Whether I have 26000 followers or 69 followers, I’m forever a JUCO bandit.
My boys fired me up so I threw my arm out and it was great.
ColbyCC Trojans forever.
JUCO bandits forever.
“I cAn HiT lIkE bOnDs ToO iF i DiD rOiDs”
Mark McGwire 62.2 WAR
Sammy Sosa 58.6 WAR
Jose Canseco 42.4 WAR
Rafael Palmero 71.9 WAR
Miguel Tejada 47.3 WAR
Manny Ramirez 69.4 WAR
Jason Giambi 50.5 WAR
Barry Bonds 162.8 WAR
Pro tip for baseball fans,
If you go watch a minor league game this year, bring a $10-$25 Chipotle gift card with you, and give it to a minor leaguer.
That player won’t forget it for a long time and he’s probably gonna hook you up with a signed ball or two as well.
It’s baseball szn.
Let’s start it off right with the greatest baseball speech of all time.
If you think this is too much 1. You are soft 2. You’ve never played baseball competitively 3. Shut up.
RIP Augie Garrido.
Netflix has ordered a documentary on competitive college cheerleaders, from Last Chance U creator Greg Whiteley
Cheer is set to premiere January 8 on Netflix.
Baseball dads before quarantine: bench is bad for baseball
Baseball dads during quarantine: bench is bad for baseball
One of the hardest throwing pitcher ever to live on this planet rn:
After hanging up my cleats in 2016 I didn’t touch a baseball for over 2 years and completely let myself go.
Then I picked up a ball for the first time on October 11 2018 n threw 70poo.
Here’s my 14 month journey since then.
The greatest speech of all time by a baseball coach imo.
“This isn’t about some goddamn game, this is about our lives” is the type of energy that I can get behind 24/7 365 days.
RIP Goat.
Things I‘d do as MLB commissioner,
•pay minor leaguers
•hire Wendy’s twitter person as head of media n destroy all other sports media online
•players encouraged to engage more on social media
•u don’t know shit about baseball? U’ll still know who Mike Trout is mark my words
Dear ESPN,
This is not just a catcher caught a runner stealing.
This is a catcher that threw from his knees to throw runner out while popping a legit 1.85 pop time unlike them fake High School showcase pop times, then he pimped it after.
Give this man the credit he deserves.
Shohei Ohtani 25yrs old
Pete Alonso 25yo
Walker Buehler 25yo
Bryan Reynolds 25yo
Jack Flaherty 24yo
Cody Bellinger 24yo
Mike Soroka 22yo
Bo Bichette 22yo
Yordan Alvarez 22yo
Ronald Acuna Jr 22yo
Fernando Tatis Jr 21yo
Vlad Jr 21yo
Baseball isn’t dying, you’re dying.
Anyways I’d like to make the XFL version of baseball.
The new league will consist of:
•Juiced balls
•BESR bats
•Fights allowed
•95+mph only pitchers allowed
•No bunts allowed
•You cheat you die
•Pay starts at least minimum wage unlike minor leagues
Who’s in.
Every baseball player of my generation grew up doing Kobe impressions in the cage while picking up baseballs trying to sink them in the bucket.
The GOAT left us too soon.
RIP
When I was in JUCO I never got to go home for Thanksgiving because it was too far away, so my buddies took me to their homes for Thanksgiving.
To all my JUCO bandits that are not home for Thanksgiving, respect.
To all my JUCO bandits that took their pals to ur homes, respect.
Some things in baseball just don’t work together period like,
•left handed catcher
•skinny first baseman
•mentally sane left handed pitcher
•fit pitching coach
•chill 10U dad
•soft JUCO baseball player
No reason.
They just don’t work together.
XFL of baseball:
•BESR bats
•Fights allowed
•No bunts allowed
•U cheat, u die
•Pay starts at least minimum wage
•Must pimp everything or get fined
•Beer price is half of MLB
•Any fans say “homeruns kill rallies” get banned
•All pitchers coming in must enter WWE style
I can’t believe it’s 2019 and NCAA baseball players only get 11.3 scholarships to spread among 35 man roster while Hockey gets 18 scholarships and Lacrosse gets 12.6 scholarships what a joke.
Stop being a joke NCAA.
I mean what kind of nonsense AB is this.
G hack foul, take painted 98mph for strike, take painted hammer for a ball, take 98mph in for a ball, foul off 98mph high heat, foul bomb 99mph heater out of the stadium, homer off 99mph heater dead center.
Get Barry in the HOF.
Are we this soft in 2020?
I watched the video and there’s no reason this coach should’ve been fired.
Ya’ll shit on kids all the time for being the soft generation n all and I’m telling you it’s the adults that are softer than baby wipes.
Fire the principal.
Michael Jordan AA stats:
.202
436 AB
3 HR
51 RBI
30 SB
Eric Sim AA stats:
.158
19 AB
0 HR
1 RBI
0 SB
Plot twist,
Michael Jordan AAA stats:
N/A
Eric Sim AAA stats:
.500
Eric Sim > MJ
IF BARRY BONDS DONT GET 100% VOTES ON HOF NOW IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT CUZ BIG LEAGUERS HAVE PUBLICLY SAID THEY WOULD RATHER FACE A HITTER ON ROIDS THAN HITTER KNOWING WHATS COMING AND HITTERS KNOWING WHATS COMING ARE NOT PUNISHED FREE BARRY.
Like this tweet if you’d listen to me and
@FoulPoleSports
podcast.
Basically we’d talk about anything and everything, and I’ll be drunk during most of the podcast.
Who’s in.
So basically all Oakland A’s minor leaguers are stuck not getting paid from May 31st on, but have to stay in game ready shape eating training like athlete, but also can’t get a another job because 1 phone call u have to drop everything n go.
Nothing about this is professional.
Update - Following the latest CDC recommendations regarding COVID-19, the
@NJCAA
has made the difficult decision to cancel all upcoming basketball championships, spring sports competition for the remainder of the academic year.
Statement |
BREAKING: Per sources, MLB’s penalties for
#Astros
include:
*One-year suspensions for GM Jeff Luhnow and manager AJ Hinch.
*Losses of 1st and 2nd round draft picks in both 2020 and ‘21.
*A fine of $5M.
Full story and more context with
@EvanDrellich
:
Every lefty pitcher I’ve met are basically insane.
Every reliever I’ve met are also basically insane.
Now Left-handed relievers are when insane meets insane and they are the species of their own.
The king of psychos in my experience.
Some of my favorite people.
If you haven’t crushed 800mg of ibuprofen, a handful of Red Hot all over your body, chugged 2 cans of monster before the game even started, you don’t know what playing baseball actually means.
Patrick Mahomes tweeted “bet it feels amazing to be the quarterback who says "Im going to Disney World" after winning the Super Bowl” n he did it.
Demi Lovato tweeted “one day Im gonna sing the National Anthem at a Superbowl” n she did it.
So I tweet,
“I’m gonna throw 95mph.”
BREAKING,
People have voted to change the people in charge of baseball.
One senior staff in MLB said, “This new change gon be lit I can’t wait.”
Per source.
If the ball crosses home plate as a strike, the pitch should be called a strike.
Don’t matter whether catcher is setting up inside, outside, laying down with a pina colada.
If the pitch crosses strike zone, it’s a damn strike.
So the umpire should be ejected, not the catcher.
I’d pay good amount of money to watch,
•J Hicks & A Chapman try to throw 106mph
•G Cole & T Bauer try to longtoss 400ft
•G Stanton & Vlad Jr try to hit 125mph Exit Velo
•T Turner & B Buxton try to steal 2nd under 3 seconds
•JT Realmuto & HS showcase kid pop time challenge
First rule of the Underground Baseball,
•You do not talk about Underground Baseball
Second rule of the Underground Baseball,
•You must pimp everything 24/7
Third rule of the Underground Baseball,
•No coaches, just players. All that is asked is to ball out
Here’s a fun video of me driving 32hrs to my indyball team after getting released by Giants...doing jaeger bands on the street, throwing Driveline plyos against highway signs, sleeping in the car and eating Mars bar for dinner to save money.
Wtf do you know about
#grind
kids?
True story,
I went to do my taxes at H&R Block in AZ when I was w Giants, tax agent asked my job, I said pro baseball player, then he goes what’s ur income, I said $5000, he said not monthly yearly, I looked at him, he looked at me, I gave him the paystub, he looked at me again.
In baseball, ibuprofen is actually referred as I Be Playin.
Baseball players can’t live without ibuprofen.
Baseball players also can’t live without energy drinks.
Let’s merge those 2 great things together and come up with an energy drink that has 400mg of ibuprofen in it LFG.
2017: MLB sets record for revenues!
2018: MLB sets record for revenues!
2019: MLB sets record for revenues!
2020: MLB players are gonna take pay cuts then some more, we are only gonna draft 5 rounds n rounds will be cut down to like 20 next yr, n let’s get rid of 42 MiLB teams
Saw some jabroni throwing on the field by himself when I got to the field today, so I got him on the gun and introduced him to velo slap.
He PR’d.
I didn’t.
Pete Rose is petitioning to be removed from MLB's ineligible list, arguing that his lifetime ban is "vastly disproportionate" compared to players who took steroids and those involved in the Astros sign-stealing scheme.
I threw out 42% of the base runners in my career.
Gave up 130 stolen bases & caught 96.
I also had 191 assists cuz I back picked a lot.
I threw out more runners than a lot of catchers in pro ball and my pop time was 1.85-1.9 consistently.
You ain’t popping 1.80 in HS.
Anyways from this whole fucking Astros thing, I feel for those minor league nobodies that finally made it to Big Leagues, only to face the Astros, get lit cuz they were cheating, and got sent down because of it.
That, pisses me off.
Some things happen in sports that can’t be described.
Dee Gordon hitting his first homer of the season after Jose Fernandez passed away.
Angels throwing combined No Hitter after Tyler Skaggs passed away.
And this.
Lmaooo this is unreal.
I know times are tough for my fellow JUCO Bandits as their seasons got cut short so I might have to come out to some JUCOs later this year and cheer them up.
JUCO Bandits forever.
Just an idea,
I get upto throwing 95+mph, learn 69 pitches from
@PitchingNinja
‘s dropbox, then face big leaguers during their offseason cuz they need to see velo anyways n make a bet, if I win they donate to help minor leaguers, if I lose whatever still donate.
Who’s in.
Now this is the most DGAF thing I’ve seen in 2020, Greinke showing up 2 weeks later than everyone else for Spring Training is now 2nd most DGAF thing I’ve seen in 2020, I can’t believe 2020 season hasn’t even officially started it yet I can’t wait.
Hitters pimp homers, pitchers pimp strikeouts...it’s time for us catchers to pimp throwing runners out.
When I pulled this off the boys in the dugout went nuts and said it was badass.
But I already knew it was badass.
Things we need to stop doing in baseball just because “it’s been this way for so long,”
•3-0 auto take
•D1 obsessed kids n parents
•shit minor league pay
•”finish in a good fielding position”
•not paying 3rd assistant coach in NCAA
•running poles
•8min throwing programs
New YouTube series,
Sim vs Him.
Plot: Sim goes to local little league games, find the loudest baseball dad there, challenge him to a Live AB infront of his kid, gets 3 ABs vs me, if he gets a hit he gets $100, if he doesn’t he‘s banned from yelling for 69 days.
Who’s in.
My pregame routine as a reliever,
1st inning-3rd: sleep
4th: take a shit
5th: sip on preworkout, ibuprofen, red hot, stretch
6th: jaeger band, driveline plyos
Top 7th: get hot sign, chug red bull, 2 pulldowns, 3 heaters, 1 SL n leave the rest to baseball god
Bottom 7th: in
It’s hard to move on from one of the worse scandals in history of baseball just because the Astros want everyone to move on yet they keep on failing to handle the situation but let’s take a breather and watch this most impressive bp derby by Vlad Jr.
Carry on.
Fucking weak...2010 MLB Draft was way better:
1. Bryce Harper
3. Manny Machado
7. Matt Harvey
12. Yasmani Grandal
13. Chris Sale
19. Mike Foltynewicz
23. Christian Yelich
.
.
.
828. Eric Sim
The 2011 MLB Draft was hilariously loaded:
1. Gerrit Cole
3. Trevor Bauer
6. Anthony Rendon
8. Francisco Lindor
9. Javy Baez
11. George Springer
14. Jose Fernandez
18. Sonny Gray
45. Trevor Story
52. Blake Snell
61. Josh Bell
172. Mookie Betts
SO many more, too.
I came home, took a piss, my wife went in the bathroom after n was like toilet is so clean after u pee.
That’s because my college coach once said “Dominate the day. Even if u miss n piss a bit on the toilet, clean it up. Dominate everything u do.”
I already dominated today.
I heard a college coach got fired over one of these talks because a player recorded n sent it to AD.
Soft.
One time my coach grabbed me by the jersey, pinned me against the dugout, n motherfucked me for 6.9min.
If u can’t handle real talk, just don’t play college baseball.
This is unreal.
Unreal that Adam Wainwright and his wife did this to help minor leaguers.
Also unreal that one major league player did this and not one major league club.
Minor league non-profit
@mtb_org
has confirmed
#Cardinals
Adam Wainwright and his wife Jenny have donated $250,000 to provide assistance to Cardinals minor leaguers during the COVID-19 crisis.
@TheAthleticSTL
There’s a reason why Max Scherzer motherfucks everyone on the mound, Clayton Kershaw yells Fuck loud AF when he bounces a CB, n Amir Garrett fights the whole damn team by himself.
Not because they are assholes, but because they are competing every pitch like they are in a war.
If the MLB season gets cancelled or postponed due to corona virus and Mike Trout doesn’t get to hit homers starting April I’m gonna lose my shit fuck you corona.
From now on, baseball gender reveal is banned for everyone that didn’t play past at least college baseball because I simply cannot watch this trash any longer.
Dear catchers,
No one else understands how dope it is to pimp throwing runners out, but I do.
Pimp that shit.
It’s your plate and everyone else is living in it.
If I see another instagram video of some jabroni hitting in the cage hashtagging grind or hard work I’m gonna lose my shit.
If u play sports, ur supposed to train motherfucker.
And doing what ur supposed to do, is not a grind.
STFU.
First year in pro ball I met Willie Mays during November camp, we were taking a picture together, Willie Mays goes “Simmy you gotta open up your eyes man damn,” we all laughed, and that is probably the greatest moment in my 20yr baseball career.
Hit 57mph LFGGGGG
I have no idea why I have a super asian lefty windup because my righty motion is white AF.
Anyways the goal is to hit 69mph by the end of the year.
After seeing Dave the father of 2 very active athletes & summer baseball coach ‘s post, I told him I’d K his ass 69 ABs in a row w my straight unlocated 94mph n told him to STFU.
He said “Bet me and lose dumb ass.”
RT if u think Dave will win.
Like if u think I will win.
@TCSPostGrad
@JackGee15
@FlatgroundApp
All good hitters can hit a 94, 96 mph fastball its straight!!! Give me a pitcher that is upper 80'sand low 90's that keeps hitter off balance with a change up any day!! Must keep hitters off balance!!!!
There are 4 types of killers on the mound,
1. Serial killer like Max Scherzer
2. Stone cold killer like Jacob deGrom
3. Psycho killer like Zack Greinke
4. Smiling killer like Kim-Tae-Hoon
I somehow find number 4 pretty damn intimidating on the mound.
Eric Sim
30 years old
6’2
285lb
Topped out at 94.2mph
RIP UCL
Bench 335lb
Squat 465lb
Deadlift 550lb
Unit
I only sign Big League contracts
@FlatgroundApp