Jen's Fortress @jenny_briar Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

Pretty wild how "decadent" used to mean "empire in decline" and now means "chocolatey"

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@jenny_briar

2 months

"Y'know, Fozzie reminds me of this fella I've been talking to on Grindr!" "He's a bear?" "No - he can't host!"

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 months

Still one of the best lines of recent years. Terrifying.

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

MARY OLIVER: You do not have to walk on your knees for one hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. ME: What if it loves this [shows phone screen] MARY OLIVER: That's fine but do not show it to me again

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

8 months

So rattled by this pretentious oaf hahahaha, and their painfully anodyne "interpretation" makes it even worse. Total artistic illiteracy - and it's not like it's fuckin' Mark Rothko either, it's a spooky painting! Its primary message is "boo!"

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

T.S. Eliot, crying while reading his poem The Ballad Of Mr Gets No Pussy: this isn't me btw. it's a character not me

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 months

TONI MORRISON [trying to explain emotions to men]: Imagine a beer

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

Elon Musk: I got booed because San Francisco is too woke!!! every tweet I see from San Francisco: saw a sleeping bag under a bridge today. Bought a gun

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 months

AMERICAN: What is... "cur-ry" ME [crying]: we can't keep doing this you stupid fucking yank AMERICAN: Britain eat this? sauce look weird... it am not real spicy food like Chick-fil-A ME: [crying while loading gun with two bullets]

with_drama2.0

@with_drama_v2

5 months

this is fentanyl to the brits

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 months

The Council of Elrond

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 months

Ugh, British food is so beige and depressing compared to US cuisine 🤦‍♀️

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

"Ugh, those sick paedo globalists... computer, please pull up my saddest picture of a little girl"

Urban_Tree✝️🍃

@Urban__Tree

1 year

Press the restart button…

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

the Simpsons episode where Flanders breaks Lovejoy's spirit by endlessly asking him for spiritual guidance but it's me neurotically contacting Mary Oliver to double-check that my soft animal is allowed to eat doughnuts, do the Worm, etc

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

THE QUEEN: Wh... where am I? GOON: Whiskey and cigars tonight? MOTHER TERESA: It's the heaven for little old ladies who were actually bad people GOON: Get around him! MOTHER TERESA: And also for goons from the 2012 video game Dishonored GOON: You made somebody a widow, damn you!

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 months

NOTHING gay happened during WWI. It was just a bunch of brave military men, isolated far from womankind, utterly dependent on one another, many of them alumni of Britain's finest boarding schools, writing poetry,

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 months

VOIDFILL🕳️

@SOPROSOCIAL

2 months

My chonker of a son just confessed he tried to take his own hecking liferino

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

This is my yearly reposting of the anal sex section from the 2004 XXL Sex Survey

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

So lit that someone like this can have a hugely successful multi-decade career as a Hollywood director lol

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

"Ban 👏 all 👏 jokes 👏 I 👏 don't 👏 immediately 👏 get 👏" [17,000,000 notes]

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

Return shoes, baby's back

Giles Paley-Phillips

@eliistender10

3 years

Tell me a scary story in 4 words or fewer

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

Rest in piss Rolf Harris, an evil psychopathic freak who should barely be considered human. And in addition to being Australian,

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

FRUSCIANTE: [stirringly melancholy riff] KIEDIS: bim bam bah / sex with a car

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

9 months

Ply me with 2-3 rum and cokes and I will argue that this is the single greatest page in comics history. It's my personal Sistine Chapel ceiling.

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 months

@ViolentFutches White people don't say "chief" anymore they say "oomfie"

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

tfw you were radicalised by your parents' massive house

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

I love Film Twitter

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

9 months

this BoJack scene literally lives rent-free in my head

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

11 months

The Rock Revival

@TheRockRevival_

11 months

Royal Blood making their feelings known about the crowd at BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend yesterday 😂

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

Anders Breivik really, really tests the limits of my "prison should be rehabilitative instead of punitive" principles

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 years

Open Mike Eagle warned us about this

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

Should probably save this heavy rhetoric for somthing that isn't quidditch

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

Germaine Greer's a tragic reminder that even a lifelong commitment to appearing progressive can't overcome the sheer power of being Australian

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 months

It's true, Britain has a disgraceful history of colonial theft. Even stole a whole continent on the other side of the world, then filled it with the most annoying British people we had, just to get rid of them. But now, with the miracle of the Internet, it's like they never left

benny gesserit

@bennyburnerchip

5 months

love how your example of “British food” is some shit you literally stole lmao the only thing you fish-jawed losers have ever come up with is theft

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 month

I would have to be dragged kicking and screaming from this website

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

MUMSNET I will not rest until the streets of Stoke-upon-Trent run pink and blue with the viscera of postmodern gender jihadists (94 ANGRY reacts, 84 THUMBS UP reacts) DADSNET missus made me move my orc figurines to the shed (10 THUMBS DOWN reacts, 9 ANGRY reacts, 5 PINT reacts)

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

8 months

Amazing

BBC Archive

@BBCArchive

8 months

Back in 1968, Harold Williamson paid a visit to primary school kids in Liverpool to talk about their favourite books and reading habits.

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 months

Kept thinking of this tweet during the first half hour of Poor Things

tomwalker.bsky.social

@tomwalkerisgood

10 months

KOKO: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag. KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense. KOKO: jealousy professor

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

passing the Bechdel test in a Hollywood movie: GIRL 1: Congrats girlboss! GIRL 2: Yes sister 💪 passing the Bechdel test in a Bechdel strip: GIRL 1: Please have sex with me. Please please please GIRL 2: No I'm still mad at you for having sex with our mutual friend (also a woman)

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

ME [at a Modernist Symposium]: it may not be "high art" Mrs Woolf, but I think you'd appreciate how shōjo artists handle interiority and gender nonconformity JOYCE [about to have the best day of his life]: Hmph! Well, I doubt any of this so-called "manga" would tickle *my* fancy!

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

ISRAELI PRANK CALLERS: [holding back giggles] it turns out the best way you can show solidarity with Israel is by eating your own shit GERMAN SOCIALIST: Oh ja?! I shall fetch some from der Fridge

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 months

As a fan, ignorant Ennis slander pisses me off like almost nothing else but *informed* Ennis slander makes me levitate with glee

R. Jennie Wayneright 💾🔞

@gncgalactus

3 months

Comics Related Section:

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 months

LYNCH: Had another dream about spying on a beautiful murder victim... oh, the shame... if only Calvinist Jesus could forgive us sinners... why must these deviant criminal elements lurk within my soul... BAD David, BAD... ouhhh- LYNCH FANS: Uncle David is essentially a feminist

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

8 months

Roisin Murphy audiences in 2024 are gonna be not-very-online gay guys + the most swagless hetero fossils you've ever seen in your life

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

Wow, Diane Keaton is cancelled. Now I'm never gonna watch... [Googles "good Diane Keaton films that aren't by the already cancelled Woody Allen"] the Godfather trilogy?

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 months

@aboynamedposh The quote from his kid is fucking transcendent. Todd Solondz's The Boys

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

James Woods riding around in a droptop bumping All Eyez on Me

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

Following left-wing people who are funny, have good taste in art, share fresh insights about history 👎 Following left-wing people who QT depressing headlines and offensive tweets that I've already seen fifty times with "having a normal time online saying the quiet part loud" 👍

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

Every Xiu Xiu song

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

8 months

millennial Olivia Rodrigo stans be like "one gotta go‼️😱⁉️😢"

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

This boss is impossible, any tips?

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

SHERLOCK: Ah, but Watson, these fairy photos are fakes! WATSON: My word Holmes! But... they're so lifelike! SHERLOCK: They really are. I certainly wouldn't think less of any man who thought so

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

Four films about the Joker, and not single one about the Smoker or the Midnight Toker

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

"fanservice" can either mean "big anime tits" or "during Matter-Eater Lad's death scene, he says his catchphrase from the '70s!" and of the two I think you could make a case for the latter option being more artistically desolate

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 months

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

11 months

Followed a fella on Twitter, drew all manner of anime maids. One day, draws one with huge boobs. Crowd goes wild. Time goes by, the other maids... they show up less and less. It's like a dam, or an eclipse. Terrible in its singleness. You tell me what it means, damned if I know.

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 months

doodled @keithjohnstack fanart that I forgot to post the other day

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 months

Moustache Weird Al and post-moustache Weird Al simply are not the same guy in my mind. It's hard to explain this, mostly because it's due to me being kind of stupid

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 month

[Ed Piskor on To Catch A Predator] Yo son I was just keeping it real like Afrika Bambaata you feel me

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 years

We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did bedtime.

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

2 years

[furiously swinging a steel pipe] Too fucking good for Rayman, are we???

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

Osamu Tezuka is a startlingly good draughtsman but his commitment to his cartooning lineage is funny in the context of Serious Adult Manga, this mf's brother died under mysterious circumstances in Nazi Germany and he's walking like Popeye

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

Lmao

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

11 months

I do think the submarine thing is darkly funny but it's a bit surreal how immediately and completely on-board everyone seems to be with that fact

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

MARK E SMITH: Hey there, fuckface! Hey there, fuckface! MUSIC GUY: this is, and I do not say this lightly, psychogeographical

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

I'm at the Gay Nando's / I'm at the Warhammer / I'm at the combination Gay Nando's and Warhammer

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

Look at this Robert Smith ass chicken

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

4 months

A fun part of womanhood for me has been learning that you can unsubtly launder your own resentment of other women by reframing it as a critique of straight men. Haven't tried it yet myself but I'm taking notes

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

dying at this, the thought of boldly going "say ONE more word about my wife 😡" and immediately getting beaten up

Pop Base

@PopBase

1 year

Prince Harry reveals he was physically attacked and knocked to the floor by his brother Prince William during a confrontation in 2019. The confrontation escalated because William called Meghan Markle “difficult, rude, and abrasive.”

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 months

Gone at this

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

Shit like "my only politics is trolling" sounds pretty harmless (albeit pathetic) in abstract but in practice it's so grotesque. These people love pain for its own sake, they're addicted to the spectacle of it

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

Alan Moore has such a dark and twisted imagination, I'm so glad "Birmingham" isn't real

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

[narrator] it has been one week since LD dramatically announced he was leaving Twitter forever

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

ME: ah y'know, it's not *proper* food but MSG slop is really tasty when you've had a lot to drink ha ha, you get me? YANKEE [going very pale]: Pastor says I mayn't have a sip afore I turn five-and-twenty lest I be led to fornication

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

It's funny how Fantano's success suggests that zoomers actually long for an educated authority to put music in context and promote interesting stuff (new and old) but picked a tedious dilettante because they're addicted to video content. [barrel in mouth] It's soooo funny

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

Never thought to look up the rest of the survey before and it's so good. Juelz's answer here has destroyed me

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

9 months

Incredible foreword

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

1 year

it's Good Friday, which means it's also the anniversary of the time that 10 year old me opened up MS Paint, named the file "Golgotha", and made something that looked exactly like this:

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 months

[LOTR narrator] But they were all of them deceived... for an even greater Dark Souls post was made

albi 🌺

@_7albi

3 months

this Miyazaki interview remains the greatest in dark souls post hall of fame

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 months

cyclist: no... please... I can't keep doing this... it's not sa- psychic cat that makes you take it on bike rides: meeowwwwww

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 years

absolutely dead @ "time for the urn"

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

I love Jonathan Davis's go-to example of something really wild and crazy

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

@jaubert_moniker Hey man, don't blame me for misinterpreting it, blame the meme, for lacking the clarity of purpose and target for it being mistaken for and contributing to that which it intends to criticise

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

3 years

Just one industry plant would be bad enough, but Greta Van Fleet have an industry Plant, an industry Page, an industry Jones and an industry Bonham!

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 months

[Skepta] Spreading rumours, trying to hurt me Already told you, man's not a furry Say it twice, no, man's not furry Three times, cos man's not a furry Why you tryna say I - am - per-vy Hentai site, I type "no furs please" [furry JME] Ever since I played Star Fox Sixty-Fourrr

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

5 months

Ooh... new face, new me. Might even try gooning. Lovely word, that. Goooooning. God, that is SO human. Only humans could come up with that. "Quick wank before breakfast? Nahh, let's make a big old day of it - it's Christmas!"

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

11 months

It's been depressing watching the very basic feminist observation "men see emotion as a sign of effeminate weakness while also feeling/expressing them all the time" morph into a cheap "why are you, as a man, having emotions 😂" zing

samuel catlin

@lint_ax

11 months

Tfw you’re definitely not upset

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@jenny_briar

6 months

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

8 months

I'm kind of like a haruspex in reverse cos in your future I see me rearranging your guts

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 months

Astarion: Oh! Good heavens! I am so very queer-coded and traumatised! Dearie me! What an eminently romanceable bachelor am I! But who could warm this vampire's cold heart? Egads! Could it be you, Player Character?! Shadowheart:

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

11 months

Alan Moore's '80s superhero comics are kinda tragic bc he says he was just trying to push the medium forward by showing everyone new ways to approach it and it must've been crushing to see the most shocking elements of his work trickle down into the most worthless pointless slop

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Jen's Fortress

@jenny_briar

6 years

THE SHAPE OF WATER (dir. Guillermo del Toro, 2017)