i praydalor my sodakeep @almondtiddies Twitter profile

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i praydalor my sodakeep

1 month

44% closer 🥹 thank you to everyone who has shared and donated so far 💗 if anyone knows some allies with deep pockets please put this on their radar 🙏 time is running out

i praydalor my sodakeep

@almondtiddies

2 months

my dear friend’s family is ~20% closer to being able to evacuate 8 loved ones from Gaza to Egypt (and eventually Canada inshallah) i urge those observing ramadan to bookmark and consider donating daily what you would have spent on coffee/lunch/etc 🫶

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i praydalor my sodakeep

@almondtiddies

3 years

without yahoo answers how else will i know am i pregant? am i pragnent? am i pargant? am i gregnant? am i pegnate?? help!? is there a possibly that i’m pegrent? am i pregegnant or am i okay? could i be preg

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2 years

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3 years

when the microwave does the passive aggressive double beep when you forget your food .. i just wanna know which bills you pay to be taking that tone with me

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@almondtiddies

2 years

me at the thrift store trying on someone’s dead relative’s jacket

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@almondtiddies

4 years

i’ve always hated the idea of a “man cave” because what the fuck do men need a break from

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@almondtiddies

5 years

billionaires: if you make me pay taxes i’ll only have a few billion dollars left :/ bernie:

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@almondtiddies

2 years

therapists: have a good day! ily text me psychiatrists:

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@almondtiddies

2 years

paid time off for family and medical leave is important yes but what about paid time off to be a little silly . to goof around

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@almondtiddies

3 years

“can you explain this gap in your resume” can you explain this

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@almondtiddies

4 years

really grinds my gears when babies have that lil soft spot .. you were in there for 9 months and couldn’t finish making your head ?

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@almondtiddies

3 years

Waiting To Oxtail

@CoreyPTownsend

3 years

Being an adult means having a favorite burner on your stove.

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@almondtiddies

3 years

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4 years

me criminal minds 🤝 looking for a white male in his mid-to-late 20s

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@almondtiddies

3 years

no one: joe and kamala: 🚶🏼‍♂️🚶🏾‍♀️

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@almondtiddies

4 years

caucasians really named an entire transcontinental region “The Middle East” and we just said “okay” .. the middle of what .. to the east of what ... we don’t know

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@almondtiddies

4 years

why does every white woman have some type of treasure chest at the foot of her bed .. what are they hiding in there i don’t trust them

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@almondtiddies

4 years

sometimes i be waiting years to subtweet people baby this grievance is from august 2017

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@almondtiddies

4 years

the co-star app wakes up every day and chooses violence

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@almondtiddies

3 years

yall see an article of clothing that’s not a shein crop top and lose your minds

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3 years

Am I the only one who is completely weirded out by this “trend” in clothing?

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@almondtiddies

4 years

when DaBaby said “i think i’m done with ice brrrr” he was calling for the abolition of Immigration and Customs Enforcement

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@almondtiddies

3 years

you’ve heard of fomo now get ready for fobi (fear of being included)

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@almondtiddies

2 years

i keep rewatching shows from the early 2000s because those characters talk about regular things and don’t sound like they’re rehearsing a soc 101 presentation

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@almondtiddies

4 years

do babies smell good bc they were marinating in coochie juice for 9 months

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@almondtiddies

3 years

me as a mom: ugh picking up oomk (one of my kids) from daycare 🙄

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@almondtiddies

3 years

a plain bagel with cream cheese has been a better ally to the mentally ill than andrew yang

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@almondtiddies

3 years

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@almondtiddies

4 years

white people wake up with random bruises because i astral project and beat their ass in their sleep

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@almondtiddies

3 years

i just don’t understand why god’s plan includes me doing breathing exercises before and after opening the gmail app

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@almondtiddies

2 years

if maslow knew about dipping sauces he would have put them in his little hierarchy

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@almondtiddies

4 years

hating your dad’s side of the family is a universal human experience

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@almondtiddies

1 year

everyone saying he isn’t talented doesn’t understand how hard it is to be unbelievably corny in 3 languages

Rap Alert

@rapalert6

1 year

He rapped in English, Arabic, and French all smooth af.

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@almondtiddies

4 years

why do vegans spell food like .. that ... they be like yum 😋 just had a chik’n & cheez wrap with bac’n bits

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@almondtiddies

4 years

when i “accidentally” misspell a word in english, i did not “make” a “mistake” ... i was intentionally committing an act of anti-colonialism

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@almondtiddies

3 years

we are the daughters of the seleners you couldn’t keep an eye out for

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@almondtiddies

3 years

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2 years

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@almondtiddies

3 years

that’s my emotional support 6+ season show that aired in the early 2000s

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@almondtiddies

4 years

under socialism low-rise jeans will be illegal

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@almondtiddies

3 years

if you order the hozier meal at mcdonalds their tallest employee writes you a poem on a napkin and then cries in your car for 30 minutes

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@almondtiddies

4 years

i just want to know which fantasy land white women live in

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@almondtiddies

4 years

really makes u think

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@almondtiddies

4 years

white men are an acquired taste as in you have to acquire brain damage

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@almondtiddies

5 years

annalise keating coming to work like normal after covering up yet another murder the night before

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@almondtiddies

4 years

i hope this email finds you at rock bottom

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@almondtiddies

2 years

i sit like this 🦐 all day and then wonder why my back hurts

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@almondtiddies

4 years

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@almondtiddies

4 years

so i hear a certain someone is going to be a trillionaire 🙈 jeff come outside girl ain’t nobody finna jump u

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@almondtiddies

4 years

this is peak white woman humor

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@almondtiddies

2 years

we need Hotline Bling (10 minute version) (Drake’s version) i wanna know who was wearing less and going out more

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@almondtiddies

3 years

rock bottom fr not that bad once you get a couple throw pillows and a candle

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@almondtiddies

4 years

if i had a man i would let him sleep inside the house sometimes <3 that’s just the kind of person i am

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@almondtiddies

5 years

immigrant dads be like what do you mean i was emotionally absent?? i yelled at u every day

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@almondtiddies

2 years

you’re laughing .. a whole country of wallace and gromit characters are sad and you’re laughing

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@almondtiddies

4 years

no one: that one white guy in your ethnic studies class:

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@almondtiddies

4 years

white people have a good day and be like “my heart is so full rn <3”

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@almondtiddies

4 years

muslim girls are so funny on twitter because we’re not allowed to talk in real life

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@almondtiddies

4 years

if an iranian airstrike killed the u.s. secretary of defense potentially setting off a regional war would yall still be making these ww3 jokes

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@almondtiddies

3 years

if i’m ever in one of those evil clone situations and my friends don’t know which Me is telling the truth all they’d have to do is tell us both to meet them at a nearby secondary location in 1 hour and then shoot the one that arrives on time

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@almondtiddies

4 years

“i served two tours and am APPALLED at the behavior of th—“

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@almondtiddies

3 years

dudes will literally stick a feather in their cap and call it macaroni and see nothing wrong with that

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@almondtiddies

4 years

awww are u tired from doing the bare minimum cmere bby

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@almondtiddies

4 years

how are the cottagecore girlies gonna let miss sandy eat them up like this ..

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@almondtiddies

4 years

i love the way death is framed as a transition in islam but i had no business learning that as a child 💀 i’d be on the playground calm as hell talmbout “this life is temporary”

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@almondtiddies

1 year

💫

@heyjaeee

1 year

I’m bored….if you were visited by 3 ghost for Christmas who would you want them to be? Lol

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@almondtiddies

3 years

this is how yalls emails find me

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@almondtiddies

4 years

me: stop👏 stanning👏 politicians👏 also me watching aoc play among us on twitch:

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@almondtiddies

4 years

libertarians will harass congresswomen on twitter while dating a 16 year old 😳 bro the only AOC you should be worried about is the age of consent 🤭

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@almondtiddies

4 years

me trying to give joe bedroom eyes through the glass cube while he slides my daily nature valley granola bar under the door

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@almondtiddies

4 years

5th grade me during social studies getting ready to tell everyone that iceland is actually the green one and greenland is the icy one

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@almondtiddies

11 months

my 2 states of being

sarah

@nightsgravity

11 months

i’ll say “i got that dawg in me” and it’s snoopy

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@almondtiddies

3 years

rock bottom is kinda lit all my homies down here with me

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@almondtiddies

4 years

if you weren’t on that damn p̶h̶o̶n̶e̶ umbilical cord all day you woulda finished making it

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@almondtiddies

2 years

no tea no shade but i think character dialogue sounds forced and artificial when the writers have never organically had those conversations with their own friends and are just writing what they think it would sound like

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@almondtiddies

5 years

chanting “boys go to jupiter to get more stupider, girls go to college to get more knowledge” in 3rd grade was the moment i became a feminist

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@almondtiddies

3 years

beep beep is that my bestie in a depressie (depressive episode)

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@almondtiddies

11 months

oh it’s a bad bad day to be a medium iced coffee and side of hash browns from dunkin

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@almondtiddies

3 years

lana stans constantly fighting for their lives sksjdjdjsf

The Hill

@thehill

3 years

A woman who allegedly stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6 says she was inspired to wear a mesh mask — possibly in violation of a court order requiring her to wear a face mask while awaiting trial — by singer Lana Del Rey

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@almondtiddies

4 years

sorry to everyone who gave a “valid” “historical” “answer” but the real reason is because if they called it Muslim Land it would sound like a fun amusement park and everyone would want to go :/

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@almondtiddies

3 years

oh nooo i hope i don’t lose and get slapped around by this guy that would be so horrible :( and not hot at all

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@almondtiddies

4 years

white people be like actually i’m mixed 😌 i’m half colon and half izer

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@almondtiddies

3 years

me at home depot looking for recently divorced salt n pepper haired fathers picking up supplies for their latest project

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1 year

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@almondtiddies

3 years

good morning besties how are we distracting ourselves from the crushing weight of existence today

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@almondtiddies

4 years

i want the neighbor in season 3 of You to be played by aubrey plaza and i want her to steal joe’s girlfriend and then k*ll him

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@almondtiddies

3 years

oh i’m sorry am i keeping you from something ?? do you have somewhere to be ??

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@almondtiddies

3 years

i don’t understand white ppl weddings why yall gotta rehearse eating dinner

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@almondtiddies

4 years

can somebody please tell my immigrant mom to relax

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@almondtiddies

4 years

dusty muslim man: women r dumb lol muslim girl with a half-face avi and a quran quote header: LMFAOOOOOOO 😭🤣🤣🤣 wallah i can’t 😂😭🤣 the feminists are gonna be so mad at you for this one 😭😭😂

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@almondtiddies

3 years

you ever see a long sleeved maxi dress n start getting scared

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@almondtiddies

4 years

criminal minds: the unsub is approximately 6’1, physically fit, and assumed to be armed and highly dangerous me: sorry how tall did you say he was

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i praydalor my sodakeep

@almondtiddies

4 years

having a vagina is a SCAM this bitch is always up to something

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@almondtiddies

4 years

if you have a good relationship with your dad you’re a fuckin fed and i don’t trust you

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@almondtiddies

2 years

[speaking over loud music] i said have you tried chobani’s oat milk

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@almondtiddies

3 years

🧕🏾: let’s make a meal 🧠: how many step 🧕🏾: 3 🧠: no

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i praydalor my sodakeep

@almondtiddies

4 years

askjdj she said the knee grows aren’t taking the bait anymore let me try somethin else

Kim Kardashian

@KimKardashian

4 years

🎚

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@almondtiddies

4 years

this just in: i am receiving word that they are called memory chests or hope chests .. what are they hoping for? racial inequality? more on this story at 11

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@almondtiddies

5 years

being honest w/ involuntary 72-hour my therapist psychiatric hold

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@almondtiddies

5 years

how depressed people do laundry: -wait for a random burst of energy -place clothes in washer -take a 3 hour nap -place clothes in dryer -leave them there until the next day -bring clean clothes to room -never put them away

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@almondtiddies

4 years

but they had time to get a fresh set of nails for their lil debut .. i’m sick

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@almondtiddies

4 years

normalize cyberbullying billionaires into opening their purses 😌

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