Stephen 🪿 @iamstphn Twitter profile

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Stephen 🪿

1 month

I started The Silly Goose Society as an idea and long standing project one night which you can find at: So what is it exactly and how do I nearly have 5000 members already you may ask? Well, If you've ever watched the 1998 hit: You've Got Mail

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

[exchange with landlord] me: the hot water is broken them: how? can you send some photos? me: it looks like this, but it's not hot...

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

mercury is in gatorade or some shit

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Does anyone actually still read physical books?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

8 months

@historyinmemes I love that there are 20+ comments of chatgpt responses about the same shit, trying to get the clout and impression money. Lmao clowns.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

6 years

Simon & Garfunkel: Hello darkness my old friend. Darkness: New phone, who dis?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

5 months

Screw small talk. I wanna know at what point you gave up on The Walking Dead…

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

I wish I liked people as much as I like books

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

@D4abrightfuture @sophiepezzutto You’re wrong there. Academic writing is stale and boring. It’s written to be consumed by other academic folk and if you think knowledge doesn’t sell, the information marketing arena is a multi billion dollar industry. There is writing and then there’s entertainment. Pick one.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

7 months

@historyinmemes Massive shout out to the 3959295 comments stating the same as the OP. Gotta get that impression money one way or the other.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

“Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.”

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

Alpha / Doms on twitter be like:

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Me: When I tell people I’m busy and I’ve got plans and I don’t want to go out

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 months

Before you risk falling in love with me. Just know that I eat green olives as a snack, just cause

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

me: *listening to The Beatles* kid: "hey, that song was stolen from Tik-To..." me: *throws kid in the sea*

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

if you put 1 lasagna on top of another lasagna, you don’t have 2 lasagna’s you still have 1 lasagna.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Stop fat shaming the big guy or girl in the gym. Stop ripping on the lonely guy or girl at the bar. Stop shit talking about the poor people working their ass off to better their lives. It takes balls/ovaries to get out of your comfort zone & change. They deserve support.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Got 99 problems and trying to find another problem cause I need round numbers in my life

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

It’s 2021 and I still haven’t watched Game of Thrones.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

8 months

@fesshole Get a plasterer to carefully cut it out of the wall and have it framed as a memento.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Guys if you’re having a hard time, drop me a message. Gotta look after our own kind. Social media is tough for men because we have to always be tough.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

What’s something you can talk about for 30 minutes without getting bored?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

9 months

@vaguelymoody I wrote a short story about this some years as my experience from it: I first saw the Hatman when I was seven years old. Just a shadow in my bedroom doorway, the faint outline of a tall figure in a wide-brimmed hat. When I sat up in bed, he was gone. Just my imagination, I

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

I'll leave this here.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

We’re all perverted. Some of us just hide it better.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

The dog is so cute!

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Guys. If she has this haircut. Run. She is 100% a psychopath.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

If she wants to be your princess and your porn star. Let her.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Don’t take Twitter too seriously. You’ll end up with heartburn and nobody wants heartburn

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

Are 2 am cheeseburgers a thing?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

1 year

"Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

They’ve exploited your fear and used it to turn you into monsters

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Honestly. I’m just tired.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

It’s always “Woah, nice penis!” and never “Hey, how are you?”

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

A DM room but everyone just says good morning and that's it.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

I was going to bless your timelines with some too quality shit posts today. Then I came across this gem and now I’m done for the day. Yikes 😬

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

People who take my tweets seriously:

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Why are people?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Books excite me more than people.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Fell asleep butt naked. Don’t tell me that’s not living my best life

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

*gestures at the internet*

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

“Ugh. I can’t stand people who believe in Capitalism. They are what’s wrong with the world and society.” - Twitter for iPhone

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Accidentally sent a porn gif to the family group. How do I fake my own death and change identities? Help

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

people who put ketchup on eggs need therapy

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

me: I can’t wait to have a nice peaceful shower in the morning. Parrot: *Kicks bathroom door open and walks in like he owns the place…* YOU. FUCKING. WON’T.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

Loneliness is the breakfast of champions.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

The picture at the end is classic

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

We all have the right to destroy ourselves. We also have the right to reinvent ourselves. Pick wisely.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

There are two types of people in this world… Those who like to think for themselves and those who like to have their thinking done for them.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

@democracydiva LMAO. You’re confused between two separate projects AND masking it with some sjw toxic masculinity vibe. Can’t logically argue something, so string together words that the echo chambers of social media can only understand. Nice.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

I'm damn sure that twitter would be a lot less interesting without all the profanity, cynicism, self degradation and woman with big breasts.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 months

@fesshole

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

1 year

That kitty can stay the fuck outside.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

we don’t rescue our animals. our animals rescue us.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Sorry I've missed your messages. I am deceased.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

If every time I say 'evolution' you need to correct it with 'theory of' then every time you say Jesus I'll have to say 'story of' Asshole.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Music > People

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

BOYS TALK, MEN DO.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

I don’t care about your politics and I respect your beliefs. but are you a good person?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Your an idiot if you don’t know the difference between ‘there’, ‘their’ and ‘they’re’

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

There’s a body bag with your name on it… - me flirting

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

@IwriteOK I mean the parrot is probably gonna out live me cause of pure spite, but keeps me sane.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

Apples only taste like apples if you haven't eaten oranges, however eating a banana could confuse clowns? I'm so stoned.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

3rd base with me, is just wrapping ourselves up like burritos on a couch while watching horror movies

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

normalise not having to reply back to everyone instantly because you’ve got shit to do and people don’t own your time

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Some people on here need to masturbate more and it shows

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

@nathaliejacoby1 Na, I prefer the fact that he has the balls to invite guests on his show that show both sides of the spectrum in regards to loads of issues. But hey, you gotta fuel the outrage mafia one way or the other, otherwise whatever political leaning you follow eventually crumbles

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

Move beach get out the wave.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 months

Us 6ft3 guys need a woman who we can carry over our shoulder like a sack of potatoes

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Woke up. Still dead inside.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

Falling asleep together is a love language.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

Can I have one validation please

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

"To be is to do" / Plato "To do is to be" / Aristotle "Do be do be do" / Sinatra

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Post your most apt GIF that represents your mood.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

What if, instead of jizz. Men shot bbq sauce out of their penises when they came?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

5 months

this true, ladies?

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

A 🧵on loss. The more I tell this story, the more heartbreak, details and memories I dig up and so here it goes. I've never shared it out in public but the message in it, is to love hard, to love fiercely and to never settle.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

6 months

@The4ourthBranch @historyinmemes gotta farm those impressions bro

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

Guys on Twitter be like: (Sound on)

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

After watching this horror movie, I have realised my asshole indeed does have a heartbeat.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

Women who snort laugh fuck better.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

Sundays should be reserved for butt rubs and throat kisses and wandering hands.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

I’m sorry. I can’t hear you over the peace and tranquility I have, by not having kids.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

man, my fucking heart hurts sometimes.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

just make them cum. it’s not rocket science

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

The quickest way to tell if someone is a murderer, is if their smartphone still has the keyboard clicking sounds still enabled.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Just trying to find a woman who will look at me the way she looks at a bacon double cheeseburger.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Imagine being one of those people who still think the news is there to serve the interests of the viewer, and not the interests of the sponsors.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

I hand out Retweets like I do candy to 8 year olds. I wish you assholes were that dedicated. Oh shit cops.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

Thousands of hours of not giving a fuck have finally paid off.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

“Your rap name is the last thing you ate” Black Pepper Beef Noodles

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

4 years

*pours coffee straight into eyes* Good morning erryone

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Sugar daddy implies the existence of Sugar-free daddy and honestly. That might just be the healthier option for some of you.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

13 years

If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

If you’re not willing to wear matching Crocs when we fuck. It’s not going to work out

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

3 years

Day 1327 without sex: Family won’t allow me to make pies anymore. No idea why.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

5 months

Jesus Christ. Guys say some truly fucking weird shit to women on the internet, who they’ll never meet.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

8 months

@PaddyM04882466 @fesshole Tell us you don't know anything about the I.T. world. Without telling us you don't know anything about the I.T. world.

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

2 years

@idlette If you like to write. Become a copywriter. Get a couple of books & you’ll be golden. If you get good, you’ll be working less, earning more and even be able to set up percentage based income from gross sales. It’s the highest paid profession on the planet that requires no degree

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Stephen 🪿

@iamstphn

12 years

If at first you don't succeed, there is always a bottle of Jack Daniels and a cake.

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