Dan White @atdanwhite Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@kamakura__bijin

@totalplay

@StanfordHa21805

@LHNHOUSTON

@qintinyli189149

@yo7710751386964

@farm_value

@CusoDroit

@Hirame_NFT

@AUC_PAPS

@PurpleReignFB

@MarfCtn

@Jay_Shihe

@mobymartin

@LarchfieldCVT

@SEUN_water

@ilyaerkan

@gonukito

@inyuharea

@iamOzawaKenji

@lmdbabyx

@PlaysFeral

@ManCityWomen

@thecomcad

@Ohheykenny

@cry_curr_ar

@OoCLibertadores

@mazzratazz

@coachblackwell

@tristan_shana

@BergervieuxPere

@rfpvjr

@WalshWSoccer

@MetalRulesZine

@DamianAzul10

@Toyzoo63

Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

This is why I drive a Toyota.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Happy Father’s Day

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

5 years

This is why my roommates have to lock the door when they take a shower. ☠️

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Yea, it pays to be an influencer.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Mnemonic device to remember the Great Lakes.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Saving up my points for the big prize. 🍔

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

My wife’s coworker Kevin is legit the best dude on the planet. Got us a $400 bottle of wine for our anniversary. (I didn’t like it but I’m not really a wine guy)

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Damn. Got catfished again.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

I don’t know...you think the guys like my new swim trunks? 😎

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Saving up my points for the big prize. 🍔

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Screw The New York Times. I pay my buddy Luke $12.99 a month to text me every morning about the news he’s reading.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Happy Mother’s Day 💐

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Beta testing a new app called GUILT that automatically texts my wife “I love you” every time I open a private browser to look at porn on my computer.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

4 years

Love this. My buddy is nervous because his long-distance girlfriend asked him to send her a dick pic. This is what your crew is for.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

4 years

Love my Instant Pot. Makes cooking a breeze. Just tossed in an apple and a cup of water and in 25 minutes I had a really hot apple.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Well, I guess my son is officially at “that age” lol.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Getting into wine.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Wearing this to Regal Cinema tonight then saying in my deepest voice possible “One ticket to Sing 2”.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

5 years

🌹 Cooking dinner for our anniversary🌹

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

4 years

Damn. Just got this in the mail.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

OK. Lays wins April Fools. 😂

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

The 19-year-olds who attend my favorite university didn’t score enough touchdowns today so I’m in the basement, drinking until I fall asleep. My wife is crying, begging me to come upstairs & watch a Muppet Christmas Carol with my family. “I don’t care if I die tonight” I whisper.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

First day at AirBnB

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

6 months

Perfect date. Perfect night. And then….ghosted. Welcome to dating in 2023.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Getting into wine.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Cashing in all my Chipotle Points for the perfect reward.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Tried to use the Shutterfly mobile app to design my Christmas cards. Selected the wrong photo from my camera roll so now I have 90 of these.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

So proud of my wife’s marathon training.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Whenever a magician tells me to “pick a card, any card.” I pull out my wallet and pick this one.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Ok, I love my dentist.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Yea. I think the boys like my tree. 😎

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Just lost my job as Social Media Manager and Digital Strategist for Blue Diamond Almonds. 😔 Let me know if you have any leads.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Wow. Already got my stimulus. Amazing how quickly things get done when you have adults in charge. Don’t forget - not a single Republican voted for this.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

34-year-old on Twitter : “PAW Patrol is copaganda that reinforces America’s role as the global police force and indoctrinates a new generation of children into our collective military fetishization.” 34-year-old not on Twitter : “We’re redoing our bathroom.”

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Everyone saying it’s a bad time to buy a used car because they’re so expensive but my neighbor Chris just sold me his 2018 BMW for $500 and all I had to do was sign some forms saying I was with him all day on May 31st.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

4 months

Taught my dog this new trick where I yell “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” and he keeps barking as loud as he possibly can.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

6 years

Tip for my iPhone friends- if you think you may be addicted to social media (like me), you can go into your settings and see just how much battery (and time!) you’re draining on your social media apps. Beware, it ain’t pretty! 😳

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Honestly don’t even know why I try to fit in with the guys. 😔

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Texting my mom about Halloween

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

I’m the luckiest guy in the world. ❤️

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

4 years

This is how you know you’ve officially “made it”. My hotel has a frickin’ soda stream.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Why does she make it so hard to end things amicably?

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

This ends now.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Finally got my fifteenth Pfizer and I can’t even describe how excited I am to grab a drink with friends! ❤️ #VaccinesWork

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Merry f’ing Christmas. My dad just read this note from “Santa” in front of our entire family.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

5 months

My friend Mitch’s wife got drunk and let it slip that they haven’t made love in 3 years because he’s addicted to online pornography so tonight I surprised them with my famous baked beef rigatoni.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Millionaire rock star who is actively having sex with Megan Fox : “I represent people who are not cool.”

GQ Magazine

@GQMagazine

3 years

. @MachineGunKelly on why his fans are so loyal:

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Hello 911? I’d like to report a murder.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Screw “quiet quitting.” I texted my boss to let him know my commitment to the company.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Nothing better than an NFL Sunday in my man cave. 😎

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

6 months

The 19-year-olds who attend my favorite university didn’t score enough touchdowns today so I’m blacked out, facedown in the driveway. My wife is crying, begging me to come inside & sing Happy Birthday to my son. “Please just reverse the Rav4” I whisper into the concrete.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

So hard making friends in your 30s.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Cleaning up on Tinder.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Wedding was perfect. My wife and I agreed that we could each pick one element of our ceremony that was important to us that the other couldn’t veto. She chose a live band ($3K) and I chose a military flyover from six F/A-18A Hornet fighter jets ($147K).

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Love having the guys over to watch football.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

3rd straight Thanksgiving where my brother interrupts grace to single me out in front of my whole family and says if I have to use the restroom, his house is “off limits” and I need to go to the gas station down the street. No one stands up for me. No one says, “that is wrong.”

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

No cure for heartbreak. 💔

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

My ex is jealous of my new couples costume

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Terrible customer service!!!!

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

😔

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Taught my dog this new trick where I yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and he keeps barking as loud as he can.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Trying to stay friends

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Made my famous “Jalapeño Buffalo Dip” for my wife’s Sunday Wine Club. Yea, I’d say the gals enjoyed it 😎

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

10 months

‘The Bear’ is very authentic except that the props department didn’t give Richie the biggest fucking Otterbox phone case you’ve ever seen.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

F this. I spent literally all morning making a football-shaped spread of my favorite apps and 20 minutes into my Super Bowl party all the guys are calling it my “cracker pussy”.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

@jadedparalegal Coworker* and he is and I am. When our cat died last year she stayed with him for 6 weeks because it was too painful to be home

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Damn. Anyone else get this message?

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Love this. My buddy is nervous because his long-distance girlfriend asked him to send her a dick pic. This is what your crew is for.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

This is why I hate parties.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Unreal.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Found my ex's new boyfriend on Venmo. Legit good dude.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

My family said they wanted to be safe and do “Virtual Thanksgiving” this year. I guess this counts?

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Last minute Christmas shopping. Fuck it. Everyone’s getting a CPAP machine.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

6 months

No political talk at Thanksgiving? No problem.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

@EirikHoven Yes. An ad to remember to believe in yourself.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

So funny that this ad is not for the shirt. Nothing to do with the shirt. Shirt isn’t even mentioned. We’re just supposed to pretend that’s a normal shirt.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

The cheapest all beef hotdogs on AMAZON are $6! Independence Day has become Inflation Day in Joe Biden’s America. Not sure how we can afford to BBQ this year.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

I’m never “shocked” when a celebrity shows up randomly on SNL. Big whoop. They’re a celebrity. That’s literally what celebrities do. I was shocked when my neighbor Greg showed up randomly on Dateline b/c we‘re friends and I didn't know he was trafficking weapons illegally online.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Love pranking coworkers. Lol

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Happy Valentine’s Day to my soulmate, my best friend, and my “partner in crime” 😉. Every day I’m in awe of her kindness and grace. She’s made me a better man. This is one of my favorite photos of her (and her coworker David) I found on her phone. I love you, Melissa. ❤️

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Last night I watched an episode of Queer Eye where the guy admitted he hadn’t been intimate with his wife in 5 years and now he thinks of her more as a sibling and their solution was that he needed a guitar room and more patterns on his shirts.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

I hate these things.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

6 months

This is why I drive a Toyota.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Finally.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

4 months

Spent 3 hours making a pound of puppy chow for the boys but then Shane shows up with ketamine and suddenly no one gives a shit.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

6 months

@keybrackson I think you misread the text. I borrowed her retainer because I didn’t have my own with me.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

5 months

2023 was hard for me. I spent the year unemployed after I got fired from my dream job as Director of Social Media for Dennys.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 months

Today, I am the fool.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

@DrGorillaFarts Truly the best. My wife had me share my location with him just in case there’s ever an emergency and he needs to find me.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

TURN ON MINION SUBTITLES

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

Just found my ex’s fiancé on Twitter. Dude doesn’t even have 400 followers 😂 😂 😂

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

Ready for a fun Thanksgiving with the family.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

Wow. My wife’s coworker David just hand delivered this beautiful Christmas gift to her (I guess they have an inside joke about necklaces or something). She’s been crying all morning. Merry Christmas!

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

And just found these in her car. Unreal. Really hope Kevin finds someone (his wife passed a few years back).

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

2 years

I hate these f’ing things.

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

3 years

This is how you “accidentally” flex on your ex. 😎

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Dan White

@atdanwhite

1 year

@DUDEwipes Thank you very much for the offer but I’m not sure you can handle my fucking ass, unfortunately. I’m going to DM you a photo so you can see for yourself

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