiful spoken word poem…

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

Hey y’all. In case twitter self destructs, here’s a list of the amazing, funny people I was lucky to meet here. I’ll miss them a LOT: @ beautiful_singles_18plus @ jenna_jameson_daily @ russian_beauty86 @ naturalbeauties_daily @ naturalbeauties_hourly @ loveli_foot_0102 ❤️

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

i went down a total Wiki rabbit hole today 👇 👇 👇 always learning

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

3 years

Me: John Denver was died in October 12 1997 3 separate people: Yessss😍

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

❌ Men who didn’t tweet about Didion, you are on watch ❌ Men who did tweet about Didion, you are on watch too ✅ Men who are me and my boys, you did the perfect type of reacting whatever it was ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

4 years

Happy mothers day from the kindest, most beautiful son on the planet. whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a piece of sonly advice, or just a laugh- I always know the right thing to do and i'm the best. hope i have a relaxing mothers day! i earned it!

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Jeremy

@jeremylevick

2 years

u tellin me a west elm made this Caleb?

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