Danielle, Petty Hate Machine @dimsie Twitter profile

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

3 years

Time for a new pinned tweet: my Aunt Bootsie is the protesting lefty in an endless sea of Republicans and she is always aspirational.

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Last Seen Profiles

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@MalakAbujarour

Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

6 years

OUR UNMARRIED NONRELIGIOUS WOMAN PRIME MINISTER IS PREGNANT AND THE FATHER IS GOING TO BE A STAY AT HOME DAD THIS IS LIKE AMERICAN REPUBLICAN NIGHTMARE MATERIAL AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH #shouting

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

Her followers are not happy with me but I am quite pleased with this one 😀

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 years

I don't think I will ever stop laughing at this Auckland anti-lockdown protest photo from yesterday. 😂

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 years

OUR PLAN IS WORKING FELLOW CITIZENS

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Wasted a whole lipstick and nearly got run over, but fuck this shit

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

"this is our Gallipoli" - you mean a pointless campaign orchestrated by overseas powers leading to tragic and massive loss of life in the deluded forces on the ground? sounds about right

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Right on, @covid19nz .

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

THERE it is. I love Grumpy JA.

Kev

@kjkanji

2 years

@dimsie The message was very clear.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 years

I invented a cocktail the same shade as his bronzer. It is plum-infused gin, apple crumble cider and fresh lime juice over ice. Like the Cheeto, it is sour but when it's gone you feel refreshed.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

One day someone will write a good piece about how a constant undercurrent of misogyny cut this woman's leadership short and I will applaud.

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@dimsie

4 years

This #nzhellhole hashtag is more than I could ever have dreamed when I originally mocked that numpty, everyone. Even though we're all suffering so much here it's great to know we can commiserate as a team. Until the jackbooted thugs in these quarantine camps take away our phones.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

So Russell Coutts woke up this morning and thought "I want to be MORE hated by people, I definitely am not hated enough"

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

NZ Twitter dickhead discourse this week

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

Does it blow your mind that humanity created a vaccine a year after the deadly illness appeared and we can't get people to *take it*?

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

5 years

A woman threw a dildo directly into the face of one of our MPs and she wasn't even arrested. Calm your ass.

Joel Stein

@thejoelstein

5 years

Even if you love @realDonaldTrump & find this disgusting, we Americans are insanely lucky to still be one of the few people in human history who can do this.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

Look. I am all for being kind. BUT WHY GO TO THE GYM ON THE WAY HOME FROM A COVID TEST

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Unpopular opinion: I don't want mandates removed from schools and I don't want teachers who rejected vaccines to get their jobs back. Fuck off and be weird in some other job.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

I love people from the UK Announcing To the World that they will never return here for a visit while Ardern is in power, like we give any kind of shit.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 years

Re the bleach question: when Tova said "it is worth asking about though" and Jacinda said "is it?" I actually laughed out loud. That was funny as shit.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

The Russell Coutts trust got $18k in wage subsidies. Just thought you might like to know.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

I'm sorry but this is hilarious. Really reaching out to the people on Struggle Street in... Botany They are next to a McMansion that has those STUPID PILLARS so you can pretend you're a plantation owner

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@dimsie

1 year

@LI_politico My great-aunt was delightfully obtuse about this when discussing my mother's birth and my grandparents' marriage date. "oh hm, was the wedding 1944 or 1945, can't remember, hm" IT WAS 1945 AUNTIE BETTY AND MY MOTHER WAS BORN SEVEN MONTHS LATER

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@dimsie

2 years

"we're all going to get it" is all very well but what if we all try not to anyway? couldn't hurt eh

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 months

I am one of Luxo's vaunted "squeezed middle" and it's closing in on six months since the election. So far I haven't had one single living cost lowered and a bunch of them have been raised. I'm starting to think he might have been full of shit eh 🤔

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

When they fall into NZ Twitter by mistake and get Horribly Confused

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Shoutout to Humbug Cafe in Glen Eden, who had all doors and windows open, a gigantic air purifier running, a table set up for people to order outside if they were nervous, and a giant no mask no entry ("your tshirt doesn't count") sign.

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@dimsie

1 year

"0-5 we're caretakers, 5-12 we're cops, 12-18 we're coaches and 18 plus we're consultants" is how Christopher Luxon described his parenting on Newshub today. That sounded pretty pat to me so I googled it. And yes, as suspected, it is fundy shit.

From Caretaker to Consultant: A Parent's Role - FamilyLife Today® Podcast

What is your parenting philosophy?

www.familylife.com

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

Not to be bested by the anti-lockdown protest in Auckland with one attendee, the anti-lockdown protest in Wellington had NO attendees. Dammit, Wellington, you're just better than us eh.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

What the fuck I mean seriously What the fuck

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

Will the Jacinda-hating righties acknowledge that fronting crisis pressers, showing leadership, and giving out useful information you have gathered from multiple sources is in fact a really hard skill to master, now that Wayne Brown has instantly crashed and burned doing it?

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Good morning, Son One woke up with a sore throat and while in the loooooonnnng queue for a swab we got a notice from his school saying there's a Covid case there. He is now in his room with all his devices and the door shut. So anyway, fuck all this very much and I hate it.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 years

People voted for Jacinda because she said lots of us dying was unacceptable to her and led the government's response with that in mind. That's it. That's why Labour won. It ain't that deep.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

Um. I just kinda brought a dog home for a seven day trial

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

A little bird came across this on Telegram and sent it to me and I am dying.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 years

"Was it disrespectful to chant at Trump at RBG's casket?" ask the American civility police. God you're all so boring. Throw a dildo at him, it's the New Zealand way.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

"British activist Posie Parker has tonight been seen checking into a flight at Auckland International Airport, escorted by numerous police officers after facing overwhelming opposition at a rally today.... seen checking into an Emirates flight about 6.30pm."

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

Sometimes I freak out about our luck - not in geography or demographics or our inherent awesomeness or anything like that - but in WINSTON PETERS choosing a centre-left party during coalition negotiations in 2017. Because we'd probably be pretty fucked by now otherwise.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

There's not much point saying "WELL YOU VOTED FOR HIM" at us on Twitter. You think anyone on Twitter from Auckland voted for this guy? We're all fucking commies

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

OK, this is Peak Bernie Meme and we can stop now because I will never love any gif more than this one.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

I got married in Las Vegas but I'm really regretting it now. I should have had my wedding on some trampled hay surrounded by disease-ridden conspiracy theorists.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

I hope you all also noted that there are two fewer people in ICU/HDU today, but no one died! Well done staff at Middlemore!

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 months

This govt is really really bad right. It's not just me and my specific, tribal hatred of Luxo and Seymour. The whole thing sucks, correct?

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@dimsie

3 years

@Miss_Keene @otago The other thing is that binge eating is usually a response to artificial scarcity and not a sign of an "addictive personality" at all. Diets cause binging.

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@dimsie

1 year

Terfs after one (1) google: "Turns OUT you have terrible domestic violence stats, CHECKMATE NEW ZEALAND" NZ: "Yeah, mostly from cis men which is why your obsession is weird and stupid 🤷‍♀️"

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@dimsie

1 month

Someone explain to me how a charter school being "converted" from a public school doesn't equal David Seymour just handing over millions of dollars worth of OUR buildings (and land??) to private operators

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@dimsie

3 months

Wrote to Freyberg High commending their kids and telling the principal to stop undermining them publicly. Only took a minute

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

27 days

Did Luxo just singlehandedly make these protests on Thursday much bigger? 😀

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@dimsie

4 years

Can you imagine, just on a human level, having your first kid and being PM simultaneously, and then under your watch: March 15; Whakaari; and this. And maintaining this sort of competence and leadership throughout. I have been very critical of some policy directions but... WHEW.

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@dimsie

2 years

Look. I don't want to rain on everyone's moral panic parade, but most of the time, if you see a gang dude out somewhere, he's just, like, buying a pie or something, I dunno. Are most of us running into public gang battles on the day to day? It seems very much a non-issue.

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@dimsie

3 years

Urrrghhh, that Stuff article. "There's a degree of suspicion of unvaccinated people" YES BECAUSE UNVACCINATED AUCKLANDERS ARE TEN TIMES MORE LIKELY TO BE INFECTED THAN VACCINATED ONES you absolute planks

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Journalist: "How much does the protest activity influence your advice on that matter [vaccine passes and mandates]?" *very slight are you kidding me look* "Uh. Not much." Dr Bloomfield, we still love you man

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Bit nostalgic for the time when the emergency alert meant we all went home for six weeks and baked bread

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

Men getting all huffy and sad panda about how Marama Davidson said they do most of the violence is absolutely fucking ridiculous. It's a goddamn fact. If you can't handle facts no wonder our IPV stats are so bad.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

Why does everyone keep saying we "don't know" Luxon? We DO know him. He sucks.

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@dimsie

4 months

How can Premier House be unliveable when we spent three million dollars on it in 2018 and Jacinda ACTUALLY LIVED IN IT? Does it lack the requisite white walls and empty bookshelves so beloved of our current leader?

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@dimsie

3 years

Eleven schools out of over 2000 with "staffing issues" and a whole four applications for exemptions. So: storm in a teacup, like the wise people of Twitter who actually looked at what happened overseas said.

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

3 years

New Zealand: now more fully vaccinated than West Virginia, Idaho, Wyoming, and Alabama. Only 46 states to go. LET'S BEAT VERMONT!!

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

2 years

Look. It's not that I have no sympathy for businesspeople losing custom thanks to Omicron, but all your leaders ASKED to be open and not be put in lockdown, and the fact that the public are refusing to go out and breathe each others' air is NOT FIXABLE BY WHINING.

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@dimsie

2 years

"MIQ saved some deaths. But at what cost?" is literally a thing I just read from an overseas NZer and I think I might quit the internet now

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@dimsie

1 year

Some of you might be a bit youthful to remember Katrina and how long those poor people waited and waited and waited at the Superdome with no supplies or rescue. NZ's govt may be incredibly annoying in many ways but they're not going to do that. Govt does actually matter, SEYMOUR

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

4 years

I never stopped liking Ashley Bloomfield and I'm glad everyone has come around to my way of thinking again thanks to David Clark being a fuckstick.

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@dimsie

2 years

"Hospitality businesses are upset that the government's relaxation of Covid-19 health measures does not go far enough." GUESS WHAT WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK

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Danielle, Petty Hate Machine

@dimsie

1 year

These people whining about their mythical rich friends who will move to Australia WHERE THEY HAVE A CAPITAL GAINS TAX AND A TOP TAX RATE OF 45% 1. How dumb are they 2. Good, fuck off

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@dimsie

2 years

The "no one's going out, we need to drop vaccine passes" -----> "whoops, even fewer people are going out now we dropped the vaccine passes" pipeline

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@dimsie

2 years

Do you know what Karen Carpenter died from? Heart failure related to anorexia. She was 32. Do you know what Cass Elliot died from? Heart failure related to extreme yo-yo dieting. She was also 32. In the pop-cultural narrative, who gets all the mocking and sandwich jokes? Yeah.

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@dimsie

3 years

We only need about 68k more first doses to get to 90% in Auckland team! In the last seven days we did 32k first doses! We could get this done in a week if we really turn this mother out!

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@dimsie

4 years

@henmack

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@dimsie

2 years

Son One has been angling to drink coffee for YEARS. I said he could start on decaf at age 12 and he stored that away so, long story short, he now owns his own plunger pot, decaf L'Affare and Playstation mug and is wandering around looking as sophisticated as he can.

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@dimsie

2 years

NEGATIVE TEST AHOY for Son One! Hugs have been given!!

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@dimsie

3 years

Weird: all the headlines are "NZ EXTENDS LOCKDOWN" when the headlines really should be "NZ STARTS TO LIFT LOCKDOWN NEXT WEEK". Why is that I wonder

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@dimsie

2 years

So is anyone with any sort of platform going to take @chrisluxonmp to task for going overseas to shit all over NZ, the country he plans to represent? Media peeps? Anyone? Bueller?

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@dimsie

4 years

Huffy Americans threatening to cut off NZ's foreign aid money are hilarious. We do not receive any foreign aid funds from the United States.

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@dimsie

2 years

Dr Boomfeel is clearly allowed to leave because I'm sure this has been the worst two years of his life but they'd better anoint someone equally able to calm me the fuck down I swear to god

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@dimsie

11 months

OH MY GOD FUCK OFF

Opinion | New Zealand is showing what a viable libertarianism looks like

As conservative populism gains ground across the globe, New Zealand is going a different direction.

www.washingtonpost.com

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@dimsie

2 years

Why don't they ever talk to people about their reasons for staying home? It's not the damn red light settings.

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@dimsie

29 days

Holy shit this is absolutely terrifying. She just threw all teachers' health to the fucking wolves and said "get more relievers"

Q+A

@NZQandA

29 days

Teachers are getting sick at much higher rates than previous years, and earlier in the winter - particularly with Covid. Is the government responding? Full interview with Minister Erica Stanford:

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@dimsie

10 months

Randy doing Barbra (with a hint of Pointer Sisters) is all I need in life

Randy Rainbow

@RandyRainbow

10 months

From the new musical “Fani, Gurl!” #DontArraignOnHisParade ☔️ #NewVideo

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@dimsie

3 years

If these people don't stop whining about "discrimination" I swear to god. You know how children aren't allowed in R18 movies because it would be bad for them? You are the child in this situation. It would be bad for you to go to an indoor venue unvaccinated.

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@dimsie

3 years

It is truly irritating to have the Northern Hemisphere cohort be all "HAHA I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOLD STANDARD" whenever there are new community cases here. You know where our new outbreaks are coming from? YOUR OUT OF CONTROL DAMN COUNTRIES YOU STUPID FUCKS

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@dimsie

2 years

She's bloody good isn't she.

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@dimsie

4 years

Just watched Jacinda's FB live from tonight and discovered that she answers all the kids' letters sent to her as a top priority so they have a great first interaction with our political system. And I'm like OH COME THE FUCK ON NO ONE CAN BE THIS NICE

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@dimsie

4 years

One day someone will write a thinkpiece about all the seemingly OK white guys in NZ who went completely off the rails when they had to do what a woman-led government told them to and spend lengthy amounts of time at home with their own families who they CHOSE TO HAVE.

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@dimsie

3 years

Not sure why so many people are like WE CAN'T HANDLE MORE LEVEL FOUR. If this turns out to be getting away from us how many people do you want to wind up in hospital or dead because we couldn't tough it out? Because that's the choice.

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@dimsie

3 years

They have been saying for months now, Auckland can only hold the line for so long. The vast majority of us have been doing our best for you but my god, just get the fucking vaccine already.

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@dimsie

1 year

@ThePosieParker You know what would really help you feel better right now? A nice tall glass of tomato juice

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@dimsie

4 years

I was just told that NZ sounds very boring and I'm like dude, we are FAMOUSLY boring. The boring is the POINT. 😀

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@dimsie

1 year

It is actually astonishing that the narrative that the Greens are impractical is still so strong when they have COSTED the policy and know exactly where the money comes from. The Nats? *handwaving about government spending* Fanboys: "they know how to Do a Business!"

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@dimsie

2 years

Said it before, will say it again: schools completely open was dumb and we'll regret it

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@dimsie

3 years

Honestly, if you have enough time to spend six hours fucking with your nine year old over her ability to use a tin opener you need to get some hobbies.

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@dimsie

3 years

I need to tell you that my vague and adorable mother, discussing Jacinda, said "I feel a bit sorry for her, she must be so worried. Whenever she gets up on that podium she's always wringing her hands." *dying* "Mama. She's using HAND SANITISER." "Oh!" 😂

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@dimsie

1 year

A doctor who doesn't believe in abortion rights. A doctor who doesn't believe in free prescriptions. What kind of fucking doctor ARE you Reti

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@dimsie

2 years

So many trolls want to tell me that I am not attractive enough for them to fuck. Dude, I am a hundred year old fat married lady, I am not on Twitter looking for incels to blow

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@dimsie

2 years

First bike ride further than my letterbox: 5.1 kms of success!

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@dimsie

2 years

FIVE people died. That's our most ever in a day. ☹️

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@dimsie

3 years

Imagine the freakouts those anti-vax doctors are having right now. MY GLEE IS SO IMMENSE

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@dimsie

3 years

There are only about 75,000 people in metro Auckland who are eligible to be vaccinated but remain unvaccinated, and that is dropping by about 1000-1500 a day, give or take. By January we'll be down to the absolute dregs. Time to stop pandering to them, seriously.

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@dimsie

3 years

Louise Upston is now number six in National's cabinet. In the spirit of maintaining grudges until I die, that person was the MINISTER FOR WOMEN in John Key's government and said PUBLICLY that she is NOT A FEMINIST

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@dimsie

1 year

You know when NZers start ranting on about our flag and how we have to defend it that they are deeply down some extremely online American rabbit hole. We care so little about our dumb flag that we voted to keep one we hate just to spite that one dude and his pet project

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@dimsie

2 years

Imagine thinking Luxon would be a good prime minister. What a bunch of fucking numpties we have in this country. Astonishing drongo berks.

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@dimsie

1 year

Georgina Beyer beating Paul Henry in a conservative rural electorate is one of the best political things that's ever happened here, because it was both broadly good 💕 and an astonishing gift for we petty people 💅

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