dopce Profile Banner
dopce Profile
dopce

@chromesandwich

1,411
Followers
1,310
Following
3,033
Media
10,808
Statuses

Baltimore, MD
Joined April 2016
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 months
Hurts like hell but anything to make the ladies happy
Tweet media one
131
3K
69K
@chromesandwich
dopce
5 months
Tweet media one
71
2K
34K
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
People will say "listen to your body" and then say don't drink diet coke. Pick one
57
3K
31K
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 months
Tweet media one
5
1K
23K
@chromesandwich
dopce
6 months
Impossible to dress for
Tweet media one
26
1K
23K
@chromesandwich
dopce
8 months
Babe, for the past decade, I've secretly been sewing heavier and heavier threads into all your clothes. Now, in a normal outfit, you should be capable of incredible feats of agility. Happy anniversary♥️
14
2K
21K
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
I don't trust "old souls." Why haven't you escaped samsara yet.
107
2K
16K
@chromesandwich
dopce
9 months
"Check it out I made superman do 9/11 lol" that's great man
Tweet media one
55
1K
16K
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
I was not "left at the altar." I was chilling at the altar and if anyone wanted to join me, cool but it was also cool if not.
2
680
14K
@chromesandwich
dopce
26 days
Tweet media one
26
2K
14K
@chromesandwich
dopce
6 months
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
8
955
7K
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Tweet media one
21
723
5K
@chromesandwich
dopce
9 months
Hey man, I'm stranded in Kyoto, no money, no place; I hate to do this to you, and I don't know if you're still close...but you have to call your uncle who works at Nintendo and see if he can hook me up
6
623
5K
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Somewhat fucked
Tweet media one
25
168
3K
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
5 hours after taking acid: Life and death are the same and I fear nothing 48 hours after taking acid: With two more bagels at the same price as the regular bag Thomas' Bagel Thins are the grocer's best bargain
7
152
3K
@chromesandwich
dopce
9 months
5-year-old scientist: Mr president, you're gonna want to see this *does a weird dance the president has to pretend to like*
3
258
2K
@chromesandwich
dopce
6 months
Look at this coIorized photo of my great great grandfather and tell me the Irish weren't "really" slaves
Tweet media one
10
123
2K
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Tweet media one
0
252
2K
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 months
Was walking down the street like "damn what smells so good"
Tweet media one
13
117
2K
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
11
58
2K
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
The boy who called out the emperor for having no clothes is due for a reevaluation as one of the foundational haters
4
81
1K
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Tweet media one
@AssLatam
Crazy Ass Moments in LatAm Politics
1 year
Jair Bolsonaro, former president of Brazil, appears playing Farpoint on his Playstation VR.
156
992
14K
0
48
1K
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Tweet media one
3
67
899
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 months
Tweet media one
@ByYourLogic
Lead Actor from Pixar’s Sodas
3 months
I hate the word “girlfriend” and pretty much never use it. it’s caused some mixups where I say “romantic partner” and other clunky phrases and people assume I’m gay. but “girlfriend” conjures images of making out under the bleachers. it isn’t suited for adults
355
118
6K
4
31
901
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Ohh they call the computer mouse a "mouse" because it "clicks" *I later find out my pet mouse is very sick*
3
38
839
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 months
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
1
28
802
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
We need more george costanza characters: unemployed, bald, chubby, short, living with his parents in his 30s for a while, but still has a solid friend group and dating life. He gave people hope and the government should mandate he be on tv
2
76
713
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Tweet media one
1
48
745
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
1
27
697
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
6
52
650
@chromesandwich
dopce
6 months
Listening to music while playing video games is a great way to associate your favorite songs with incredibly stupid memories forever
17
17
624
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
girls who look like this will literally date guys who look like this
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
5
52
548
@chromesandwich
dopce
5 months
Tweet media one
0
28
554
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Damn bro that's your gf? She's so hot, our bonds of friendship mean nothing in the face of such beauty. Sorry that just slipped out.
0
39
547
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
@ULTRASLUT when they add the vodka to the soda it's like "okay" but when they add the lime it's like damn they really are inventing the vodka soda
0
4
526
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Watch the alt cultural landscape shift to trad buddhist over the next few years
12
12
508
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
@alexisthenedd @corinne_jess Sideways Stories from Snowpiercer School
3
16
473
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Tweet media one
4
32
454
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
I have an epipen full of seed oils which briefly gives me super strength
3
29
453
@chromesandwich
dopce
9 months
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
Tweet media three
9
49
471
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Imagine it going to a 404 like a modern day ozymandias
2
89
456
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
The Simpsons is an esoteric retelling of the journey from Judaism ("Abraham" Simpson) to Hellenism ("Homer" Simpson) to Christianity ("Bartholomew" Simpson)
2
47
469
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
You guys don't really believe that leprechaun, luck o' the Irish stuff do you?⬅️guy who's about to learn a very magical lesson about the true meaning of St. Patrick's day
1
33
460
@chromesandwich
dopce
9 months
Bit embarrassing to be seen scanning the aisles then confidently turning into this one
Tweet media one
4
9
468
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
@occultproblems @nypost That's for the probe to decide
1
0
373
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Wordle is no longer sending coded messages telling me to commit strange and violent acts...and they just lost themselves a player
1
25
356
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
1
5
342
@chromesandwich
dopce
11 days
Fuck it I'm not letting my likes go private. I'll do this every hour if I have to.
4
19
377
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Tweet media one
4
24
347
@chromesandwich
dopce
11 months
No offense but it's obvious they picked 10 cause it's a nice round number and came up with the commandments afterwards
5
14
329
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 months
If it's any consolation it appears he died instantly, though initial autopsy results do indicate he's in Hell
0
16
308
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 months
2024 Debates Trump: What do you say, Joe, should we give the people what they want? Biden: ? Trump: (turns to crowd and smiles) Obamna. (crowd goes nuts) Biden: (looks down and chuckles, gives a glance like "should I?" Everyone's cheering him on) Soda. (wild applause)
3
18
302
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Heard the ice cream truck behind me and started to pull over like it was an ambulance
1
15
268
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
We're not technically supposed to torture the giant, but it does increase his rage which increases the output, so no one's complaining Project Veritas guy: and this giant is the real source of all so-called "green energy"?
2
23
274
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
@ZeroSuitCamus This made me realize these aren't just joke photoshops
1
0
255
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
0
49
256
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Wanna bet I can shotgun this? *hits base of wine bottle with hammer and presses the jagged opening to my mouth*
1
18
231
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
this is how you age when you stay in your lane and mind your own business
1
9
233
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Play this in the bathroom and you can basically chill there as long as you want
Tweet media one
2
3
236
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Tweet media one
2
16
216
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Is that the guy with the really filthy car? Yea he's got peanut shells on the floor and everything, so hot
Tweet media one
2
9
222
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
0
47
217
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Commenting "no not the pain in its eyes😭" on every pet photo
2
11
222
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
@ZeroSuitCamus Loosened the mouth hole
1
0
211
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
You might wonder how our war criminal overlords sleep at night. It's because they 1) burn sage 2) wear blue light blocking lenses 3) visualize their trauma and say "I release you" while exhaling
1
12
216
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Tweet media one
0
0
199
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Gonna be the guy like "oh the covid spending bill includes $54.3 billion for public schools but we only get $600 🤨"
0
8
196
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
2
14
200
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 months
Whenever I see the album cover I think of this
Tweet media one
@PopCrave
Pop Crave
3 months
Beyoncé unveils ‘COWBOY CARTER’ album cover.
Tweet media one
421
4K
51K
2
15
210
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Tweet media one
0
0
188
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Oo she's playing a dangerous game
Tweet media one
0
18
202
@chromesandwich
dopce
5 years
Microwave some metal, no problem, landlord has to buy a new one. Microwave some more metal. Love being a tenant
1
15
187
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Dude I'm sorry she ran off with your neighbor, we're all here for you, but we can't let you stay in HusbandChat. You can still post in the Drunk Driving group, it's 99% the same people anyway
0
16
186
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Hot dog eating contests were supposed to be a fun lark where you have 10-11 dogs then get a t-shirt that says "hot dog champion" on it which you wear to embarrass your wife. Then Joey Chestnut ruined it.
4
7
188
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Tweet media one
@TeleEnvironment
Telegraph Environment
3 years
🔴 @NASA is warning of a "wobble" in the moon's orbit that is set to see the world face significantly more natural disasters. An onslaught of coastal flooding starting in the mid-2030s is expected, Nasa has warned 🧵👇
Tweet media one
2K
11K
25K
0
23
172
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
0
12
188
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Boy: I love Gilmore Girls, the characters, the fully fleshed out world, and whether it's funny or dramatic the dialogue is top notch Girl: yea...the dialogue...
Tweet media one
4
15
184
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Tweet media one
0
28
175
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Girl: it's so nice out this morning, so dewy Me: (thinking of the youth and freshness of the youngest child in Malcolm in the Middle) yes, so Dewey
0
24
188
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 months
The Emperor does have clothes, and why implying otherwise threatens our democracy - my piece for the Washington Post Opinion section
0
36
177
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Your last saved animal is what you will ride into battle
Tweet media one
@geneverwhat
GiGi
1 year
Your last saved animal is what you will ride into battle
Tweet media one
1
1
36
9
11
158
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Bezos sexting after he gets back from space
Tweet media one
0
9
162
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Can men and women really just be romantic and sexual partners? Or does friendship always get in the way?
0
14
158
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Sorry, I sensed your dog's fear and felt I should attack him. I believe it is their custom
1
15
162
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Parking spots should be awarded based on merit
2
5
146
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
@olivia_vault_ @tobaccodad You collapse and they post an insta poll on whether they should call an ambulance. It's 51% "No"
0
1
149
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 month
Tweet media one
1
0
157
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 months
To visualize puppies playing in the snow the only "AI" I need, is an Active Imagination
1
16
153
@chromesandwich
dopce
1 year
Tapping on the glass til the fetus gets so annoyed it kills itself
@StudentsforLife
Students for Life of America | Pro-Life Gen
1 year
If the womb had a window, no one would be able to support abortion.
1K
70
564
0
7
142
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
*I gently knock on the executive's door and shuffle in with my hat in my hand* Sir me and the guys were talking and uh, well we want to give up our bathroom breaks. We want to piss in a big bucket under our desks, to increase productivity
1
12
143
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 months
This is like if Americans sincerely used the word "wagie"
Tweet media one
1
1
146
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Cut up your bikes before throwing them away guys
@archillect
Archillect
2 years
Tweet media one
16
120
1K
2
8
135
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
"Yo-ho-ho, it's a pirate's life for me," the seven words no parent wants to hear from their child
0
11
129
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
@Gawker
Gawker
2 years
They met doggy style
7
5
43
1
23
131
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Easiest choice of my life
Tweet media one
2
6
136
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
Tweet media one
1
18
116
@chromesandwich
dopce
2 years
Tweet media one
0
8
135
@chromesandwich
dopce
3 years
Tweet media one
Tweet media two
0
29
130
@chromesandwich
dopce
4 years
@TonyBeast1957 Got the feet seeking vision
0
0
114