Bill Maher @billmaher Twitter profile

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

2 days

When "activism" merges with narcissism, it's less about the cause and more about the ego.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

2 years

If this spike in trans children is all biological, why is it regional? Either Ohio is shaming them or California is creating them.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Could ONE reporter ONE time say to Trump when he complains the press is negative and hostile (as he's doing right now), "Sir, its because you LIE and we have to report that. Don't lie and we won't be so "negative". ONCE please?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

2 years

. @ElonMusk tweeted: "I'm buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in." It's all fun and games Elon until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 years

China is a dictatorship that, for decades, enforced a one child per family policy under penalty of forced sterilization. But they can't close down the farmer's market from hell? #CoronaVirus #WetMarkets

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

I'm curious, how do you see a TV show "by accident"?

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

5 years

Got to see, by accident, wacko comedian Bill Maher’s show - So many lies. He said patients in El Paso hospital didn’t want to meet with me. Wrong! Had really great meetings with numerous patients. Said I was on vacation. Wrong! Long planned fix up of W.H., stay here rather than..

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Don't forget to set clocks back so we get an extra hour of laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering how everything turned to shit

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

9 days

It turns out for pedophiles in Hollywood, "It's A Small World After All."

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Why can’t Democrats learn to do what Republicans do and just repeat 1 point that seals your case, as: “You said Mexico wld pay for the wall”...just say that 1 thing and nothing else till this mess is over! What else needs to be said?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

1 year

If you're part of today's woke revolution, you need to study the part of revolutions where they spin out of control.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

3 years

Happy new year everybody! Jesus, is Trump still president? Its like waiting for a scab to fall off.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Message to Trump voters: Vote Democrat, because as soon as this election is over, no one will give a shit about the caravan. But you'll still have diabetes.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

What's going on in NC, WI and MI is not getting nearly enough attention - this 'let's strip all of the Democrats' powers before they take office' - they never stop going lower. Media, do. your. fucking. job!!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

2 years

I always enjoy coming to the #JoeRoganExperience and spending time with the great @JoeRogan .

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

I see Twitter got made because Beto's wife didn't talk during his announcement. You're right, he's a sexist monster, we're better off with Trump. To my FarLeft friends: you're doing it again. Amy can talk or not, her call, but you need to shut the fuck up.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

1 year

Finally got to talk to the guest I've wanted to have on @HBO @RealTimers more than any other - Thank you, @ElonMusk !

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Before election, I told Trump voters, as soon as its over, the caravan will disappear from the news...see? And to the media (especially cable news) who say the caravan "has disappeared from the news" - you put it there! You are always doing Trump's bidding for him. #Enablers

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 months

All wars end with negotiation, but it's hard to negotiate when the other side's bargaining position is "you all die and disappear."

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

A prez shld really check where his own country is in the rankings for literacy, infant mortality, life expectancy, infrastructure, income inequality, percentage of women in govt, etc before saying who's the shithole country...

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 years

Really? This is what the president of the United States does with his time?

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

Watched @billmaher last week for the first time in a long time. He’s totally SHOT, looks terrible, exhausted, gaunt, and weak. If there was ever a good reason for no shutdown, check out this jerk. He never had much going for him, but whatever he did have is missing in action!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

When something bad happens, its not complete until Trump tweets something heartless and ignorant about it - it ain't over till the fat baby zings - so of course he's blaming our fires on tree huggers. Does he know Thousand Oaks is a town and not actually a thousand oaks?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

2 years

Nothing captures what’s wrong with today’s “journalism” like the sad saga of what happened last week at The @WashingtonPost .

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

As his speakership winds down and the U S posts "the widest Nov budget deficit on record" let's all reflect on the gutless, intellectual fraud that was Paul Ryans's career.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

I gotta give Trump this: he gives me a genuine LOL almost every day. "Xmas is back, bigger and better than ever." U can't write that kind of comedy. I know he's done a 1,000 crazier things, but taking credit for Xmas? That's a special kind of nuts.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Tanks in the streets now? Shall we review the Dictator Checklist? You're a narcissist who likes to put his name on buildings...you appoint family members to key govt positions..your rallies are scary...you threaten to lock up political opponents..your friends are other dictators

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

1 year

If you’re a liberal who won’t buy a Tesla because you think @ElonMusk is a conservative now, that’s okay. Why don’t you get one of these:

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Well, they did it. Finally, someone had the courage to stand up for America's forgotten corporations. Jk - Fuck you, assholes, hope you choke on it.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

I feel like we've been invaded by a culture that doesn't share our values - Trump supporters. I long ago gave up asking "What would it take for them to turn...?", but this McCain gracelessness, Jesus. MY hat says "Really? That's your guy?"

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

So we find out now the lady who ran the massage parlor where Robert Kraft got caught is Trump's friend who sold access to...I can't. Trump is so dirty, he's even in this RubnTug scandal? I can't. I need a day off.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

3 years

What's the lesson of Afghanistan? Maybe it's that everyone from the giant dorm room bitch session that is the internet should take a good look at what real oppression looks like. #Wokeistan #WakeUpCall

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

I can't wait for the indictment tomorrow - if its Jared or Don Jr. President Crazypants is gonna go nuts. I predict he will fling his feces.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Glad another shitty week in America is over. What did we learn? You can't arrest someone for being mentally ill. You can't even impeach them.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 years

This is so sad. Debate? It just looks like the 2 old guys in the balcony on the muppets

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

If Trump thinks there's a caravan of angry brown people in Mexico, just wait till he sees the lines at the polls tomorrow.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Hearing tales of furloughed govt workers who can't make basic payments after missing one or two paychecks is a reminder of our fucked up economy! These are supposed to be middle class jobs, but if you can't survive skipping one paycheck, that's not middle class!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

George W Bush called several moderate senators this week to lobby for Kavanaugh. This is your monthly reminder that George W Bush was and is a terrible person.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

16 days

They say in politics, liberals are the gas pedal, and conservatives are the brakes, and I'm generally with the gas pedal, but not if we're driving off a cliff.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

3 years

“This idea of purity and you’re never compromised, and you’re always politically woke and all that stuff — you should get over that quickly.” - @BarackObama #BlueRipple

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Labor Day has now turned into a day where the half that's doing OK has off and goes out to dinner and such, and the other half, for whom the holiday was intended, labors, because they can't turn down the money. That's America now, and the high cost of low living.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Lock. Him. Up. Lock him up. Lock him up! Lock him up!! LOCK HIM UP!!!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Other than Trump’s ties to the American mob, the Russian mob,Russian hookers, the Kremlin,indicted co-conspirators,shady lawyers, tax evaders,fraudulent businesses, fake charities, bribes and porn stars...there’s no there there!!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Heard the word “tragedy” 100 times already about the school shooting - not really, by the classical definition: tragedy is fated and inevitable. This isn’t inevitable. This is America.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

What does it say when the president is allowed in public with toilet paper on his shoe? He has no friends. None. No one will tell him “you have snot on your face”. That’s next.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Will those who called Hillary "lesser of 2 evils"admit how wrong u were? Muslim ban, Betsy DeVoss, Pruit, Perry in charge of nukes...please.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Trump knows that when you turn up the fear mongering, his base votes. Unfortunately, when you turn it up a lot, they also start shooting and bombing. But hey, small price to pay when you got an election to win, right?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

2 years

“This [pandemic] is going to be remembered by the younger generation as a catastrophic moral crime." - @BariWeiss

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Watching Trump sell his tax plan - 'I don't benefit, believe me' - I know I'm not supposed to call Trump fans stupid, but if you believe the lies of the world's most obvious, inveterate liar...what word should I use?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

President Shit4Brains just never misses opportunity to do the wrong thing; how do U have such a high batting avg for Wrong? Practice I guess

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Mitch McConnell says he believes #RoyMoore 's accusers - shouldn't someone ask him why he doesn't believe Trump's?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 months

If ignorance is a disease, Harvard Yard is the Wuhan wet market.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Pls vote for Hillary today. Even if you don't like her, its necessary to block a dangerous lunatic ultimate power. #ThisTimeIsDifferent

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

3 years

How bad does this atmosphere we're living in have to get before the people who say cancel culture is overblown admit that it is in fact an insanity that is swallowing up the world? #WokeOlympics

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Really? The coffee guy wants to be president? Just because you had one profitable insight - people will overpay for coffee - doesn't mean you can run the world. Govt is a different animal, can we please get a pro in there?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Should the party that nominated Trump and Sarah Palin really even get to use the term "extreme vetting?"

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

1 year

Couldn't be prouder that @bariweiss 's enterprise, formally Common Sense, is now The Free Press ( @thefp ), a new name to cover its more vast influence. Those who hunger for truth over tribalism are still a minority, but we're growing! Congrats to Bari and Nellie! I'll be reading!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

The people who said Hillary Clinton was 'The Lesser of Two Evils.' Can we get the apology right now? w/ @piersmorgan @jimjefferies

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Now that Trump is finally vulnerable, watch the Democrats NOT go for the jugular. Sad. And I say that very strongly.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

8 months

Real Time is coming back, unfortunately, sans writers or writing. It has been five months, and it is time to bring people back to work. The writers have important issues that I sympathize with, and hope they are addressed to their satisfaction, but they are not the only people…

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

I know becuz of my late hours, and living in Cali, many of you are just starting your day, but as I head to bed on MY Tuesday night, its a nicer feeling than I've had in a long time. A good day, finally, for the rule of law, and my heroes, the DeepState!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

All this talk from Trump and his people about how they can't do anything about the border policy because, "the law's the law, our hands are tied" - where was that when they were sabotaging Obamacare? That's also the law.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Stop saying both parties are equally to blame for the mess we're in. Congress isn't broken, the Republican party is broken.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Been saying "slow moving coup" "treason" "traitor" since before Election '16, and always guests said I was alarmist, overstating, etc. Well, after we learned this week FBI was looking into #TrumpAsTraitor , I hear it all over. Good time to get back to work. Can't wait till Friday!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

I love this #Mueller dude - without every saying a word or even being seen he's able to say so much. Today was badass. You are a VERY special prosecutor.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Is there anything more unseemly than Trump constantly attacking a dead war hero? He did it again today, always denigrating John McCain - and McCain's widow, Lindsay Graham, says nothing!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

When the college kids start throwing up all over Mexico on Spring Break, you know the Mexicans are thinking, "Yeah, you're not sending us YOUR best either"

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Cohen said today in answer to why he's doing this, because he worries even if Trump loses, he will not leave office - which is what I've been saying from the beginning, to a chorus of "Oh, no, you're paranoid". Maybe not so much.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Its been almost a month, will I ever get used to Trump? Fuck no. Its like watching a toddler playing with a gun - you're always nervous.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

So...the Kim summit failed because of Michael Cohen? Say it with me: Whiny. Little. Bitch. #WhinyLittleBitch .

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

"We want Americans to stop being afraid of demanding our politicians to take action. They work for us, we don't work for them." - @Cameron_Kasky @DavidHogg111 @AMarch4OurLives #NEVERAGAIN #NRABloodMoney

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

I'm all for bringing civility back, but not as a unilateral concession: Trump and his ilk need to first stop threatening to "lock up" political opponents, journalists, etc. That's way worse than not getting seated! Stop doing that, we'll talk restaurants.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Remember after the '08 crash, banks had to do a "stress test" to see if they could withstand big losses? Trump is kind of our "stress test" for democracy - to see if our institutions, laws, norms and basic decency can hold. Don't fuck it up, folks - please vote!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Consider for a moment how enormous an asshole Trump must be to make me actually feel bad for an asshole as enormous as Jeff Sessions...wow.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

2 years

There’s a disturbing trend going on in America these days with rewriting science to fit ideology. We’ve gone from fat acceptance to fat celebration.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Special night for me tonight, and I mostly want to thank all the viewers who've been with me from the beginning, and all those who came along the way. (Some of you weren't born at the beginning...oy.) I consider ours a sacred bond between lovers of free speech.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Republicans say ‘I’m not just gonna stand here and let you run down America,’ well ur standing there now and letting Trump run down America.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Dear #Trumpsters : Everything that wall represents – the bigotry, the racism, the ignorance, the paranoia is already in your heart. The wall has been inside you the whole time.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 years

Now would be a good time for Democrats to take my advice last Friday and start yelling “You lie!”

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

1 year

“If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” - @GeorgeWashington

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

I guess "I never worked for Russia" is the new "I am not a crook", and about as believable. And SO much worse.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

It seems @realDonaldTrump was accidentally watching Real Time again tonight. Hope he saw this offer to him at the end. #Prickstarter #TakeTheMoney

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

8 years

Oh for fuck sake, if Trump was any more of a pussy he'd have to grab himself. #Debatenight

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 years

This was a tough week, and I just need to vent a little more about finding out that abuse of power isn't a thing now. That the president is a crime wave in human form and the Republicans said "And your point is what?" That a criminal act isn't impeachable if it happens...

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

8 years

I never realized Hillary was the emperor of the world for the last 30 years, solely responsible for every bad thing that ever happened. Hmm.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Trump sold himself to this country as a business genius. Turns out he's a reverse billionaire. Elizabeth Warren should start calling him #Brokeahontas .

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

I know Anonymous is a big hero today, but for the record I don't see poisoning the planet and cutting taxes for the wealthiest as "bright spots" that "put country first."

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

This week was the 80th anniversary of Orson Welles' "War of the Worlds" broadcast that made panicky, gullible people believe an "invasion" was under way - thank god something like that couldn't happen today!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Now Trump is saying - after all this time! - that Lester Holt "fudged" the tape where he confesses why he fired Comey?? Really Trump people? #ThatsYourGuy ?

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 months

The world would be a much better place if it had more “outposts" like Israel.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Trump lives in this opposite world. He puts criminals in charge of the Justice Department. Facts are lies. He’s awake when he should be asleep. He talks out of his ass, but shit comes out of his mouth.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

The presidency has really opened our eyes as to who Trump is - I always thought he was an egomaniac, a blowhard, etc but now we see he was always a thug, a cheap crook, a hood. And his fans love him more...

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 years

Can’t believe there’s 2 more of these. It’s like making a sequel to Cats.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

8 years

Don't let Trump quit! You assholes voted for him, nominated him, handcuffed yourself to this dead hooker, now drag it to the finish line!

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

4 years

I thought, maybe if Trump could hear what a eulogy for him would sound like, maybe that would give him some insight into himself – so I prepared a modest example for him. #TrumpEulogy #FakeFuneral #FlyWhinyLittleBitchFly 👼

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

Trump can’t demand that everyone stand for the flag if he colluded with a foreign Gov't to subvert the very democracy that flag represents.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

Isn't it weird Trump's gal Friday is Hope Hicks and his whole presidency is about giving hicks hope.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

6 years

I've been calling this Trump thing a #SlowMovingCoup since before the election - but its moving faster now. Dems say "We have to be FOR something" - how about Democracy? The Saturday Night Massacre is happening, just not on one night.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

Ah, MLK Day, when Republicans say such glowing things about Dr. King. Really, really glowing, and it makes me wonder what they'd say if he was alive.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

8 years

If that meltdown ending with "I have the greatest temperment" hasn't convinced the idiot undecideds to vote Clinton, nothing can. #debates

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

7 years

When Trump says "We've added 45,000 mining jobs" who is that lie for? The miners must know its not true cuz they're not, you know, mining.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

5 years

This is too much, on the night we start our new season of Real Time, Trump gives me the gift of a smoking gun, impeachable crime. Really, you shouldn't have. I mean, you shouldn't have done all the crimes you did, but at least your timing is good.

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Bill Maher

@billmaher

3 years

Memo to social Justice warriors: when what you're doing sounds like an Onion headline, stop. #CancelCultureIsOverParty

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