here's a 10-minute attempt to summarize my 300 page book
@introspectVV
into ~500 words. didn't precisely meet the brief of "in one breath" but i'll try again multiple times
"When you get really good at embodying your story in a way that is representative of your various sub-selves, you’ll start to have this “glow” about you. People will be drawn to you, your genuine confidence and legitimate self-assurance, your self-respect."
A general principle of storytelling is that your protagonist (or antagonist!) must want something, however small or simple. If your character is unclear or muddled about what they want, it becomes a lot harder for readers to root for them, to empathize with them
"Since we tend to solve well-defined problems, the problems we’re left with are the ones that are poorly defined. And the meta-problem with poorly defined problems is that we tend to not realize that they are poorly defined."
Not everybody needs to introspect more. Some people need to introspect less, or introspect differently. The point of introspection isn’t to keep introspecting - it’s to get yourself in alignment with yourself so you can get on with your life.
I was really stressing about work, and a former boss I respect a lot told me, "Just try to do one thing a week you're really proud of." And it sounds stupid and corny but I think about that all the time, and it really helped! Sharing it here in case it helps you too, I guess.
"i should just give up and die" i think is a sign that it's time for a *spiritual* death and rebirth. give up your old identity, your old thought-forms, your old behavior patterns. let that version of you die. allow the new you to be born from the ashes, bold and free
I get young people in my DMs all the time
a common thing I notice about their despair is that they do a lot of generalizing ("I can't seem to study for this test" -> "I can't do anything"). Lots of catastrophic thinking, things get very grandiose
I remember this feeling too
When people fear “omg what if I’m X {bad, unliked, narcissistic, other fear}” the most surprising thing to me is how they see it as immutable
First if you’re worrying about X you’re probably not it, but also if you are that’s fine we’re hilariously malleable creatures
"My aversion to weakness, my contempt of my own incompetence, these were the walls of my own psychic prison. Only by embracing my own weakness was I able to begin to breathe again. And it made me stronger."
"Following your nose and screwing around with frivolous 'unimportant' things is how you develop taste, and taste might be the most precious force in the human domain. Everything good is made by people with taste. But we discourage its development because it 'seems frivolous'."
One of my favorite stories/movies is Wreck-It Ralph. What he really wants is love, connection, a family. But not having it, he doesn't quite know what it is, or how to articulate it. He figures it out along the way, painfully – and we love him for it
Ralph's journey is such a fantastic, succinct, powerful story. He starts out being ostracized, and gets attached to the idea of a medal winning him approval from the toxic, ignorant people he lives with. He really just wants to be loved, and the medal symbolizes that to him.
Some characters are more likeable, relatable or compelling than others because of better storytelling. We can make *ourselves* more compelling by doing the same. Most importantly, to ourselves! We can challenge ourselves to see our lives as worth living, and worth living well
INTROSPECT started with a simple question – how do I not be bored? What is boredom, and how do I "solve" it?
It seems pretty ridiculous that I can be bored in a world where there's so much going on – there's more to see and do than I ever can comprehend, let alone accomplish.
"Journaling is the "ball of thread" that will allow you to trace your path into the abyssal labyrinth of your subconscious, and back out again. You want to create a space where you can practice outrunning the censors of your conscious mind...
How to strengthen your story (it's painful):
- what are the most powerfully painful, scary, unfair, unjust, cruel experiences that you've had in your life? write them down. be precise.
- how do you feel about others having those experiences right now?
- how will you help them?
Some characters are more likeable, relatable or compelling than others because of better storytelling. We can make *ourselves* more compelling by doing the same. Most importantly, to ourselves! We can challenge ourselves to see our lives as worth living, and worth living well
I've been thinking lately that there's a lesson in here for ordinary, everyday life. We all have stories that we tell ourselves about who we are, what we're about, what we're after. I believe it's possible to "objectively" "improve" these stories by reimagining and retelling them
1. journal extensively for a year with no filter. be so prolific you don’t recognise yourself
2. reread it as if it were someone else’s writing and look for clues
This is why self help advice of the “listen to your heart/soul” variety is basically useless. If listening to your heart was easy everyone would already be doing it
"Thinking you know in advance what’s a waste of time and what’s not? That’s hubris! There is an arrogance to this class of small-minded narrow utilitarianism, that refuses to see that great things come from small and sometimes silly beginnings."
there's a thing some of us do where we point at our brain as the originator of harsh voices, and I think that merits a followup question: where did that voice actually come from?
ADHD brains and dopamine is some weird stuff.
I do something that needs to get done and my brain goes “Should’ve done it sooner, you asshat.”
I save the world in a video game and my brain is like “finally, feels good to be actually useful, doesn’t it?”
This is reminding me of my original motivation for doing
@introspectVV
. To whom it may concern: I don’t believe that the problem is your inability to focus, or that you have distractions in your vicinity. I believe the problem is that you don’t know who you are or what you want.
And all begins with knowing what you want!
And you'll likely have to want something specific, too – not just "money" or "power" or "fame" or "love". These are generic ideas, and you're unlikely to inspire people (including yourself) to help you achieve those things.
Dig deeper
Here’s a glimpse of an early draft of the content page. I will likely be reworking this substantially, but you can still get a sense of the overall vibe
"Pedestalization and demonization are both forms of dehumanization. We create a false image of someone to conveniently idolize or despise. It’s the same problem. It’s easier than having to face them as imperfect, nuanced, complex human beings.
We also do this to ourselves."
How do you find a unique "want", when there are so many people in the world? Here's my provisional answer: you have to find a want that is derived from the uniqueness of your circumstances, your experiences, your perspective. What have you *gone through* that makes you different?
Lots of guys I admire talk about journaling on here
Let me tell you the
#1
most powerful thing about it
You see, writing ideas down helps you DISCOVER
What you *ackshually* think about a topic
Pen/paper or Google docs...
It doesn't matter
Simply write, and discover
"What’s exhilarating is, beyond their reach, you will discover a richer, more complex, more beautiful, more powerful version of yourself, waiting to come to life."
A story I love and return to is Eve Ensler's, AKA "the Vagina Monologues" lady:
"When we give in the world what we want the most, we heal the broken part inside each of us."
The challenge is to know what that broken part is. Nobody's is exactly alike
"You don’t have to confront the entirety of your grief, anguish, despair in a single moment. Think of it like cleaning a home. You can start with one room, and within that room you can start with one surface. You can celebrate yourself for having accomplished that small task."
"You should have clear boundaries between work and play. And you should make sure to set aside time for play, because if you don’t nourish your soul, then you will sink into an ugly depression, and you won’t be able to get any work done anyway."
"Some people worry that marriage will be boring – because aren’t you seeing the same old person every day? Don’t you get bored? No! Because neither of you are the same person every day. We are always undergoing a process of becoming."
It’s quite a bit like tuning an instrument. It’s never exactly possible to tune anything perfectly, and it’ll start going out of tune again sometime after you start playing. So tune as well as you can, and then get on with the show!
The answer to 1, 2 and 3 are quite well understood.
1. tired? rest. (there are several books on the topic)
2. messy? declutter. (read The Konmari Method)
3. perfectionist? satisfice. (read Paradox of Choice)
but what do you do when you don't know what you want?
INTROSPECT.
trying to figure out an optimal linear path that will be the core thread of the book. I know no path will be perfect but I think there's a certain narrative resonance that I haven't quite figured out yet... will probably map it alongside a classic hero's journey
Here’s the hilarious and amazing thing: while I was wrongheadedly trying to force my book to be what I thought it was, at some subconscious level I knew what the book was supposed to be. This is one of the earliest threads on this account!! 😂😭
A general principle of storytelling is that your protagonist (or antagonist!) must want something, however small or simple. If your character is unclear or muddled about what they want, it becomes a lot harder for readers to root for them, to empathize with them
Thinking about these quotes today...
“If you want to be successful, find out what the price is and then pay it.”
—Scott Adams
“If you don't get what you want, it's a sign either that you did not seriously want it, or that you tried to bargain over the price.”
—Rudyard Kipling
The socialized mind understands itself in reference to others and their approval. The self-authored mind is governed by an internal seat of judgment and its own voice
Introspection is usually imagined as a private, solitary, cloistered activity. But those can be limiting assumptions. Introspection can also be active, social, ambulant. You can think thoughts while walking and travelling that are harder to think when you’re alone at home
"The best advice is not to tell people what to do, but to ask them the right questions. Find out what's going on in their head, and help them frame that in a way that's useful." –
@gtdguy
may you consciously opt in to narratives that expand and unleash you instead of being unconsciously controlled by narratives of fear and resistance that keep you from showing up fully
It might contradict your stated claims or unstated beliefs about what you *think* you want, but your actual priorities are revealed by what you’ve been doing
"Children are quite naturally able to experiment with playing-pretend, trying on ideas and roles that aren’t strictly “correct” or “true”. If you have a narrative where you’re a shy person, what if, for fun, you experimented for a month with living like you weren’t?"
There are three things you need to know
1. Who you are
2. Where you are
3. Where you want to go
Once you have decent approximations of each of these, you can start really effectively working to become who you want to be
You can get remarkably far with this, but this is also how midlife crises come about. You can invest lots of time and energy towards goals that aren’t really yours. To mitigate this, have to make time to really ask yourself what you love, what you enjoy. And... fool around!
The way out is often through.
If that’s scary, the way out is through the fear.
If that’s frustrating, the way out is through the frustration.
If that’s sad, the way out is through the sadness.
You might need to gear up a bit but you *can* go through there.
if you’re feeling blocked in connecting with someone, try learning more about them. oftentimes, a lack of connection stems from a lack of understanding. we judge or feel superiority/inferiority towards others when we oversimplify them—assuming we know more about them than we do.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”
-Rudyard Kipling
@cigardubey
you could also question "why do I want to live comfortably", and then find out that it's because of X, and then when you solve for X, you realize you don't actually need to live comfortably at all. Saves you a *fuckton* of time and effort
1. lots of people don't know what they want, don't really try very hard to figure out what they want, don't really believe it's possible, if they try they aren't very systematic about it, or they try too hard and agonize about it unproductively, many ways to fail on this front
Drinking a coke and thinking very generally about:
1. getting what you want. How much time, effort, energy will you expend in service of this?
2. troubleshooting and interrogating your wants. What if what you thought you wanted... wasn’t really what you wanted?
It's a big question! One with many different approaches, styles, philosophies, schools of thought. My goal is to examine as many of them as I can, and to review + synthesize them into something simple enough for ~13 year olds to use to clarify their thinking. 🤓
feeling proud of your work is critical for any ambitious/high-achieving person. for this type, it’s not about the hours put in, it’s about the *feeling they get out* of doing the work. and if they’re not interested in the work, it’s hard to make it phenomenal and be proud of it.
Pink talks about Seligman's Learned Helplessness, and how people who give up easily have an internal narrative where bad events are
- permanent/enduring
- pervasive/unavoidable
- personal
"it's my fault, it's going to last forever, and it's going to undermine everything I do"
Pro tip: you have an idea of what you should do at a high level and aren't motivated to take the low level actions? Introspect on why doing the thing is bad and come up with an intuitively pleasing mid level design. Architect the project before taking more low level steps.
"Life is full of conflict, and so we will invariably be conflicted ourselves. We will even be conflicted about how to deal with our conflicts. That’s all part of the frustration, and all part of the fun."
"Curiosity is one of the most powerful drives on the planet. It’s so powerful that it has to be culturally suppressed, because its power is dangerous."
The first step towards being “high agency” is always the same. You cannot take effective action towards bending the world to your desire until you know, in detail, what it is that you desire.
Journaling has been an extremely powerful tool for me throughout my life, and only recently after I reviewed my journal entries from a few years ago I realized their impact they have had on the trajectory of my life.