Austin @adoptedhighway Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@DarleneOGOrtiz

@MalekMcnair

@lawb4D

@MatthewTait237

@BenBell3593

@LBasah69

@olgee0

@sana5864214426

@DanielF76025698

@AveryPickens

@RMCF_Known

@rio564237026156

@miyu33392414

@NationScot43538

@jokikuda86

@sana5864214426

@Pastelbanduk

@JIMMYWOLF224488

@KIMEPerformance

@McmahanRylan

@MeatSeuss

@Christi28681354

@blu3terry

@FrankoLash49343

@Celebrty_0

@INF0IBAI

@CNew23698697759

@KenichiroTomi

@Tribunnord

@WILLEVY

@reach_by_teach

@DanielP92629658

@7DxADReLdmnpZqx

@Rae_keranbing

@lakshmiunwomen

@wordisilver

Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

they should put a new continent here

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@adoptedhighway

4 years

any tips for my resume ?

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@adoptedhighway

3 years

chess is all luck, no strategy. it all depends on what pieces you get

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@adoptedhighway

3 years

pleading insanity to get out of a $14.00 parking ticket

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@adoptedhighway

3 years

everybody loves to play the classic fun cough drop game

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@adoptedhighway

2 years

sexual education in the united states is so bad. i can’t believe we were never taught how to tuck somebody in so they’re snug as a bug in a rug

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@adoptedhighway

3 years

something like this could probably happen to anyone

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

making a version of wordle where you only get one guess. it's for people who are a little more serious about word games

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

nasa really dropped the ball. this is unacceptable

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@adoptedhighway

2 years

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@adoptedhighway

3 years

every scientist dreads the day they get this email

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

if you aren’t yet worried about 3d printers: you should be. what if somebody printed a weird shape

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@adoptedhighway

3 years

there’s a deleted scene in ET where he drinks a sparkling water and straight up dies

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

mcdonalds has a secret menu. but it’s tattooed on the manager’s back, and he won’t take his shirt off without a fight

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

decided to update my resume

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

5 months

this is why i never order the Disgusting Burger Surprise

New York Post

@nypost

5 months

McDonald’s leaves man ‘sweating and shaking’ after disgusting burger surprise has him ‘vomiting’: ‘Wrecked’

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

bro calm down your distressing the damsels

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

minimum wage should be based on age. for example a 20 year old should make $20 an hour and a 9 year old should make $9 an hour

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

do not ever join a cult. unless the leader really has that WOW factor

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

lol chrome autofilled the tip section with my credit card number

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 months

[SPOILER WARNING] loved this part in dune 2 when paul finds out the dune planet was actually earth all along!

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

dentists should just leave the teeth they pulled on the ground like how barbers leave all that hair on the floor

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

14 days

dentist said i can eat candy and stuff because he no longer cares about me or my teeth

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

just now realizing that ET was supposed to be an alien. i thought it was just a little disgusting man

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

4 months

there’s 1,000,000,000 draculas

Flame (炎)

@yanti8ve

7 months

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

here’s a mock-up of what it could look like, if they’re open to ideas

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

i love it when gas prices go up. that means the gas got better

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@adoptedhighway

3 years

i can't stop thinking of this!

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

this might be my favorite comic of all time

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

9 months

showing a photo of a healthy guy to my doctor like i’d show the barber a picture of a haircut

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

i jailbroke my grandpa’s pacemaker

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

7 months

silence of the lambs is a really misleading title. they should have called it Weird Guy

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

my priest is so weird

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

you’re allowed to run red lights in your hometown

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

bouncers at nightclubs should ask riddles instead of going by appearance

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

twitter has sucked ever since i got a bunch of jelly on my phone. it’s too sticky now

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

first person who falls asleep at the slumber party gets dissected!

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

sad to see

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

just my luck, i have to go to court today and this is my only clean shirt

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 months

i will never sell out. unless the opportunity were to present itself

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

9 months

way too expensive. plus that place looks disgusting

Weird Things Caught On Camera

@ParanormaIVideo

9 months

Would you spend a night in the Catacombs of Paris for $1M ?

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

yay!

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

dangit

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

my dentist fills one of these with toothpaste and lets me play with it

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

we’re way outnumbered

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

[at a halloween party] you guys know i’m not really dracula right

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

stop citing sources. i don’t care what’s real

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

catfishing a guy by running his own selfies through the girl setting on faceapp

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

you can usually tell within the first hour if a movie if it takes place in the lord of the rings universe

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

a lot of people are asking me for the cvv numbers and the expiration date. i know my followers are extremely well behaved, but i worry some opportunists on here would use my card to buy stuff or donate to disreputable charities… so i’ll have to think about it

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

4 months

computer programmers basically just sat around for thousands of years until they invented computers

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

my dentist just “broke the fourth wall” and acknowledged my mom came with me for some reason

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

dog ate my homework

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

i ordered all of this. i’m not going to pick it up and i hate coffee. i just did it to blow my stimulus check

Lily The Cable Guy

@lilyblueyez

2 years

Mobile ordering is slowly killing us

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

there is a new firefighter in town, and they’re really proactive

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

i jailbroke my microwave so i can put silverware in it

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 months

do you actually live in roku city or are you just from one of the suburbs

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

god should make a new animal that can only move diagonally

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

sorry i can’t come out tonight. i heard a haunting melody earlier and i’m too afraid to leave the house

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

1 year

it’s been like 3 weeks and i think i’m ready for this conversation now

ʰ

@easterngoblin

1 year

Yall not ready for this conversation

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

the south park kids are incredibly misbehaved. even for a cartoon it’s not acceptable

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

saying “hold the door please!” like for elevators but i’m rushing into a bathroom stall somebody else is entering

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

my calculator glows blue like frodo’s sword whenever jocks are nearby

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

9 months

[running into an old friend from high school] so what’s new with you these days are you still in high school

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

7 months

mailman: what’ll it be today? me: i’ll have the usual mailman: got it, so letters and packages addressed to you right? me: yup

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

official drive thru windows ranking: 2. first window. you have to pay and you don’t get your food yet. not as good 1. second window. you get your food at this one

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

i go to a montessori medical school

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

i started taking a supplement that makes me evil

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

7 months

aaand this was taken right after i lost my piece of chicken with ketchup and seemingly ranch. now i know where it went -_-

The Eras Tour

@tswifterastour

7 months

🚨| Taylor Swift was eating a piece of chicken with ketchup and seemingly ranch!

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@adoptedhighway

2 years

i’m wearing headphones in the grocery store listening to a voice message my wife sent with extremely specific instructions on where to walk and what to pick up like neo on the phone with morpheus

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

@a_j_packman i’d love to see a chess master with 16 pawns face against a newborn baby that was dealt 16 queens. i bet it would be a pretty close match

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

skittles taste like fruit, so m&ms should taste like vegetables! just messing around

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

your driver’s license should have your bedtime on it

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

teaching my dog to drive a car. he’s actually gotten into some pretty bad crashes

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

message to witches: i am NOT an ingredient in your soup!!!

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

@themogsquad folks on here are well mannered and conduct themselves responsibly. i plan to check my balances in a few days, and i wager all of it not a cent will be out of place

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

you should be allowed to go the wrong way down a one way street if you get confused

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

i’m seeing a lot of confusion in the replies and i just want to make things clear: i broke this story, and it really happened. if it was just a joke wouldn’t be funny. i’m a journalist

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

my son is going through a phase right now where he is kidnapped

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

what do i even say at this point

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

@Pudgely not very appropriate… but i’ll be honest it is funny!

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

a good episode of black mirror is if they made big ben a digital clock

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

i shouldn’t have to pay child support for the months my kid was kidnapped

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

ask your doctor if adderall abuse is right for you

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

1 year

nobody said buying furniture as an adult would be so expensive 😭

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

robbing a bank, waiting in my car for 5 minutes, and then going back in to deposit the money

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

ran a red light earlier so now i’m parked at a green light to make up for it

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

hey man, i know you were the one who ran through my wall instead of using the door. the hole perfectly matches your unique body type

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

if the guests on hot ones just packed their own lunch from home they wouldn’t have to eat the spicy food

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

powerful quote from a icon of cinema

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

1 year

i know the earth isn’t flat. but i have to admit certain parts of it are

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

2 years

heavy is the head that weighs a lot

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

pray for my cat 🙏 she is about to undergo a procedure with a 50% mortality rate. it’s to give her different colored fur on her paws so they look like mittens

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Austin

@adoptedhighway

3 years

when i fill my car up with gas i usually mix all three flavors

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Austin

@adoptedhighway